# let's dig into "the jealous friend" discourse | Internet Analysis

## Метаданные

- **Канал:** tiffanyferg
- **YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI
- **Дата:** 22.04.2026
- **Длительность:** 33:52
- **Просмотры:** 171,388

## Описание

Let's discuss jealousy / envy within friendships!!
(oops I accidentally deleted my entire description ugh)

► Business Inquiries: tiffany.ferguson@night.co

## Содержание

### [0:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI) Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00)

— Sometimes the very first Tik Tok I open my app to sends me down a rabbit hole literally an hour plus deep. And that happened. Let's talk about jealousy. The Tik Tokers have been debating whether or not it is okay to ever be jealous of your friends or your loved ones. And some people are even claiming they have literally never felt the emotion of jealousy ever. And anyone who has is a freak. Let's go. Something that I've been wanting to talk about on here is jealousy within friendships, but from the perspective of being the friend who is jealous. I am not very happy with where I am at in life currently and I was friends with somebody who was literally living like my dream life that I wish that I was living like at that time. And mind you, this person did not have to do anything to gain this lifestyle. They just kind of had this life handed to them. Hence why I was just very jealous of them cuz it's not like they had to work towards it or anything. Like that's just their life. That's just what they had and it really, really sucked. — So this was the inciting Tik Tok. This and the follow-up video all together were like 16 minutes long. So I am cutting a fair bit out. I'm trying to chop things up for brevity. Feel free to watch the whole thing if you would like. There's more detail. But essentially, yes, Farah wanted to discuss the experience of feeling jealous of a friend and how bad that feels. It's not a nice feeling. What stood out to me right away is how many times Farah emphasizes this person did not work for this. They had their life handed to them. And I immediately was taking that very literally. Again, just based on the number of times she reiterates that, I'm assuming like family money, maybe an allowance from her parents, they're paying the bills, or even like a trust fund, okay? The point is, according to Farah, this friend had a very easy, very financially comfortable life. — Also, I should mention my friend and I were friends while being very young, 18 to 21. We were still kind of living lives like off of our parents, like what our parents had given us. And they were just handed a great deal of privilege. — Okay, yes. So, that confirms my suspicions. When she says her friend had everything handed to her, it's sounding literal, okay? Parents' money. And we're talking 18 to 21 years old, they're very young. They could have been in university at the time, but maybe they were just working, living as young adults. But famously, people at that age tend to be very broke, like living off ramen, shitty apartments. Most people don't have a great standard of living at that age. But anyway, to me, this is less a story about jealousy and more so a story of wealth and income inequality, and how those major financial differences can impact our friendships and relationships. We're talking about class. Farah was not doing great financially. She's not really enjoying her life, which, hey, a lot of people have been struggling, especially in recent years, very relatable. So, I completely understood how it could be difficult to be friends with someone who's like very well-off, very privileged, seemingly living a very great, comfy life paid for by their family. Would I be mad at them for it? No. But like, would it be hard to witness in comparison to my own circumstances? Yeah, potentially. Real quick, only while editing this did I realize I had assumed that her friend is a girl, a woman. I use she and they interchangeably. She referred to this person as this person, they, which I thought or assumed was just a measure of privacy, to keep things vague. But now I'm realizing, obviously, this could be a non-binary person. But we don't know. She didn't specify exactly that those are their pronouns. But apologies for the assumptions. I wish I would have just stuck with they/them to be safe. How do you know that they didn't work hard for their life? Like, I bet they did work hard. And that's just really funny because you actually don't know my friend. This is where the topic of privilege comes into play, which I did not talk about in my video for the sake of just not making my video so freaking long. My friend clearly had a great deal of privilege in their life. I do not have that kind of privilege that my friend had. I wish my life could have been like theirs. I wish circumstances played out differently in my life so that way I could have been living that life. — Be honest, if you were in this situation, would you feel jealous? Honestly, for myself, growing up lower income and working my way through school, through college, struggling, I was jealous of people all the time in terms of their financial situation. Like, damn, imagine not needing to have a job while you're in college so you can just focus on your classes and clubs and extracurriculars. Like, are you kidding me? Not having to worry about filling the gaps in your financial aid or worrying that I'm going to be drowning in student loans when I graduate. Growing up, I was definitely occasionally jealous of some of my friends. I'm from Orange County. There's a lot of money there. There's also a lot of inequality. Some of my friends got brand new cars when they were 16. Meanwhile, I was working minimum wage just to afford my driving lessons so that I could get my license and then

