# "You" will NEVER be enough...

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** Zubin Damania
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CEodQNM5ss
- **Источник:** https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/41473

## Транскрипт

### Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00) []

And we're live. Hey, welcome gang to the live stream. Today we're going to talk about me, meaning the proverb, the royal me, the me we think we are, the you think you are, and how that will never be enough. Because the very nature of that illusion is to want, to seek, to put itself in time, into the future, to have hope and therefore hopelessness. And it turns out it's all nonsense. It just isn't. It isn't there. When you actually look, it isn't there. And there isn't you looking. And there's then just what is just life. Just the magnificence of this completely unknown by the me, unowned by the me energy. That energy is just a contraction. And it's just something that feels like it's in the body that makes it feel like all of this majestic know nothingness is happening to me. And that's the root of all suffering. It's that misapprehension that you are. Let's talk about it. Everybody's here. Ruth needs this today. That's good. Duck o duck says, "Is there a way to know when Z is coming on or just watch for it? " You got to just watch for it because when the energy arises to do it, it's like I click a few buttons, I do a little screenshot, and I'm like, "Let's go. " So, I'm sorry. I wish I could plan things now, but I kind of can't. I used to do that, but I can't anymore. Um, and when I see when we talk, we use words. We have to say things like, "I can't do that anymore. " It's a way of communicating in this kind of story. This appearance, this appearance is real and unreal. It's real as an appearance, but it's unreal as having any truth, meaning, substance, reality beyond the appearance. So, I can say something like, I used to do that and there's understanding apparently. But really, there's no eye that did anything. There's no past. There's only this radical freedom unfolding in every moment. Now, that sounds like, oh, Z, are you, you know, on drugs? Like, what's going on? And it's like um it could certainly sound like that, but that's not what it is. It's just a dropping of something. It's the end of you and your story as something that's actually believed. And so what's left? What was always the case? That there was never anything wrong. That it was always just thising itself. That sounds vaguely dirty. I'm going to go this myself in the closet. Um, hi Smemesco. Melbourne's in the house. Oh, Brazil's I wish I knew some Portuguese one day. New Day is here. Um, okay. So, yeah, New Day. Glad the bloody winter's over in London. Yeah, it's been warm over here. Um, so yeah, and as McMurcier says, if you want to know if I'm live, set up your notifications. Click the little bell so that it'll send you an email or a notification on your app when I go live. That way you'll always you'll be in the middle of traffic or thising yourself when I go live. Um, so what do I mean when I say the me is never enough. So what is the me? First of all, the me is a story because we're just speaking in this way. There is no me. There is no individual. There's nobody. What do I mean by that? Because it contradicts what you're seeing. contradicts you seeing me, you feeling like a you talking to other apparent people, there's really nothing there. There's just appearance. So, when you actually look and you're going to have to go with me for a second because until that is apparent, it's going to be a story to you that there's nobody. But there isn't anybody except for this contraction that can seemingly arise that feels like a self, feels like an individual that has a story that started and will end that's doing things. And that individual energy, that energy is itself a constant seeking energy. It's a constant trying to become because what it does it takes all this appearance and it sets itself apart seemingly. It can't really do that because it is this. That's what's really funny is it can't really do what it's seeking which is to be apart and then try to be whole again because it sets itself apart and now it is having experience. It is relating to this. It is this. It's the same appearance. It's a unitary display of nothing showing up as everything and these are just words. But it's empty of any individual.

### Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00) [5:00]

So when that individual energy arises and it does for most humans, it creates a profound sense of disease of tension of lack of trying to become whole, trying to become enough. That's just what that energy does. It's a weird magical appearance. It's wholeness itself. It's like the entirety. It's life. I like life. It's life. This showing up as a form that has a feeling tone that it is not enough that it is separate from this. And it can't be. Nothing can be. Nothing is separate from this. Everything is included. Nothing is excluded. Which means when nothing's excluded, everything's included and there isn't a you to put itself apart. That is unconditional love. It's unconditional okayess with everything because it couldn't be other. It is only this. It's only always been this. So all the me moving through time trying to be enough, it will never be enough. How can it be? First of all, it's an illusion. So how can an illusion be enough? Second of all, its nature is to constantly seek the next thing to constantly find. And how many of us learn this by living life? Life well, there's nobody living life. That's the irony. But let's speak in this way conventionally, right? We live our life and we find that, oh, we want these things, we do these things, we seek these things, we get these things, they're never enough. or we've never gotten enough and we feel like, well, if I just got enough, well, I'll tell you as someone who's gotten enough, it's not enough. It's never enough. There's always the next thing. And you could say, well, isn't that just what life is? Sure, is nothing wrong with it, isn't there? Why is there this underlying longing for something? Can't put your finger on it. Don't even know. So, a lot of you are listening to this going, "I don't [ __ ] know what he's talking about. " And then a lot of you are listening to it going, "Oh, there's like just a h yeah, there's something there. " So, in life, we might call that a middle-ag crisis or a midlife crisis or we might call it like some catastrophe happens and suddenly you're like, "Oh, this was never enough. " But even then, even in those situations, we take that and we put it in the story of me. This is happening to me. I'm having a midlife crisis. So maybe you let go of some of these illusions that you had and you just replace them with new ones. Like maybe you replace them with a oh I've got a new meaning in my life which is to help others to volunteer. I'll retire and I'll volunteer. Or here's a big one. I'm going to pursue spiritual matters. So it's pretty clear I'm not this matter. This doesn't make sense. This is not enough. So let's make it enough. Here's spirituality. Here's religion. Here's Buddhism. here's what you name it. Put in your ism there while you're thising yourself and um now you seek that. So now the you which is still fully intact. In fact, it's flourishing at this point. It's like yes, give me that. Now, this is a supercharged version of the thing I've always wanted, which is connection, wholeness, meaning, purpose, um, acquisition, okayess. Spoiler alert, that me energy is never satisfied. That's the na, it's nature. It's an unsatisfaction machine. And we feel it as a tension, a disease, a dissatisfaction, an a restlessness, a neurosis because societyy's telling you you can be enough. Just do all these things. My favorite is like the Disney movies. Just be yourself. That's like tripling down on the thing that's causing you the suffering. Well, be that, but be it more. be it more accurately. Now there is a thing where this expression, this dance is given permission in a way by no one for nothing to be exactly what it is without resistance. That's different. That's being life. That's lifeing without resistance. But even the resistance is this. It's life. It's perfectly exactly 100% of the time exactly what it's supposed to be. And so how do you even so then how does that me relax? How if we're saying it can't be enough by the way let's just put a point on that is there any way the me can be enough that energy is there any way short of delusion short of further delusion where it's

