# I used to be a people pleaser, until I learned these 7 brutal business lessons…

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** Alex Cattoni
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoU2kKA4Fxg
- **Источник:** https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/21629

## Транскрипт

### Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00) []

I know I typically come on here to share tactical marketing strategies with you guys, but since this video marks the seven year anniversary of my YouTube channel, I thought this would be the absolute perfect moment to share seven of the biggest personal lessons that I've learned on my seven year journey. This video is not about marketing, it's about mindset boundaries and mental health, which I'm telling you, is even more important when it comes to building an online business. Because unless you've got this thing working for you, marketing just does not matter. So this one is dedicated to all of my fellow recovering perfectionists, people pleasers, late night Doom spirallers and chronic overthinkers out there. If that's you, please, please give me a thumbs up below to let me know that I am not the only one. Let's just say that the last seven years have been an emotional roller coaster for me, with some incredible highs and also some incredible lows. If you're new around here, you likely don't know my story. On February 13, 2019, the day I published my first YouTube video. I was anonymous on the internet. I had spent the previous decade before that working completely behind the scenes as a freelance copywriter. I had no followers, no personal brand, no email list, and really only myself and a few pretty amazing clients to stress about. I started this channel from absolute scratch, and within a few years, I found myself with a multi seven figure business, a global community of hundreds of 1000s of people, 1000s of students, and a team of 10 amazing women. I've won awards. I've spoken on incredible stages around the world. I even hosted my first ever live event, posse fest, live. And you better believe I battled every single ounce of self doubt, insecurity and imposter syndrome that came along with that, some days more successfully than others, some years more successfully than others. This last year especially has been a doozy for me, like slamming my head against my own upper limit again and again. And if that sounds familiar, I recommend that you read the big leap by Gay Hendricks, which is currently the book on my bedside table. Anyway, I am sharing this with you to remind you that if you've been battling self doubt, imposter syndrome or lack of confidence, no matter what stage of business you are at, it is completely normal. And take it from me, it usually happens when you're on the brink of a major breakthrough. So whatever you do, don't stop now, as my friend Stu McLaren says, growth isn't always upwards and to the right. Our biggest lessons and opportunities come in moments where things feel the toughest, and this has certainly been the case for me. So here they are, seven brutal lessons I've learned over the last seven years, and I hope they serve as a powerful reminder as you navigate the ups and downs of building your own business. Lesson number one, you are not your business. Poof. This one took me a long time to realize people say business isn't personal, but my experience says that is a lie. After I started this channel and launched the copy posse, my business became deeply, deeply personal, like it was an extension of me. I was the posse. The posse was me. There was no separation between my business and my personal brand. I felt a very personal sense of responsibility and ownership and care for literally, every single thing I did and created and every single person I came into contact with. And while I do feel like that passion, that dedication and frankly, obsession, really contributed to my success. That lack of separation really did take an emotional toll on me, not only because it is literally impossible to personally put 110% into every little single thing you do 110% of the time, but when you view your business as you, you take on every win and every loss as your own. And listen, that is all fine and dandy. When things are going well, when your metrics are growing, when your income is on the rise, when you're showered with praise given awards, great, right? That's awesome. But when things get hard, when your business goes through low seasons, which, by the way, is completely freaking normal and inevitable. And anyone who has been in business longer than a hot second will tell you that when your next launch doesn't outperform your last launch, or when you get negative comments or hate from total strangers on the internet, it is really, really easy to take those things personally and take them on as a reflection of you. So a really big lesson that I had to learn over the last few years is that I am not my business. Yep, I broke up with my business. Now, don't worry, this isn't a change in my passion or dedication. It is more of a shift in identity. Me

### Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00) [5:00]