### [5:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=300s) Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00)

save up to buy like a junker first car. Which again, is a common situation, but in comparison to those more privileged friends, yeah, there were times when I was working at the grocery store. Of course, I felt jealous in the sense of like, "Wow, they're so lucky. They're lucky their parents have the money and can afford to do that. " I am happy for them and I'm going to enjoy when we're all driving around in their cars together. I wish I could have that too, but that's not my life. All right. Feeling a little jealous once in a while definitely did not consume me. It didn't impact my friendships, but the difference in our families' incomes was definitely a factor. It was something we were aware of. Whether you directly acknowledge it or not, it's there. Anyway, back to Farris' TikTok, she basically explained that her and this girl are no longer friends for apparently unrelated reasons, but you know, it was mutual and they're on good terms. Okay, but she says ultimately them not being friends anymore is for the best because of that jealousy. She just couldn't get over it. She knew it wasn't healthy for her to be feeling jealous that often, feeling insecure or constantly being reminded of those differences, her friend's privilege and the ease of her life relative to her own, like materially. It was just hard to handle over time. I luckily did not treat this person like trash. I know that typically when you are jealous to somebody, it just takes so much energy out of you. It's so hateful and I know that a lot of the times when people are jealous of other people, they treat them horribly. They're just very rude to them. I knew that being jealous of this person was a waste of my energy and I hated feeling that way and it was something that I really, really struggled with. Overall, when I watched this video trying to see what all the hullabaloo was about, I was like, I don't really get where the drama is coming from. To me, she seems very self-aware. She is being vulnerable. She's talking about something that is not like flattering. No one ever wants to say that they were jealous of their friends. But again, the situation that she's talking about, this financial, you know, inequality in friendships is a reality and therefore is it not worth talking about? acknowledging, "Hey, once in a while people might feel jealous of their friends. " How do you work through that? What happens when you can't work through that? I'm like, "Okay, that's an interesting conversation. " She's not trying to act like she was a perfect person in the situation, just a regular imperfect human who can feel feelings that are not always pretty. I guess like the happier they were with their life, the more bitter it made me. And obviously, that's just not a good thing. That's very unhealthy and I don't want to have to feel that way about a friend, but that's just how I felt about this person. I wouldn't really consider myself a jealous person. I'm not really that jealous of people like — She's not saying that being jealous of your friends is a good thing. Just that it happen. Just trying to like normalize this very normal range of emotions. That somehow this became a TikTok saga. Is jealousy inherently toxic? Is it ever okay to be jealous of your friends? Yeah, everyone has felt jealous before. It's normal. Nope, I've never been jealous of a friend. You're weird. I am sometimes jealous of my friends because they're amazing people and they have amazing lives. You know, I let myself feel the jealousy for a second and then it goes away and I can just be happy for them again. With friends like that, who needs enemies? You should just be happy for them. Like I said, I am happy for them, but I am a human person. I experience emotions and jealousy is natural. Disagree. I never feel jealous of anyone, ever. I doubt that you've never felt jealous. No, I haven't. Jealousy is toxic and dangerous. It is a negative emotion, but it's morally neutral. One is not a bad person just because they've ever felt jealous. Let's say you and your bestie just bought lottery tickets and they win the jackpot. Obviously, you're super excited for them. But also in that moment, might you feel a little twinge of jealousy? Like, that could have been me. No, I wouldn't feel jealous, okay? When I see someone winning and they have something I want, I just feel inspired. Let's say you are living paycheck to paycheck and your bestie now has $10 million. No envy? Not even for 1 second? I like to focus on abundance. So, if you focus and think positively enough, you'll win the lottery, too? Haven't you read The Secret? It's all about the law of attraction. Huh, I would just think that everyone who's read it by now would have won the lottery or cured cancer or become a CEO, but I am more of a negative thinking hater, so. Some say, don't get jealous, get inspired. What's very clear in her video is that she's living in this lack mentality. She's got that scarcity mindset and that's why she's jealous. Oh, she has everything that I could ever want. She didn't even have to work hard for what she got. She didn't have to earn it. — Why would you be jealous of your friend that has everything you want? Just work hard and go get it. Now, the sort of people who promote these kind of messages, you know, these people tend to enjoy self-help. They like the law of attraction, abundance. And I'll admit, I cannot relate. This stuff absolutely does not resonate with me. I get some of

