Should You Fake It Till You Make It? l Live Beautifully Podcast

pass or smash fake it till you make it mentality there's a lot of value in it but I think it's misunderstood when you're faking it till you make it there's a level of manipulation going on I mean there's a lot of lying that comes along with it have conviction that you're gonna make it and act as if that's very different than fake it till you make it today there are more founder-led personal Brands than ever how can um especially for this in this case women protect themselves and their personal brand

oh there's so much to this first of all thank you for having me on the show of course and congrats on everything um I think you protect yourself by having a strong mental Foundation right like vulnerability um of protection like growing winning having things happen the way you want starts at home and at home I don't mean in your four walls I mean in your brain you have a sense of who you are you strong what's your level of confidence versus your insecurity are you a person that likes to judge as escapism from your own pain because you judge your own self so you know I think before we get into any level of tactics it starts upstairs and you know I feel like women entrepreneurs are extremely strong at speaking about vulnerability and speaking to topics that are meaningful I think men try to posture they struggle with that level but I think a lot of female entrepreneurs have a head start I speak to so many female entrepreneurs who will spend a lot of time and energy explaining to me why men entrepreneurs have it easier but it's really ironic because I believe that emotional strength and emotional work is really the game of how this all works in the end I think the level of conversation on the female entrepreneur sector tends to skew better and higher in the frequency of the conversations are deeper and more thoughtful and I actually think that you know sometimes that for some people they think that they're wasting too much time or energy on that but I think that's the actual work and so what I would say is a continuation of path of like really feeling confident which speaks to cutting out the cavities of insecurity people have to work on tuning out those voices while equally respecting that they may have value there's a really fine balance of like taking in advice but not making it like gospel right like for example I do this with negative comments I don't dismiss as trolls or haters I try to take in is there any truth to the observation and try to take the good from it I can separate the Venom that it's delivered with often and try to see if there's any truth same thing I do with positive like when people put a goat Emoji do I think I'm the greatest of all time I don't I aspire to but I don't like take it in and I try to like preserve my humility the same way that I try to preserve my sanity and confidence and joy and lack of anxiety and so you know I think um you have to take in what those voices are saying but you can't fully internalize them you have to decide if you agree or disagree but if you agree you act on them and if you don't agree you articulate to why you don't but you don't do it like in an Abrupt way hey I built this before you were here I don't need your [ __ ] I just needed your like you got people have to find ways to communicate with class we've gotten into this place in society where we communicate so poorly because politicians have showed us the way um and now it's trickled into day-to-day you know I tell people to really find a way to communicate with class I love that thank you I always say just live an Integris life so yeah it's like no matter what you do yeah that's right be as nice as you can but why not like explain to me why not because they hurt my feelings well guess what if they hurt your feelings they're probably hurting maybe you can deploy some Compassion or empathy like the wine you're drinking yeah I'm just gonna say why not you know why not deploy some empathy um you know and so you know I think that people need to really get within their head and figure this stuff out keep going how important is brand versus

marketing and sales because you really put an emphasis on brand and you share a lot too that the larger companies yeah aren't really realizing the importance of brand well they actually do and actually the biggest companies in the world understand the value brand probably more than influencers and creators they're just they don't understand where brand is being built they think commercials and billboards and print ads and banner ads on websites and pre-roll intrusion ads on digital and dorky posts on social is building brand and my point is perfect social or best social or strategic social is where brand is being built and I think to your point a lot of people in this community of creators and influencers they're so transactional like everything is to selfish needs how many followers can I get how many likes am I getting how much money can I get from this brand deal and so it's very sales oriented the reality is both matter you know like if you've built unlimited brand but you don't know how to close that Equity into a sale well you're going to go out of business but if you're just a salesperson and you're not building brand they're going to move on to the next Creator to the next person to the next brand and so um you know they both matter a lot but I think that sales is just people that aren't great at brand and what I mean by that is you know when I look at the best personalities businesses you know Ryan Reynolds doesn't sell he's brand and you just like I just wanted mint mobile I'm like I've been on Verizon 100 years I'm like Oh my like the when Kevin Hart makes a funny video like and he's got his tequila in it like I just want to support him he's not sending me an email saying buy my buy a case of my tequila you know and so I think when you build brand it's special you recently shared

