# The Big Risk of Listening to Other Voices Over Your Own | Podcast With Noah Cyrus + Lou Al-Chamaa

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** Gary Vaynerchuk
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc
- **Дата:** 28.07.2020
- **Длительность:** 40:41
- **Просмотры:** 42,506

## Описание

One of the biggest challenges in following your dream is not giving in to the doubts and negativity of the people around you. On a recent episode of the "In My Feels" Podcast, GaryVee, Noah Cyrus and Lou Al-Chamaa had a really insightful conversation on chasing your goals and the impact it has on the relationships with the people around you like your family or close friends. This is a really important conversation that hopefully gets you to realize the potential risk of listening to outside voices over your own... Enjoy!

Check out the "In My Feels" Podcast here: https://lnk.to/inmyfeelsgaryv 

Follow Noah Cyrus on these platforms:
https://www.instagram.com/noahcyrus/
https://twitter.com/noahcyrus

Follow Lou on these platforms:
https://www.instagram.com/loualchamaa/
https://twitter.com/loualchamaa
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Gary Vaynerchuk is a serial entrepreneur and the Chairman of VaynerX, a modern day communications parent company, as well as the CEO and Co-Founder of VaynerMedia, a full-service digital agency servicing Fortune 500 clients across the company’s 4 locations.
Gary is a venture capitalist, 5-time New York Times bestselling author, and an early investor in companies such as Twitter, Tumblr, Venmo, and Uber. He is currently the subject of WeeklyVee, an online documentary series highlighting what it’s like to be a CEO and public figure in today’s digital world. He is also the host of #AskGaryVee, a business and advice Q&A show online.
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## Содержание

### [0:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc) Intro

this is a big one for me and i haven't said in a long time it's something i said to my friend years ago and it changed his completely [ __ ] changed his life and i'm so pumped i remember that you two have inspired me to go there mentally listen to me everybody listen to me do not spend time with people that don't make you feel good you got your perspective i just want to be happy don't you

### [0:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=38s) How are you feeling

a podcast all about just what we're feeling anything anxieties and i wanted to ask you like off the just from the start of it um how are you feeling and how how's everything going on your world i'm feeling uncomfortably optimistic and i think that that's like an interesting tone because i don't want to come across tone deaf because in the last you know 12 hours you know i was born in this former soviet union and come from that kind of descent and you know last 12 hours my parents have told me about two of their not necessarily best friends but people they knew from the old country who've literally passed from coronavirus because they were in their 70s and had other complications and so it feels you know for everybody's listening i don't want to come across awkward or tone deaf because there's so much difficulty going around however i have a funny feeling knowing you know like this needs to be a transparent show and like transparently i'm optimistic as [ __ ] like how do you stay that way

### [1:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=105s) How do you stay that way

i think it's um so there's a lot of things that happen there one i think that's dna like i just genuinely think certain you know people are born with certain traits i think it's parenting i think my mom definitely instilled an uncomfortable level of uh self-confidence in me so i feel like i can um i think i'm an old soul like i always hung out with like 90 year olds yeah i used to do like 12 and hanging

