# Suze Orman: He Spends, She Controls — Why This Marriage Is Falling Apart | 1 on 1

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** Suze Orman's Official Channel
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr2cBSLSniU
- **Дата:** 08.05.2026
- **Длительность:** 10:30
- **Просмотры:** 2,725

## Описание

💔 When money becomes a power struggle, relationships suffer.
In this powerful 1-on-1 from The Suze Orman Show, Personal Finance Expert Suze Orman helps a couple trapped in a destructive financial pattern: one partner overspends while the other tries to control everything.
After job loss, constant arguments, and rising financial pressure, Suze uncovers the deeper issue damaging both their finances and their marriage.

If you’ve ever argued about spending, saving, debt, or financial responsibility in a relationship, this episode will feel very familiar.

💰 Topics covered:
• Couples and money fights
• Overspending in marriage
• Financial stress after job loss
• Debt and budgeting problems
• Emergency fund importance
• How money affects relationships

Original Air Date: 05/05/12

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👂🎙️LISTEN to Suze Orman's Women & Money Podcast. New Episodes  every week! https://www.suzeorman.com/podcast

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#suzeorman   #MarriageAndMoney #PersonalFinance #DebtFree #RetirementPlanning #MoneyTips

## Содержание

### [0:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr2cBSLSniU) Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00)

Does your family know the financial situation that you're in? Mine doesn't. Did you see him being irresponsible as you define it with money 5 years ago and you just hoped that he would change after you got married? Yes, and I also thought that if I was just the one in charge of the money and I didn't let him do any of it that I could control what he was spending, but that wasn't the case. Let's talk couples and financial communication. Here's the question. Do you talk with each other or do you talk at each other when it comes to your money? My one-on-one tonight [snorts] is with April and Jeremy. They're coming to us from Salt Lake City, Utah. Now, April is 27, Jeremy is 30 and yep, they've been married for 5 years and have two daughters ages three and one. April is an accountant, Jeremy lost his job 9 months ago and is currently unemployed. They've always, however, argued about money. So, April it's all of us now, April, Jeremy, talk to me, April, about what's happening to you and Jeremy about your finances. Okay, well, um, ever since that we've met, we've pretty much always argued about money. He likes to spend and I like to save and it just kind of amplified when he lost his job and I had hoped that that it would bring us closer together and force us to work as a team, but it really hasn't. So, I'm really worried about the relationship and what's going to happen when unemployment runs out. And how much longer, Jeremy, will you be on unemployment? I honestly don't remember. I think till June. Till June, so not very much longer. We've almost run out, so to speak, here. So, April, I just have to ask this and Jeremy, I promise I'll come to you, so I don't take sides here, just so you know. Is it April, 5 years ago you married Jeremy? And did you see him being irresponsible as you define it with money 5 years ago and you just hoped that he would change after you got married? And Jeremy, when you feel that April controls the money, do you feel like you're her son versus her husband? More often than not, yeah. Yeah, and so, when you feel like you're her son, do you get rebellious and is that when you go out and spend even more money because you want to show to yourself nobody can control you, nobody, you know, I'm not your son, I'm your husband? Not every time, but sometimes it seems like that. Yeah, and so, April, when you hear Jeremy say that, do you feel like you treat him like your son versus your husband? Yes, I think that I do that a lot and I'm just not sure how to change that, especially when sometimes when he's spending money, I feel like I'm forced into that position and I don't know how to approach it. And do you see your responsibility at all that he goes to spend money as a rebellion against you? Do you as it's happening, can you ground yourself in that or do you just get angry at him because he's going out to spend money again? I usually just get mad. And Jeremy, you would say that was part of the problem, right? — Yeah. You know, you guys, I've always said on the Suze Orman Show that fear shame and anger are the three internal obstacles to wealth. It's those emotions that rise up that when we go at each other. So, April, it's when you're angry at Jeremy that he's not doing what you think he should be doing, when Jeremy is ashamed of the fact that there isn't enough money there and so he's embarrassed about it. Oh, and all those emotions start playing do you understand that's what's at play here rather than just this intellectual conversation about what you should and shouldn't be doing? It's become an emotional battle versus an intellectual one. Do you both see that? Yes. — Yeah. With that said, for us to change your financial situation around the two of you are going to have to be able to agree and make really drastic choices here. We don't have enough money coming in after the unemployment check stops for you to continue to behave the way that you have been behaving. You can't continue to go out and eat at restaurants, even if they're fast food places. You can't go ahead and go with your mother shopping and decide that you're going to get an iPad just because she happened and you're going to pay her back $50 a month because you are not going to have the

