Diary of Becoming: To Be Soft & Strong 💖 (back after a quiet season)

Hello my loves. Welcome back to Lavendaire. It's so good to see you. So, I wanted to film a quick intro before today's diary because first off, I have not posted in a while. I've been working more behind the scenes on my app, Resonance, and I took this winter to spend a lot of time traveling with my family. So, I've been doing some inner nourishing, but now I'm excited to be back. I'm excited to share that Resonance has launched. If you haven't heard me talk about it, Resonance is my app for daily meditations, affirmations, sound healing, sound guided journeys. It is your space, your sanctuary for daily inner transformation. So, if you're interested to try it out, you can try it for free. I'll put the link down below as well as a code for discount. The next update is I'll be sharing more writing this year on Substack. So, I started a new Substack. You can follow it. The link is also here and below. That is where I will be sharing the Diary of Becoming entries as well as my audio recordings as well as other writings that I plan to do. This is just because sometimes I feel like I have content or things that I want to share but I don't necessarily want or need to make a video out of it because just the way YouTube and Instagram are as platforms sometimes it's not conducive for like deeper philosophical lessons and writing. So anyway, I'm excited to have a new space where I can share more of what I want without having to think of the algorithm. So if you want to read or listen to my work, you can check out Substack. As I've been speaking about for the past year or even 2 years on this channel, I feel like I've been going through this like major transformational shift where I'm moving from the old me to the new version of me. And for a while, I didn't know what that was. And then the clues came and then I followed the clues and the energy and now I feel like I am in a place where I really am a different person and I cannot go back to who I was before. the influencer, YouTuber, creator type of person I was before with that like consistent schedule and the type of content I would make. That all is still here on YouTube, but I feel like my next chapter is going deeper and it means I'm not going to be posting as consistently. My goal is like one to two videos a month on YouTube and the rest will just be behind the scenes work and writing. Um, but I'm I think you'll eventually see where I'm headed. The clues are already out there. I have my app Resonance. I have my writing. I'm working on my book behind the scenes. And I feel like I'm finding a new level of balance where I'm not pushing myself. I feel like I still have a clear direction of where I want to go, but I'm not rushing myself to get there. Um, and that's kind of what today's diary is about. So, I wrote this last week. It really resonated with me. Like, I literally ended this entry in tears. And I hope that it moves you in somewhat of the same way. Let me know if you like it. All right, enjoy. February 24th, 2026. Life is a garden. Every area of your life is a different piece of your garden that you can tend to nurture, to grow. Like any garden, some of your flowers or vegetables may be in bloom. Some may be dormant, resting. There are seasons for our life as a whole, as well as seasons for the different areas of our life. When I look at my garden the past 3 or 4 months, this garden is shifting. Areas that had taken up most of my garden and attention in the past have now become a bit quieter. There are new flowers that I'm tending to. And of course, the foundational pieces of my garden, my family life, friendships, sense of adventure and wonder that I've been tending more to this winter. I'm allowing and observing the ebbs and flows of this garden, allowing my public life to grow quieter these past couple months as I tend to my inner circle and inner life. As someone who had grown conditioned to being public and seen so consistently the past decade, I'm experiencing something new. There's a renewal of my beliefs and conditioning as I mature. The worth that was tied to my public presence and external success, my drive for survival in this career and industry. This pressure to keep performing and stay relevant, so ingrained that it felt equated to breathing, has finally dissolved. I feel much more quiet and a bit more free. This is what it feels like to go through an identity shift, a self-belief shift. I had gotten to a point where the thinking and way of living that had brought me success is not the same thinking and way of living