### [2:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=133s) Gratitude and perspective

out yeah like nine year olds yeah i feel you and so i really i it took me a long time probably with a lot of things that have gone on with my internet popularity led me to like think about my childhood more and i was like right like i used to go to the playground because i'm an 80s kid you'd go outside and play it was different right so you go outside and like somebody's grandfather would be visiting them and instead of playing basketball with my friends i'd go sit on the bench and shoot the [ __ ] with the grandfather like tell me about the 50s you know like i was very into that and so the answer to your question is gratitude and perspective you know i you know and you know this i've hit you up on dm through the last couple years anytime i see you post something that might make me say wait a minute i hope you know hope she's not too down because my god what blessings what kind of gifts she's been given creatively you know she's so [ __ ] young you know like [ __ ] those boys who gives a [ __ ] like you know like like i that's where i go though noah like i go into like man if like if people could put [ __ ] in perspective like think about this i could tell you one thing probably why i'm so optimistic is so many people have gotten a perspective check like all of a sudden you don't give a [ __ ] if you like don't have your favorite new outfit or miss that concert like when things go basic like they are now people go into gratitude there's somebody who used to complain about the barista putting in the wrong milk in their coffee who's now got a grandmother on a ventilator like you know like [ __ ] gets corrected the [ __ ] we cry about gets adjusted and i would argue the reason i'm optimistic is i think people are gonna be more grateful i mean when i think about the youth that's probably listening to this podcast when you finally get to summer season and you go to a [ __ ] music festival you're gonna hug your best friend a little tighter you know that music on stage is gonna sound a little better right like that [ __ ] like alcohol you snuck in is gonna taste a little better right like it's just gonna you know i think people are gonna be grateful on the back end of this a little bit more i also think people are being thoughtful like it also is connections look you and i like you said have been talking for 18 months i think on dm said in love each other's way and like hey you know obviously want to meet in person but like i would have never had i never have time i'm busy as [ __ ] so

### [4:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=277s) Connections

i know it wouldn't we wouldn't have met and had adam he had that meeting with you so the way for everybody listening the way gary and i know each other is my manager that i've had and known since i was he's been my manager since i was 15 family friends since i was 12. he had a meeting with gary and somehow i came up in the conversation and adam was just like i think you really need to get connected with gary like i just have a feeling he's going to be such a positive light on your life and like he has so much advice from you which at the time was content content like just create create and that's what we did i made so much music i went to the studio all the time luke can tell you i have probably eight albums if i wanted to play or you told adam to do that and um i actually when i do mental health panels and i speak gary and somebody asks me a question that i feel like is out of my knowledge or it's about i i'm depressed because i want to do this in school but i don't want to tell my family or i want to do this but my family doesn't want to do this and i kind of sometimes say honestly i don't have the answers but my friend garyvee go check his page out and hopefully he can help you out with this because maybe that can be just something he can help you out with a little more because like that advice the stuff that like i've just like studied like ever since adam told me to watch your videos like i've been one of those people to watch your videos and whenever i don't really know the answers i'm a singer i don't know business i didn't go to college i didn't like i just got my high school diploma and i talked about it you know so which how do you also i want to know your

### [6:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=390s) Staying in my lane

thoughts on that after but i feel like i just wanted you to know like when i also feel like people come to me and there's this question that like i don't want to give an answer i'm just bullshitting you know by the way no you'll appreciate this me neither i think one of the reasons so many people you know what's going on with me is happening is i stay in my [ __ ] lane too like i love it you know like i have you know no different than you have the ability to produce incredible music like i like feel people but i'm also an entrepreneur so like you know without the entrepreneurial dna i probably have been a great psychologist and would have loved it right or an anthropologist or you know i if i loved animals a little more and was a little not entrepreneurial i'd probably be in the hills of peru studying like weird goats for 40 years you know like i love studying behavior um i appreciate and again knowing enough of your fan base of who might be listening to this i especially gravitate towards 12 to 25 because there's so much insecurity and i'm all about like [ __ ] that like look at it this way which all of a sudden changes everything and you know you can't get that advice a lot of times from your parents or even your older sibling because you're like yeah whatever you know like you know it just is what it is like one day don't worry about that one day you'll look back but you're like [ __ ] you mom like you know that's just where you're at in your head and that third party voice and then the other thing is i don't pamper either you know like one of the things that i think i have this balance of like honey and and candor right like i'm i there's a lot of empathy and compassion and sweetness but there's a lot of like jersey big brother [ __ ] that's like yo [ __ ] you stop being like which is what i like in

