# Why You Should Keep a List of What Makes You Laugh | Chris Duffy  | TED

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** TED
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKsB92bvQI4
- **Дата:** 31.05.2026
- **Длительность:** 57:07
- **Просмотры:** 13,187
- **Источник:** https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/51912

## Описание

The world is weird and hilarious — if you know where to look, says comedian Chris Duffy. In conversation with "TED Talks Daily" host Elise Hu, Duffy breaks down three practical pillars of humor, showing how laughter can help you feel present, creative and connected, even when the world feels overwhelming.(Recorded atTED Talks Daily Book Club on February 18, 2026)

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## Транскрипт

### Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00) []

Hello and welcome TED members. My name is Elise Hugh. Welcome to our first TED Talks Daily Book Club of 2026. And it is with Chris Duffy. He's a colleague and a great friend of mine. He's also an award-winning comedian, writer for television and film, including for both seasons of Wyatt Saxs Problem Areas on HBO. He um of course is the amazing host of TED's podcast how to be a better human which is part of the TED Audio Collective. He has appeared on Good Morning America, ABC News, NPR, National Geographic Explorer. He teaches comedy. He is a TED speaker himself and the creator and host of the streaming game show Wrong Answers Only, where three comedians try to understand what a leading scientist does all day in partnership with LabEx at the National Academy of Sciences. And maybe most important of all, Chris wants you to know that he is both a former fifth grade teacher and student. So, we have that in common. we were both in fifth grade. He's also a wonderful writer and we're here today to talk with him about his new book that just came out last month. It's called Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy. Chris, welcome to the book club. — Thank you so much for having me. Wow, what an honor. Glad to be here talking with the legend Elise Hugh. — Oh, wow. You are clearly humoring me with that one. Um, let's jump right in. You structure your book around three pillars of humor. Uh for those listening who haven't read it yet, um could you start by talking us through the pillars and start with the first one? — Yeah. So the the three pillars are the first one is being present. So noticing the strange and unusual and absurd things in the world around you. — The second one is laughing at yourself. Um noticing the strange and absurd in yourself as well. And then the third one is uh taking social risks. So like putting yourself out there and not being afraid to be laughed at or to look a little absurd sometimes. So those are the three and the first one is I think kind of the root of everything else which is you can't laugh if you're not noticing the things that are funny. If you're half there, you're not going to laugh. — Okay. You urge us in order to be present to think really small. Why? Well, I think a lot of times, I mean, look, I can't, this is not going to be breaking news to anyone that if you look at the world outside and you go big picture, it's often overwhelming and bad and scary and not funny. But, um, one of the things that I love about humor in all seriousness is that, — um, humor is kind of the opposite of toxic positivity where you're like, there's a bright side to everything. Don't worry, every cloud has a silver lining. Like, sometimes that's just not true at all. And I think what I love about humor is that you can find something to laugh at without denying the overwhelming negativity or violence or frustration or pain, right? You don't have to ignore that. You can laugh in that moment. And I think the easiest way to find the things that are funny is to look at the small details, the things that are just a little off or a little weird or a little unexpected, and then to think like, why is that way? And often that is where you'll find the ability to laugh is the typo or uh the weirdly arranged mannequin. Like small things like that can be funny even when the big things are overwhelming. — Can you share an example or two of things that you have found particularly like absurd or just specifically funny that gets this point across? — Yeah. So, you know, one of the biggest recommendations that I have on my show, how to be a better human, I'm always trying to figure out like how do you take a big idea and make it so that a regular person can actually use it. And now I'm interestingly on the other side of that of being like, how do I convey these ideas in a way that people can use? Um, and I know that people who listen to TED talks daily are really big into that. So, the one that I'll say is the biggest takeaway for me that I think is the easiest to apply and has the biggest effect is to keep a list of the things that make you laugh. So when you notice something that just genuinely makes you laugh or smile or you think is funny, um to not like assume that you'll remember that because often those things disappear and we remember the negative stuff so much easier. So if you keep a list, whether it's a physical list or you print out the story that made you laugh or you print out a copy of the meme or you save a copy on a digital thing, having a list of them can be really funny. Um later on when you're struggling, you'll have the things that naturally made it. So, for me, I have this list and I'm going to tell you a few things that are on my list recently. — Okay. So, so two things that have made me laugh recently that were really small is I have a toddler. I have a 2-year-old — and I was at the playground and — you know, I try my best to let him have a little bit of independence. Like, I'm

### Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00) [5:00]