### [5:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr2cBSLSniU&t=300s) Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00)

$50 a month to pay your mother back for an item that you didn't need to get on any level. Does that make sense, Jeremy? Yeah. So, how do we what can you do to look at April right now and say, April, I want to be the man, financially speaking, that you married. I don't want to continue acting out of anger and shame and fear that others will think something of me. So, April, this is what I need you to do when you talk with me about money. What is it that you could tell her that you need so that you could hear the fact that there we really have serious financial problems here. Try it, Jeremy. Talk to her right now and ask her, cuz she's willing to give it to you, what can she do, how can she say something so that you believe her when she's talking to you about the money you do not have. Talk to her, Jeremy. Just talk to me more like a husband instead of a kid and like sit down and come at me like calmly and rationally and let's sit down and figure it out instead of just coming at me like it's all my fault. Okay. And April, do you believe him when he says that you make him feel like it's all his fault? Yeah, I do. All right, so that is something that you can change. So, Jeremy, you're going to have to vow to April you are not going to spend money you don't have anymore. You're going to have to cut back. I'm just going to give you a few things that I want you to both agree that you're going to cut back on. We're on your cell phone usage, $75 a month. You're paying way too much for cell phone. Believe it or not, you need to cut cable because we are not going to have 70-some-odd dollars a month to watch cable when your unemployment check stops. So, until you get another full-time job, you're going to cut the cable. You are going to stop eating out. You do not have $275 per month to eat out when the unemployment check stops. You're not going to spend $100 a month on entertainment. You're going to stop giving holiday gifts and everything and you, my dear Jeremy, are going to tell your mother that you cannot afford to pay her back that $50 a month for this item that you did not need. You said in your notes to the producer that it's okay, you could pay her back any way you want. So, for now, you're going to stop paying her back. That will be a total of $600 per month that you will, in fact, have cut back on. Now, that will almost allow you to make it when your unemployment check stops. When you finally do get a job, Jeremy, you should continue to stop these things and cut back until you have at least an 8-month emergency fund saved up so that you and your kids will be okay in case you lose a job again. One last thing, April and Jeremy, when you go home tonight, I want you to cut up every single credit card that you have. Okay. — I want you to do a balance transfer of this to a credit card at a credit union. When you get this, I think, my dear April, you should just have it in your name and your name alone. Jeremy needs some help here with reality. It's not a big deal, Jeremy, we all do. So, Jeremy is not going to have a way to charge things because he's not going to have a credit card anymore cuz you're going to cut up the ones that you have and the new credit card will just be in your name. The money that Jeremy will have to be able to spend will be if there is anything extra after the bills have been paid and there's a little treat, okay, but for now, there will not be any extra money. Jeremy, you okay with that? — Yeah. All right, so so, April, he gave you permission to do this now. Remember that this is about who you are to each other, not how much money you have. Jeremy, money will never define who you are. Money will never make you the man that you want to appear to be to others. What makes you important in life is how you treat each other, how you respect love each other. You want to show your children that all that matters in life is who you are, not what you have. Jeremy, I just have to ask you this. Do your does your family know the financial situation that you're in? Mine doesn't. Yours doesn't. You want to know what I would really like the two of you to do? go and visit your family. And Jeremy, I would like — Sorry, that would put us more in debt. All right, but all right, on the phone, I'd like you to do a Skype or something with your family on that little iPad

### [10:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr2cBSLSniU&t=600s) Segment 3 (10:00 - 10:00)

that you got, and I would like you to tell your family the truth about your financial situation. Jeremy, the reason that you're acting the way that you do is because on some level you're living a financial lie. You're living a lie cuz your family thinks something different of you than what's true. As soon as you can stand in your truth and tell them, your entire situation will turn around, including, I am willing to bet, you will find a job sooner than later.

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*Источник: https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/50559*