um an analogy or uh I think it was either in your book or one of your podcast episodes but it was analogy of building a bigger building versus tearing other buildings down can you share that just for our listeners did you like this one yes I'm obsessed with this one this has been one that I've been with since I was a teenager it's a very old adage which is there's two ways to build the biggest building in town one you were just that talented capable you've put in that work two tear down everybody else's building and then thus your building seems bigger even though it might not be that big I believe that we have now gone into the phase in our society of tearing everyone's building down the amount of finger pointing the amount of judgment and so people have no capacity for respecting other people's opinions or thoughts um or success I'm thrilled when other entrepreneurs are doing their thing I just brought up two of them in this analogy two actors who I think are real when I think about the rock or um or you know or Ryan Reynolds or Kevin Hart or Reese Witherspoon or Jessica Alba these are people who've transitioned from Fame to operating entrepreneurs building humongous things you know to me I have great joy in watching other people win doing this podcast is a way for me to accelerate your winning thank you right and so what do you think

all those people have in common that you see in them well those people I just mentioned just happen to be entrepreneurial and ridiculously hardworking like the demonization of hard work is a very dangerous fine line mental health issues that you get from overworking or caring only about money is a tremendous topic yeah and it's exactly right but demonizing work ethic as not one of the required things to build something meaningful is laughable and delusional and then you probably know this there's an enormous amount of your listeners right now who just love the work like when you love your work it's play so finding the balance but I think the thing that I see in people that tear down buildings is they're unhappy with themselves thus they're just trying to make everybody else misery loves company or they just don't know they know that they don't have the talent to just build on their own Merit and they know that they can bully or tear down or out politicize people like when I say I'll politicized I don't mean politics I mean in business World some for example some people will say well if you work with that other person you're not going to work with me and they know that you're giving them more business and that's because they're worried about this upstart gal in town doing a thing like you know and so like I think that's horrible I don't want to lose to my competitors but I respect my competitors in my businesses if they're able to accomplish in our game and I admire it and I cheer for it and I also don't think that anyone is taking away from me I don't think anyone's success is taking happiness out of my pocket money growth out of my pocket the world is abundant there's enough for everyone at scale and um I just think that way too many people are insecure out there and it's manifesting in poor Behavior which is really unfortunate because they might be tricking a lot of people but they're not tricking the two percent that are most emotionally intelligent on Earth so when I see people that seemingly look like they're doing well and they're winning um I feel bad for them yeah me too

and so uh that's part of the live beautifully podcast how to live more beautifully okay I know we don't have that much more time left but I would love for you to share the 12 and a half ingredients to success so that way someone can go read your book because I really think that these words obviously you had a lot of intent behind them if you can remember them like everybody can go to Amazon and see those words on the cover and we can talk about accountability or patience or curiosity which I think is a weird one and you're right I had a lot of intent or me being vulnerable and talking about Candor being very important but me struggling with it I actually want to go a different way because I think this will bring even more value to your audience when you see those words which one hit you as like [ __ ] you know like my intention with the book it's 13 traits I called it 12 and a half because I talk about in the book hey Candor has been my kryptonite I don't like telling people I love which are my employees that they're bad or that I'm gonna fire them it's the worst feeling on Earth and it's really [ __ ] up a lot of things in my life that's just the truth because if you can't be candorous you really open up yourself to being full of [ __ ] and people don't like full of [ __ ] right and so I'm just curious when you saw those words what kind of hit you I've always related to you when it has to do with having Candor and I didn't even know what that word really was and now I've explored how that has been difficult for me as an entrepreneur I'm a people pleaser and so even if it's employees I just want everyone to be happy and to like me and to love their job but giving feedback has always been even when I would do reviews I'd actually have people review themselves I'm like on a scale of one to ten how punctual are you um but I also think you're doing a