### [8:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=498s) Lous tour

your videos like i love whenever people come to you and like your tour did you call it a tour when you go on as a tour for you yeah on your tours my musical language um but how straight up you are and like how open you are about like [ __ ] with people with their parents that they might be dealing with and lou i don't know what you were going to say but that was something that is a big question people come to me for that i didn't really know the answer to that you kind of taught me like you know it's okay that i don't have the answers but my friend gary does and that's what's so great about like being positive and like friends with people and like actually having good vibes towards somebody is i don't have the answers so go check my friend now and he'll have the answer and it's not like this world of like selfishness where i don't you know agree yes that's where i just like there was this time whenever adam showed me like who gary was and who you are and i just really like i don't know it's like made the biggest impact i swear and i was that i'm only 20. but i've had anxiety and depression and body dysmorphia since i was around 11 or 12. and i kind of made that breakthrough i would say around i don't know a little after i met lou which was what uh we met probably january of last year so probably by july yeah i started having a little bit of a switch up and of course i still you know i'm an artist artists have their feelings and every everybody is entitled to having their anxiety their depressions they're 100 it was very hard for me i had only self-doubt and i was um i couldn't really look in a mirror i just didn't have any confidence yeah i get it i really get it and it's like it's crazy because a lot of times we don't see ourselves the way the outside world sees us right like and it comes from a lot it's just it's chance again one thing that i always tell people is like look some of this is just chance chemical [ __ ] like it's just real life it's just like you're born that quote-unquote way i think on the flip side it's about pounding your skull with a lot of true practical positivity plus we all grow up differently like you're the younger sister of a child star like who knows what that's doing but it's definitely doing something different than if it wasn't and by the way if it wasn't that could have been fine too like you know i one of the things i always try to tell people is like that you can't blame your circumstance because you weren't in control i have a lot of people that tell like literally i'll when i'm on quote-unquote tour or when i'm doing my videos or doing q and a shows first person calls mad at their parents for having no money right next too much money like you know next person calls parents didn't love them a much next person calls mad at their parents loving them too much like you know there's so many circumstances and you can take any circumstance and see the good or the bad in it and it becomes a game of life is how you see people actually caring about you and having those conversations to rewire perspective and what's crazy is when the breakthrough happens it happens like once you start seeing [ __ ] a different way and it's usually accountability no the number one thing that leads to happiness is actually accountability because when you think it's everybody else's fault you go into victim and you think you're helpless [ __ ] when you're like ah you know what i need to [ __ ] buckle up and i'm being a little lazy here or i or i'm not i'm not being grateful enough for my uncle or whatever it might be when you start becoming accountable you start feeling in charge in control and [ __ ] gets really interesting lou you're going to say something earlier no i was going to tip back to the you know my key for happiness is appreciation and i'm talking like i've dissected appreciation to such a fine like i have water right now like because i remember you know i'm the same way i so get that bro i'm like oh my god i woke up and nobody died that i loved today's the [ __ ] best meanwhile you lose money something gets [ __ ] up and listen i have a thousand employees at vaynermedia and i'm the last line of defense it's my company i'm the ceo so every like every person that has covet in my company my problem the woman that flew in from singapore when she was five months pregnant for a meeting and went into premature labor and has been stuck in america since like my problem right like leaky roof in our chattanooga tennessee office my problem like it's just problems but if you're grateful you know how to you know it in your world like i watched some of my friends sort of biggest artists in the world and like the tours not selling as well as they wanted and i'm like you are the [ __ ] tour you know like you know how awesome that is and i'm with you on that lou like water is a [ __ ] blessing because i'm on the i'm a well member for charity water and there's an entire [ __ ] continent where people walk seven miles to get clean water yeah and that's where

