The #1 Reason You're Not Reaching Your Goals

Hello brains. I've been trying to achieve a goal, actually a few goals for at least a decade now and failing entirely. Why? A million reasons. I wasn't consistent enough. I got distracted. I was too tired to make progress on it. I forgot the supplies I needed didn't feel like doing it. Other stuff got in the way. But that's also been true for goals that I've actually achieved. Turns out the real reason I failed to reach these goals is something entirely different. I was too focused on the goal.

Huh? How can being too focused on a goal get in the way of us reaching it? Let me explain. Focusing on the goal makes it so we put effort into it. We think about it, take steps toward it, tell people about it, and evaluate our progress to see how much further we have to go. We try really, really hard to reach it. And effort absolutely matters. It's an important part of reaching a goal. But effort alone isn't what gets us there. In fact, focusing on the overall goal and trying really hard to achieve it can make us painfully aware of how far we still have to go, which can be super discouraging. And if we run into an obstacle, focusing on just the goal itself and how much we really want to achieve it doesn't help us navigate that obstacle. It just makes the obstacle clearly problematic and frustrating. When a setback pops up, we can suddenly see that we're further from the goal than we were yesterday. This can discourage us so much that we might get the it and give up. But

putting effort in means I am making progress, right? Not necessarily. Putting effort into a goal is not the same thing as making progress toward it. As anyone who has anxiously texted a new flame enough that they got broken up with can attest to. While focusing on a goal absolutely leads to putting in effort, what actually gets us to that goal is focusing on the process.

In other words, shifting our focus to the actions that will likely get us to that goal. Writing the goal down and defining it so we're clear on it and don't forget it. Deciding on a plan. Carving out time for it. Noticing the barriers that get in our way. Removing or figuring out how to navigate those barriers. And then trusting that the process we've created will get us to that goal. Because really wanting soup is not going to lead to us having soup. But figuring out the steps, following those steps, and trusting the process can. I will explain more, but first, I want to share the process that's helped me get to my goal of physically keeping up with my toddler, working with a fitness coach through Train Well. I'm about to work out, even though I have a busy shoot dayto-day, and I can do that thanks to Train Well's one-on-one personal training service. Train well has a quiz that pairs you with the perfect trainer for your needs. In my case, Darien. Your trainer then plans workouts for you based on the equipment and time that you have available that you can follow just by opening the app and hitting start. I've tried a lot of different ways of working out over the years, and I've always really struggled to be consistent with it. Train well is the first thing I've actually been able to stick to because the process is ADHD friendly. I can work out from home with stuff I already have at a time that works for me. I don't have to think about what I'm supposed to be doing for my workout that day because my trainer has already planned my workout for me and I don't have to remember to do it. I can see right in the app when my workout days are, and if I miss them, because I will, my trainer checks in. I love that it's easy to message back and forth. Plus, I can schedule video check-in calls for when my goals change or when life is making it hard for me to reach them. Since I became a mom, we've had to do a lot of troubleshooting, and she's done a lot of checking in and adapting my workouts as needed. Lately, I've realized I need to do my workouts in the evening because the mornings are just too hectic. Thankfully, she's been able to help with that, too, including helping me figure out the timing of eating versus workout versus bedtime. It's been so helpful to have an actual human planning my workouts and providing accountability while still having the flexibility to work out when and where it works best for me. If you'd like to try TrainWell, take the quiz to find your perfect trainer and get 14 days of free training here. Go. trainwell. net/howtohd. It's in the description as well. Check it out. Where was I? Ah, yes. Trust the

process. But Jessica, yes, Jessica, what if the process can't be trusted? What if I trust the process and put all this time and energy into it and it turns out it isn't working after all? What if it turns out I'm never going to get there by doing this process because maybe I'm building in the complete wrong direction? What if the plan I made isn't going to work? What if the process isn't getting me there fast enough? Great [snorts] question. First things first, there's a reason some of us anxiously and perpetually evaluate our progress toward a goal, especially if it's an important one. Most of us have experienced trusting a process. We built or were given a process designed for a brain that wasn't ours. We put effort into following it for months or even years only for it not to pan out. It didn't work for us. We couldn't stick to it or in some cases it actively made things worse. We're not all starting out from the same place. So what works for someone else might not work for us. Secondly, goals can be complicated. Sometimes unanticipated factors pop up and get in the way. Or a goal might not be entirely within our control to achieve, such as getting a full-time job in an industry we love. We can't directly control that outcome. We can only influence it. So, it's entirely possible that the process we are using isn't getting us to our goal or isn't going to get us there soon enough. Training for a marathon is great, but it's not going to help if our training will get us to the point where we're ready to run it 6 months after it happens. Which is why, especially for those of us with ADHD, it is important to check in periodically to see if the process is in fact effectively getting us to our goal. But we don't need to check in 17 times a day. Depending on the goal, it might be once a day, once a week, or once a month. At which point, we can see how it's going and make adjustments if needed. In the meantime, by trusting that the process will either get us there or that we'll be able to adjust it when the time comes, we're able to stay focused on what will actually get us to the goal. By focusing on the process, we can let go of how far we have to go because that's no longer where our focus is. If we run into an obstacle, we can figure out how to navigate it. And if we face a setback, we might be able to avoid the discouragement in the entirely because despite the setback at the next check-in, we might realize we've still made good progress overall. If not

if the progress isn't happening as quickly as we'd hoped or at all, we can either adjust the process or adjust the goal. Adjusting the process might look like adding more training sessions. Adjusting the goal might look like swapping be able to run the full marathon with be able to complete it, even if that means we need to walk. Either way, we step out of the frustrating, effortwasting hellscape of trying to reach a goal without a process that will actually get us there. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to celebrate the little wins on the way to the big ones. But Jessica, yes, Jessica, what if I don't know where to start with building a process that will get me there? Good news. If it's a goal that's important to you, it's probably been important to other people, too. If it's a goal that's achievable, others have probably achieved it. You don't have to figure it out from scratch. Look at what other people have done. Ideally, other people with ADHD, and adjust from there. Their process may not work 100% for you, and that's okay. But it can give you a place to start. But what if I have trouble sticking to the process or it's really not working and I don't know what to do? This is where building an in accountability and maybe even professional guidance can help. Because our brains face more challenges and have trouble with things like patience and frustration and half of us struggle with anxiety, which makes uncertainty a hellscape. It can be incredibly helpful to start with a process that is more likely to actually work and or some form of accountability so we're more likely to do it. But here's the thing, and this is important. Even if you get guidance from a professional, even if it's a process that's tried and true and tested and works for a lot of people, it's still important to check in on how it's working for you because maybe it's not. In that case, you get to focus on adjusting the process and

then trust the process. Do the things you've decided to do and wait until your next scheduled check-in to decide whether or not it's working. Before you go, I wanted to wish you a happy new year. If you want a place to connect with other ADHD brains who are working toward their goals from all over the world, we have a Discord you can join when you support us on Patreon for just $5 a month. And we have some free resources over there as well. Check it out. Thank you to our brain advocates and all our Patreon brains for supporting evidence-based content about ADHD like this. We've gotten to do some really cool videos this year and that's because of you. And again, if you'd like to try Train Well, link is in the description below. Like, subscribe, click all the things and I will see you next video. Bye brains.