Business Owners: You're (Probably) Not Good Enough

if you've ever not gotten the deal or you've ever not had someone believe in you you've been doubted because of the way you look how old you are how young you are what gender you are where you're born where you're not born the way you dress the way you look the way you talk then the question isn't whether that bias is true cuz it may absolutely be true but the question is what do we do about it anyways and how can we confront the other alternative reality that might be true which is what if you're just not good enough now what there was a lady who made a post and she said I quit my job to start doing this because my boss didn't respect me because I was a woman and so because of that um I quit my job to start doing this and I had this immediate thought in my head what if you're just not good enough that was the thought that came through my mind when I read that message and it got me fired up because the amount of times in my life that I've seen this victimized mentality hurt people is far more than it has ever helped and so the reason I want to talk about this is because it applies to employees it applies to business owners and I have so many stories of this that I want to drive through this and then to the two natural conclusions that end up coming from logic all right and so this is the same thing as the kid who says hey um I started this marketing agency and I've you know I've got these services and I'm trying to go to these business owners and they're saying well they're not buying for me because I'm a kid right I'm too young right I had a family member who had a restaurant and he opened it up in the wrong part of town and he was like well my restaurant's not working because people don't want to come to this side of the neighborhood they have bias against side and I'll give you another one which was uh Jacob who was my neighbor my little 15-year-old neighbor from way back when I walked in on him trying to sell a wholesale deal and he got off the phone and he'd been trying to sell wholesale deals for you know a month cuz he' read some stuff on the internet watched some YouTube videos and I was like so you know how's it working he was and he was like well no one's really you know buying yet and I could tell that on some level it was because he thought that he was too young and people aren't taking him seriously so one of our portfolio companies had two people who were in a conflict all right so there was a white guy and a black guy and they were peers and they had to work together and they didn't like each other and so finally we had to be like y'all need to get along figure it out and so the white guy sends the black guy a song and it's his like way of trying to make amends and the song was a rap song and it had some lyrics in it that offended the black guy and he said you know this is not racially sensitive blah blah blah and he then asked for the white guy to go through racial sensitivity training and here's where this gets interesting the black guy is married to a white girl and has mixed kids and the white guy is married to a black girl and has mixed kids do you think he [ __ ] needs racial sensitivity training no he just doesn't like you for the content of your character and so there's a very significant possibility that it might not be because you're too young black it might not be because you're a woman republican it might not be because you're a Democrat it might not be because you're trans you just might not be good enough and the thing is that even if you're right even if there is a [ __ ] bias because biases will exist I'm not even going to deny that they absolutely exist and they will always exist and the reason is because this is how human beings learn you learn and you create judgments to wish for a world that doesn't create bias wishes for a world where humans don't learn if you go and you're a waitress and you serve a table and it's all people with red faces and those red faces leave you zero tip and then you go to a table with green faces and the green faces leave you a big tip and then you do that again and the red faces leave you lower tips then the green faces and the green faces leave you big tips what will you do you will begin to expect that red faces leave you no tip and green faces leave you big tip now replace red and green with tall white asian woman whatever the point is that people will learn and as long as there are stereotypes that exist because people do behave in a certain way then people are going to learn those things period but the thing is let's say you're a red face and you do tip well and you hate the fact that when you walk to a place they don't treat you a certain way right and the thing is that biases exist everywhere and I want to be clear here when I got into the gym space I was young I was so youngl looking that I knew no one took me seriously and so I lied about being the owner I lied so when people came in I just said I'm the owner and IID worked out a deal that I would potentially earn in my ownership so I had this whole backstory that I made up in the beginning because I look so young that no one would believe that I was the one who owned the gym and so I'm saying