### [10:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=600s) Segment 3 (10:00 - 15:00)

the underlying points, but like the way that it's packaged, again, it just doesn't hit with me. When you witness someone having the life that you would like for yourself, there's two paths in front of you. You either get resentful that you don't have it, and you become jealous and envious, or you get inspired. Oh my god, like that's the possibility for me. Instantly go to inspiration, because they have an abundance mindset. — I will say though, the beef that I tend to have with this whole like abundance, law of attraction kind of genre, is how often it is very ignorant of real-world issues. Thinking something like just get inspired, it's just so individualistic, and it ignores massive systemic factors. Just get inspired, just work harder, just go get it. Like as if we live in a meritocracy, dude. If just working hard was all you had to do, many people would be much better off than they are. So, what's the real missing piece here, you know? The richest, most successful people in our society under capitalism, the billionaires, absolutely do not work the hardest. And there's plenty of data to argue that there's actually an inverse relationship. The real hardest working people tend to earn the least. And the wealthier you get, the less hard you have to work. And at a point, your money ends up working for you, and you could survive off of passive income, if you want. And I think that's why this kind of thinking just does not work with me. It does not compute in mind. But those sorts of people would argue, "Well, I'm not going to be a victim to outside forces, okay? The world is what it is, but I'm going to work hard. I'm going to do what I can. " And like, okay, that's fine. I'm not saying to just give up, roll over, and die if you weren't dealt like the best circumstances. I want to live in a world that actually helps people, encourages us, puts us in a better supported position to work hard and pursue our dreams. Would love to see that actually. Universal healthcare, housing, and education for all. Let's go. Absolutely. But I do feel like it is pretty gaslighty to tell people that like the economy and all these other, you know, factors and forces of marginalization are just completely irrelevant. Don't worry about that. Don't think about the negative. Don't let it get you down. Just ignore it. Do your own thing. It's like, okay. But we live in a society. We know that people's upbringing, for example, their family income when they're growing up, it's just one factor, but that can have a huge impact on your life's trajectory. And I just think that like ignoring that, ignoring all those factors, and being individualistic is going to make someone who's not doing well feel like it's their fault. If they're not rich and successful, they must not be working hard enough. It must just be a personal failure. Maybe their mindset isn't positive enough. I absolutely want people to be happy and to feel motivated. I want people to be able to improve their lives, but I don't think you get there by just telling people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. A lot of people were telling me that I should have been channeled those jealousy feelings into like motivation to like do what they did, do what they did. On one hand, like yes, I do believe that seeing people around you be successful can be very inspiring, especially if they're coming from similar circumstances. If someone works their way from the bottom to the top, they are a success story. That's great. They probably did work very hard. The difference though with this particular situation is again, this friend that she's talking about was like 18 to 20 years old at the time, and they did not work for this. They did not earn this cushy life. I feel like a lot of people just missed the point of the video where I said they got handed like everything in life. They had a great deal of privilege. Like they did not work for their life. So it's very hard to feel motivated when they didn't really do anything. Exactly. Should I feel motivated that my friend just happens to have a rich family? Would that be motivating to me? Maybe that could motivate me to try to work hard so that maybe I can pass on generational wealth decades in the future. But as a broke 20-something comparing herself to a friend whose parents are apparently paying for everything, there is quite literally no way to work hard enough to work your way into having rich parents. — Again, you could argue well, she can work more, she can earn more money and then she can, you know, get more of the things she wants, whether it's a better apartment or a car or whatever. Sure, but then she's going to have less time. And again, if we're talking about trying to get that lifestyle, that rich friend over there is chilling and she has tons of free time and discretionary income to just sit back and enjoy, you know? Like part of that lifestyle that she's coveting is the fact that it's so relaxed, so easy, so carefree, apparently. So yeah, having to work and hustle to get that, that's not the same lifestyle. The reason why I felt those feelings whenever they would talk about how happy and grateful they were, it just made me think of my own life. Like, oh crap, like this is where I'm at with my life. Meanwhile, they are so happy with theirs. So it kind of didn't really have much to do with them. It was more so me. Oh, so you must just be a hater and you don't want your friend to have a nice life? Everybody has this perception