### [13:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=832s) Gratitude

i think right now i've been feeling extremely grateful in that sense and you know ever since like i really met lou we've had like some really deep level conversations about like what we're grateful for and stuff but i think everything that's going on in the world right now especially like um just like i feel extra grateful like what you guys are saying for water like whenever i'm just driving from my house to my mom's house to go pick up the groceries that got ordered and i see the homeless and i'm like they're not protect they're not able to protect themselves from this virus and i think about the people on other continents that do have to you know that aren't able to protect themselves that aren't in a cleaner environment that don't get to go home to a home that's just themselves that don't go to a home period that there's so much that i also since i can't change every single thing

### [14:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=890s) Making it cool

i can raise awareness and i can try to help and i can do my part but that's where i you know with without gratitude and without being grateful like i feel like i'm completely helpless to them you know because i feel like we take such little things for granted um some and it's just something that this right now like especially like i've just like really opened my eyes to how much like makes me happy we have to we hope we have to make compassion and sympathy and empathy and gratitude cool as going to coachella and [ __ ] having yeezys like we have to and that's the legacy that i think you know i think that's the legacy of this next generation they have the potential to take some of these words and genuinely make them and it is about making them cool because that is the framework until you're [ __ ] 30 for almost everybody i

### [15:54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=954s) Dealing with mental health issues

have a question that i think a lot of my listeners will want to know and i'm sure you get asked this frequently and i kind of i asked it in the beginning kind of but i just wanted to like touch further because this is such a frequent question is how does somebody that's dealing with mental health issues that wants to pick a profession that their family doesn't want them to pick or they want they're having anxiety about going to college because they're not going to have friends or this is like all them a lot of my big yeah no i get it i don't have the answer to what how do you start that question with the with your parents that when you have mental health issues or you you know what they're different yeah different profession i think is a big issue that a lot of my fans are afraid um i get bombarded with that especially non-americans when you go into india and asia like they get so much pressure to be a doctor lawyer engineer here's my take and i've seen it play out and i've spent a lot of time on this issue i believe that people need to seriously think about the following you can either appease and make your parents happy in the short term while you're unhappy and then you're going to be 41 and resent the living [ __ ] out of your appearance and then you're gonna fight your parents or you can fight your parents now for 24 36 months and have a great relationship forever most kids love their parents subconsciously or consciously so much that they're willing to do something they don't want to do to make their parent happy it's actually a very sweet thing there's obviously some kids where their parents are like if you don't go do this we won't pay for college and they're like oh [ __ ] what do i do but a lot which i had a friend like that growing up yeah and like that yeah and it was very hard for her yeah and so like a couple things one there's so many ways to play this let's talk about the friend who doesn't want to do the thing but their parents say if you don't do this thing we don't pay for college on some real [ __ ] this is crazy advice i'm like cool take the money and [ __ ] i'm not kidding that's actually the answer like take the [ __ ] money and college is a [ __ ] vacation to begin with let's not get it twisted college is a [ __ ] vacation i was gonna ask you what are your thoughts on you're talking to a dnf student who barely got out of high school noah like i think college work and high school and the way education works in america and a lot of other parts of the world they it works for some which is amazing i'm super happy for people that love high school and love going to college and know how to play the game and get a's and b's and get a job great unfortunately if you're entrepreneurial or creative you're completely [ __ ] i couldn't handle school i was homeschooled from the eighth or ninth grade until i got my diploma and yeah no one i like consider like taking