still supervising, but a lot of the other parents are really close monitoring their little kids. And so, um, at the playground, I saw a little kid was going up and going down the slide, and this dad like ran up there to supervise, which, you know, no judgment on that. But the thing that really made me laugh is this very serious, like stonefaced dad then had to get down from the top of the play structure. And the way he got down was to ride down the slide, but like not having any fun at all. So, just like a very serious man going, — right? And we're down. And that to me was such a funny silly little moment that I I could have easily not noticed. Um or what's uh I tried to log into my um my healthcare provers portal to get like a test result from my uh my checkup. — Okay. — And it said uh not available right now. Please log in after some time. Like it didn't say an actual time. And that also made me laugh because it was so unbelievably unhelpful and frustrating. But the absurdity of log in after some time made me laugh. So those are two really small ones. — What do you feel like it does for you to just list these out or take note of them um as you have not only been working on the book but just in your life? — Yeah. I mean putting the book completely aside just in my life the thing that I think is helpful about this is I'll give you a parallel example is I am not a birder. I don't know a lot about birds. Okay? But I watched a documentary about birding that was really fun. Um that was called Listers. Highly recommend it. Um but I watched this documentary and then when I walked outside after watching this documentary, all of a sudden I was hearing bird song everywhere. Like I was seeing birds. I was hearing bird song. And it wasn't that all of a sudden I'd walked out into some sort of once in a century migration. It was that paying attention — to the idea of birding had alerted me to these things that existed in the world all around me that I had previously just kind of been completely numb to or were blurry and in the background. Yeah. — And I think that when you pay attention to anything, you start to see more of that. You build the muscle of seeing it, but also it just rises to your um awareness. And so one thing that I love about paying attention to the funny things and the delightful things and the absurd things is you discover that the world is actually filled with them. They are everywhere. and it's just that you hadn't previously paid attention to that. — Today, when you are going through times where maybe you're struggling to be present and pay attention, what are some things you do to bring yourself back into that place of noticing and finding things humorous? — Yeah. And I'm not going to lie, this is really hard. I think this is the hardest part. And I think there's also, you know, this is the deep irony to in writing a book that's all about like how you can laugh more and be present and happy and creative and connected and then being like, I'm overwhelmed and I'm on my phone and I'm so tired because the kids aren't — and I'm trying to be more present. — Yeah. And then people are like, "Aren't you the like laughing present guy? " And I'm like, "Not right now. I'm not. " Um, so I think I just will acknowledge that it's not always easy. Um, but I think that the thing like the thing that almost everyone has had this experience is laughing really hard with a friend or a family member where you're laughing so hard that you're crying and like your sides are are hurting because you're laughing so hard. And what I love about that experience is it's so fun, but it's also like we are 100% locked in with that other person. We are so present with them. You're not half there. You're not like half on your phone checking emails and half listening. You are 100% there. And so one of the biggest ways that you can like get into this present connection is to actually be laughing really hard. And so to really embrace that and to spend time with people who make you laugh and to embrace laughing with other people. That's like the most joyful way is to actually just do the laughing. Um the other way is I think to just be again this is like this first present is this first pillar is so much about being present and aware of what you're doing and where you are and not trying to like teleport somewhere else through your phone or through your worries about what will come next or all these other pieces. I mean, this is a lot of like what people get through meditation, but for me, meditation has always been um a little bit uh challenging, like homework and broccoli. And I think doing it through laughter and humor makes it so that it's fun. And I um — It's your form of meditation. — Totally. I mean, I listen, a lot of people have told me that it is uh both fun and very frustrating to try and move from point A to point B with me because I'm constantly like, "Do you see this sign in the window? Hey, isn't that a weird hat on that mannequin? Oh my gosh, look at this kid's shoes. Like, I'm constantly paying attention to those things and uh it makes it so that I move slowly between places, but as a result, I I'm seeing a lot of things that are delightful. — I'm glad you brought up just like cracking up until we cry with our friends because I was just in a moment like this yesterday at dinner with um some friends of ours and they were making fun of me, which is usually why we end up laughing so hard. It's because there are very specific jokes about me that are hilarious and then I'm laughing

### Segment 3 (10:00 - 15:00) [10:00]

and they're laughing which leads us to the second pillar which is about laughing at yourself. Yeah. — Right. — Why is this such a pillar of humor? — Well, you know, the biggest reason why I wanted to write this book is because I think people have a really misguided idea of what it means to be funny in the first place or what it means to have a sense of humor. I think people think that it is about like getting the attention. So, it's like I stand in a room and I'm surrounded by a circle of people and I'm telling a story and everyone's laughing and I'm so cool. And not to say that that's not great. But to me, that's not the form of humor that I really want to encourage. The what I want to encourage is the idea that we can have a life where we are constantly delighted and finding things that are um funny and we're laughing with other people. And it doesn't have to be you that's creating the laughter. It can be the people around you. Um, what kind of the like seed of this book came because there was a uh a sociological study that looked at dating apps. And I read this and I was like, "Oh, okay. I gotta look more into this. " Because it found that basically across the board, people um were really interested in finding a partner who had a great sense of humor. But when they drilled down into what that meant, Yeah. — they asked heterosexual men and heterosexual women, "What what does that mean to you? " And heterosexual women said, "A partner with a great sense of humor means someone who I can laugh with. " And heterosexual men said, uh, "A partner with a great sense of humor means someone who laughs at my jokes. " — Oh. — And I think that is like, you listen, uh, to my heterosexual brothers out there, that is, I think, a completely misguided understanding of what it actually means to have a sense of humor. It doesn't have to be you. It's, how can we have more laughter altogether in the world? And um and so I think one of the easiest ways to do that is to have a sense of humor about yourself to not make it so that it is uh how can I be the coolest looking person but instead how can we laugh and um see the ridiculousness in ourselves as well and you are so good at this at least I mean I know this as a friend. — I laugh constantly partially because they're laughing at me. — Yes. And you know, I actually think to like tie this into a deeper more like philosophical thing, I think that we so often get wrong the idea that we think people want us to be perfect. We think that like the way to impress other people or to make them like us or to connect with other people is to be perfect and impressive and flawless. And in fact, we don't like people like that, right? Like if you meet someone and they're like, "I started 10 billion dollar companies and I have a six-pack and both my kids are going to Harvard. " You're like, "You're so intimidating. " Or like, "I hate you. " Those are really — two Yorkie, right? It feels like an avatar of a human being. — You don't want to talk to that person. You're at best you're intimidated and at worst you're like, I just hate this person. I don't want to talk to. But if you meet someone who's a little bit of a mess and acknowledges that they haven't got things all figured out, that's a person you want to talk more to, you can connect to, you can relate to. And um and so I think laughing at yourself is an easy way to actually make people feel like you are uh approachable and connectable and um relatable. — On the flip side of this, I want to take this to the realm of teasing, which then can also go into um the zone of bullying. Because when I think at laughing at folks, including myself, it also sometimes can be hurtful, right? Some of the times that we're teasing one another, it depending on how sensitive we are or what the jokes are about, people might say, "Oh, I was just joking or just teasing you or ribbing. " Um, what are where is the line between good and bad laughing at yourself? Yeah, it's I think it's a really good point and I think it's an important one too that laughing is not some thing that is inherently always positive. Right. Um if you imagine a bully like just the quintessential bully in your head, one thing that you might be picturing as an image is uh a group of people all pointing and laughing at someone. Right. So the laughter is involved there too. And that's certainly the wrong kind of humor, laughter. That's not what I'm encouraging at all. I will say that finding where the line is and this is probably frustrating but I don't think that there's some uh one universal line and I think it is subjective and it's context dependent but I think a way to think about it is to think like if you're making a joke about yourself let's start there and it's something that you are um not self-conscious about but you are aware is a foilable right like for me I am not um insecure about the idea that I am uh bad at sports. I know that I am bad at sports. That's fine. So when I joke about like, oh man, if you see me on the football field, something has gone horribly wrong. Like that isn't me bullying myself because it's not a real insecurity. Whereas sometimes, you know, like, oh, I can make a joke about something that I actually do have insecurities about. Oh, I I'm actually not that helpful of a um