### [15:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=900s) Segment 4 (15:00 - 20:00)

that if you're jealous of somebody, then you're a hater, you hate them, you wish the worst for them, you don't want them to have nice things. My friend was a nice person. I genuinely liked being friends with this person. In some sense, it was kind of like, damn, they get to have this and I don't, but it was never in the sense of like, I wish they didn't have this, they shouldn't have this, they don't deserve it. I never felt that way about my friend. This is honestly such a simple story to me. She has a friend who seemingly has a very privileged, financially comfortable life, and she wishes she had that, too. She looks at her and says, "Damn, I wish I had that. Hmm, must be nice. " And you can say, "Okay, well, too bad. Life's not fair. " But, it is very valid for people who are struggling, which many people are right now. The economy sucks, the job market is absolutely horrendous. So, yes, they were allowed to be upset about their situation and to wish that they had a more comfortable life. It's okay to feel the emotion of jealousy. It's all right. Next up, we've got to talk about jealous people being prone to jealousy. Now, technically, let's get into the definitions of jealousy because people are debating. You can be jealous over a perceived threat against something that you have. It's a fear of losing that, like getting jealous over someone flirting with your partner. Envy is when you want what another person has, be it materials, accomplishments, etc. But, colloquially, people tend to just use the word jealous regardless of whether they're talking about people, things, what they have, or what they lack. But, now, another big distinction I think needs to be made is the difference between feeling jealous occasionally versus being a jealous person chronically. And also, when you feel jealous, what do you do about that? Some people insist they don't even allow jealousy to manifest in the first place. They can stop themselves from ever even feeling that emotion, and I'm like, "All right, sure. Very powerful of you. " Personally, when I experience jealousy, which I do, I feel it, I acknowledge it, but it tends to be more of a fleeting emotion. Or actually, sometimes, I don't even really feel emotion at all. Like, I'll say, "Oh, I'm jealous of that. Oh, I'm jealous of that. " Whatever. But, I typically don't get like super entrenched in the jealousy. I'm realizing it's hard to think of examples. I don't think I feel jealous that often, though. I did just remember, I definitely feel jealous about people who live close to family and friends, and I'm jealous of people who have like parents or in-laws around for free child care. I'm like, those are very relevant to um my struggles in life. And yes, I would be very jealous of someone who has those things that I see as very, you know, coveted. And also something that I simply cannot really have. It's just not plausible. But anyway, I would guess that is true for this camp of people who are defending jealousy as a normal emotion and arguing that it's morally neutral. I think this type of person probably doesn't feel jealous that often anyway. Or at least that's how I'm seeing like a lot of the videos and comments that have reflected that. People are like, "Hey, it's normal to feel jealous like sometimes. You work through it and then that's it. That's fine. " But just like with any emotion, there are healthier ways to experience and work through the emotion. Jealousy is under — the normal range or the umbrella of emotions for human beings to experience. There's nothing to normalize or unnormalize. That's just what we're humans. We human beings have emotions and some of those emotions are sometimes not fun. And one of those emotions would be jealous. — to say every single person has experienced jealousy at some point in their life. Oh, you see this person got to be the fashion editor of this magazine without any experience. Meanwhile, you have all this creative talent and all this stuff and you don't get it. And they're nepo baby. Yeah, you're envious, right? But just saying like it doesn't have to be, "Oh my gosh, I'm consumed with jealousy or envy against this person and everything that they are. " It could just be different elements of things that you just wish you had. — Then there's the other camp of people who more so find jealousy inherently toxic and dangerous. And I assume they're more so talking about overwhelmingly jealous, like chronically jealous people. — Envious of your friends is not some universal human experience. It's not. It's actually some really deeply ugly way to relate to other people. It is very sick in a lot of levels. To me, that sounds very strong. But again, I'm trying to think of their mindset. And if you're thinking of, you have in mind, chronically jealous people whose jealousy simmers and festers, it turns into this obsessive hatred and resentment, that definitely can be toxic and dangerous, and that is a real thing. Some people do experience and exhibit that kind of jealousy. Like we're talking about the intensity of the jealousy and how frequent, you know, you feel it. If I know someone who is jealous all the time, they're always jealous of all sorts of people around them, they're constantly focused on what other people have and how angry that makes them, maybe jealousy has been a continuous problem in their relationships and their friendships. I get it, like that is the sort of person who might actually have ill will toward you or toward the people that they're jealous of. You have what I want and I hate you for it. I don't want you to have that thing. I want you to suffer. I