I've come to realize that growth is really just a shedding of old identities as you step into new ones. And yeah, that does take hard work and a lot of deep reflection, but I love my business more than ever before, and honestly feel a deeply renewed sense of purpose now, especially in the age of AI where your voice and message have never been more important, and my mission has but I no longer see my business as a part of me. It is what I do. It is not who I am. If my business failed tomorrow, that wouldn't mean that I'm a failure. It would mean a redirection into my next evolution, and this is the biggest difference between a business and a personal brand. Your personal brand is you, and it will outlive any strategy, Business, Career, job, product, service or offer. So as you build your business, even if you're always just a one person show, never forget that you are not your business. Which leads me to the second biggest lesson that I had to learn the hard way, and you probably saw this one coming. Lesson number two, make yourself a non negotiable. So yeah, it turns out, when you make your business your whole life, you stop taking care of yourself. Taking care of your business and taking care of yourself are two very, very different things, my friends, you are your most valuable asset. Let me say that again, you are your most valuable asset, and you need to treat yourself like it. What's really interesting to me is that when I was working as a freelancer, right working behind the scenes in other people's businesses, I felt like I was an absolute boss at setting boundaries. No, don't get me wrong, I would still work long hours and hustle when necessary, but nothing like after I started my own business, and that is when I realized it. When I was a freelancer, working with clients, I had boundaries, but they were rarely ever challenged. I mean, it's really easy to say you're an expert at boundaries when they never experience any force or friction, right? Because I only had a few clients. I had no social media, no team, no email list, no community. The demands on my time were significantly lower and way more manageable. Then I started my business, and my boundaries were not only challenged guys, they were run over and they completely disappeared in the rear view mirror for like years, because no matter what, there was always more work I could be doing. The To Do list was never ending, and I was burning the candle at both ends, really trying to do it all with perfection, right? All of a sudden the things I always used to love doing, like creative writing, learning languages, trail running, going to the gym, traveling, going for coffee with friends, all those things slowly started slipping from my calendar. So it's really no surprise that I got dangerously close to burnout. I had to learn the hard way that boundaries in your life and business don't only mean setting them, but also protecting them at all costs, my health, my home, my happiness, my husband, my friends, my family, my dog, these are the things that matter most to me, and deserve my best hours of the day, not just the leftovers. So a really big lesson that I learned over the years is to treat myself as my most important project every single day, and then schedule in the most important things, specifically creative morning time, exercise, meals, adventure, Sunday morning walks and date night, then my work fills in the gaps, not the Other way around. Have you ever heard that quote? Show me your calendar and I'll show you what you value. Yeah. So take a look at your calendar and tell me. What would someone else say matters to you just by looking at it. I'll be honest. A couple of years ago, I really didn't like the answer to that question. All right, moving on to lesson number three. Stand out or don't bother this is another big one for me. But let's be honest, all seven are a few years after starting my business, something happened, you guys. I started to notice my confidence begin to shake a little. I could honestly feel it happening, like I was watching myself. I was seeing this happen, but I couldn't stop it. All of a sudden I started doubting myself more, questioning if I had what it took, and holding myself back. It is so painfully obvious to me now that these are all signs of a major upper limit our subconscious way of keeping us safe when we expand beyond our comfort zone. Why did no one tell me that this would happen? Maybe they did, and I just didn't know until it happened. But to make matters worse, being in the public eye, of course, always leaves you open to trolls and negativity and that kind of stuff can really take a toll on a girl, you know, especially, especially when it echoes your own deepest fears and doubts. And I'll be honest, I wish I could say I don't give. Fuck what people think or say or do.

