An honest chat about burnout in tech

apparently about 44% of people who work in Tech experien burnout during their career and last year I finally accepted that it had gotten me to today I just really felt like I wanted to sit down and talk to you about what some of the signs were of burnout for me and some of the things that I've been doing to try and recover from it while still working a stressful job in Tech okay so when I look back with hindsight obviously being 2020 I think I was actually in a period of bone out for a long time before I actually realized that it was happening I thought that it was like oh I'm just tired or I'm like just stressed even though like these are not good things to be anyway that like once this project is complete or like you know if I can just start focusing better or prioritizing better then things can get better and go back to normal obviously that never happened and ultimately it was reading this definition of burnout on Dan Mall's blog in one of his articles that really just opened my eyes and showed me there is no denying it this is what I'm experiencing in particular for me it was the line of caring too much for too long and the feeling of futility that can come along with that when you're caring so much and it's been so long that you've cared and things just don't feel like they're changing that's how I felt um I've been in the same job for 7 years it's a long time to work for one company I've also been running my own business my design content creation side of things for 10 years now which is a very long time too and so I think that like burnout or not it was probably time to take a break or at least stop to check in on where I was going and what I wanted out of these things that I'm doing I definitely related a lot to that definition of burnout and I did not like what I was reading I definitely felt called out by seeing those words on the page um but you know I just I feel like I'd been putting in so much effort and I wasn't getting the results that I wanted either in my work as creative director or in my business doing this design content creation audience building making products and all of that I was definitely finding myself getting frustrated more and more at work it's not like I was like lashing out at people or anything but I would just like find myself like I don't know internally feeling frustrated about situations that were happening whereas maybe in the past they wouldn't have affected me so much I just felt like I couldn't keep up I felt like I was like running along and like chasing and like grasping trying to make sure everything stayed together and that I just wasn't doing my best work while doing it either so that was like the futility thing it was kind of like I'm feel like I'm putting in all this effort and I'm not doing my best work like what is the point when I looked at how I felt about my work as a whole I just was like feeling more and more negative about it and I didn't like that I am an optimist by nature and whenever I feel pessimistic about something I guess like that that's what should have been a warning sign to me that same idea of like pressure and trying to keep up uh I was feeling the same way about my own business too rightly or wrongly it's hard to stop comparing yourself to others um who are doing a similar thing to you and I found myself looking at other content creators and feeling like if they're doing all this stuff why can't I like why am I struggling so much to do this too I felt disappointed in myself honestly as well when it comes to this cuz I don't know I was one of the first design YouTubers out there especially talking about my work and like life as a designer I think I can definitely say that I was one of the first on the scene with this 10 years ago and part of me felt like I was wasting that opportunity by not growing faster by not having produced more products or like turned this into a proper business that fully supports me or anything like that I felt like I wasn't living up to the potential that I had with this and that I was yeah annoyed at myself because of that so yes reading that definition made me realize that all these things of like frustrations and whatever that I was feeling that burnout was probably the reason that I had chronic stress and that it wasn't going away anytime soon and that this probably isn't going to go away on its own the Tipping Point for me though is I got sick in October um I had neuro virus it was very unpleasant do not recommend I was wiped out for like at least a week and like feverish very dehydrated definitely could not work or like do anything during the time and like as well the physical symptoms which weren't fun what also wasn't fun was the feeling that oh my gosh the longer I'm off work and like the longer I'm not doing things for my business the harder it's going to be to catch up and I just felt like this house of cards that I built was coming crashing down and that I couldn't keep it all together realizing that it was burnout that I was feeling was kind of scary honestly and I

think what why I resisted like accepting like this is what it is this is what I'm experiencing for so long is that I'd seen so many people in Tech um say they were feeling burnt out and the solution to it for them was to quit their jobs and they would take breaks for like several months sometimes even longer and then get a new job and like start again in a different environment and I didn't want to have to do that I felt like I was searching and like grasping for examples of times where people had burnt out but managed to keep their jobs managed to like keep doing well in their careers and that was pretty much impossible to find in so it was scary to realize that this is the situation that I was in I knew I had to change something um I felt like for me leaving my job wasn't the right solution to this problem

