Your ADHD Brain Needs THIS to Stay Present

Hello brains. You probably clicked on this video because you want to be more present. So what better way than to be present myself.

Being present means being here in the present moment. Should be simple, right? No. First of all, being present all the time isn't possible for anyone. That would be too much Christmas. We need to spend some time thinking about the future or reflecting on the past or letting our brains wander off and think up our next creative idea. Second of all, there are a lot of reasons we might struggle to be present no matter how much we want to be. The world we currently live in is full of distractions pulling in our attention. And for those of us with ADHD, being present can be especially challenging. For one, we struggle with attention and focus. And that's what presence requires. Hyperactivity can make it hard for us to be still and hard to focus when we are still. And impulsivity can make us respond to distractions more quickly, often before we have a chance to even think about it. Being present is objectively harder for those of us with ADHD. It's also one of my big goals right now to try to be. Why? Being present comes with a lot of gifts. greater happiness and life satisfaction, quicker learning and skill development, decreased stress, better mental health, closer relationships with those we love, and more fulfillment. The present is the only place where life truly happens if we're not able to be present and we miss it. So, in today's video, I want to unwrap. Get it? What's stealing our presents and how to get it back? Present

stealer number one. We're on our screens. Wait, no. Come back. I know. I know you've heard this before. It's still worth mentioning through an ADHD specific lens. Most of us need to be on our devices a lot of the time. We use them for everything from emotion regulation to reminders to play to connection to work. And we have at least one of them with us wherever we go, which is fine. It can even be crucial. Sometimes we use our phones to check out because the present moment is too intense. Dissociation or zoning out with technology in this example can be a defense mechanism against uncomfortable emotional experiences. Our phones are useful for a lot of things. However, they're not super helpful when we want to be present. Our phones and the apps on them are designed to grab and hold our attention. So, when our phones are out, our attention gets pulled between what we're doing and our screen. For those of us who already struggle with attention regulation, this is us basically guaranteeing we won't be able to be present with anything outside that screen, at least not for very long. Even if we can be, most people are aware of how attention-grabbing phones can be. Seeing us on our phone can make them feel like they have to compete for our attention. So now they're distracted by our phone. Or maybe they give up on connecting with us and pick up their own. The easiest way to help everyone be more present is to occasionally put the phones down. Will we still get distracted? Yeah, totally. But the things we'll get distracted by won't be as likely to hold our attention the same way. Also, signaling our intent to be present for someone is meaningful in and of itself and respectful of the fact that they're probably doing the same. Of course, the fact that putting the phone down can make it easier to be present doesn't make it easy to do, which is why I got this lovely phone box. The ritual of putting my phone in the box is a signal to myself and those I love that I'm choosing to at least try to focus on them. And the fact that it's in that box makes it easier to not pick it up and use it. Out of sight, out of mind. I now do this regularly with my daughter, and she's actually started asking me to put it there sometimes and wanting to put her phone in there, too. It's a rattle. Alternatively, there are also ways to make it so your phone isn't as interesting. app blockers at certain times, or there's even accessibility features that can make it be in black and white. Using these tools has helped me figure out analog replacements for some of the things that I've been relying on my phone for. Tools that have fewer distractions built in. Present

stealer number two. We're time traveling. We can't be present if we're ruminating on the past or worrying about the future, which those of us with ADHD tend to do a lot. We are often off in the past, worried about the future, daydreaming about something random, or playing out fake scenarios in our head. alternate timelines. That's a thing. This is thanks to how the default mode network or DMN works differently for those of us with ADHD, which you can learn more about in this video. I was once anxiously talking through a scenario that was at least 2 years down the road when my therapist interrupted to ask, "What's happening today? " I was confused and kind of annoyed. Today is fine. I don't need to talk about today. But that was her point. Today was fine, and I was missing that because I was busy worrying about the future. When our brains are elsewhere, we miss out on what's happening right in front of us. And that's not fair. No one should miss out on moments or activities or actually happy times because of how our brains are wired. So, what's a wandering brain to do? Grounding exercises. Grounding exercises are mental, physical, or sensory techniques that can help us stay present and calm. They shift our focus away from distressing thoughts, which are often about the past or the future, and into our immediate surroundings and physical sensations, bringing us back into the present. A few of my favorites. Box breathing. Looking for five things in the room that are blue. 1 2 3 4. Wow, there's a lot of blue things that I never noticed. Curling my toes inside my shoes. Putting a plastic baggie of cold water on my face. Feeling the support of my chair beneath me. Sucking on a piece of candy. Not all of them are going to work all the time, so it can be good to choose a few go-tos and practice them when things are calm, so we can access them when they're not. Speaking of practice, meditation or yoga can also help. We're probably not going to break out a yoga mat while baking cookies with the kids, but doing these exercises outside a moment can help us be present inside a moment because we get practice bringing our wandering mind back. It strengthens that muscle. It can also help us be more calm and less likely to spin out in the first place, which makes being present a lighter lift. By the way, another thing

