How To Never Feel Stressed Again

if people have to treat you a certain way for you to be happy then it means that your happiness is in their hands I get asked about mindset a lot on podcasts they're like when you're building a business or you're building a career there are stressors that come into play how we manage the circumstances or the conditions that come to us dictates how our life turns out everybody has bad stuff happen you probably believed and nodded your head like yeah everyone has stuff happen and then we choose to make it bad or good imagine for a second two children that are playing one child tells the other child your nose is really big or you're fat interesting is that the child who hears it is unaffected and the child who says it is unaffected they're like you're fat and he's like huh parent comes in and overhears it and she's like oh my God takes the child that was called fat Comforts them gives them the expectation that they should be upset and then tells the other one that was bad and in a moment there was something that is now traumatic that otherwise wouldn't have been and so when we're kids we walk into the world with no meaning all we do is we observe and then whatever the adults around us tell us and say this means that we take his fact and it's not true it's their interpretation of the world and we inherit them and then we spend the rest of our life trying to undo and examine these beliefs that we have been told by people that we probably don't agree with when something bothers you pull it out and look at and say what happened and why is this bad and what would it look like if it were good and so the two tools that I use are time and volume the volume example is thinking okay I'm in traffic if this happened every day would I be upset if it happened every day I'd probably expect it which means that I would not be upset about it because it's just how things always are if you want to make it positive you say well what if every time I got in a car normally it would take an hour and today it took 30. I'd be pretty excited about it and so all we did is just change the volume on the circumstance to recalibrate the meaning that we're choosing to ascribe to it good or bad I like to think of circumstances a lot like weather which is like you've got sunny days and you've got rainy days and the problem in my opinion is that people any day that it rains they say is bad and any day that's Sunny they say is good when in reality it just is it's just the weather contrast is what create the quote good and bad when really there's just a middle line and half of it's above below then what we can do is artificially move the line in our minds by saying whatever this circumstance is what would it look like if it were worse and all the time and if so then maybe today's a good thing the second frame that I like to use is time a hundred years out but 10 000 years out how much is this going to matter the reason something affects you is because you have deemed it meaningful you've said it matters it's my world view that nothing matters with a capital M like nothing matters in the universe it doesn't matter there's this statue of a head that's in the Sands of Egypt all right and it's bigger than this whole room it's just the head it's worn out and then scripted along the forehead it says here lies crazy name who owned everything that the eye could see the immortal so-and-so and the only thing that was left was a worn out statue head that no one knew who he was and it was five thousand years old if that guy who ruled the known world to him wealth probably mattered right but does it matter no probably not I've relieved a lot of the pressure in my life so that I could make better decisions by zooming way out and thinking ten thousand years from now will this matter and if the answer is no does it matter to me and then if I can make the decision of like good or bad based on my new context that I created then I can live a life a lot easier and so for me that helped me decrease anxiety it helped me decrease sadness around certain circumstances and I'll give you the last example of this so I had a cat named Bill Chill Bill rest in peace homie Love the cat he died this is some freak heart thing or something so he died in like two years when he died I was bumped I was like this sucks then I thought to myself what if cats only normally lived six months how stoked would I be that he lived four times the normal length of a normal cat I was like I'd probably be really stuck I'd be like dude he lived a long life I can't believe we had him this long and all of a sudden my perspective around the death completely changed I was like I was so grateful that I got to have him as long as I did when you play with time and you play with volume first off we have to be aware of the levers of meaning that exist and then once you're aware of them you can start moving them in your favor and then looking at your current conditions through different lenses and say what would this mean if it were amazing what would the conditions have to be in order for this to be an awesome thing and then all of a sudden you just exit the game of happy sad and get to be your own game maker at least that's what I tried to do when I get upset look at it pull it apart thing like is this real is this true is anyone doing this perfectly no but simply being aware of the fact gives you a lot more control over your own perception of life and the conditions that are presented to you