The Lack Of Accountability Leads To Unhappiness | With Jay Shetty

you know I think you have to understand you're in control Facebook and Tik Tok and podcast and YouTube don't make you do anything yeah they Gary I'm asking this with love and you know for me this was a big thing I think it was like I think I'd been making content for two years before I introduced my community to my wife yes and everyone was like Jay you're married like people had no idea because I just didn't talk about her because we just got married we've been together for a few years before that I was like I need to be careful about what we're going to say where this is going how this feels you've recently been more open about your relationship yes we don't have to go there this is you're being very kind and I appreciate it because I respect you and I'm asking it from a I am incredibly private as you know and the world knows because I'm going through a transition in my life I felt like it got to a place where it was not sustainable for me to be 100% private and so I've been a little more public it is something that I'm desperately not interested in even the part we just talked about with my kids like it's not somewhere I want to go I don't want to talk about my kids personal no I want you to keep this and I'll tell you why I want to remind people you're in control yeah it's incredibly important and appropriate and I appreciate especially being very cordal for people to ask and things of that nature but I want to remind people they're in control yeah I want to provide value and put out things in my professional career I'm incredibly private and feel that the world is entitled to what you give it so when I watch people get upset when people get into their business I'm like you're giving them your business by the way you're leveraging your business MH I don't want to leverage nor give my personal life to the world I don't think that's the right way by the way yeah I just think it's my way yeah um so the reason I have a little bit to what you're referring to is it became not sustainable because it's been a long time and like I was in a trans like it just it was the appropriate time and I needed to just get some context out there but I'm uh it's not where I'm going to go yeah and that's what I was more interested by to me it's not listen us being together my brain goes into maximize the value at the highest levels because we have the opportunity to for as many people are listening the takeaway there from my perspective is you're in control yeah you have a learning disability and you want to share it maof you don't great it took me back to something less serious it took me 15 years of public life to say I'm not canderous and it's hurt me in my personal life business life you get to share what you want to share yeah and I think people should be careful of what they share yes you share your abs as a like you're a good shaped dude people are going to talk about your body for the rest of your life yeah but you did that you going to show your kid all the time they're going to talk about that relationship you're giving the world permission yeah I prefer not to give the world permission because that's a sacred place for me yeah you know even look at my mom she like the greatest gift I could give to the world is my mom to the world the greatest she's Alpha me she's more experienced she's a different perspective as a mom as a she doesn't want it the end right I thought my dad and mom would be rever my dad I never thought would love the Limelight so much um but you know so I think if you're listening right now please if you're not going on social media because you have a skeleton in your closet you have a disease you have a bad you know situation you uh you're like me and like grew up in a family where like personal life is private that's I think you know in Russia that was like people would go to jail if anybody knew anything about you so I think it ingrained in my parents which then ingrained in me in my sister and brother like we're private that way um you know I think you have to understand do anything yeah they don't make you do anything I'm so glad you addressed that because I think there's and this is why I brought it up I think there's been a mosque of false vulnerability that's been encouraged because of social media so people think that the more vulnerable or more open you are that shows authenticity totally love you for that you're going to a very smart place I would argue I see more lack of authenticity in the way that people are leveraging their family and personal life because they know it does well I think the lack of accountability is leading to so much unhappiness MH like life is so much better when you're like this was my fault yeah absolutely you're in control yeah and so like you know this was like a wrap up to control you're in control you you decide what you consume believe you decide who you surround yourself with decide what you put out