### Segment 3 (10:00 - 15:00) [10:00]

like yeah you know drugs alcohol distraction gambling those will make it feel enough for a while until it doesn't. It'll never stably feel enough. And that goes to worthiness. Is it enough? Is it worthy of what it thinks this is? It thinks others exist. So, because it thinks it exists, it thinks it's a me. So, now, not only is it separate from life, it's separate from these other so-called beings. And it's comparing. Well, they seem happy. They're pretending. Or they seem like they have what they want and I will never be enough. worthy of taking up space on this planet or being in this family or being with this lover or being with these friends or being worthy of love or friendship or success or all the things. So that mi energy is seeking worthiness constantly and thereby generating unworthiness. To be worthy there has to be something called unworthiness. So then spirituality will tell you are enough. You are worthy. so you are still there but don't worry about the unworthiness. You're the worthy part of it because everybody's worthy. How about this? There's no you. There's just life perfectly unfolding. And therefore, worthiness and worthiness are just appearance concepts that appear and disappear like everything. And they have nothing to do with anything. They don't matter at all. Which means there's hope. Hope is for the self, for that person, for that me. Hope is how the mi lives. It hopes one day it will be worthy. in this proverbial future it'll be enough. It'll get what it needs, what it wants. It'll feel whole. It'll feel connected. And so it generates hopelessness because when the doesn't manifest for the me, which it never really does, then the then it's opposite shows up hopelessness. What if there's no hope and hopelessness because there's no me? When there's no me in space and time and there's only life lifing perfectly, then Zubin arises as an appearance interacts with other appearances, but really there's only one thing going on this always and eternally. So there's no need for hope or hopelessness, meaning or meaninglessness. And yet the actions that arise are remarkably similar to when there's a me with one primary difference. Everything's okay. There's no problem. And the suffering goes because what suffers the individual the uh part is suffering. It is what else is it? Pain. If this is if I hurt myself and it's not happening to a me an individual. It's just part of the happening. What's wrong? It's it couldn't be other. It's an energy. A preference may arise. I don't like this. That's fine. But there isn't the suffering that comes with, oh, this happened to me now and what's going to happen an hour in the future? Is it going to hurt worse? And what does this mean for me and my enoughness and my okayness? Tension, disease, suffering, disease. Pippenanda, nothing wrong with a good story. It's the taking it seriously that causes problems. You have to open your clown chakra a little. That's exactly right. This is a story. Beautiful. Why would I reject it? How could you reject it? what would reject it? It is the story storying. Nothing wrong with that. But when the individual arises as an energy and this isn't just thought sometimes you'll hear people online saying the self is a series of thoughts. Really that's not how experienced here. The self is experienced as an energetic contraction that feels like it's in what I'm calling body. And it goes with thoughts too. It goes with a story. But it's that sense of I'm here and that's there. That's not a thought. That's a energetic appearance, a constellation. Doesn't matter. It's all words anyways. I mean, thought, not thought. It's all the same [ __ ] It's all energy. It's all this. It's all appearance. It's all nothing showing up as that. So we go on this big spiritual crusade looking to meditate, looking to inquire, get rid of this me that's causing all the problems that the spiritual people say is causing all the problems. And what's doing that? the same me energy seeking never enough need to find enlightenment need to find liberation need to make up words and concepts and make it really complex like oh there's a 12 stages of chain of causation and there's eight-fold path and there's um I got to do prayers and meditations and I have to go to church worship this