though in general non-burn burnout times I believe I have a very good job I think that I'm very lucky to be in the position that I'm in and to be able to work for a US company while living in Europe and to be able to work for a company that honestly I do believe cares a lot about its team as well I just felt like it was the wrong move for my career financially as well to leave my job and that despite the stress of the job and the responsibilities that I have overall it is a very good job I wanted to try like approaching it differently and trying to better manage the stress rather than just flat out leaving all together and so something had to give though right like I needed some time to rest and recover and if it wasn't going to be quitting my job then I knew that I had to not quit my business but definitely pause it I decided in October once IID like you know managed to leave my sick bed um and sat back at my computer again I just felt like this dread knowing I had a newsletter deadline coming up that I had to write uh and I just didn't want to do it I didn't want to have that feeling anymore and so I decided that it was the right decision to just like stop creating content for the rest of the year I posted a tweet saying I was taking a break and honestly I felt a lot of relief just in like letting people know that I was kind of saying do not expect anything from me and take taking the pressure off myself a bit giving myself permission to step off the hamster wheel that is content creation which is scary in its own ways to step off of because I know that consistency in uploading is how you grow as a Creator and how you maintain a business I was actively choosing to stop doing that but I knew it was what I needed to do like something had to give so in the weeks after I made that decision I am taking a break um I prioritize sleep a lot more and like having less of a morning routine where I have to wake up and get up by a certain time and fit a lot of things in before I start my workday um I also really started leaning into Hobbies I started playing some more video games I've been playing life is strange and really enjoying it I finished the first one and I'm currently playing the prequel before the storm if anyone has played that I also like very quickly like honestly within the first few weeks of not creating content anymore and just having a bit more space in my life started getting interested in picking up some other new hobbies one of which I decided to go for and that was sewing I bought myself a sewing machine like had fun researching all of the equipment and stuff that I need I've been watching a ton of sewing YouTube videos basically that's my whole YouTube suggested feed now is other people sewing projects taught myself to sew or like retaught myself cuz I did sew a bit in high school so far I have made some pajama pants I have cropped a lot of my t-shirts so that they just like look a bit cuter and my current pride and joy is that I made this dress with an invisible zipper and lining it's been really fun and healthy for me I think to be able to be like Curious and interested and motivated by something that isn't work or business related and I need to be very strict with myself about keeping sewing a hobby um I've had people ask me like oh will you make YouTube videos about the learning to sew and like your sewing process maybe you'll see me sewing in a vlog here or there but I'm definitely not going to make videos about it like that needs to remain just a thing that I do for fun because it's been helping a lot it's not been like a magic cure or anything like that I think that burnout takes a lot longer to recover from than just like

having a couple weeks off or you know um having a few more good night sleep like this is a long road to recovery and really what I'm having to do is shift a lot of my mindset and the way that I approach my work and specifically I need to try to distance myself more from my work I think my selfworth is very tied up in my work achievements and that is not healthy I am trying to set better boundaries with work and have more open honest conversations with my boss about what I need to be successful including like needing more resources or more reasonable timelines for things and I think I realized in this and through like how well those conversations have gone is that I was putting a lot of the stress on myself is that I felt so invested in our business and felt like I just wanted to do the best job possible even if it meant coming at the expense of my own health that wasn't like consciously the choice that I made obviously but that's how I was operating is that anything that we needed as a business I was going to make it happen that is just not sustainable and so I have been trying to be more selective in how I show up at work and like the projects that I dive in and care about and invest my efforts into I want to make sure that're the things that the business needs from me most and that if I'm doing that I can communicate about the things that I'm actively not doing um in service of focusing on those highest impact things if that makes sense I'm definitely now in January feeling a lot better about work than I did um throughout most of last year and maybe even the year before to be honest but it hasn't all been smooth sailing I feel like I had a setback during annual planning time when I realized how much work is ahead of us in 2024 and I was just like feeling helpless about actually being able to achieve it all but like I said open honest conversations with my manager um about what I'm going to need to be successful including hiring a designer which is something I'm going to get to do this year which I'm very excited about but yeah the work self separation is definitely still a work in progress that I'm sure I'll talk about again in future videos as I work on that more but I feel like I'm on a good path and I've actually surprisingly been getting really good feedback at work recently about how I'm showing up um I think it's become evident to my boss and like you know the leadership team around me that I'm feeling more optimistic again I've been having people tell me they appreciate how like much positivity I'm bringing to our team calls which is really nice to hear and I feel like I'm like getting my old self back again a little bit in that way and that's actually been really encouraging to get positive feedback even though I am actively trying to um be more selective about the effort that I invest into my work that the efforts and the things that I'm choosing to invest in are clearly paying off as the most important things because um my boss thinks I'm doing a good job at the moment it will take a long time to like fully change my mindset on this I know but it's a work in progress we're all a work in progress now obviously I am here showing up on