### [18:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=1135s) Education

online classes for fun like sometimes like whatever because you're interested in that because you're interested yeah it i was like i kind of want to take something like i don't know just for fun like whenever i go on tour just to keep my brain working why not understand why not just take a class but that's you choosing that you're interested in oh i'm a little bit more interested in balancing my checkbook now i'm more interested in how to you know like like yarn work i'm more interested in architecture than i used to because i went and toured to europe and i didn't realize buildings looked like this you're picking not you've got to [ __ ] hit the like i had a past two years of language in [ __ ] high school like to graduate i'm like i [ __ ] suck at language like you know like so i don't know i think i think education [ __ ] with a lot of kids almost every grown up who's 45 whether they were successful or not tells you it didn't [ __ ] matter almost all of them yes and i tell kids a couple things one it's vacation anyway so go to college have the best time ever take [ __ ] finance because your parents told you to mail it in get d's and f's or c's or what the [ __ ] you have to get and then when you're 22 and still young as [ __ ] go figure out your life and go have a good time and people don't think that way they're like oh if i go to college for architecture i'm gonna be an architect like it's [ __ ] robotic no it's not almost nobody does what they do in college so hey don't make it so heavy b if that's not the case and it's more just pressure that they're putting on you i think it's important to speak to change the conversation to happiness parents are scared most parents come from a place of fear so the advice they give their children is based on defense not offense they don't let them chase happiness they make them chase what they think they're gonna make money in and it's [ __ ] up and it [ __ ] up a lot of people and i think kids should either go one or two rounds mail it in and just do it but don't give a [ __ ] or have the tough conversation up front know that it's gonna be shitty for 24 months but at least at 35 32 28 26 you're gonna have a great relationship forever because every kid that does what their parents wanted to and they hate that thing and then they do that for a living always resents their parents and the relationship goes to [ __ ] yeah i always have a um let's see now because of i left school when i was 16. um i mean i had jobs since the age of 12. i always had a hustling mentality because of my upbringing my mom always encouraged me you know just make your own money go out there and do your thing as long as you can pay your bills i'm good either way which is an encouragement for and i was also a middle child too so the kind of forgotten one which teaches you know the responsibilities but i have a spiritual approach now where you know back to you know in my fields you know i firmly believe everything on the inside emotions thoughts all that type of stuff creates your whole outside exterior that's why i have a innate ability to read people based off of what the things they have around them or the people and i'm just bringing a more spiritual of course i get it it's context i so agree with that lou uh back to in your fields i think one thing that people need to think about is getting quiet one thing that i've noticed noah that a lot of people are struggling with like if a young guy is making some money oh he's an entrepreneur he's going to be a [ __ ] baller a young woman's pretty and they're getting pop you know positive reinforcement i've noticed that positive reinforcement becomes a vulnerability to negative reinforcement one of the things i thought you know that i you know think about a ton is if you're addicted to the positive feedback you know the cheering on stage that you feel i definitely know i feel like a high when i get 10 000 people clapping as i'm talking uh people saying you're hot or you're [ __ ] cool or whatever then you get very vulnerable to when it goes the other way one of the things that's really worked for me is silence when somebody says i mean if you go on my instagram account right now the latest comment is you're the goat and the next comment is you're full of [ __ ] right and if neither one of them penetrate you then you can win i see a lot of people dismiss people as trolls or haters when they give negative feedback but when somebody's saying you're [ __ ] epic or pretty or awesome they love that unfortunately makes them vulnerable to me it's actually being silent to both and being in your [ __ ] feels in your own head you love you for you keep it quiet as [ __ ] that keeps you right in the middle never too high never too low i've seen that work for a lot of people when they've heard that from me say [ __ ] okay let me not get as high on the positive comments which has allowed them to combat the negativity and i've noticed that a lot in high school and social media dynamics when you actually get to a place when you don't get up on the podcast i