### Segment 4 (15:00 - 20:00) [15:00]

of a parent or I'm like not doing a good job as a partner, right? Like if I'm making those kinds of jokes, then maybe it's like, huh, — am I using the laugh to try and get ahead of other people pointing out something about me? Like, am I trying to say it first so that they can't say it first? Yeah. — And that I think is not a way to talk about yourself. — And then for other people, I think you want to heir on the side of like laughing in a kind way, right? Rather than laughing in a harsh way. So, let them take the lead is one thing. Um, like if they're laughing about if you see me and I'm laughing about my sports ineptitude, that's probably an okay thing. Um, but I think the other thing is whenever people say like, "How do I make sure I don't say something mean or cruel when I'm laughing? " I say if you want more humor in your life, but you're worried about that, — maybe experiment with you not being the one making the joke. Like maybe experiment with you laughing more and like when someone else makes a joke, you're laughing with them because that is really supportive. People love when they make a joke and someone laughs with them — rather than you making a joke at them. And I think the more you know people, you know where their fault lines are and where the insecurities and um — kind of dangerous sensitive areas are and then you can avoid those. But you can't do it like there's not a black and white line. I think that's a great point about affirming others by laughing at their jokes, you know, like I'm a good audience. I pride myself on being a good audience and supportive like whether I'm actually in an audience or just at lunch with you for example. — You are you're such a I mean and this is one of the joys of hanging out with you. And I'm really not just saying this because we're like, you know, because you're here. I would say — membership conversation. Yeah, this is not just a membership, but like you are so fun to talk to because when you when we have a conversation, you can tell that you're having a good time and we're laughing and I'm laughing and it's just um it makes it so joyful. And so, you know, I got a tip once that was like a per this is kind of a side thing, but like — uh I was trying to I've work in TV writing and someone I was trying to like figure out how do you pitch a TV show? What do you do when you're in these meetings? And someone said as a professional tip that I think actually applies to literally everything, not just like the professional world of TV writing is they said one small thing is like when you're not talking — when you're listening and you're in these meetings and you're really nervous, try smiling. Just like have smiling be your default so that like it reminds people that you're having fun and you're enjoying being there. And I think that the more that we can make our default and you know I shouldn't I'm not saying you should go to like a tragic funeral and be like hello but if you can in a conversation with someone be like I'm going to smile and laugh and make sure you know that I like being here and I like talking with you that goes well 99% of the time. — Yeah. — I can hear how all of these tips that you've talked about are actionable for how to teach our kids about humor. Um, is there anything else like as you've been on book tour and parents have asked you um about the line between funny and harmful, for example, are there any other um I guess is there other advice that you can offer about how to teach our kids about humor in a way that doesn't include harming others or being cruel to others? — Yeah, I mean I think at the core of this question, right, is like how do you teach someone to be uh empathetic? kind and caring? And um those are hard things. I think they're really important things. Um I think that realizing right and obviously I I'm a big fan of laughter. humor. But realizing that like just because it gets a laugh doesn't mean that it is kind or caring or right. That's an important thing because this is actually something that I have really struggled with and had to learn in my life is realizing like just because people are laughing doesn't mean that um that's good. like you could be hurting their feelings or you could be monopolizing so much of the conversation and if they're laughing that's not an endorsement. So, — um I can think of two times where like you know I two times that really stand out. One is when I was first dating my wife, we went to dinner with her um her friends and um one of her friends parents and I kind of imagined my like role was to entertain. And so I told all my best stories and I had people laughing and we left the dinner and I thought like I crushed people were laughing so much. I made everyone have a great time and Molly, my wife, was like that was horrible. You didn't let anyone else talk the whole time. And I was so surprised because I was like but everyone was laughing. They had a great time. Like isn't that what we wanted? And I think that was really helpful, valuable feedback to me to realize that — you actually need to give other people space and not just think it's like the Chris show all the time. Um, and so that's why again I think like there's a there can be a real generosity to the right kind of humor that is about uh not