that helps me stay present and calm is getting things out of my head so I'm not as worried I'll forget about them. For that, when it comes to my goals, I use Extiles, which is helping me keep track of them. Extiles is helping me stay present with my goals and with the people I love. Extiles is great for dumping things out of my brain quickly and then organizing it later, which especially if I'm in the middle of something I would really like to be present for, helps me get back to being present faster. But being present is only half the battle. The other half is knowing what you want to be present for. What are your goals right now? What do you want out of life? Exten and paper feel to it, which I think makes it really great for brainstorming. And because it's so visual, it can also be kind of a vision board. Those of us with ADHD are divergent thinkers. we have lots of different ideas and Extiles is a great place to capture those ideas but then also help with convergent thinking um which is harder for us where we kind of narrow those ideas down. So, I've got my present stealer number one. We're on our screens. I've got my strategies that can help. And then I've got information for each of these, right? So, it's super easy to take something and then turn it into a bullet list, a checklist, toggle list, nested note, all kinds of different ways to organize your information so that it can be in a format that makes sense for your brain, which is one of the reasons I love Extiles so much. It gets stuff out of our head. There is some structure to it, but there's a lot of flexibility, so you can use it in whatever way works for you. Then when it's time to make progress on those goals, you can use tools like checklists, habit trackers, etc. to transform New Year's resolutions into actionable plans. There are even templates you can use if you don't want to start from scratch. And then you can customize the templates to be whatever you need, whatever works for you. If you'd like to check out Extiles and start your year more clear on your goals, more productive, and more organized, um you can check it out. I'll put the link in the description below. But for now, more tips on how to stay

present. But what if you're not really mentally time traveling or you're stressed about all the things you need to do? What if you're kind of bored? Presence stealer number three. We're bored. Boredom is one of the ultimate presence stealers for the ADHD brain. Our brains have a much harder time staying focused, aka present when we're bored or even awake. Hard to be present for something we're not awake for. Even if we're not asleep, it can be hard to stay present when we're bored because our chronically understimulated brain is easily distracted by anything that's more stimulating than the thing we're trying to be present for. This is especially true when what we're trying to be present for is passive, like listening to someone talk or watching a show. Unless what we're listening to or trying to watch is particularly interesting to us, no matter how hard we try, our brains are probably going to struggle to stay present. So, what's a brain to do? Make passive things interactive. Don't just read. Read out loud. Don't just watch a show. Hit pause occasionally and discuss. A lot of you naturally do this when you leave comments before you finished watching the video. Good job, Gold Star. If a friend is telling a story, don't just listen. Ask questions focused on the parts of their story that interest you. If something was unclear or you felt yourself drifting, ask a clarifying question. You can use a line like, "You said X. Am I understanding that correctly? What if your friend really likes to talk? " guilty. Ask if you can ask a question. Active listening doesn't just help us be more engaged in the conversation. It can help us read as present to the other person. Activities are also way more fun to do together and help you make memories. Listening to a friend can be more engaging and possibly easier to focus on if you do it while being active, like on a walk or while jogging together, or if the weather outside is frightful. Take turns decorating your tree or baking cookies together, something indoorsy. When we make an activity active instead of passive, it forces the task positive network TPN in our brains to engage and dampens the default mode network DMN, making it easier to be present. Just make sure to note which activities make it easier to be present with someone and which make it harder. And recognize that it can be different for different people. For me, doing a puzzle with someone makes it easier to stay focused on the conversation. For my partner, doing a puzzle with someone does not help him be present with them because now there's a puzzle to finish. So

there you go. Three of the biggest presence stealers for those of us with ADHD and strategies that can help. Does this mean we'll always be able to be present if we use these techniques? No. Again, being present all the time isn't realistic for anyone, and it's going to be harder for us. It's not a character flaw, it's biology. Also, there are a lot of other reasons we might struggle to be present, including that we're just too wrapped up. But recognizing when we can't be present is a way of being present. Using strategies that help us be more present more of the time is a gift to ourselves and to those we love. Because your presence is a present that you present when you presently too far, too

far. Happy holidays. Thank you so much to our brain advocates and all our Patreon brains. And if you're looking for a great gift for somebody with ADHD in your life, the best gift you can give someone with ADHD is the gift of community so they can connect and be understood. Right now, it's $5 a month to join the most knowledgeable ADHD community on the internet. If you haven't already, let us know in the comments below. Did you relate to these struggles? What helps you be present? I will read your comments presently. Like, subscribe, click all the things, and we will see you next video. Bye, brains. — And that's a wrap. Hey.