### Segment 4 (15:00 - 20:00) [15:00]

thing and I have to prostrate in front of that thing and I need to surrender I f I can just surrender to the whole thing I will wake up and I'll be Okay, how's that working for people in the spiritual circus? How's it working? It works for a bit. You get a little hit of dopamine. You have a mystical experience. You feel some unity. They're all experiences. They're just more part of the story. Wonderful. Perfect. Doesn't cause anything. Doesn't do anything because the Mi is still there doing me. So then how does the MI stop? Should it stop? Does it have to stop? Nothing has to happen. And there's nothing that me can do about it. Sometimes just hearing this message in a certain way, what is hearing it is unclear. It's a mystery, but it's received. And that's enough to loosen that mi structure even transiently. And sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it goes all at once. Sometimes it's a series. Sometimes it's a long slow attrition, a grieving, a series of interminable losses where everything you thought you had for you starts to go. That's how it was here, years of that grieving and crying and emotion and trauma and story and story. All of it as it's moving through. And that sense of meaning starts to seemingly, this is a story, it's an appearance, but it seemingly flip-flops with a sense of there's just this, there's nobody here, nobody home. And it feels like pure freedom for everything to be exactly what it is. It's not freedom for the person. There is no person. There never was. That's what's seen. Which means there's no others. Which means this whole thing is a dance. It's a clown chakra. As Dennis said, um, Duck Duck says, "How does ego extinction that meditators attempt to achieve relate to this topic? " Oh, this is lovely. Um, I used to be a big Let's speak in a wonky way for a second, in a dorky way. The way these kind of radical speakers speak, which I have a lot of sympathy to the way they not the way they speak, but the me the actual truth of what they're saying, which is there isn't you and there never was. That's an appearance and it is the root of what you're calling suffering and it doesn't matter whether it comes or goes and you can't do it. But I could say that for here that's how they talk sometimes in this story for this character meditation came about because of suffering which came about um because of life because of the sense of the separate me trying to make things okay and it was never okay. And for some people it's not doesn't seem to be that big of a problem and they go around living their life. It's not a problem. For others it becomes this in just oh my god no. And that's how it became for me. Then there was this sort of shift where at some point all at once it was seen. There wasn't a me. This was years ago, 2012. There just wasn't. It wasn't at all what I thought. I wasn't the character. I wasn't the story. All of this is just appearance happening now. Now, now, now for no one. And that was seen thoroughly. And then within a couple weeks, all the conditioning of me came back. And what it did was it took that app perception it took that realization that happens to no one because the one it happens to is gone seen through. It's gone. They're just this. It took that and it turned it into a story that happened to me. And now in order to get it back because me lost it, I need to go meditate. read spiritual books and adanti all the different teachers that I Sam Harris all of it trying to understand it intellectually then understand it con conceptually understand it emotionally do the body work do the trauma work. Do the shadow work. Do the meditation on and on. It's all a story that the MI tells because the Mi will never be enough. worthy. And the me is the apparent obstruction to what can't be obstructed which is this. It's always been this. So then there was the seeking. So then yeah meditation I must seek ego dissolution which I know at a deep non-k knowing level ex is the case because it happened by grace. It just does. I mean for what reason? No. It's uncaused. There's no cause of anything. Just in the story there's causality. But that's a dream. It's an appearance. So in the dream now the character is awakened but struggling

### Segment 5 (20:00 - 25:00) [20:00]

to be liberated. So it meditates, sits and it follows the breath. It seeks for sessation for higher Janna states. It tries to extinguish its own ego and what's doing it? Ego. What's driving for it? Ego self. Me. This very sense of a partners that it's trying to dissolve. It's so tragic. It's funny and tragic at the same time. It's sorrowful because it is the trap. And the reason I say it's sorrowful is on the other side of that when that just drops. It's seen that never did anything. All it did was continue to cause the seeking. Now you could say, well then the seeker gets exhausted and then it's just seen. And I've said that before. I don't even know that that's true. I think that's part of a story that just happens. All that's happening is story. None of it's causing anything. It's like watching a movie constantly. So why am I talking in this way? Am I trying to just hold a carrot out to you so your seeking mind will go? No. I'm telling you there's no carrot. There's no doing of this. And sometimes it seems to happen that just hearing this, it's heard. You may be nodding your head and you don't know why you're doing it. You may be um feeling something in the body like a contraction. That's that it's that me energy and you're noticing or there's a noticing. Nobody's doing anything. And that's why we do this. I mean, there's no why. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's a trip, y'all. So, yeah, meditation, sure, do it. Don't do it. Go to a retreat. treat. It has means nothing. Um, ultimately what had to happen here is all that had to be given up, including all the teachers, all the gurus, all the YouTube videos. It had to just stop. I didn't do it. And who surrenders? The me. Well, the me can't surrender. That's ridiculous. Even talking about surrender is silly. I'm just telling you it's not. It's just not the case. There's the me that you that seems so real is just nothing and it never has been. And when that scene, the bottom just drops out of it. It can seemingly flip-flop. Who knows? There's all kinds of ways it shows up. Every body mind seems to behave differently as an appearance, as a story. Um Jerosa says, "What do you think about Jim Newman's communication? It seems like the closest to logically talking about this without consistent contradiction, but it's frustrating to the ego. Jim is great because Jim Newman, if you guys go search Jim Newman on YouTube or uh I think he has a website uh simply this. So Jim's one of the radical speakers along with like Tony Parson and these guys. Now these guys get criticized justifiably for giving the ego nothing, for being really incomprehensible sometimes. And I used to agree with that criticism because I'm Zuben. Zubin loves to communicate in a certain way. Loves a good story. I'm Zuben. You know what that means? Is Zuben is this Zubining and loves a good story and loves to be able to help by telling people stuff to do. But ultimately Jim's right. What Jim says is there's no individual. There's nobody things apparently happen as an appearance and that's it. And he's uncompromising. Actually, his interview with Sam Harris was amazing. If you check it out on the Waking Up app, it's amazing because you can see Sam is trying to make something of what Jim is saying. He's trying to turn it in. He's saying, "But but let me play devil's advocate. a fat lot of good it does you if you know saying there's nobody here if you're still struggling and you're still so we need to meditate and we need to do these things there needs to be some path and Jim's like nope no path that's a story why are you doing that all you're doing is suffering more why what there it's fine nothing wrong with it because it's part of the appearance but I'm telling you if you think that has anything to do with this nope it's brutally beautiful actually emailed Sam about it and he responded. I was like, "Yeah, that was a great interview. " Cuz it was [ __ ] direct. So, yeah. Otherwise, we're mentally spinning wheels. We're the seeking energy is continued to be fed by the seeking. Cuz this is the thing. Here's Jim's ultimate message and my message. Everything is perfect as it is. There's nothing to do. You are fine. This is a subversive message. It goes against everything the person, the personal energy, the me energy