### Segment 5 (20:00 - 25:00) [20:00]

you being on stage but instead appreciating other people and paying close attention to them and to what they're saying and to what um they find funny. — I love that. And then I think the other thing is um for kids especially I think that idea that we have to be perfect and that that's what other people want from us. I think that gets taught really young. And so I think if you want kids to um understand how to care for others, one really great way is to teach them to care for themselves by embracing the things that are maybe their I'm going to say like quote unquote flaws. Um, but to show them that like that actually is what people will connect with you on, the things that are um, weird and strange and different about you are gifts. And in comedy, we really think about that as a gift. Like there's no more boring comedy scene than two happy people sit and eat a normal meal where nothing weird happens, right? Like it only starts getting fun and interesting when something goes wrong or when someone says something weird or unexpected. And so I think that the more that I'm trying with my own kids to imbue them with the idea that a mistake is a gift and uh there's no such thing as a something that's like weird and wrong if you uh are willing to share it and connect with other people on it. All right, let's move to the third pillar. What is it? And take us through. — Yeah. So the third pillar is putting yourself out there. It's taking social risks. It's um it's being willing to be laughed at a little bit. And you know, I think the two being present and uh laughing at yourself, they lead to this one, which is to say like, okay, now you've seen the funny things. You've started to get a sense of what makes you laugh. You started to have more of a sense of humor about yourself. So, what do you do with that? And what I would say is um share that with other people. And um a few really small if this makes you nervous. A lot of people have asked me like, I'm an introvert or I'm shy. um how do I do that? And what I'll say is I think you can do this in really low stakes ways. So um one of the most low stakes ways which you can do all alone is to take a social risk can be to do something that is out of your routine, right? So maybe it's like you always spend the same u you always spend your weekends going to the same places and they're fun and they're wonderful but they're not — exciting and different and funny and so maybe one day you see a sign for like a festival that is something completely different than you would normally do. Like I moved to LA. — Yeah. — And I love LA and one of the things that is fun about LA is there are all sorts of weird you know like kind of far out new age spirituality things. And so I thought like, you know what? Like I see this sign that says like a past lives regression festival and I got to I would never go to that, but I bet you that it will be um funny and make me laugh and be exciting and different. And so I went and it was bizarre and I certainly didn't um end up like connecting with my 12thdimensional self, which was what one of the workshops promised. — No. But it was so I spent such a really like memorable Sunday walking around this fair and um touching all the crystals and hearing about all of uh like how our alien selves affect our present human selves. I didn't like none of that became real to me but it was something I wouldn't have done and it was really like inspired a lot of laughter and joy and memories for me. And so not everyone's going to be able to travel to like the past lives regression festival, but um you could go in the weird shop that you've always wondered about. You could um see a sign for a yard sale or an estate sale and go and try and find like what is the strangest most bizarre thing to you there. And again, you don't even have to to like make that public. You don't have to tell anyone about it, but like taking yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone can often lead to you finding things that are really funny and memorable. And then the other one that's very small is one of the ways that we take the least social risk is in conversations with people we don't know that well. We tend to just say like, "So, how are you? " Um, what do you do? — It's not raining. — Yeah. Oh, weather's been crazy. So nice. It's not raining anymore. Or, "Wow, it's been raining a lot. " And there's nothing wrong with that, but you don't um there's no risk involved. And as a result, it's very unlikely that you and the other person will like laugh or connect. So, I think you can take like a lowrisk thing and to ask them a question that's just a little unusual but that you actually are interested in or um is a little funny. So, I'll give you an example was like I just had the best soup of my entire life and it actually made me wonder what's the worst soup you've ever eaten. Now, the person might be like this is weird. Why are you asking me about terrible soups? But you'll probably have a conversation that is a little bit more memorable and funny and has the potential for laughter than other things. doesn't have to be that exact thing, but just something that is true to you and then opens the door to some other possibilities. — I like that. This kind of connects to one of our member questions. So, are you ready to take a question from a member? — I would love that. — Okay. Cheryl R wrote in to say, "Seeing

### Segment 6 (25:00 - 30:00) [25:00]

the humorous side of life has always been challenging. I've often heard lighten up. So, I enjoy laughing and especially improv comedy, but how can the lighter side of life come more naturally to me? — And Rebecca G, I'm just going to sandwich these or put them together. Uh, Rebecca G asks, "Can you train yourself to be funny? " So, this is sort of related. I enjoy being around witty people. I'd like to be more of one. How do you respond to Rebecca and Cheryl? Yeah, I think these are great questions and I think that my short answer is like yes, you can learn to do it. I really believe that humor is a muscle. I think that it is uh a practice and I think that the more that you pay attention, the easier it gets to see things that are delightful. But the other thing I'll say is I want you to be easy on yourself and not uh beat yourself up about this because I think that uh you know there's an irony of being like I'm trying so hard to have fun. It's not fun and I'm going to punish myself for not having fun. So, um I think one of the things that I would do is if you do enjoy witty remarks, you do enjoy like laughing at funny videos and funny um TV shows and movies and plays, uh to just again like start by noticing what makes you laugh, keep a list. Um what's the funniest moment in that play? What's the line from the video that always makes you laugh? keep that list and kind of have that as a physical thing that you can refer back to because then you're building up your own arsenal of what makes you laugh. And the second part is to practice that attention piece of here is something a little odd. Huh, that strikes me as funny. unusual. That strikes me as something I want to know a little bit more about. And the more that you are working that muscle and then also building this bank of things that have made you laugh from the outside, I think you'll just find that it bleeds into the other parts of your life. — And the last thing I'll say is it's got to be like the social part of humor. It depends on the right people that I have worked professionally in comedy for more than a decade. I laugh a lot in my life, but there's plenty of people where they and I do not click on the laughter level and I just I can't laugh with them. So, uh it may be that you also need to find the people who are um aligned with you. — Okay, good advice. All right, we are here, we're both authors and professional podcasters, but we're also here today as a comedian, you and a journalist, me. And in your book, you quote former correspondent for the Daily Show, Roywood Jr., who told you that comedy is journalism. What do you think he meant by that? And why is that important to you? — Yeah, well, Roy Jr. think is a first of all I just think it's brilliant. I think he's one of the single greatest uh stand-up comedians working today. Um and you know Royy's father Roy Wood senior was uh a pioneering civil rights journalist. He covered the Suedo riots in South Africa. He um was covering a lot of issues in the civil rights uh movement that were before they be covered by other news outlets. So, um, he Roy grew up with this like real importance of journalism and the way that it can make a difference. And I think what Roy means to put words in his mouth, um, which he would do much more articulately, is that we laugh because we're shown something, right? Like a joke makes you pay attention to something in a new way. Often when we laugh, we say like, "That's so true," or, "I never thought of it that way. " Okay. — And so his point is like if he's pointing out something about the way that they sell bread at the supermarket, that might not be like an investigative report on the front page of the New York Times, but in some way he is looking deeper into it and trying to find out what is the truth. What is the thing about that that's going to make people laugh and connect? — You're observing with a sense of curiosity. And that's absolutely essentially what journalism is, right? It's relentlessly observing and being curious about things — and also I know you know in the TED world there's so many people who are um scientists and entrepreneurs and there's a long history of incredible um discoveries and innovations happening after a person goes huh that's funny and tries to figure out why right like we have this idea that a great discovery happens after someone goes Eureka but in fact it's so much more common that they go huh that's funny why did that happen so — and that's the seed of all great reporting too I always say like great reporting starts with great questions questions, you know, or just one great question. And — and also like well in a great interview like in when you're reporting or when you're talking to someone, you shouldn't necessarily know what they're going to say next. You should be open to being surprised. And that element of surprise is so often what makes us laugh. Oh, I didn't think you were going to say that. — Yeah. All right. In the book, you share the story of the Museum of Bad Art, which is a real place that's based in Boston. Their tagline is art too bad