disservice like you say like as a leader we owe it to them to give them feedback that's really kind it's also not going to work like what's going to happen is anybody who's functionally capable you're eventually going to fire them and you went from being nice I mean I used to think I was being nice I was like this person stinks at Wine Library vaynermedia I'm letting them stay here for another year in this beautiful atmosphere and I'm nice and like I'm doing a Mitzvah I'm like the greatest guy ever and then you have to fire them and they're like you're a piece of [ __ ] you made me think I was great the whole time nobody ever gave me any negative feedback what the [ __ ] this came out of nowhere and I was like man this is really not working like I'm over here thinking I'm being Santa Claus and these people are like when I review in my lifetime the dozens and dozens of people versus the thousands of people who adore me the dozens and dozens of people who have a bad taste in their mouth that working at Wine Library vaynermedia or anything of that nature I'm like uh every one of them was everyone all of them were the same story they weren't up to my standards subjectively they were just my subjective standards I was unable to communicate to them their exit in the company was super sloppy because I actually had a lot and the more I love them the sloppier it was yeah because they care about them so once I rebranded it to myself as kind candor you know I had a breakfast yesterday and I gave Canada and it's uncomfortable still to me I went from a one out of ten to a four out of ten maybe a five out of ten I've seen huge dividends but still it's like pulling teeth for me to be like you're late or you're not extra hard work it's just because you care all right we only have a couple minutes left I want to do this so we're doing pass or smash which I know that you want to give context on all of them yep Hazard smash chat GPT smash focus groups of 100 people smash Twitter smash lemonade double smash it's how I learned business oh uh yeah well I'm sorry I haven't dug super oh lemonade you can start selling lemonade early um I haven't gone deep on it I'm obviously very aware but I am I that one I just have to say neutral because I haven't tasted it yet Fair uh using trends smash fake it till you make it mentality let me double click on that um there's a lot of value in it but I think it's misunderstood when you're faking it till you make it there's a level of manipulation going on let me wear the suit let me make up I mean there's a lot of lying yeah that comes along with it so I think fake it to you make it would be a little bit different have conviction that you're gonna make it and act as if I like that very different than fake it till you make it which comes with a lot of baggage of like sleazy behavior that actually can become very um dangerous because you can't become used to it and then when you make it some of those things that got you there with the faking it actually become your scarlet letter and your vulnerability of losing it so fake it to you make it may lead to you losing it have conviction that you're going to make it and acts that act as if becomes a healthier version of it I like that standing desks I'm a little bit neutral on that um meaning uh I'm actually gonna say smash because my back is killing me right now and I think culprit is sitting like an idiot all through all of covid so let me take that back I'm gonna go with smash snooze button smash I [ __ ] use it I know a lot of people like garyvee and I [ __ ] need that I need I use it I used it today for 10 minutes box twine black swine is horrible like I know people trying to say like it's getting better it is but let me give a huge thing for everybody on here the level of wine that you can buy between 12 and 20 a bottle is staggeringly high and the stuff you're getting in a box wine though much cheaper because obviously that goes down to two three four bucks a bottle like [ __ ] wine is such an epic thing like if you just go to 12 bucks the whole world opens up um and I think people should make that investment if they're drinking wine drink water if you want to drink four dollar wine uh losing uh smash I think falling in love with micro losing is what makes you the ultimate winner I think people fear losing in front of others I'm the complete other way I like losing in front of others my whole childhood I would cry the second I would lose in front of others I like it I think learning how to lose is the [ __ ] foundation and I think demonizing losing to kids eighth place trophies keeping them away from it fighting with teachers to get a higher grade yelling at coaches all that [ __ ] everybody up totally all right a few more private chats private jets I would say pass for 99 who use it to flex and make people feel worse and try to feel like somebody smash for the one percent that their time is so valuable now that it's actually thoughtful and strategic to use a private flight because wasting the extra three hours commercially is like Roi negative for them okay the other Jets the New York ones I'll smash the living [ __ ] out of that is my passion it's my escapism it's one place where I actually act silly and not logical I love it healthy for me it's a balance to my real life it's like going to church every Sunday for three hours I love it all right live beautifully podcast I'm gonna say now that I've graced the presence of I'm gonna go with smash um I you know even in the way that you're interviewing me right now I can sense like the importance of it for you thank you know one of the reasons I continue to do podcasts is because I know people can leverage me being a guest to get four guests and it's like one of the great joys for me um and so I hope you get some more guests that you want based on me being on the show no I just I know you gotta go thank you so much for absolutely just saying yes for everything for always putting yourself out there and um I've looked up to you for years I met you years ago at the pop um Gala and you did a little video for my birthday with me so it was really cool and I'm giving this a go and how do you yeah thank you and I hope that I can even anyone that doesn't know who you are which I doubt it but if they don't then by the way that's you know the selfless part is I know I'm at that point of my career where I'm it's like rap it's like I'm giving a feature to someone and I know that I can put them on the flip side to your point if four people and there's plenty more than four are listening right now that I've never heard of me and they hear you know I'm aware that I say things that are a little bit different than the masses and that's really exciting to me and that comes from great mothering and what my mom did for me I feel like somebody heard something I know somebody just heard something that has never heard of me and by the way maybe has heard of me and didn't you know this some people don't like me because I'm aggressive I'm competitive I curse but maybe in this context they're like wait a minute and so like that's very exciting for me as well and so thank you for having me on I curse too because I grew up outside of Boston in New Hampshire so I'm already Wicked something awesome thank you I think