### Segment 6 (25:00 - 30:00) [25:00]

believes. What is belief, by the way? It's the me. This was told to me on the weekend by a guy named Zabi. He's another great non-duality um direct kind of speaker. Uh we had a meeting in Berkeley. Um just for no reason. There's no reason to do it, but it's just like wow. Yep. And he belief is simply the me trying to know something because it can't live. It cannot exist without trying to make something, without trying to be get something. And the truth is this is unknown. It can't be known. It's just what it is. So it is without a knower, without a self to know it. You see? So belief is like, well, I can't know this. No, no. Well, then this must be all consciousness. That's a belief. Or this is God. matter and science and quantum mechanics. That's a belief. It's all a story. It's the MI energy creating a thought form and sticking to it. Not creating it. Doesn't create anything. The MI energy doesn't do anything. Nothing does. This is all just nothing showing up like this. This is what nothing looks like. Isn't that crazy? And it's freedom. It's unconditional love for what is here. And it's, this is something Jim Newman says, which I think is beautiful. It's what's longed for, not by the MI, because the MI can't want its own disappearance. It's what's longed for by is release from the energetic contraction that feels like you're separate, that you are. And instead this is all there is and it's nothing showing up as everything. That's these are words. You can't use words for this but that's the best you can do for me. Who's Zuben? Who? Says Rigpa. Hope you're doing okay. Rigpa. Um Sergio says science, belief, or truth? I don't even know that there's truth because how can we know anything? So what is truth? Truth is like something where you're saying this is true and this isn't. You could say you could a boy this is tough. This is tough for me cuz I just don't know. I don't know what truth is because there isn't anything to know that there's just this. So you could say truth is this and has always been. So in the story there are various degrees of things that seem like truth. Like in a dream, it can be true that you're a god or you're in jail or you're um trying to get on a plane and you've lost something and you're trying to find your phone and you can't find it and you're looking all over the airport. That's truth. But is it true? Is it actually happening? No. It's a dream. That's what all of this is, including science. So in the dream, science works. By the way, MMR vaccine work to prevent measles, mumps, and reubella. Like in this dream, yes. So, if you're dancing in the dream as a dream character, it probably behooves the dream character to obey the laws of science and these different things that happen. To take a position on politics or anything, it's fine. It's a dream. So, what is truth with a capital T? I don't think it's there. There's no there's nothing. So, we go seeking the me seeks truth. What if you stop? What if there's no truth? What if you're already perfectly and totally enlightened and you don't exist and there's only this? Cuz that's how it's seems from here. Yeah. I love me some Jim Newman sphere jester. Is it true that you're being chased by a bear or are you laying in bed dreaming? Both. Yeah. I mean, the appearance of a bear chasing you, the appearance of being chewed on by a bear. I mean, that's why sometimes it's said this is real and unreal. It's real as an appearance, as an experience, as a dream, as a movie. It's unreal as having any existent substance or truth. And it's unreal as happening to anyone because there isn't anyone. There isn't. They're just um adverb junkie. So all there is this capitals. Anything beyond this is a thought which would also be this. Yep. Thoughts are this. Thoughts are actually just a label that we put on this cuz what is a thought? Can't grasp it. Me wants to turn it into something it's not. me. I am my thoughts. That's the most kind of quote asleep version of me is I am my