YouTube again for you after just ghosting you for several months and I have been thinking about how I need to approach my own business my content creation this year to make it sustainable for me that is what I'm going to be aiming for I want to aim for it to feel sustainable cuz the truth is that creating these videos for me is optional right like this is a choice that I am making um and I started it because it was a hobby and it was something fun and I wanted it to feel more like a hobby again um I do still want to continue to earn an income from my business cuz I do find that quite fun to try out new income streams and to like learn what works what doesn't um in the process of making money but I'm going to have to take the pressure off myself to keep earning more and more each year already this break that I took for the past few months I would say that it has cost me like at least $88,000 in Lost sponsorship revenue or Services revenue and uh we're going to see that show up in my income report when that gets published later on this year and I have to be okay with that choice I'm very privileged that my job does cover the bills more than cover the bills so I can afford to lose out on that income and I should choose to not pursue that kind of income if it's going to come at the cost of me enjoying what I'm doing or my like stress levels I also need to do a better job of not comparing myself to creators who do it full-time or perhaps just like are not in Burnout and have different energy levels to me when it comes to creating content and running their business this year you can probably expect to see only like one video One newsletter a month from me um I do want to run another season of inside marketing design it'll be a shorter season though but I really enjoy the excuse to get on calls with peers in the industry and record those episodes they're extremely valuable for me in my career and I hope they are for you too so I want to keep making them um videos keep writing newsletters I'm just going to do less of it so that I can like fully enjoy and appreciate each one that I put out instead of feeling like you know I'm on that hamster wheel treadmill whatever you want to call it it's so interesting how even the smallest things and the things that you think should be really easy when you're burnt out just feels so overwhelming and so hard like I had an episode of inside marketing design ready to go the linear episode which is one of my favorite episodes that I've ever recorded and all I had to do was like press publish essentially I just had to upload the episode to the podcast platform copy in the description didn't even have to write it was already written and I put it off for weeks and weeks cuz I just couldn't face doing it um I'm glad I did that I'm glad I got it out there go watch the episode if you didn't see it already cuz I didn't do much promotion of it to be honest but I know now that that'll be a sign that I look for in the future as well like if I find myself dreading or like feeling overwhelmed at the thought of sitting down to write a newsletter or to record a video whatever it is that I need to do then I'm going to honor my own health by like not doing that thing so you will still see me this

year just perhaps um don't expect to see me every week I'm glad now to be sitting here in January and you know have felt today like excited to film this video and to talk to you all through the camera and fill you in on this you know period of life and career that I've been going through I am actually like separately burned out aside going through some pretty cool career growth at the moment we've got some big projects coming up this year that I am excited about we're evolving our brand and it's like a brand new way of approaching it for me and I'm learning a lot I know it's going to be like one of those things that I look back on in my career and I'm like wo I did that and so I'm definitely excited to bring you along on the Journey of that and share what I'm learning along the way that's probably what you can expect in videos on my channel this year is a lot of here's what I'm learning and doing in my work less so on the tutorials or like more General design advice kind of thing I think that if I can hold myself to making things more sustainable and to continue with my hobbies and all of that then it's going to be a really good year for me and I hope the 2024 is off to a good start for you as well if you've got questions about burnout or anything like that um please feel free to leave them down below in the comments and maybe I'll answer them in a future video because I do plan on making some more like life as a creative director Vlogs this year if you've made it to this point in the video then I want to say a big thank you because obviously you care and are interested in life and work and the things that I've been experiencing maybe you're wondering where I've been for the past few months so thank you for sticking with me for your patience with me and I guess I will see you again soon but not too soon bye