### Segment 3 (10:00 - 15:00) [10:00]

But the truth is, I did care. I do deeply care, and I let it dim my spark and my Sass for a while, without even being consciously aware of it, I started playing safer and smaller than I really wanted to, sticking to strategy and toning down my voice and values and opinions to try and not ruffle feathers, when ruffling feathers was literally my number one goal. When I started this channel, I would say it confidently to anyone who listened, and I was reminded of this at a mastermind recently with my good friend Sally Hogshead. Sally is a New York Times bestselling author, National Speakers Association Hall of Famer, and one of the most brilliant and fascinating women I know, who I am proud to call a friend, and she said something that really struck a chord deep within me, and frankly, it woke that Sass in me right back up. She said, Stand out or don't bother. Yeah, she reminded me that sharing your values, your opinions and your voice is the only way you can rally true fans and, yes, Repel your haters. But these things come together hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. Playing it safe, playing it small, being vanilla does not serve me or you, and regulating my nervous system to really hold space for that polarity has been a huge part of my personal growth over the last couple of years, and honestly, I am still working on it all the time. As Sally said, You should aspire to get hate mail, because that is when you know you are truly interesting. And I do get hate mail, and I'm still working on being excited by that. But hey, one step at a time, so while I'm not saying that you should go around pissing people off intentionally, I do suggest that you ask yourself the following questions, what fires you up? What opinions do you have that others might disagree with? What are your core beliefs and values? What is the hill you are ready to die on? Your answers to these questions matter more than you think. That is how you find your people and let it be known. I am saying it here. I am ready to play bigger, get louder and ruffle more feathers in 2026 I am fired up about it, and of course, I'll be taking you guys along for the ride. So get the popcorn ready and moving on to lesson number four, protect your creativity at all costs. Speaking of ruffling feathers, I just gotta say it, you guys, AI is making you stupid. It is robbing you of your ability to figure things out. As creative beings, I fear we are missing the whole freaking point. We are made to solve problems, right? To overcome challenges, to think critically, and that takes creativity. But creativity is a muscle that needs exercise or else it will atrophy, just like AI isn't going to put on your running shoes and take your ass to the gym so that you can stay healthy and live longer. AI is not going to teach you the skills you need to future proof your career, your income or your freedom confidence comes from figuring out the hard stuff for yourself. That is what it means to be creative. Sure, sometimes we stumble, sometimes we stare at a blank page for a while. Sometimes we hit speed bumps that slow us down. Yes, those are all symptoms of doing the hard thing. Yet somehow, we've been told that if we do this, it means we're doing it wrong or we're not being productive. And yet, isn't this the definition of deep, meaningful work and true productivity, not outsourcing every single decision to someone or something else? Have you ever noticed that the more you use AI, especially when it comes to the creative process, the harder it comes to sit down and think critically, and then the more you have to rely on AI. It's like a downward spiral that is literally sucking your human brain dry. And when I posted about this recently on Instagram, many, many people told me that they relied too heavily on AI last year, and they are no further along this year, despite saving so much time. Funny how that works right now. Listen, I like AI. It is a great tool that can be used in many, many ways in your business. It can be used for brainstorming. I even have a mini course where I teach you the right ways to use AI as a copywriter. But please do not let it replace your human creativity and critical thinking skills. My goal for this year is actually to become re obsessed with my craft all over again. I've been a copywriter for almost 20 years, and this year I am making more time to write. Not writing because I need to get an email out. Not writing because, you know, a sales page needs to go live. I'm talking about actually sitting down and writing my rough and real thoughts in a notebook. Isn't that crazy? This is something I used to do all the time. In fact, it was so important to me that I scheduled time in my calendar every. Every single week for just sitting with a

### Segment 4 (15:00 - 20:00) [15:00]

notebook and a pen. And when I think back, you know, on my business, it was at that time that everything felt the easiest. I was feeling inspired. Things were flowing, and I was taking more time and space to make thoughtful, important decisions. But as my team got bigger and my offers expanded and everything just got more, my time got sucked up right supporting other people's intentions and requests and needs, of course, still important stuff, but my creative time was the first thing to disappear from my calendar, and honestly, I'm telling you that was a huge mistake. I truly believe we need to protect our creativity at all costs, especially right now, because this is the work that actually matters more than anything else, even though it doesn't look productive. And that actually brings me to lesson number five, goals don't mean without habits. So tell me, if this sounds familiar like at all. Okay, you wake up in the morning with a to do list of really important stuff that you need to do. You tell yourself you're gonna have the most productive day ever. Then you turn on your computer, or you open your email or your slack, and suddenly you're in total reactive mode, responding to everyone else's intentions and questions and challenges, and you're like putting out fires, left, right and center. And then the next thing you know, it's 2pm you haven't brushed your teeth or even your hair, and all you've had to eat all day is coffee. Please tell me I'm not the only one. The point is just saying you are going to do something, or having a to do list, or having creative time every single week, or spending more time with your friends and family literally means nothing unless you have the habits and systems in place to support those goals. It's like when someone tells you they love you and you're like, okay, yeah, words are nice, right? And even necessary to hear if you're in a relationship, but do they act like they love you? Do they show up for you? Do they support you? Right? We all know that just saying I love you isn't enough. We need the action that matches the words to really feel it, or when you tell your friends, hey, I value our friendship so much, but then constantly blow them off every time they ask to hang out because you're working right. That doesn't really show them that you actually value them. And this is true for every single value priority and goal that you set. I can say that working out and having a strong, healthy body is important to me, but if I never show up at the gym, I am not honoring that value or supporting that goal. So this year, I am putting systems in place to make honoring my values and goals as easy and inevitable as possible, as James clear discusses in his book atomic habits, the best way to do this is to identify the smallest possible first step, like, if your goal is to work out more, the first step is really waking up and putting on your shoes. If you can wake up and put your shoes on, your likelihood of success and following through and going to the gym goes through the roof. So when it comes to protecting my creativity in 2026 I knew I couldn't just say that and then make it happen like magically. So instead, I scheduled the first hour of my day as creative time, and I took it one step farther too. I actually got an app blocker on my phone that keeps everything blocked until after that time in the morning, and so my only goal is to wake up and stare at a blank page. Sometimes a few words come out. Sometimes pages and pages do, but that small step is literally just to wake up and stare at a blank page. It is so easy I can definitely commit to that, and my new early morning writing practice is now my absolute favorite part of the day. Now these positive habits have a compounding effect too, right? And I actually call this the floss effect. Start doing one small thing, no matter how small, and you're more likely to do more. And for me, that's flossing my teeth. If I floss my teeth like twice in a day, holy cow, I am winning at life. So stack your habits by building little routines into your daily schedule and then actually schedule them in your calendar. You can also do what I call a when then statement. So you can say, when I blank, I will blank, so when I wake up, I will drink a glass of water and then stretch. And of course, you can do that for every single habit or system that you want to start this year to support your goals. And then, of course, follow through. All right, let's talk about Lesson Six, don't be afraid to let go. Yeah, sometimes you have to be okay to let things go. A good client, a good job, a good reliable revenue stream, Team habits, old ways of doing things. When you hold on so tightly to that which no longer serves you, you restrict flow and growth. And let me tell you, it is not a fun place to be. We all just watched Amy Porterfield announce that she shut down her digital course Academy, an offer that I know for a fact was making her millions of dollars a year. Jenna Kutcher just announced that she's stopping her podcast. These women are brilliant and brave and very successful on.