### [23:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=1433s) Dealing with Negative Feedback

was gonna ask what's your advice for that for people that aren't as open to them yeah and to the world like that don't have millions of followers and don't go talk to ten thousands of people that just that are our home and going to school and dealing with comments from bullies and everything how because i answered this question i got one time but it's kind of nice to ask somebody else yeah i got one let's start with negative feedback and bullies this is why i want to make compassion and sympathy and empathy the most powerful words to this next generation and this is hard if 14 year old sarah and 16 year old rick are listening right now when they think of the person that's [ __ ] with them making fun of them spreading rumors it's hard at that youth to have the compassion empathy and sympathy for the person that's [ __ ] on you but it's the truth if somebody is a negative person in high school [ __ ] on people spreading rumors bullying they're the most hurt in the whole [ __ ] high school yeah 20 000. there's a 100 so believe it or not the way i think you push back on that is actually compassion it's actually feeling bad for the it girl who's [ __ ] on you because she's actually insecure as [ __ ] cool she had a good little moment and she looks good but deep down she's fragile as [ __ ] and that's why she's manifesting all this negativity yeah and when you can when you realize that as the one getting picked on you actually get happy not sad you actually start realizing and it's your world listen i'm 44 but high school feels like two seconds ago i remember every [ __ ] day of it right like it's your world like you're listening to this you're like that's a little heady like i still got three years of this [ __ ] high school [ __ ] but the reality is again for little ricky in [ __ ] high school right now brother i'm telling you right now you know for karen right now sophomore year like i'm telling you right now on some real [ __ ] that person that's [ __ ] with you is way sadder than you way sadder yeah it may look good they might have the hot guy boyfriend right now but on some real [ __ ] they're [ __ ] broken inside because

### [26:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=1570s) Uniqueness

it's because people love to project the way they feel about themselves on someone else to make them feel the same and i think it boils down to i always tell noah this is a section on you know uniqueness factually spiritually we there's only one of any of us in the whole entire universe every single person on the planet is the most unique essence that has ever existed and there's ever going there's only ever going to be one of you and until we kind of understand that we are the commanders of our own [ __ ] and we need to take control and i understand you know the anxieties and you know my head used to feel heavier than my body i used to because it was just weighed down with so much [ __ ] and then i started to uncondition the conditioning of everything i've ever been taught and started to realize again back to the appreciation you know i have a warm bed i have a roof over my head i have a beautiful daughter who's five months old there's so many on my father like living in a house that i never i always dreamed about and you know and by the way lou to add to that everybody's listening and if you're not as blessed right now and you work hard to get to this moment if you're [ __ ] in this if you're literally listening to this while you're in a shitty [ __ ] room where your [ __ ] parents are [ __ ] throwing punches at each other outside and your [ __ ] sister's anorexic and your brothers [ __ ] coke the [ __ ] out in that there's the ability to be appreciative the fact that you're even let me start with this is very meta the fact that you're even listening to this because you adore noah means you're already thoughtful there's a lot of [ __ ] artists to be following i pay attention to a ton of [ __ ] the fact that you are listening to this podcast already means you're a more thoughtful kid than the masses i believe that i actually believe that so a the gratitude of you of wisdom even though you don't realize it right now because you chose to follow noah and chose you're making me laugh you're just making me smile like this is your you're great thank you though but i actually believe it because i really watch and i really watch like who builds what kind of fan bases off of what i just know i know the kid on the other line of this and i'm proud of them they don't even realize it yet their wisdom is real they gravitated towards you because of what you put out there i know how that sits in popular culture i would just tell them that like again to build off of what lou's saying you know when i [ __ ] when i bought a 500 i bought my first car at a garage sale for 500 bucks and i was grateful as [ __ ] it broke down every other day but i was grateful and even though now i can afford any car i want it was the fact that i was grateful for the 500 car that actually got me to the place of where i could afford anything i wanted and [ __ ] things by the way real quick the next chapter that we have to push is happiness not money yeah making 72 000 a year and being happy as [ __ ] is way better than making eight hundred thousand dollars a year and being miserable as [ __ ] yeah because it's because people have