### [20:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=1200s) Segment 5 (20:00 - 25:00)

have that thing. I want you to suffer. lose everything. In the worst cases, they do wish harm on the person that they're jealous of. That type of person absolutely exists. Some people have argued, "Jealousy is a serious thing. Jealousy kills. " Women have died at the hands of other jealous women, so it is that deep. Like, I don't know what reality you live in where jealousy is just like a natural human emotion and then it stops at that. But like, in the reality that I've experienced, women have deadass died over jealous people in their lives, specifically other jealous women. — And that's true. There are real, horrible, tragic examples of people being harmed or even killed by jealous people, sometimes even jealous friends. And I definitely don't disagree that jealousy can lead to dangerous, toxic behaviors, but I will argue that the feeling or the emotion of jealousy is not inherently violent. I don't think so. I would also argue in those like very extreme cases, the worst case scenarios, I think jealousy is one factor, but I don't think you can ignore, you know, the intermingling of other things like obsession, stalking, codependency, anger, hatred, desperation, mental illness, violence. Like, I don't know. I think some of this debate is just semantics, so I don't really want to engage like too much in that. — I also think a lot of this difference of opinion comes from like whether you were thinking of mild, like relatively harmless jealousy versus like the more extreme jealousy. And I think especially it has to be said like in romantic relationships, you know, jealousy can be more dangerous, it can be more of a risk factor for DV. So, yeah, I don't want to invalidate that. I just think we're all thinking of different examples and there's like a huge spectrum of again, more mild jealousy that goes away or it can be managed and it can be handled. And then there's, you know, the extreme end that is dangerous. But regardless, I've seen a lot of the people from the like jealousy is toxic camp speaking from personal experience. — Like y'all have never been truly victimized by a jealous person or an envious person in your close friendships and it really does show. Because some of us were the friend on the receiving end of that one-sided beef. And not only does it hurt your soul, but it literally makes you question everything. I will say I have not had that experience and maybe my perspective would be different if I had gone through that. But I can only imagine that it has to be horrible, especially when a friend or a loved one who you assume actually cares about you really wants you to fail. They want the worst for you. That's a terrible betrayal. And the trust issues that you go on to have in your next friendships is actually insane. Like you carry that with you. You find out that your biggest hater was the girl that you were this close to. That's up. — If you have gone through that or anything similar, I believe you and I'm so sorry. If there are ever people that you've gotten bad vibes from or you don't feel safe with or you just, you know, they don't seem like a good friend, I fully support distancing yourself or ending those friendships. Do whatever you have to do to, you know, protect your peace, protect yourself, genuinely. Now, going back to the context of Fara's original TikToks, I saw some comments and people saying like, "She's weird. She's a horrible friend. It's scary how obsessed she was with her friend and like clearly she was fake and only pretending to like her when she hated her. " And it's like, "Hold on a second. " That's where I disagree and I think that maybe some people are projecting again their own experiences onto her story because from what I've heard in Fara's perspective, which is only one side of the story to be fair, her story seems like a relatively harmless example. This doesn't sound like jealousy festering to the point of harm. And again, to me, this is less a story about jealousy. It's about class differences creating tension and conflict within a friendship. If you grew up in very like elite spaces, you will understand what she's talking about because the thing that I don't think some people are understanding is that there is a scale and a spectrum to privilege. I grew up privileged, but I didn't grow up rich. We were lower middle class when there was still the middle class. I went to high school with the Wolf of Wall Street's daughter. I threw up on Jordan Belfort's couch when I was 17 years old. My best friend's first car was an Audi A6 while my parents drove Toyota Camrys. Okay? So like, I was not on that level at all. And so when you were in an environment of privileged spaces where there's such a disparity between wealth, there is going to be some jealousy. — And as is usual in, you know, these internet or culture conversations, the discussions do tend to expand far beyond what the original context was. And I think it's fine and it's a good thing to encourage conversation, to dive into the wider topic of jealousy. But again, in this specific situation, Fara acknowledged that she didn't like the feeling of being jealous of her friend so often and she couldn't resolve the feelings of jealousy just based on her circumstances. So if that's true, and again, they're not friends anymore for unrelated reasons, blah blah, is that not a decent outcome? Wasn't it a good thing that this friendship ended? And now like Fara can process this and work through her own stuff and that other person doesn't have a jealous friend. Like what else how would