### Segment 5 (20:00 - 24:00) [20:00]

Entrepreneurs, they understand that holding on to something just because you've always done it is not how you grow and expand. Sometimes you have to be willing to let something good go to make way for something great. And yeah, that sounds all fine and dandy, but you guys, this is terrifying when you are so used to doing things a certain way, and especially if it's working, but when you really, really listen, when you tune in to what your heart is saying, I'm telling you, you will notice the nudges. You will feel what wants to go and you must let it now, I wouldn't say that I live and breathe by astrology, but I did write for an astrology brand for a number of years, and I find this timing really interesting. Just yesterday was the Lunar New Year, and we officially have left the year of the snake, which is all about shedding and rebirth and renewal. So if you're into that sort of thing, now might be a really good time to ask yourself, what do you need to let go of to move into your next chapter. Now let's talk about lucky lesson number seven. This is a big one. Make people the priority. If there is anything these past seven years have taught me, it's that it is so important to stay connected in community, to keep people in your life. And I know this is so hard for those of us who run online businesses and work from home alone, but please do not try to lone wolf it out here. I'm telling you, these internet streets can get a little bit rough when you're going alone. I am such a homebody. I always say I'm an outgoing introvert. I love staying at home, being in my little bubble, my domination station, putting my head down and getting work done. And sometimes I literally forget how good I feel when I talk to people, right? And then I'll go grab like a coffee, and I'll end up talking to a total stranger about our dogs for like, an hour, and I'm like, huh, that was such a good conversation. I feel so recharged. It feels like the best conversation I ever had. Why is it that we have amnesia about the things that make us feel good? Why is that I really love this quote by Anne Lamott, almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. I have been living by this quote lately and really prioritizing spending time with people who make me laugh, make me feel good, and pump my tires, because sometimes we need a little reminder when things get hard and remember we are in a connection crisis right now. And I know for a fact that I am not the only one who's feeling this way. We need people now more than ever before. Now I'm not saying that we need to, like ditch technology, right, but I am saying that we should massively deprioritize technology, especially AI we need to connect with what makes us human. Now, I'm not saying that we should ditch technology and go live in a yurt in the forest, but I am saying that we need to make sure we're prioritizing human to human connection, especially now in the age of AI, when we connect with other people, we feel alive. We feel human. We remember why we exist, and it is truly to be kind, to help others and to have fun. Now let me know if any of these lessons resonated with you. It feels really good to get that off my chest after seven years, I hope you found these useful. And you guys, thank you so much for being on this journey with me, whether you just found me or you're a day one watcher. I am so freaking grateful for you every single day you remind me why I do this, and you are the ones who kept me going during those hard times, even if you don't realize it. So happy. Seven years, you guys, I will see you next week with a brand new video. Until then, I'm Alex Ciao for now, before you go, if you like that video, make sure to check out this one. Next look. You're smart, so I am not going to bullshit you about marketing in 2026 you already know what used to work. No longer does you already know that times are changing. Right now we are in a big shift, and you.