### [29:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=1747s) Happiness

this notion of you know if i reach a certain target therefore i'm going to be happy but if you're not happy before you reach it you're not going to be happy when you get it there's always nobody now i'm so ha i already know what's instilled in me that makes me happy and again like back to the spiritual thing thoughts emotions become things i can surrender i can sit in my house and surrender my emotions and my thoughts so that people knock on my door and we start working to get like things like that that's how much of a playing field i'm trying to get on in terms of almost no mind instead of thinking of overthinking [ __ ] unthinking [ __ ] so therefore i can just completely focus exactly what i'm doing and this is the teachings that i bring for noah two is you know is we have to start living in the now we don't have a past or a future everything is created now and i feel like those were the anxieties and the stresses and you know even when coming on board with noah you know there's this notion amongst artists that the only way they can create is in pain and i'm trying to create happiness just as successfully yeah you'll be happy doing it oh my god i mean that's that is that's romancing and romancing an ideology of like an artist or ten that somebody likes yeah and then they're like oh that's where the good [ __ ] comes from truth yeah absolutely and you know when john lennon and yoko did imagine that wasn't coming from [ __ ] pain it's coming from [ __ ] love yeah like it was just true [ __ ] love and that's why we're singing that [ __ ] song 50 [ __ ] years later you know what i mean like no i disagree that it can come from pain i think pain is a place that people often can get to a place of truth because they're in pain i think creative comes from truth yeah absolutely do you have

### [30:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=1852s) Advice for LGBTQ youth

obviously i'm sure you do you have any advice for um the lgbtq community who may come out to their parents and their parents tell them to get out of the house because there's a lot of young homeless youth in l. a alone um which my sister started a foundation called the happy hippie foundation and um one of the things that we did uh right before or after christmas is we went and we got them all hoodies sweatpants we food had a party and they all got to come but it was all mostly lgbtq community and how can how what's your advice for somebody that somebody's parents who's homophobic and just awful as [ __ ] says get the [ __ ] out of our house what what do you do when you're starting from the ground up and you're a young kid and you just bared your heart out to your parents and they just they just shoved you out the door how do you where do you start a recognize that it's allowed for that to be painful like you know every human that is we're animals like being rejected by your parents because of your truth is devastating based on a [ __ ] ideology that they grew up with you know i hate when parents use things like i didn't grow up with this [ __ ] adjust [ __ ] you like you know but a recognize it's okay to be hurt b recognize that the world is filled with love thank god back to gratitude thank god your sexual preferences are far more macro society-wise accepted today if you were born 100 years ago your entire life would have been a lie you would have been in pain until the day you died you just started the process of pure happiness even though you just hit the lowest point of your parent situation you're about to find your community friends you're about to find a new family and oh by the way for eighty percent of you your parents are gonna come around too it might not be tomorrow six months from now so for eight you know the reality is like you actually have just been through the hardest part actually every day if you're listening right now when this happened to you every day forward is going to be better than the last day because you're past the toughest part which is an ultimate animal devastation which is rejection from your parents 80 of you are going to get them back and they're going to apologize so that's going to be enjoyable and and listen for 20 you know that's just life like sometimes things don't work out the way we want but we get to choose our paths going forward we don't choose our parents we get to choose a ton and it hurts it's the worst and nobody should say nobody should ever say it doesn't matter or oh you could think like live but recognize you're in control go find your love instead of dwelling that you've lost it in the short term from somewhere you looked for it right and by the way that's very important uh that love thing is important for a lot of people right now who also look there's a subsection of your community that's listening right now that's in that world the far majority of your community is definitely going to resonate with the next part which is somebody breaking up with them and breaking their heart right so all right so give me the t gary we've all been here i'm giving it to you how do you manage somebody breaking up tell me it comes from desperately understanding how lucky you are that it happened now i'm not kidding noah like if you actually understand and listen it [ __ ] hurts especially when it's the first time like all that [ __ ] the first time you're deeply in love like not kind of sorta like on some fun [ __ ] but like deep that one hurts like crazy it happens it's real but a recognizing oh my god this person didn't feel the thing they needed to feel to spend the rest of their life with me even though that hurts hey that has nothing to do with you which is completely the counter to what everybody does everybody self-reflects if i was skinnier if i had bigger boobs if i made more money if i was on the football team like everyone goes immediately into their self without realizing it's a hundred percent the other person not 99 and that there are billions of examples of people that got broken up with who then got much better much happier much deeper love from the third relationship after that so it's really taking the perspective that when broken up with it is 0. 0 on you now look you might be out of control and like drink too much or so insecure that you like pressured the person out of the relationship because every time they even talk to somebody in the opposite sex you went on some flip [ __ ] like of course there's accountability but it's a great time to self-reflect on did you come with positivity and love and value or were you being selfish and insecure and it's a great opportunity to say look this wasn't meant to be and deploying optimism actual optimism literally saying [ __ ] even though this shoe is so hot and so nice the next eventually i'm gonna get somebody better or whatever it may be like i hate when oh god i get these dms all day but i'll never get anybody better i'm like there's eight [ __ ] billion people in the world i promise you ricky thompson on your high school football team's not the hottest coolest dude you'll ever meet you're [ __ ] 16. you know and so like really getting people into the proper perspective and really not making it about self-dwelling and beating themselves up but realizing it's bigger than that is a huge win i promise absolutely and back to your point