this because I get it and to be fair I look the way I look if I have a tank top on like we moved into a very nice Penthouse my neighbors immediately complained about me he literally sent to the email to the front desk of the building and said is what is this Beverly Hillbillies who moved in next to us I'm not kidding and so the thing is that I mean I thought it was [ __ ] hilarious I died great but the thing is that what does that mean he has a bias against people who look like me right who wear white beaters and walk around like that on a regular basis and he thinks wow this guy I've had negative experiences with people like him and so the thing is I have a friend from college way back when black guy and he hated that there was a stereotype that black people don't tip he hated it and so rather than try and say this is unfair the world is unfair this bias exists you know what he did he was always really nice and he always over tipped that was what he did he over tipped because the thing is that let's play out the scenarios you bitching moan and you say you know what this person didn't buy because I'm young a woman this person didn't buy because of whatever and the thing is let's say you do some empirical study and you prove it right now what great you prove that you have a disadvantage okay again now what hey if you want to get around people who are actually winning who look like you who smell like you who talk like you and are doing what you want to do I'd like to invite you to the school games community at school. com games I take calls in there I put content that's like this and more personalized inside of that community and I drop a huge amount once a month an 8 Hour training on how to actually take this stuff and win anyways and so if that's interesting school. com forgames see you in there the thing is that arguing for proving a bias is good for society bad for the individual and as far as we're concerned this is a single player game life and so we've got to go through it with the assumption that nothing's going to change and what are we going to do about it anyways because no one gets better by feeling sorry for themselves no single person has ever gotten better by proving that they were the victim of something ever and so whether you're an employee and you're getting you feel like you're getting passed up for the promotion and the amount of times that we get this too like I'm a business owner we have a lot of businesses employees and the thing is that if someone gets passed up maybe there is a bias because biases will always exist but the only thing you can do is be better than the bias you have to be so [ __ ] good that you have to overcompensate he didn't tip normally he tipped more than normal so that he could be one light on the bad dots that he felt that the people who had served him in the past had experienced and so to give you a the a story that I had with Jacob so he was the young kid he sounded like a child on the phone and the reason they weren't buying the deals from him was because he sounded like a [ __ ] child on the phone and the thing is that what if they're right and I think this is where people get even more offended it's like what if the bias that you have what if You' you've experienced against what if it's true and this is where people get what if I do act like a hillbilly right what if I did act immature because I was young now what and so the thing is that one if you prove that there's a bias again so what now you've proven that there's a bias your life's not any better version two what if they're right so one you're proving that there's a bias and you don't act that way the next vein of thinking is what if they're right about it what if you just you are exactly The Stereotype what if I am immature what if I don't show up on time what if I am emotional because I'm because I act like a child because I haven't matured yet because I haven't enough experience in life now what if I'm not consistent because I haven't learned that skill yet which most more young people have that than old people are notoriously consistent they love their routines eight how many 80 year olds do you know who don't have routines hard to not have one when you're 80 right you have to break the stereotype of old people by being spontaneous right and so the thing is like these stereotype exist because biases exist because we're going to always learn we're always going to make judgments but it comes down to whether your restaurant on the wrong side of the street whether you have a red face or a green face or you're short and girls don't like short guys okay if you believe the bias then you make it true you make it real you give it more power rather than less and so I look like this I look probably in terms of like my look I probably look right leaning I probably look a little bit hillbilly is if I take if I put the wife beater on then I definitely look Dumber in general I mean when I had my gym people I had many people asked me if

I was literate but as soon as I opened my mouth it became apparent that I was educated and so the thing is and here's my silver lining for this is that if you have a bias you actually have the opportunity to stand out even more by being against it if a green face tips more than a red like than a just tips a lot then it's like well I expected a green face to tip more but if a red face tips a lot you're like whoa I know noticed that if a guy in a suit sounds literate and sounds educated you're not really surprised there because it's what you expected but if a jack guy and a beater who looks like a hick and maybe had doesn't have hillbilly views of the world isn't a racist might have a more articulate way of expressing things then all of a sudden you pause and that person becomes more interesting they start to break the bias they start to be better than the bias you start to create a category that's separate for that individual so there are many red faces but this one is John and John's cool John tips well the thing is that I think all of us have the opportunity to be John or Sarah who is a redface who there are biases that exist but we can be better than the bias and I