### Segment 7 (30:00 - 35:00) [30:00]

to be ignored. And this made me think about perspective because as we've talked about, what's good or bad or funny or serious does often seem really specific to the context or the people that you're with or the moment in place. The TED community is a really global one and many of our TED Talks Daily listeners listen from all over the world. So, in this conversation around finding humor and learning to laugh more, I want to ask a question from TED member Katie BR who wrote in, "How do you find humor that translates across culture and languages? Are there any golden rules or universal truths that exist in the journey towards humor? " — H, that's a great question. I love that question. Um, I am of the opinion that the best jokes, the most um the most fun ways to laugh with other f with your friends and your with your family are actually not universal. That they're specific and that they build the relationship between you and the other person. Um, so I would say like to me the most satisfying humor is when it's you and a person who you've known for a long time or you feel really connected to and only the two of you can understand that or only the group of people. like that to me is so fun because then you're just it has built this kind of community and language with between the two of you. That being said, there's a lot of really interesting um science about what makes people laugh and the evolution of humor and uh the ways in which humor actually can exist not just in humans but in other animals. So, some of the most universal things are um — we laugh there's a University of Colorado Boulder has a lab called the humor research lab and they their acronym is H u capital R l hurl which is their version of like the dad joke for their name. Yes. — But a theory came out of there called the benign violation theory. So that is that we laugh when something is a violation. It breaks the rules. It does something it's not supposed to, but it's not harmful or scary or painful. So it's a benign violation. And the classic example of a benign violation is a tickle. A tickle is an attack that isn't actually a painful attack. And so a tickle or an I'm gonna get you is one of the oldest and most universal forms of humor, right? Like uh animals laugh at the I'm going to get you um or their version of a laugh. Um you can do this with a baby. This is across cultures. So uh but you know uh it doesn't it's only a benign violation if you know the person who's tickling you. A stranger running up and tickling you is very much not a — fault. — Yeah. And you don't you're not gonna laugh at that. — No. — Um that's one version. And then — look, I'm not a mature person. I know that Ted is like ideas worth spreading. Ted is ideas change everything. Ted is smart people. I gotta say I'm not mature and I'm not one of you distinguished people of wisdom. So I will just say I also think that like a fart that's always funny. I gotta say fart or poop that's universal to me. So, you know, my 2-year-old has just kind of like achieved like language and some of the things that he started saying he's the other day he pointed at his diaper and said big fart. And I was like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Anyways, so I also think that's one version. — But then, you know, one well, I'll give you one other serious one just because that's prompting it is I think you can often make people laugh when we're talking about like cross-cultural or cross language. — Saying the true and honest genuine thing often makes people laugh. So there's a lot of comedy to be had in how things don't translate in how much it doesn't — go universal. Right. Like that is often very funny too to say — this would be funny to my friends but it's not going to make any sense to you. — Right. Okay. Last question before we start to wrap up. — Your journey to this book has been a long one but also really beautiful to get to witness as your friend. Thank you. — Um you've transitioned careers. you've become a successful comedian and writer. You gave a TED talk about how to find laughter anywhere. So listeners, have you if you haven't seen Chris's TED talk, be sure to find that. Um, and that helped lead to this book. If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, the young fifth grader Chris Duffy, or did you go by Christopher back then? Chris, — you know, I've always been Chris, but people have every, you know, serious when I was in trouble, it's always Christopher. — Okay, got it. Yeah. So, you're giving advice to the fifth grade, the 11-year-old Chris Stuffy. — What would that advice be? — Man, I this is a hard question. I think like in so many ways, I would not give my younger self advice because first of all, I'd be like, who is this tired looking bearded man? Why is he here? But also but also because — he's 104 years old. — Yeah. Like that man has surely that man is 80 years old. Well, you're coming to me from 2090. And I'd be like, "No, it's only 2026. What are you talking about, little Chris? That's so hurtful. " Um, he'd be like, "I'm so sorry. " And you contracted the plague. And I like, "No