### Segment 7 (30:00 - 35:00) [30:00]

thoughts. I am my body. The awakened version of me which is really obnoxious by the way is I am consciousness. I am the witnessing awareness. I am spirit. I am God. I am emptiness. I am I am I am what I am and that's all what I am. I am Zog the sailor man. Um Kathy says, "But your body reacts as if it's real. " Not your body. This whole thing reacts as if this is real. That's the amazing dance of the appearance is all the parts move in synchrony as if it's happening. Isn't that amazing? It's a miracle to be fully embraced by no one. Even the resistance to it is it. It's lifeing. Even the suffering of the apparent me is it. That's why I say there's nothing to do. Sometimes just hearing just that transmission of there's nothing to do can stop the apparent appearance of me and the center goes. Even that's just a wonky way of talking. But you can't do any of this because the you that thinks it's doing it is the problem. It's not a problem. It's the apparent veil over the obvious. It's And by the way, it's so [ __ ] simple. We try to make it so complex because that's what mind does. That's what me does. Me and mind and thought and belief and body, it's all the same thing. It's all this contracted energy. tries to make it really complex because it loves that [ __ ] because it's something to do but it's so simple you guys like this whole room is just color shape I mean I can't say a word about it it's just exactly what it is and it's not happening to anything and yet Zuben can move mouth words come out I don't know where these words are coming from I'm just staring I'm not even doing it they're just this sense of pressure behind the eyes and this dance of this thing and it's gone and it was never here. Freedom, radical freedom, a kind of freef fall. It's there's so many words that are used. Um, emanated apparition. Been listening to Eugi, Krishna Murthy a lot recently. Used to get sick listening to him, but now I can't get enough. This seems to be the last blockade. Eugi's great. He's just like, there's nothing for you. He was one of the early radical people that just was like, all the spiritual teachers are [ __ ] with you. you they're selling you something because there's nobody there nothing you can do abandon hope that's what he would say you know and he had some crazy thoughts you know he had some nutty things so I I can't really read Yugji anymore because he goes on and on about I can't read anything anymore to be honest because it's like why just live life now life is just living life is just lifeing it becomes very simple I was talking to my wife about this yesterday it's like there's nothing to do there's nowhere to go. Everything's fine. There's perfect and complete no thing always here. So just go do the thing and you don't do it. It's doing this this. You don't even have to think about is there a me? Is there not a me? Is you're going to act as if there is. Fine. What's wrong with that? What is gone apparently is the suffering about it. Even the restlessness, the tension, the disease. Ah, in a moment they're gone, if they arise at all. 11 men says, "Love Jim Newman and being told by anyone who's done one million things to get a certain place that there is now nothing for me to do feels off. " So this is the thing. This is the paradox. I've said this, too. These guys like Jim and Tony and these radical non-duality speakers, they'll say, "There's nothing to do. You can't do it. There's nowhere to go. It's absolutely nothing. There's no you. There never was. You see what's always and already the case. Why are you trying to go somewhere that you never left? Like, nothing to do. Stop doing all that. " And every single one of them did all that, including me. Um, and here's the paradox. This is a story, okay? I'm going to tell it as a story. Nobody knows what this is, why this is, what's going on. There's no causality really because there isn't time and space and there isn't a me for anything to happen. This is a dream. In the dream, the dream logic and the dream story is exactly as it is. In the dream

### Segment 8 (35:00 - 40:00) [35:00]

logic, there's a being who is called by some suffering or some other thing to awaken. Does all the rituals and the rights and the seeking and through excessive application of will and self rips through the veil and wakes the [ __ ] up. And sometimes they wake up so much that they become a Jim Newman or something and then they come back and tell you there's nothing to do, but they had to do all those things. Can you see the [ __ ] insanity of that? That's a dream. In a dream, anything can happen. In a dream, there's a you that wakes up. This is insanity. And in the dream that you that woke up did all those things, would you ever have a dream and say this caused this cause this in real life? No. So of course to the me it feels like [ __ ] these guys are full of [ __ ] They did all those things. They meditated. They did all that. It's like no they're dream in the dream character those things happen. They're speaking. There's no they. That dream character is gone and what's left is life. And that's how that speaking is. And they're telling you how it is from that, which is what it's always been. There's nothing you can do. None of it did anything except in the dream. So it's paradoxical and it's fraught for the mind. self. It can't be heard by the self. It cannot the self will go but you did all those things. you're speaking using the word I. So there must be a me there. Like all this stuff and that's just how it is. Nothing wrong with it. That's how it is. And that that's the hilarious thing about the whole illusion. That's the tragic comic aspect of it. It's a snake eating its own tail all the time. And it's always 100% exactly what it needs to be because it is that that's all it needs is being it. That's it. Um Hobon no says you are describing my journey. Yeah. I mean, and again, like is there a journey that's being described Yes, there is. That's the story that's happening is there's a journey being described. Sorry, YouTube is giving me all kinds of little notifications. And it's just a story. It's just an appearance. So, your journey is that appearance. My I told you I had this awakening in 2012 and I did all these things and then I saw this and then I watched Angelo and then I talked did this and I interviewed this person and I sat in this retreat and I did that. That's beautiful, man. What a great story. It's like relaying a dream when you woke up. It's like yeah, I dreamed that this [ __ ] happened. And even now I talk like I'm in the dream because I say I dreamed that this happened but like no the dream happened and this and now there's just this and this I'm just telling you is uh free to be exactly what it is which is unconditionally loved by nothing by itself by just being. It's fully accepted because it is. It just is. So it's fully accepted. It's amazing. Emanated apparition says, "Is there an experience that isn't thought? " So emanated apparition, I'll say there's no There's absolutely no experience. There's appearance. To have an experience, there has to be one having the experience. Even if that one is disembodied consciousness, that is everything. Like these TM people say, everything is consciousness. So, you're just taking the self, the little self, and you're making it a big self. permanent self. That's totally what the self wants to be forever. It wants to continue. That's what it wants is continuity. Guess what? Here's the secret. There's no continuity. There's no experience. There's only this this this completely disjointed. Only an appearance creates an illusion of continuity. appearance of memory, appearance of continuity itself. It's another just no thing showing up as that. Nobody's having experience. So I don't know what thought is. experience anything cuz I can't know anything because there is an