that will bring me to my next chapter. It's such a funny feeling to grow beyond the thing you once dreamed of. wished so badly for and would have done anything to get. I'm so grateful for my journey and I regret nothing as all of those experiences and lessons were meant for me to help me grow, learn, understand, and evolve. And now I simply feel that inner knowing that I've learned what I had to learn, gained gain from that chapter. And now I'm moving towards the next. We just arrived at our guest house. It's in the ancient city of Datong and it is so modern. This was built like last year and it's so beautiful. I'll show you around. So, actually that's ground level. And you come down the stairs and then the front door is here. These little Buddhas so cute. So well lit. So cool. We were enjoying some tea. Some tea and fruits. Little kitchen. Oh, this is cute. Little tea area. So beautiful. Change is such an interesting process. Sometimes the shift feels instant. Other times it feels as slow as molasses, taking years. Like the effect of the tides on rock, washing upon the rock endlessly, tirelessly, creating change that seems invisible until you zoom out the timeline far enough to realize how epic the changes truly are. Sometimes the change in nature is loud and abrupt. Most times it's slow and seemingly invisible. You live the same life until you realize that your life now is actually not the same at all what it used to be. Your thinking, your habits, your preferences, your motivations, all of it is constantly shifting, many times without you knowing. I'm riding the wave, embracing the flow, trusting that this is what growth and maturity feels like. I'm still being intentional. Your intention is like the guidance for the flow, but you can't predict exactly how it'll all play out. That's what keeps life interesting, I guess. The surprise, the delight, and the learning of letting go of control, loosening your grip so you can have an easier ride rather than being stressed and anxious the whole time. If we could only truly learn to let go and trust, to live with focused intention, yet let go of the rest, taking inspired action from your natural energy and not forcing it when you don't have the energy. The balance of doing and doing nothing. Do when you have the energy to, rest when you don't. Listen to your body and your intuition for the key. Only you know the right decision in any given moment. This is the balance I'm learning to live life with. No longer forcing or rushing or setting arbitrary self-imposed deadlines. Living in accordance with my energy, intuition and body, even if it goes against societal constructs, systems or beliefs. Letting go of the fear of it all. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of being wrong or doing it wrong. Instead, choosing love and compassion for myself, which feels like safety, support, no matter what, I love you and will take care of you, and a reassurance that it will all truly be okay. You're tired? Take a break. It's okay. Don't push yourself. You can come back to this when you have the energy. You don't feel like doing this anymore. Okay, great. I hear you. Let's honor that and explore what that feeling truly means. What your body is trying to tell you. All love. No matter what, we'll work through it together. No fear. It's amazing that this is the kind of loving self talk that I've built for myself brick by brick. Literally had it reprogrammed into my brain because 10 years ago it was absolutely the opposite. Yes, it feels soft.

Love is soft, but is also incredibly strong. I love this dichotomy of soft and strong. Of being soft and strong and living a life that is both soft and strong. I felt the more I've healed, the softer and the stronger I've become. In ancient Chinese wisdom, Taoism, what's soft and flexible is actually strong. Water is soft and strong. A soft, flexible branch is more resilient than a hard, brittle one. In a storm, against harsh winds and pressure, the flexible branch survives. The rigid branch breaks. What might seem strong at first glance, a person's toughness, for example, is like a hard wall formed for protection. It's strong until it breaks. And there are so many forces that could break it. Water, wind, earthquakes, etc. Even the strongest stone wall can crumble under circumstances. But what is truly soft is like water. It's so soft that it's allowing. It's flexible. It's malleable. Because of this, it cannot break. It only transforms. What's soft is also strong. Because what is true strength, resilience, power, a force that cannot be broken. This is the quality of our soul. In our innermost being, we are pure source energy that cannot be broken or erased. Our power is like an indestructible flame, ever resilient. So to me, to be soft and strong is to be so open, so flexible, so allowing to the external forces of life while being so rooted and so connected to your soul, your inner power, inner light, and indistinguishable flame. This is a truth that resonates so deeply. So, I'm embracing the softness and the flow, knowing that I am ever resilient, that all of life is simply for the purpose of leading me closer and closer to this inner flame. And everything external is the path taking you there. So you don't really have to hold on to anything external or cling on to anything really. You don't have to be afraid of change or of exiting societal constructs or embarrassing yourself or making mistakes. There's no shame or guilt that you need to hold on to. All of it, all of life's experiences, its people, events, the joy, pain, hardships are here to nudge you inward, to help you remember your power, to connect with your voice, to heal, expand, and evolve your soul. How beautiful is that? Where have you noticed yourself become softer and stronger? Please share in the comments below. Thank you so much for watching and please subscribe to this channel if you haven't already. If you like reading or audio, I'll be sharing these diaries as well as other writings on Substack. You can find it at the link here. I'm also so excited for you to check out my new app, Resonance. You can go to resonance. lavendaire. com to start your free trial. Sending you lots of love and I will see you in the next one. Bye.