### [25:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=1500s) Segment 6 (25:00 - 30:00)

you have wanted this to end otherwise? I guess people would hope that Farah would magically like not feel jealous anymore, but like I don't think that's a realistic thing to expect of somebody. I don't think we can just shut our emotions off. And again, she shared this story to discuss what it's like being the jealous friend, which is not a positive representation. She's not trying to glorify the idea of being jealous or even trying to say that she was right in any way. She's just highlighting a really painful, complicated friend dynamic. And whether we like it or not, this kind of thing happens in friendships and relationships all the time. I'm not pro jealousy by any stretch, but I do think that it's a much more normal and human experience than people are willing to admit. And I appreciate the creator having the to have a conversation that a lot more people need to be honest about cuz a lot more people are jealous of their friends in a in an unhealthy way than this girl was. And she was very brave and I'm I appreciate what she said. I'm always like pro I'm pro talking, clearly, commentary. I think for most things we benefit from talking them through. I think it's helpful to tell stories and talk about these like less palatable or less savory emotions that we feel, rather than ignoring them and pretending that they just don't exist. Okay, well still I've never experienced jealousy. As I was reading the comments again, I found some people, some of whom looked very young, like potentially even teenagers, arguing that they quite literally do not experience jealousy because they are fully in control of their mind and emotions. They don't allow themselves to feel that. And to that I say, "Yeehaw, you know, good for you. " This comment says, "Jealousy is a product of self-doubt, insecurity, and comparison. It is a symptom of a much larger problem. It does not occur while emotionally regulated. Common does not equal normal. " And I do have a little bit of beef with this fantasy of being a perfectly emotionally regulated person cuz I'm like, is emotional regulation permanent? Like you climb to the top of the mountain, you make it there, and then you never leave, and you're just going to stay regulated forever? Because from my understanding, not a mental health professional, not a doctor, but like my idea is our mental health and our emotional state ebb and flow. It's a constant practice. It's something you've always got to keep regulating. And I do think that it's pretty stigmatizing to suggest that like a truly mentally healthy, regulated person would simply never experience this negative emotion. It's like, okay, well then let's extrapolate that to be like, okay, if you're mentally healthy, you never experience any negative emotion. When you see someone who has something that you want, your reaction should be, instead of I can't stand you, your reaction should be, wow, that's so great. I now know that this thing exists. I know it's possible, so let me move towards that. Not, oh my god, I hate you. I cannot stand you. I feel this like black hole inside my soul. That is so weird. Again, we've already heard that whole idea of like, don't be jealous, get inspired. You should witness this thing you want and just be happy that, you know, there's proof that it exists, and you can do it, too. Sure. But yeah, I also disagree with this assumption that jealousy will always breed resentment. Like if you ever feel jealous, that must mean you hate the person, you feel this black hole of just anger. It's like, no, sometimes you're just like, again, like jealous of your like happy family, jealous of your house, jealous of your nice job, jealous of your paycheck, jealous of your pretty hair. I do strongly believe that negative emotions are normal. Apparently, that's a hot take, and feeling them does not make you some evil, scary villain. Why is all the discourse online always about what's normal? Why does normal see dictate your morality? While I can attest that jealousy is a disease, and jealousy can hurt people. Labeling jealousy as an unhuman emotion, an emotion that is morally wrong to have, that's just not true. Why do we have to frame our emotions as normal in order to justify feeling them? In actuality, normalcy has nothing to do with morality. Having an emotion is normal. Having any emotion is normal. But even when things get less normal, does that constitute them being objectively morally unjust? There's another angle of this in like the lack of nuance on spaces like TikTok. Not only are you not allowed to be cringe, you're incorrect, ever try anything new or risk embarrassing yourself. You're also not allowed to admit that you experience negative emotions. I'm like, "Wow, so we're really just policing literally everything we do or even think or feel. Come on. " I do not see that as better or like more evolved. — Like, okay, you've never experienced jealousy, but it is interesting to me how so many people seem to have experienced every other emotion under the sun other than the ones that don't reflect well on you. Again, this person like committed the crime of like thinking something or feeling something like that's not ideal, that's not like palatable to everyone else. Overall, I find this very frustrating. I think it really lacks empathy and understanding for other people, and I think that if we are going to try and be kind of a morally better generation, we need to be a bit more flexible in our thinking. — Like, pretending that we don't