### Segment 9 (40:00 - 45:00) [40:00]

I. There's just everything which is also nothing. Meaning it has no thing beyond the appearance. It's pretty [ __ ] radical. By radical meaning root. It's the root truth. And again, not a truth because that implies there's some absolute. There's no absolute. People talk about the absolute. I've talked about the absolute. I was an idiot. I'm living in a dream gang. But it was a fun dream. It's fun to talk and you can live your life that life lives however it does. You can live it entirely in spiritual ideas. as talking about the absolute and the relative. You can live it in meditating and doing retreats and and teaching and getting taught and why not if that's what's happening. Beautiful. It's all the dance. Nothing wrong with it at all. Nothing wrong with anything. Nothing. Including the desire to change things, the impulse to do this, to that, the suffering. It's all just this sounds like crazy talk because of course it is to the self. The mei will never be enough. worthy. And it will always be seeking the next thing. And that's what it does. And anytime a question even arises about it, that's the me. So when the question stopped when the question so this is how I knew something was up I knew this is how it was clearer even still is that all my questions stop what is this why would you ask that it's what happens after you die what are you even talking about who dies what is death what um what started the universe excuse me the universe what is a uni what are you talking about that's a dream. There's this. Where are you looking? What are you seeing? Thought thought. Memory. That's all fine. It's a story. But those questions just drop. Is there free will? I'm sorry. What? For who? What? What are we talking about? That's kind of how it is. It's kind of fun. Yeah. Ashley the questions just stopped. Um Jerosa says as manifestations of reality we try to find reality believing we are separate from it while operating from it. Eventually you get sick of the search and that's a way of speaking. It's a way of talking in the story like the you get sick of the search. Right? So that's part of the story. But the truth is there was never you. There was never a search. There was just the appearance. The re was never reality. There was just this. What is reality? something real. Is this real? This is just what it is. Doesn't need to be real or unreal. You could say it's both real and unreal. And it's neither real nor unreal because the very label just doesn't make sense. It no labels make sense. There's no sense. There just is. It's radically simple, you guys. Like there really isn't anything to think about here. It's just we want to complexify it, which is fine. That's the beauty, too. It's all fine. Like I don't tell people don't go to retreat. Now I'm just saying dude from this is the experience. This is what's coming out of my mouth. I don't know why but none of that shit's going to do [ __ ] as far as what you think you want, which is unity, which is wholeness, which is coming home. This is home. It's always been. There's nowhere you can go because there isn't a you. There never was. There have never been individuals. You weren't born. You're not going to die because that you aren't. There's just this that sounds crazy to the self energy that contraction. That's fine. Let it be crazy. That's why this is not a popular message. It's not like [ __ ] you know like um you know Muji calling it God and the beloved and the this and that or you know Rupert Spyra saying it's consciousness arising as the mind and you know these different ways of speaking and those both those guys have been gateways for a lot of people in the story to go down the seeking path and there's nothing wrong or right with it but it's not positive of anything but from here all that stuff just doesn't make any sense. It's not even interesting. It's like what are you talking about? That's not how this It's just this. There's nobody to do any of that. There never was. That's a story. That's like a dream. You're in the dream now. You're talking about the dream and the dream is fine. There's nothing wrong with the dream because it's this. It's exactly what's happening.

### Segment 10 (45:00 - 50:00) [45:00]

Einated apparition. What a relief. That's how it is. Because when that me energy is seen to be feudile totally and nonexistent in the way that you think it is, it's a relief because it just and then there's just like just just stop. Just look just feel this. Everything that's arising is perfectly welcome by no one. It's not happening to a you. There isn't a you. There's a sense that arises that's also this. It's also this perfect apparition. Nothing showing up as this. No past, no future. All that's just story. Wow. Look at this. Radical, free, pure, unconditional acceptance and love. Love in love. Lesseness. by no one like it's love itself not in the human sense in the perfect acceptance of what is good bad and ugly are stories that we tell from the self that wants continuity wants to make things whole so it creates good and bad right and wrong God and not God. Duck O Duck says, "If the dream or and thank you for being a supporter, Duck O Duck. " Um, if the dream or illusion leads to danger uh to environment or people, are you suggesting we ignore it and allow the dream to destroy or kill? Um, I would recommend that you try to see if you have the agency to ignore it. You're assuming you have agency. Everything you just said assumes a self that is going to make a decision about whether to stop someone from killing them or killing a loved one or to stop a war or to protest or not protest or to vote or not vote. It is assuming that there is a you there that is going to have agency to make those decisions and that this one here is telling you don't do it or you can't do it or yes do it. Do you see the very question falls away doing will happen. Decisions will happen. Defense will happen. Attack will happen. Those things will just happen to no one done by no one. And you can't stop it because there isn't a you to stop it. There never was. There isn't. There's only stopping or starting. There's only decisions arising. You can't find the decision maker. doer. There isn't one. There never was. Let it all go. Even those questions will not make sense because you I was talking to my wife about this yesterday. It's like, dude, there's nothing different about this than pre this, whatever that means, being in the dream. There's no difference except for it's all seen to be just fine and not happening to anyone. So the disease, the constant seeking, all that's gone. Instead, just the actions occur, the sensations, the feelings, the emotions, they're felt fullon. One of the big emotions that come up when this thing is happening, apparently it's not really happening because it doesn't it's not a process, but it seems like a lot of grief happens because it's all loss. It's all losing belief, losing identity, losing story, losing me, losing hope, losing hopelessness, losing worthiness, losing unworthiness, all of it. And it can be emotional because the body just rings seemingly rings it out as tears, as wailing, as energetics in the body. For me, it was just like, and it's different for everyone. My story doesn't mean [ __ ] It's another dream story. Yeah. Ashley says it well. The craziest part is that there is no difference. I'm like, "What the [ __ ] is awakening? " There isn't. There's no difference. It's always what? See, this is the thing. It's such a paradox because all this seemingly happens and the realization is that it was always fine. There's nothing. You're not doing any of it and it's just happening and so just go with it. You can't even decide to go with it or not. Just these things just arise. It's just the arising of everything in totality always. Nothing wrong even when the feeling of wrongness arises. So what? So for all intents and purposes, you look the same. Maybe some things recondition like addiction, less of that. Suffering doesn't seem to happen the way they used to. It's different now. It's like there can be knots that arise, but they self-release cuz what are they going to stick to?

