4 Unhealthy Family Dynamics

Four unhealthy family dynamics that therapists often see. Number one, triangulation. This is when two people in a family cannot communicate directly, so they pull a third person to carry the message. Often, it's a child. One parent might say, "Tell your father this," or, "Tell your mother. " It lowers anxiety for the person avoiding the conversation, but it places pressure on the messenger. The child ends up carrying tension that was never theirs to carry. Number two, parentification. This is when a parent uses a child to meet their emotional needs. It often happens when a parent feels lonely or unhappy in their relationship and starts treating the child like a therapist or confidant. The child usually feels trapped because of the power dynamic. They learn to monitor everyone's emotions and sacrifice their own needs to keep the peace. Later in life, this can show up as people pleasing and being overly responsible for how other people feel. Number three, scapegoating. This is when one person in the family becomes the default person to blame for everything. Whenever something goes wrong, the finger points to them. It becomes the family's reflex. Blaming one person allows everyone else to avoid accountability and protect their ego. But the person carrying that blame can develop a lot of deep shame and self-doubt. Before I tell you number four, it's important to note that some families do work through these patterns in therapy. It usually requires at least a little willingness from each family member to look inward and recognize their role in the dynamic. Number four, guilt tripping. This is when someone uses guilt to pressure another person into doing what they want. It might sound like after everything I've done for you or if you cared about this family, you would. It may get results in the moment, but it damages confidence and creates resentment.