Why People Don’t Trust You!

it's called the trust triangle and it's this idea that in order for people to trust you need to fulfill three parts of the triangle the reason why Dr Christine luer told me this is because she had remarked Chris you have incredible latitude with your audience you're able to say and do things and they still feel like they trust you because you've hit all three points and I'm leaning in right now I'm like what are these trust triangles I need to know what it is that I'm doing subconsciously or unconsciously the top of the trust triangle is authenticity do you appear to be the person that you present yourself to be now we know if we look around there's lots of people who are still confused not that they're evil or malicious or trying to trick you but they don't know who they are so they try to project an image that they think you will accept and this is a pretty common Behavior cuz we're socialized to adapt our environments to try to fit in so

what we do is we go along to get along this happens a lot of us where we repress our individualism for fear of being ostracized by the group this has happened to many of us where we feel left out with the kid that no one wants to play with no one invites to the birthday party and it can bring up powerful painful childhood memories so the top part is authenticity then the next part to the triangle is do you have a logical way of thinking that somebody can follow so if you're authentic and you're saying something but the logic doesn't make any sense and people can't follow it well we think then the trust Factor will go down that makes a lot of sense the last one is does the person feel like you genuinely care do you care about them are you looking out for the best interest so now we have the three points to the trash triangle are you authentic do you have a logical way of speaking or thinking that they can follow and lastly do you genuinely care about that person now many of you might watch me on YouTube or on or listen to me on LinkedIn or X or Twitter whatever it is and say gosh he's one canang mother trucker like why are people still here because deep down inside I believe in my heart of hearts that they know I genuinely care and my way of showing that I care is to tell people the truth I'm not going to mince words be cruel I'm not going to judge you but I'm going to tell you the truth as directly and as clearly as I can and I want to quote bernee Brown here she says choose discomfort over resentment and what that means is when you have clear boundaries when you communicate clearly it might be uncomfortable for you in the moment but at least you're articulating your thoughts and it will prevent you from feeling resentful to the other person when someone overstays their welcome and you don't say anything you're repressing your Tru true feelings creating resentment in your heart that the other person should have figured this out this is the root of a lot of miscommunication between lovers between friends and between clients and vendors now I was asking Christine I wonder what it is where salespeople fail on the trust triangle so what I would quickly rule out is they do seem to have a pretty logical flow in a process where they can talk about what you need to do to get the results that you want they take you from your current state to your desired future State they talk about the problems and steps you need to take that's usually not the issue I thought at first it was about authenticity because when we see people trying to sell us something we think oh you're so fake you're a scam artist you don't have any experience I don't know who you are why can't I trust you appear to be too friendly too gracious too generous and there's something that's off and we feel like a funny thing inside of our gut so we don't trust them because we feel that they're inauthentic and so a lot of you are inadvertently doing this by trying to be somebody that you're not so if you want more people to trust you just show up as you are and accept the fact that you're not going to be for everybody that a certain group of people will like you for who you are and the rest of the people you don't need to get

to know them but Dr Christine lucer said I think it's because I don't think they genuinely care about me all they care about is a sale which got me to think I think she's right more often than not you just don't feel cared for or that they care so a lot of times some of you are slipping into my DMs we've not had a conversation you don't follow me you actually don't even know anything about me and you say something like this hey Chris big fan curious what are you doing with your emails I know a couple things about this already number one you're not a big fan you don't follow me you don't know that we send out emails you don't know anything about our business so it's one of the most inauthentic things that you're doing and I know all you care about is getting to the next step in the sales process so what I do block delete so if you're sitting here thinking hey Chris everybody's talking about authenticity aren't we all truly authentic I would wager mostly not because we're socialized in Western culture to do what the group wants to do so here's an example let's say you want to go eat sushi and everybody else is like want to eat burgers you're going to say well uh yeah I think I like burgers too and you just compromise in a lifetime of these small compromises you start to forget who you are and this is one of those things where we have to spend a lot of time doing inner work we have to reflect as to who we are what our preferences are and to have the courage to show up and say those things now one of the greatest fears that we have is to be rejected and to not be loved and to be pushed out and to be labeled as something other than what we are and that's such a powerful negative

emotion that will do anything to avoid that so what I would do is perhaps sit down with some people you really love and trust and know that they love and trust you as well and invite them to tell you about you maybe you can ask them something like what is your favorite memory of me what is the thing that I do that really irritates you and you have to be ready to ask these questions and to hear the truth because they can also sense your discomfort and when you show that you're discomfort what will they do they'll start to lie to you this happens all the time because it's what we've learned to do to be polite with each other so that we can get along and socialize so I hope that helps you um sit down with some friends get to know yourself better and to have the courage to show up as yourself and you can discover wonderful things