love this quote from Andy forcella it's so good I [ __ ] wish it were mine he said personal Excellence is the ultimate rebellion and I just [ __ ] love that and so the question is always what are you going to do about it proving that it exists does nothing you just prove that there's you have a disadvantage okay we all have disadvantages in some way to some person like if I go into a place that has had a lot of guys in flannels who said racist things to them as soon as I walk in the room there's going to be a bias against me they're not going to like me by right at the onset and so what can I do you can play into the bias I can complain CL that there's a bias or I can overcompensate I can tip more than anyone normally does I can be more kind more understanding more literate I can work harder and so I'm going to wrap this to to Jacob because I I'll tell you the story obviously I said listen I think you suck at sales I think it has nothing to do with the fact that you're young and so you got to learn and he's like well how do I learn and I like well you got to do more than everybody else and I'm going to give you the advice that I told him and I would say that he says has changed his life and so I will share it with you and this goes for the employees this also goes for the business owners it work works for everyone which is I said volume negates luck I said if you want to be the best find the best guy in my company so I got him an interview I said I will not get you the job I said I can get you an interview because the guy who's going to be hiring you I was like it's up to him and he's got 10 other guys he's been interviewing and so he decided to give him the give him a shot right that's I mean at gym launch in sales like getting a job is getting a shot that's all it is you still got to work your leads go generate you got to generate sales and so he got on the phones and I said go find the best guy look at what he does and do twice as much because you have to cuz he's better than you can't do as much as the best guy cuz he's always just going to get ahead you have to do what he's doing and another full day's work so that you can start catching up and so he started doing twice as much as what the best guy was doing and so over time he became the best guy on the outbound team and then he became and then he moved up to the middle sales team and became the best guy on the qualification team which is the second highest level of sales guys that we have and then from there being the best guy and here's the thing here's the [ __ ] thing because he was so young he's 18 years old all the guys who were my closers were all men with families like they were professionals it was a strong team it still is a strong team and the sales manager a man with a family said he was hesitant he had a bias against him because he was young he said listen I I'm not going to just let you on the team now he had objectively had better stats as a Setter and anybody who had been 30 years old or the family would have absolutely gotten put on The Closer team but he said I want you to go self-generate end to end click to close you go find someone in the [ __ ] world bring them all the way and close them yourself before I let you on the closing team he had never asked anyone else to do that and so he did after he did one he was like I need you to do another one to make sure it wasn't a fluke so he did another one and he said you know what just because I want the team to be really sure because you're young and I and he had the bias of oh Alex knows you So you you're getting special treatment because Alex knows you you're the friend of the bosses right and so he's like you got to do another one so he had to do another one and then when he got on the team what did he where did he start low man on the totem he was young and he had the bias of oh your boss is pet right he had to have both of these biases against him because nobody likes that guy right and I told him that I said they're going to not like you because you're young and they're not going to like you because they know you know me and I was like you need to leave no [ __ ] room for doubt

that you earned it I was like and so you're going to be left of center you're going to start 6 feet underground before you can get your head over I was like that's what it is and I was like either you can [ __ ] and moan about it and you can lose and be right and be right about the fact that you're going to have a bias against you or you can win anyways and so what did he do he became the top performing sales rep with all the grown ass men and their family was there bias yes did he have to do more to get on the team yes did he have to prove himself in ways that no one else had to yes and so if you're in that position and you feel like you have this bias against you here's what I would ask if you're an employee and this is what I would encourage the business owners who are listening to this ask this question what would it take for me to get on the team be the manager director What would it take for me to get a raise promotion if I'm the business owner trying to get the deal what would it take for us to do business together what would it take for you to say yes what would I have to do objectively I get that you've got some you've got hesitation I understand that I'm young I understand that I got in here because I had some other guy who tapped somebody else's shoulder and got me an interview day one I get that I understand that so what would it take let me compensate let me not just tip normal I'm not going to tip 20% because other people who look like me don't tip 20 I was like I'll tip 100 just tell me what would it take to change your