### Segment 8 (35:00 - 40:00) [35:00]

this is how I look when I'm healthy. " Um, I honestly think though that like one of the big messages that I want people to take away from my book and also that I learned in researching it is that all of the mistakes and the things that supposedly went wrong or the things that are imperfect or bad, those are the ripest things to have you laugh at. um to create humor and have potentials for laughter in your life. And you know that sometimes comedians talk about this formula of like comedy equals tragedy plus time, which is the idea that like anything bad is possible for you to see humor in if you have enough distance from it. So I think that I would kind of not I wouldn't want to correct any of the mistakes that I've made. But maybe I'd be like, you should invest heavily in Apple as soon as you have money, right? That will let you own a home and it will like give you a lot more career flexibility. So maybe I would just be like I would just give my 11-year-old self a list of stocks and be like, "If you can please invest in these stocks, that will help me out a lot. I promise I'm going to look a lot younger if I can afford good skinare. " — All right, we're transitioning to another section of this program because we reached out to Chris as we were planning this to ask if there was any sort of activity that he'd be interested in doing with all of you. And he said, "What if folks write in with something going on in their lives or an area of their life like dating, aging, grief, where they find it particularly challenging to find the humor, but they'd be open and curious to finding laughs in and I'll try to offer some suggestions. " We received so many submissions from our members. And just to start, Chris, um, many people submitted that they or a loved one are dealing with chronic or terminal illness. Um, each of these questions asked about if and how they might be able to find humor in truly horrible and scary situations and if there was a way of finding their way back to humor at all um after losing their sense of humor. And you share a really beautiful moment of vulnerability in your own book um when you write about the challenging time that you and your wife went through um during which she got seriously ill and no one could figure out what was wrong. And over time, as you described it, u humor really became an important tool for both of you to get through that. So, let's start there with your own story. Can you share briefly what happened — and um — maybe a bit about how you found your way back to humor during that time? — Yeah. So, um, without, you know, going too deep into the weeds because it it's, uh, it would just take too much time, I I'll say that, um, several years ago, uh, my wife started having some injuries and some chronic pain that was really hard to go away. And, um, she went from kind of being fully independent and capable to being really, uh, unable to take care of herself or or even like walk uh, more than like a block or two without the really debilitating pain. And um so I was her primary caretaker and it was a really tough time. It was a tough time physically but also mentally and emotionally because she was feeling really hopeless and the fact that there wasn't like a clear medical answer. — Yeah. it just like it was getting worse and worse and it was a very dark time and it was really scary um as she was starting to struggle with like suicidal ideiation and um we were just really in a dark moment and it was certainly the darkest and um scariest moment of my life and of our life too and um you know it's important to me to say it's not like I was like but at the end of the day it's still funny like it wasn't funny at all. It was really um dark, but there were these moments where I or we could find something to laugh at. And what I found was that anytime that happened, it was like this giant um bursting of a balloon of tension where all of a sudden we could breathe again. And so, you know, one of those moments that really stands out in my mind is Molly was like trying to figure out like what could possib how could she possibly like reset things? How could she have a change everything in her life? and she had this idea of like maybe I'll go to a silent retreat center. I found out she had researched it and found out that there was a silent retreat center where if you cleaned the dishes in the bathrooms they would let you live there for free and so you could stay there as long as you needed to heal. And I said like I hear you and I just don't think like I'm taking care of you so much and I don't think you moving to a remote retreat center where you won't be able to be in phone or internet contact I don't think that's a really safe decision right now. like I wouldn't be able to know if you needed help. And she said, "Oh, well, you would come with me. " — And I am like the biggest yapper of all time. Like I love to yap. You've heard I can't answer anything in like less than five minutes of talking. And the idea even she in that moment, the idea of me spending an extended period of time at an at a completely silent retreat center. Both of us were just

### Segment 9 (40:00 - 45:00) [40:00]

like, "Yeah, you're not going to make it, Chris. You would not survive that. " I would be like desperately trying to signal with my eyes like look at that funny thing over there. — Right. — So that was like a moment where we laughed. And the thing that I want to point out is it's not like laughing in that moment fixed the pain or fixed the depression or fixed the underlying issue. It didn't. But it released the tension and it was this moment of uh lightness amidst all the heaviness. And that I think is a really important thing to not underestimate that especially when you're dealing with something like um like suicidal ideiation and like depression being able to get through the day that's not like oh kind of nice like that's the whole thing getting through the hour getting through the day. And so if you can find even one of these moments every once in a while um that can be a huge huge um benefit. And you know for us because that was so transformative one thing we started trying to do is to find like is there a way that we can end every day with just one small laugh and the things that we found were often there was nothing funny from our lives that day but like maybe it was like watching uh a YouTube video of outtakes from the office or there's a community on Reddit called contagious laughter that's just people laughing so hard and so genuinely that it is contagious to hear them laugh. And it was really amazing to find that not every day, not on the absolute worst days, but on a lot of really bad days, we could watch a clip or hear some of that contagious laughter and we would laugh ourselves and it would change the tenor of that hour. evening in a really positive way. — Yeah. Thank you for sharing your story first of all. Chris, why don't you take it away and read us our first submission for your Comedy RX. — Great. Um, and I love I love that people submitted these ones. And um, this is kind of inspired by one of my other favorite um, TED people, the poet Sarah Kay did a poetry RX thing where people wrote in and she gave them a prescription for a poem. So this is my like how can you find some humor prescription, — right? Um, — okay. So the first one is from uh is about job loss and it's from Iman. Hi Chris, I am currently unemployed and it's been a challenging and humbling season filled with uncertainty, stress, and a few awkward so what are you up to these days moments. I'd love your guidance on how to find humor in this in between phase. How to laugh without minimizing the pressure and how to use humor to stay resilient while figuring out what's next. So, first of all, I will just say like that is really hard. And I think being able to find humor in a moment where you are feeling u less than your best self is maybe sometimes the best way to do it is to acknowledge what you're feeling, right? Like, so what are you up to these days? Oo, that's a tough question. That's a hard question to answer. Is often like your genuine reaction to the thing can be a way to find laughter in it. Also some other places like we all know the um how uh incredibly bizarre and soul sucking going on LinkedIn can be. There's so much humor there. I mean I have a extended relationship with LinkedIn where that led to me being permanently banned. Um but you can uh you can find humor in some of those moments of the absurdity which is again like it's I think the way to find resilience is to acknowledge that it is hard. is not to pretend like, hey, this is fun and applying for jobs and getting rejected. That's fun because I'm laughing about it. It's like, oh, this is so bad and it's so brutal. That in itself is funny. I think like one of the things that always happens to me when I'm in those moments is uh I'm like desperate to clean the house. I'm like scrubbing the toilet and I'm like, "Thank God I can scrub the toilet so it means I don't have to update my resume. " I think there's humor in that. So, I would acknowledge your genuine feelings and uh and I think that can be a way to connect with people — and also know like that's a very relatable and universal thing. So, I think anyone else who's in that position or has been in that position is probably going to laugh and be able to commiserate with you. — Yeah. It could be a connection point. — Yeah. And you know, with this idea of connection point, I want to point out that uh something that has come up a lot in talking about the book is like people who have really hard stressful work or stressful things in their personal life, they often have great sense of humor. And that's not coincidental. But an important part is that if you are like an emergency room doctor, um you can really connect and laugh and have these kind of like dark jokes with other emergency room doctors. But if I try and make that same joke with you, it is not going to be funny. And that's because the laughter lets you know like we're not the only ones who feel like this. The other person also feels like that, right? So I would not try and like laugh about being unemployed and having a brutal soul sucking um job search. I wouldn't try and laugh about that with your like gainfully employed friend, right? like they're probably just not going to be able to make you laugh about it. Whereas the other friend who is similarly in it and is also trying to find uh something to laugh about, that might be a person who is more able to find humor with you. — Really good point. And I was just going to say the funniest person in my life I think is an emergency room doctor. So