### Segment 11 (50:00 - 55:00) [50:00]

Where's the self they're going to be owned by? Jim Newman said this and I thought it was really good. An interviewer asked him, "Hey, what did you you're saying like you don't get depressed or there isn't sadness or whatever. " And he said, "Yeah, sadness, sure, it arises fully, but depression much harder because to be depressed, there seemingly has to be a sense of self owning. This mood that is persistently depressed, is pushing down on emotion, is anhidonic, is low energy over time, almost as an identity, almost as a doing. And there isn't anything for that to land on. So sadness comes and it goes. Happiness It's almost volatile from the sense of self. But from life it's just lifeing spontaneously freely. That is being yourself. We talked in the beginning of the Disney tropes of like be yourself. This is truly what being yourself means. It means being letting life without the self trying to manipulate, own it, make it something in space and time. When that relaxes, there's just the dance of emotion, the dance of action and decision and intention and valition and all of it. So all the questions drop in that way. And yet there can still be a deep enjoyment for science. I love watching this guy styro pyro on YouTube. He like takes [ __ ] 10,000 gigawatts and [ __ ] blows [ __ ] up. He made a 20,000 watt microwave and put [ __ ] in it and exploded it. Like Zuben, Zuben and Margaret Zubin's apparent wife sat yesterday and watched these for hours watch Styr Pyro blow [ __ ] up on YouTube. 400 car batteries wired together into a [ __ ] lightsaber. It's [ __ ] crazy. It's like why not? It's not like somehow you you have these realizations and you're like none of that matters. I don't No, it's like the dance. It's like whoa, look at that. Whoa. He blew up a [ __ ] light bulb in the microwave and it exploded with the force of [ __ ] 10,000 burning suns. Like, wow. Don't believe any of it is real, but it's amazing. It's like a [ __ ] miraculous dance. Yeah, dude. Dan, you saw his 400 car battery experiment. It's amazing. That guy's amazing. Those of you in healthcare, watch his thing about him getting sick and having like liver abnormalities and high testosterone and different things. It's heartbreaking because you see how broken our medical system is for a young 31-year-old guy trying to navigate this [ __ ] with good insurance and he still was his scans weren't covered. Nothing was, you know, and you can see how anxious he is. That was this is the thing like it's not like you detach from humanity. the story even. It's like you have no choice. Everything is felt fully because it's arising. Full compassion for this kid who's going through this and full love and admiration and awe for the crazy [ __ ] he does and just laughter spontaneously. And then when it gets boring, you switch to the next video. It's just how it is. It's just happening. There's no why. There's no course. There's no progress. There's no growth. There's just that. It's [ __ ] great. That's right, George. Why does it happen? Because it happens. Roll the bones. Little rush quote. Blazing Star says, "Once you get woken to many YouTube videos uh with turn your Brian in 400 batteries blowing up or maybe turn your brain. " I don't know. I think there's some typos there, but I get a vibe of what you're saying. It's kind of like non-duality. You can't really speak it, but I know what you're saying. Um Yeah. Then you become your own nebula. Exactly. Um Yeah. ADHD at its finest. That's what it is, Dan. He's like amazing. He's a mad scientist kid. He's been doing it since he was like a kid making these YouTube videos. Ashley says, "I'd say you feel those things deeply, but because they're allowed, they're felt in pass. Now negative emotions are not going to completely go away, which is fine. " Yeah, the negative emotions, you can't resist them. They're just felt. Like anger. Anger for me is one that I used to really resist. I would smolder on it and then it would just blow up. Now it's like, dude, when I'm angry, it's like and then it's gone. And there isn't like, it's strange. There isn't violence. There isn't like the physical aspect of it. It just comes and goes. I feel like the violence is almost like when there's repression, when there's a self trying to a self energy trying to stop this thing and it finally [ __ ] the body has to move the energy, you know? But when it doesn't, when it moves through the body, it's like it's just anger. It's a natural energy. It's a boundary energy. It's just what it is. Hobon no says, "So they get to base