### [30:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3lHWJQ1NQI&t=1800s) Segment 7 (30:00 - 33:00)

experience negative emotions or trying to bury them or rebrand them as inspirational to me is pretty absurd. Even somebody who like is in therapy and feels generally, you know, mentally healthy, even that person will experience negative emotions. That's totally normal. Highs and lows are normal. Mental health is not something that you conquer and then never have to worry about again. People are messy. Hello, I thought we were in agreement. Ultimately, I think the bigger question is how we react to feeling jealous. How do we work through that emotion? We all may have this emotion come up for us at some point, but it's about how do you move with that? Do you then decide to act out and lash out against that person and harm them because of these feelings, or do you focus on yourself and just and decide, "Okay, either I'm going to strive harder for this, I'm going to find a way to get this, or I'm going to move forward. " Like meditating, for example, isn't about yelling in your mind to just stop thinking. According to the guided meditations I've done occasionally, thoughts come by, you acknowledge them, and you let them move on. That's how you gradually start to clear your mind. Again, I have never really been successful at meditating, — but I hear that that's how it's supposed to work. So, in that same way, like you can't just force yourself to stop having negative thoughts or emotions, you can notice them, acknowledge them, try to slow down, and work on your processing and how you respond, redirect. It is somewhat possible to like rewire your brain and get out of super negative thought loops, but that doesn't mean that you're never going to experience a negative thought again. I wish. Anyway, ultimately, like I don't think we can totally control our emotions, but we can control how we respond to them, and then we can change factors in our life. Like if something or someone continuously bothers or triggers you, you can adjust yourself, remove yourself, or remove like that trigger. So, if you find yourself continuously, constantly jealous of a friend, and maybe it's starting to turn into resentment, or like you're starting to like low-key hate them, not great. Either you need to consciously work through that, try to see if you can get to the root of that jealousy, or for some people that does mean ending the friendship or putting some distance between you two. Like with Farah, a lot of people were like, "Wow, I can't believe you would end a friendship over money. " And again, apparently their friendship ended for different reasons, but the question of like, "Can you have friends with very different financial positions? " Yes, but it's also true that many people do feel better and a little more comfortable with friends who are in somewhat similar financial situations. When there's a huge difference in your income or wealth, you can have different interests, you can move about the world in different ways. Like is a $100 dinner a cute little treat, or is it a ruinous blow to your budget that you're going to take a month to recover from. Money can definitely impact friendships. I think whatever the dynamic is, whether it's money or a different factor, there sometimes are differences within friendships that can be too difficult or too painful or too insurmountable, you know? That's part of the very messy spider web of like friendship, you know? There are a lot of different things that contribute to whether you are compatible and whether you really get along with somebody. And yeah, I think whatever those reasons are, if you find something that, you know, is kind of a deal breaker or just doesn't work for you, that's okay. It's valid to end a friendship that doesn't serve you or if you two aren't compatible for whatever reasons, you know? Friendship is complicated. Ultimately, we all do deserve friends and relationships with people who are truly supportive and want the best for us, which of course you can still experience conflict or tension occasionally, but like overall, does this person make your life better? All right, that is all. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I love coming across a TikTok debate because it is just like the perfect way to collect a bunch of different ideas. Like I know I'm hooked and I want to do a video on something when like I can't stop reading the comments and like mentally arguing with people. So, that's all. I'm jealous of all of you. Just kidding, I would never be jealous. Okay, thanks. Bye.

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*Источник: https://ekstraktznaniy.ru/video/52780*