### Segment 10 (45:00 - 50:00) [45:00]

there is some correlation there between what they must see and go through and then be able to cope with humor. uh social workers, people uh teachers, uh soldiers, people in really like tough um high stress environments are often the funniest people because you need to laugh to release that tension to do the thing. — Yeah. — Do you want to read our next one? — Yeah. So, Steve um who is uh related to that. Um Steve says, "I and many of my colleagues have been laid off or took early retirement from meaningful government jobs in STEM areas. How do I stay upbeat after losing my life's work and purpose? How do I live with fun and humor during these times where the scientific process and education are under assault and have decreasing funding? That's hard. I would say, Steve, my first thing is like I think there's something that is very funny and also endearing about the idea that like we should stay upbeat after losing my life's work and purpose, right? Like maybe not upbeat. That's really bad. It's a disaster. It's uh finally we've solved the huge problem of the government funding cancer research. Oh gosh. You know, like that is not um the fact that you are feeling negative about that is totally reasonable. And I think uh you don't have to deny that to find the humor. Um again, I think finding other people who are going through it with you and laughing about the absurdity of it together, that can be a really fun way. And then the other thing is I would say like we don't always have to laugh directly about the stuff like if you are feeling despair about the way that the government uh whatever your government is I mean certainly in the United States but in any if you have despair about the way that your government is approaching scientific funding or policy it's not necessarily the case that you have to laugh about that specific thing. You can find laughter in other things. Like the funniest video I've ever seen is of a Australian man uh who's a reporter on television holding a large chicken and then the chicken flaps its wings and he screams and runs away. Like that video is not has nothing to do with scientific funding, but that might be a thing that makes me laugh and lets me have the humor in my life even though the thing is bad. So I would encourage you to not think you have to laugh just at the hard thing, but you can also laugh at the silly ridiculous things and that can be a way to get humor in too. Okay. All right. What other submission have you chosen? — Okay. So, this is one that's interesting because it's about AI. Um, which um Sofal has written in and says, "I'm writing to you from the front lines of a very specific highstakes battleground: the intersection of higher education and the existential dread of generative AI. " Now, — my first question as soon as I read this was anytime someone has a like a an intro line like that, I'm like, did you write this with AI? But we'll find out. As a professor at a school focused on global leadership, I recently spent an afternoon staring at a pile of 19 student essays. My challenge isn't just the grading, it's the Bladeunner level of paranoia that comes with it. I find myself analyzing a student's use of a semicolon like a forensic investigator, wondering, did a human heart beat while this sentence was written, or was it in a server farm in Oregon? I'm trying to teach principled innovation, but I feel like I'm actually teaching how to outsmart the robot that is currently summarizing this email. My life has become a series of prove you are human capture tests, but instead of clicking on traffic lights, I'm trying to convince 20somes that their own original thoughts are more valuable than a perfectly manicured paragraph from a machine. How do I find the humor in this man versus machine loop? How do I laugh at the fact that I'm using AI to help me grade essays that were likely written by AI? Essentially, letting two programs talk to each other while I sit here in Phoenix wondering if I've become the middleman in a digital conversation. I'd love your guidance on how to see the comedy in this academic hall of mirrors. I would say that you have already found the comedy in this academic hall of mirrors. — I mean, just that email was really funny. — It is genuinely hilarious. And okay, here is my big thing as far as like what do you say to the students to find the comedy in it. I think that what you have written here I'm getting so excited that I'm like rocking the Okay. I think that what you have written here is a really clear authentic um genuine feeling and so often that is the thing that makes other people laugh is just saying how you actually feel like what you genuinely are thinking. So I would encourage you to say to your students exactly what you said like it is possible for you to generate your answers with AI and me to grade them with AI and then the two computers have done all the work and neither you nor I have any meaning or purpose in our lives. Like I think saying that will get them to laugh and acknowledge the absurdity of the situation. And I think you already are framing it in such a funny way and such a humorous way that giving them the opportunity to like address the elephant in the room. That is what I would prescribe for you here. I would say give this to the people who are involved. Say it out loud, hand this to them, read it in class, and then see where the conversation goes. I bet you it'll be both really funny and also allow for those genuine human