### Segment 12 (55:00 - 60:00) [55:00]

reality and are looking back and telling you it from a different perspective. " No base reality, no perspective, just this. It's very simple. Don't make it complex. You or make it complex. It doesn't matter. That's just hobon no hobon noing. That's fine. Zuben used to complexify everything. Now it's like I don't know what that means. base reality means. I don't know. I don't get it. It's just this happening to no one. Totally empty of real substance but of total real appearance. So real and unreal simultaneously. and neither real nor unreal because those labels don't apply to this complete unknowability. It's [ __ ] great. Plain ripper says between radical pathless and progressive path isn't it all different ways of pointing to nothing. So these words you're using like the radical path which is like you don't exist you never have there's no nobody and then the pathless path which is like more like a direct pointing and then the progressive path which is okay I'm going to meditate I'm going to follow the breath I'm going to slowly erode through insight like you know vapasa all of those things never happened they're all appearance so we can talk about them all we want but they don't mean anything because there's nobody that it's happening to ultimately that's the radical nature of it the root. So you could say well that's the radical path but it's not even really a it's so root that it's not a teaching it's not a path it's just no none of that and yes everything uh that's what it feels like. So, but all of it's nonsense because all of its story ultimately it's like there's only this and there always was and there's nothing wrong with it. So, yeah. So, I don't know what anything points at. I used to speak in that way. I I it's just not possible anymore. It doesn't make sense. Now I say that now tomorrow something else will happen because I can't know anything because nothing is static. There's nothing to be stable. There's no continuity. There's no you know and that in itself is integrity. Integrity of the whole always holing. Showing up different all the time. That's true integrity cuz how could it be other? Laura Nixon says, "When you say there's nothing parenthesis, no person, do you just mean there is a biological process happening but not really solid? " So, I don't even know what biological process is. That's an apparent story in this dream. We can call it biological process, but really it's just the appearance appearing unknowable. Um, and there the person that you think you are is part of that appearance. It doesn't actually exist. It's not solid. It's not real. Um, and that's the the freedom ultimately is that it is just all appearance. And so then it just dances, you know. My kid's texting me. Hold on. Let me make sure nothing going Word. Hold on. I'm telling them what's for dinner. Okay. Always pay attention to your babies. That's a platitude from story Zuben. Um Oh, the lesson, right? just set up and tell them they have a violin lesson and there's a bunch of noise. They'll figure it out. Why they Why are they texting me? I'll let their mom figure it out. Except she's at work. Some people have to work. All right, back to you guys. Um, duck duck, please excuse my dream for so many questions. No, keep asking the questions. That's just how it is. That's what's arising. Why would you resist it? It's beautiful. And it's a dance that we're doing that no one's doing. And then Hobon no says, "No experience, just an awareness. " So I This is something I have trouble with. So help me hobon no. I can't find awareness. Awareness is a knowingness, right? Something that knows. That's not a That's not apparent here. There's just the appearance. It doesn't need a knower. It just is. Um, so I can't even say there's awareness. Word to your mother. Bo about zero bot zero. Yeah, that's how I talk to my kids. They're like, "You're so old, Dad. You're such a boomer. " Saying word supposed to say chopped. Uh, Pipananda, my emotions ran the gamut today. From joy to great worry to distress, back to joy. Plus, I ate a hot

### Segment 13 (60:00 - 63:00) [1:00:00]

dog. Just another day. Yeah. Hope your cat's doing okay, Pip. Um, or is as okay as that can be in that place. Um, Rigpa, awakening isn't desired when you're having a sweet dream. We only want to wake up after the right amount of disappointment, loss, and suffering. That's what it seems like in the dream, right? Sometimes that like la when was it? Was it last night? I had a kind of nightmare and it woke me up because it became so intolerable for the dream character. The dream character was like, "No, no, no. " And then woke up and I was like, "Oh, wait. There's nothing. " In the dream, Zuben was a real person. That's kind of cool actually. Um, Miss Jihara, that's the thing. Nothing matters, but when it comes to my baby, I just lose my [ __ ] because how you're not doing it. Losing your [ __ ] happens. Mattering happens to it just is what's arising. You don't have to change it in an absolute sense. There's no absolute sense. I mean, none of this is real. Nothing matters. Yeah, that's true. And yet, mattering arises. Taking care of your kids arises. It's not like you're going to leave. And unless you're programmed to do that, then that's going to happen. Nothing can stop that because you're not doing it and never were. And there was never a you doing any of it. Um, yeah, it's pretty simple in the end, honestly. Let's see. Yeah, the rope is really a snake, which is just a rope, Rickpa. Just this boom. All right, gang. Um, Kitty's doing better. Thanks. That was the joy part. Oh, lovely Pip. Love it. Okay, on that great note, I think we'll bounce. Um, let me think here. Not think, but it's funny how the body just says these things. Let me think. And there's no thinking. It's so strange. The whole thing is so ordinary and yet so extraordinary. And nothing is moving these ma these lips. Nothing is determining these words. Nothing is living this life. Oh, so beautiful. Julia, uh, when it's lifeing, observe myself much lighter this morning, learning that my nephew got out of the gulf. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, my pleasure Jerichosha. Thanks for coming. Um, look at the like it. Okay, I'm sorry. What is this? It's just a pure this. the comments. So, you've been responding to the comments, the stillness that nobody doing this. Just this thing itself still sounds dirty to me. It's miraculous, you guys. I really amazing. I really enjoy it. I Why wouldn't you speak that way? Why would you have to talk like a dork? Enjoyment is occurring here. [ __ ] everybody's crazy. All right, I love you. Until next time. Peace out, Napoleon. Eat the food, Tina.