### [36:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhqrL5TZAEc&t=2211s) Final thoughts

gary of you know living your absolute truth i know previous relationships of mine i would not live as myself and then it would create a domino effect of you know when you try to live yourself then there's these conflicts so i feel like now you know with my wife now we live exactly as who we are and we've been together 10 years and we're happier than ever you know we there's no the best they're growing walk in their house and it's like balance because our energies are growing together there's no there's because you know your energy can propel it's like family members that you don't like the only reason why you still speak again it's because of the site or the family member so again if they if you they won't link to you by family they wouldn't be in your life you know universally but again you know we have to realize why are we here we're here to feel physical things love and pain and happiness and sadness and the difference is we fight against it we don't embrace it we don't feel it as we should and that that's what i do now if i'm feeling upset i'm like oh [ __ ] i'm feeling upset i understand the feeling of it and then i turn it into a positive why do i feel upset and i question it so much that it goes away i love it lou on that point uh i think that's i hope everybody rewinds that part and listens one more time because that's exactly right uh and unfortunately i have to go and facetime somebody right now in two minutes but i want to say this one thing that i it just hit me during this talk i just first of all i [ __ ] loved this interview and i think a lot of kids are going to benefit from it on the show i this is a big one for me and i haven't said in a long time it's something i said to my friend years ago and it changed his completely [ __ ] changed his life and i'm so pumped i remember that you two have inspired me to go there mentally listen to me everybody listen to me please do not spend time with people that don't make you feel good i'm telling you right now if you're laying in bed right now listening to this your best friend your boyfriend you're like i'm telling you right now cutting people out of your life who do not make you feel good i mean and when i say good i mean safe safe you know what lou it was just was just talking about he feels safe being his full self with his wife my friend's safe not he takes you to the best [ __ ] parties that you feel [ __ ] a list that's not good that's fake good not they compliment you that's fake good i mean safe don't make jokes behind your back when they talk to their boys about you it's respectful when when your girlfriend that she doesn't want she doesn't make you feel like if you don't buy her [ __ ] she's gonna break up with you i don't mean [ __ ] fake i mean [ __ ] real good and real good comes safe for a lot of you it's time for you to go back to your best friend from junior high they might not be the coolest kid in high school but you felt safe when you hung out with them for a lot of you it's time to call an old friend because they felt safe we're all sitting around in our homes right now i don't know when you guys are airing this but i'm sure corona is still going to be going on go to your address book right now and go from a to z and look at every name and every name that made you feel safe i want you to text them and say i miss you let's connect safety is happiness i love that bro that was i'm literally tearing up so let's end on that note you can go to your facetime i love you guys i can't wait to get out so much man thank you for being on in my feels i'll talk thank you again hey everybody on youtube first of all thank you so much so humbled for your time if you got some value out of that there's a plenty more where that came from feel free to check it out

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*Источник: https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/17680*