### Segment 11 (50:00 - 55:00) [50:00]

connections that wouldn't have necessarily happened otherwise. — I like that. Okay. All right. We have time for I think about two more. So, — let's do a romance one. — Okay. — I am in an affinity group and I have been going on dates with the leader of the group. Come to find out, he's been seeing another girl in the group the entire time. Sad face. — I mean, that's juicy gossip, first of all. So, thank you for sharing. — Thank you for the tea. — Yes. Thank you for that. I'm so sorry that has happened to you. I will be honest that I don't know what an affinity group is. So, um I I assume that it's my understanding of what the word affinity means, in which case I hope that you were not in an affinity group for like polyamory, in which case this was like you could have seen this coming. But if you were just in an unrelated — What about hiking bird? — Hiking affinity group. Sure. — Knitting paleontology. — In that case, I think that like you know there is a long and uh storied comedic tradition of laughing at how bad dating and relationships can be. And I would welcome you to that proud tradition of laughing at like what happened? How did this just absolute trash person monster do this to me? Um I think that you can find a lot of laughter in potentially laughing with the other girl in the group or the other members of the group or going to a different group and uh voicing the uh the situation to yourself of like I am going to make sure that does not happen. Um, and then the other thing I think again is like the good kind of humor is going to happen with people who are generous and respectful of you. And obviously this situation shows that someone was not being thoughtful or generous or respectful of you. And that is not a person who you're going to be able to connect with on a humorous level either. — Um, this was — unless of course this was a polyamory affinity group in which case I think you got what you signed up for. And I will also say the brilliant Franchesca Hogi is in the audience and if you're looking for a way to actually find uh love and connection. Um the book How to Find True Love written by Franchesca is a great place to start and I would um I would strongly encourage you to read that book. — Yeah, that's a great recommendation of a book from a fellow TED member or member of our TED community. So thank you. Fantastic. Okay, we have time for one last comedy RX. What is it gonna be? This is from Julie H. My husband of 30 years is finding it difficult to move on to the next phase of his life, retirement. I feel for him, but would love to make him laugh about it. And then a related one um from Taj. I have a very strong willed teenage daughter that refuses to listen to most things I say. — Been there. — Been there, Taj. So I think very both of these are relatable in the sense that um it's it is a common situation to have people we love and care about who we wish would do things differently. We wish would be different or uh act differently. And I would gently say here that perhaps the best approach to humor is to not force these other people to have uh a different uh approach to humor to laugh more. maybe is to acknowledge your own relationship with humor around the situation. Um, I think this is a place where like laughing at yourself can be a really effective way to connect with the other person and to bring them in. Um, I think there's something really funny about being like, I so want to connect with you and you don't me or like I'm doing things in the most clueless way. And I think acknowledging that and laughing about how bad you are at it or how uh helpless you are might create an opportunity for your daughter to actually connect with you and to actually open up. Um, so rather than thinking like how do I change her is laugh at my own failure to do it and similarly for the husband I think like laughing about how you so desperately want to like pick the perfect activity or lay out the right um uh you know book of of pastimes or travel guide or um you know the right gear that will make him have his new passion. I think that is something that if you laugh at yourself and your desire there, it might reveal a little bit to him about how it's coming from this place of care and love and it might let him laugh at you which then you are laughing together and could open it up. So I would say like it's easier to change ourselves than it is to change other people and I think often um creating that opportunity and space for laughter can be the space that lets us get what we want secretly anyway. — Yeah. Well, thank you, Chris, for taking all of these submissions for Comedy RX. I think this has just been an awesome exercise and a great way to describe and get at the soul of your book. So, thank you for doing that. — Thank you so much for writing them, people. And I'm sorry to any ones we didn't get to, but really uh brilliant and interesting questions. — And we have just a few minutes left and we have been getting a lot of questions from our members. So, I will squeeze in this one and hopefully more, but if we can't get to it, we're very sorry. Um

### Segment 12 (55:00 - 57:00) [55:00]

I'm going to get to Diana A's, which is, "How can humor be used to invite people to envision new ways of leading both on a personal level and in ways that challenges old shared beliefs about what leadership is? How could this be done to inspire as many leaders as possible to open up um to the possibility of change rather than frightening leaders or creating a defensive reaction um from feeling judged or threatened? " So, humor in leadership. — Yeah. You know, I think um this is interesting because my wife actually works like she's has uh a much more like professional corporate work than I have ever had. And um she works a lot in with leadership and helping people to connect and think about how they frame things. And an idea she taught me about is called selective vulnerability. So the idea here being that like if you are the CEO of a company and you get up and you go and in an all hands meeting you say we have no idea what's going to happen next and I'm terrified and I really think it could go badly like that is not actually helpful. That's being vulnerable but people are not going to feel safer afterwards. — Right. Whereas um if you are selectively vulnerable and you say like I just want to acknowledge that there is a lot of uncertainty and a lot um that is unknown and I feel that as well but we are going to get through that together. That's a really different way of being vulnerable and not like you don't have to share 100% if it's not helpful to share 100%. And I think the same is true with humor, right? It's funny if you're able to laugh at yourself in a way that makes people feel like you're human and it's not funny if you are laughing in a way that is making other people feel like they can't trust you or that you're cruel or putting them down. So, I would think about where's that selective vulnerability and how can the humor be a piece of that. — Perfect. — Chris, we are at the end of our hour already. It's just flown by. So, thank you, Chris, for this incredibly fun and funny and inspiring conversation. My name is Elise Hugh. Thanks again. Thanks so much. Thanks for having