take on accountability yeah everybody wants the blame right now the algorith they're acting as the algorithms are like hypnosis and I understand endorphin hits and all that but like you can delete the app you can like where's accountability in this yeah right yeah absolutely we have alcohol we have tobacco we have drugs we have weapons and we have all sorts of issues but most people play Within moderation that's on you yeah and it's a tough truth right it's a tough especially when you're unhappy yeah that goes back to why it's important it's like the chicken and egg it's like working out like I got into better shape the last eight years nothing comes less natural to me yeah tell me relate to right like but like I was like I just would like to live longer I would just yeah and go figure it's not apple cider gummies it's not steroids it's not implants I thought about it I'm like can I get chest implants I put in a lot of work I feel like I like Seth's good like I feel like I've done more than Seth but like my body type like you know and I'm like I probably haven't but uh but no it's like eat well go in the gym do the right things and so same for life you know whether it's meditation whether it's exercise whether it's therapy whether it's good conversations whether it's surrounding you know back to us not having the Ser you know we've had some meals we've had some interactions they're always like they're nice I would like that we'll build on that I think you know I I'm spending more time thinking about spending more time with more while doubling down on core you know it's you know because I've been I did a really good job in the last 10 years of doubling down on core but I think being as busy and I love what I do you know I really do want to build out a more of a friend Network more I want to take more people from lightweight acquaintance to solid acquaintance I want to take people from acquaintance to friend from friend to best friend and so I'm on a journey like everybody else but I think that um I God I think believe it or not and this is going to sound so crazy for so many the world actually has so much potential for everybody listening to be the best time to be alive medicine and technology and there's so much but we're caught right now it's like a hamster wheel we're in the momentum of focusing on you know the bad yeah and there's always bad yeah the Holocaust was bad genocide is always going on gangas Khan was not a fun time to be a human yeah like you know like we are very bad at history I was a really bad student but I did well in history like but that starts with you what are you going to do about it cuz right now everyone's like pointing and feels like it's on someone else starts with ourselves I mean when you said that and you brought up the Holocaust I recently read edth E's book the gift she lived through the Holocaust and she had that mindset in the Holocaust so she said the only way she got through it is she realized that she wasn't a prisoner that the only prisoners were the gods cuz they were prisoners of their own conscience unbelievable that was her mindset she's right and it's and you know she's like overnight now or even older and it's like it's just phenomenal that her Victor Franco who wrote Manet for meaning these two phenomenal books if anyone hasn't read them like they had that in that scenario well that's the point I always make to everybody like you know the only thing that works for me is trying to contextualize moments in time yeah and like you know our great great grandparents had it rough by comparison to the way we have it and sure they had some things that were better on Simplicity but we must choose optimism because what's the alternative pessimism like are you just going to decide because once you decide where are you once you decide it's bad it's actually bad and so like one of the things that makes me very passionate to communicate is practical optimism or the fact that I believe negativity is much better at marketing than positivity oh for sure I feel a huge sense of responsibility what has become out of all the things you've pursued because I'm guessing at different stages in your life and anyone who hasn't heard I've interviewed Gary twice before so you can go back and listen to those you've pursue different things at different times and every time I meet you it's a really what I love about it is that just there's so much growth and acceptance and embracing of this new you every time we talk I feel like I'm talking to a even more self aware human which is a really fun feeling when you're checking in with someone in this way and so I go what have you found currently to be the most worthy Pursuit like what is it that you're pursuing that you've found worthy of pursuit it's always been the same thing for me it's almost as if I'm living two separate lives the most worthy Pursuit is I am wildly gifted at helping other

people and I'm incredibly comfortable of also being okay with feeding myself around my own interests the most worthwhile pursue my friend this I think this is going to land with you is the continuous balance beam that I walk on that is called equal parts selfish and equal parts selfless and refining that skill set and I think in the three times if I may off of your analogy I think the beam is Getting Thinner and I'm still walking it MH you know maybe the first time we met it was like an Olympic beam or a high school beam maybe the second time was you know my hope is that as I continue to go I'll be on a tight RPP across Manhattan and walk it easily because me playing my game of Entrepreneurship gives me so much energy that I'm able to deploy it in a positive manner at scale and I find it fascinating and so that is what I continue to go after I love that Gary 40 minutes with you feels like an hour and two hours with someone else thank you man thank you brother the best thank you br I appreciate it so much