mind what would it take for me to not look like a hick or for you to not think that I'm completely illiterate or uneducated what would it take no one benefits from the excuse you hurt you more by accepting that the excuse is real because what the excuse of the of saying that there is bias and that the bias is the reason that you have not moved forward is that it gives you an excuse for not succeeding that's all it does it gives you a nice warm blink to say I'm not winning but this is the reason why because the alternative reason of saying I'm just not good enough hurts your ego and to be clear I not saying that bias doesn't it absolutely exists but we have to live in a world that it does exist and win anyways and so I'll show you a note that I Leave myself because I get in the same everybody everybody's got [ __ ] and so I'll show you what the background on my phone is right now this is the season I'm in if you can see that it says just win that's two words at the end of the day winners write history and if you win in the end if you become the top performing sales rep that's all that matters and the only people who care about the biases are the ones who lose because those are the those biases are the things that soften their head when they put their head down on their pillow at night because it makes them feel okay it doesn't hurt their ego as much to say you know if I didn't have this bias I would have won but no one remembers them how much stronger of a story is it that you win despite the bias disadvantage Oprah will always have my eternal respect for being the first female black billionaire who built a media [ __ ] Empire in the [ __ ] 80s no one else can do that and so that's the thing is that the number of biases that you have to act against you becomes the more compelling story that no one else who doesn't have those biases will ever be able to tell and if there's anything that gives me hope it's that is that you get the opportunity you have this one unique opportunity that you get to be an example inspiration to other people who have red faces who have green faces who are too young who are too old because those B like I didn't get hired for the tech job because I'm too old you're not going to fix bias because it's wishing that humans won't learn and that's never going to happen but you can still win by simply asking what would it take and accepting the only thing that you can control which is that there is bias and the reason I did not win is because I'm just not good enough yet I'm just not undeniable enough yet now I might be good enough if I had a green face but I'm not good enough if I have a red face so I got to get that much [ __ ] better it's the only thing that you can control and so whether you're a business owner and that restaurant that's on the wrong side of the street if you have the best pizza in the city people will go to the hood where it's unsafe to get the pizza everybody knows a restaurant where you're like it's kind of on the wrong side of town it's a little bit seedy but man that Indian curry is [ __ ] off the hook everybody you know that spot now do they have to be better than other places that are in safer nicer parts of town yes but it doesn't mean that it's impossible it just means the bar is

higher and the only thing that we have control over is whether we're willing to make the [ __ ] climb and so I saw that post and I was feeling spicy about it because the thing is like she was using that as the Catalyst for her quitting her job to start a business and I'm all about that that's fine that's awesome take take your life into your own control but do not for a second because I know that belief will not serve her saying I didn't get promoted because I was a woman I didn't get respected and believe me I know Lea doesn't get nearly enough credit for all the stuff she doesn't act if she was a guy if she was just a dude and it was just Alex and Dan was a 50-50 partner of mine Dan would get shitload more credit than Ila Lila's a woman and she's my wife and so the bias that exists against her is that how many business guys have their wife they say she's the CEO and really she's just a secretary right she's just a help her really just has some doing some admin task so many people to this day we show up to a business conference and other business guys treat her like that so what she GNA do she's just got to be that much [ __ ] better and if you knew Lea which many of you guys don't if you really knew Lila she loves it she's like we're gonna [ __ ] murder him lela's way more hardcore than I am you guys just don't know that Lea's got a [ __ ] Dark Side you guys just don't know which is great I love it I think letting some of that dark side out and beating the [ __ ] out of that victim mentality that you have that because we want to lean into it we want to we it feels so much better to say I didn't win because of outside thing because it makes us feel better I'm good I'm good enough just but there's this thing my restaurant is good enough it's just on the wrong side of the street right I really am good at sales I'm just but you know they don't give me the advancement because I knew Alex or because I'm too young and I you know I'll just wait a couple what would it take for me to become undeniable for me to be bulletproof I want to have no chinks in the armor nothing that anyone can hold against me to say that I am not the best for this thing and if there is a deal that you need and there's a guy who like was beat the hell in high school from guys who had flannel flannels and he hates those people and I don't get the deal guess what there's other people that will give me the deal and you just keep moving forward