I Tried NOT to Laugh… But This Took Me OUT | Steve Harvey

I Tried NOT to Laugh… But This Took Me OUT | Steve Harvey

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Segment 1 (00:00 - 05:00)

Everybody's got a special talent. You know, some people try to figure out their spend their whole lives trying to figure out theirs. I got a video of a little boy and then just figured out this is what I do. I call this is the I ain't working type happy. This is you don't remember those days when you just weren't working. You didn't have to work cuz you were just young. Remember those days? — Don't you wish you could get them back? Well, this little boy, this is what you call the I ain't got a damn thing to do dance. Check it out. — [cheering] — That's the same dance you'll do if they want. If your company walked in and told you, "Hey, we're closing. We going to give everybody a million dollars for working here. " That's the same thing you do. Thank you. — You know something? Uh when you love I mean really truly love somebody, uh it's normal to get jealous if you see somebody else, you know, getting their affection. And sometimes that jealousy can just flat out turn ugly. I've seen it before. But this is how it really looks. I just want you to see jealousy in his rare ass form. Now, I'm going to show it to you twice because you what this guy must have been thinking. All right, take a look. — Good girl. Good bestie. You're a Hey, Satie. — [cheering and applause] — This [cheering] I want you to I'm going to show you to you again cuz at first the dog was looking at the master like really you but he was making act like hold up whoa. Then he looks down at the dummy like, "I'll be damn. You ain't never fetched nothing in your life. You ain't went wouldn't got no slippers. You ain't went to the damn dog school and took the training. You ain't been in the crate with me. You ain't done one damn thing out of done all this loving. This my owner. Who are you? " Okay, roll it. Look at the No, look at the dog. Watch. Go. — Good girl. Hold up. — You what? Wait a minute. Good best. — Who you looking at? This dog ain't done nothing. Let me watch. I f to tell you. You ain't get your punk ass. — Get you. Shut your — get your ain't running nothing up in here. All right. Welcome back everybody. It's time again for our last laugh. Now, you know what, folks? Uh, social media stars will pretty much do anything for views nowadays. And sometimes they stunts work and sometimes well they don't. I'mma show you a guy who's just trying to do something that he shouldn't be doing. And as always, it don't ever work out. But this one's really good though. Check it out. — You know something though? Sometimes you look at people and you don't really feel sorry for him because you just go, "Really, dude? You thought having a treadmill at a high speed and stepping on it sideways with your inside leg. You thought that was a good idea. Now I want you to watch in the video. Watch the guy in the red over there on the treadmill. He don't give a damn. He got eight minutes left and he got to finish his workout. Nobody in the gym runs to help you cuz they trying to get through their damn workout. Watch it. Here we go again. —

Segment 2 (05:00 - 10:00)

— Hey, thank y'all for watching. You want to see some behind thescene moments from today's show, follow us on Facebook at Steve Harvey [cheering] TV. We'll see you next time. This mom thought that she was being a good parent when she told her girls to go in there and wash their hands. Then she got a reminder as to why you never underestimate kids. If your kids in the bathroom for a long time, you probably need to get in there before it be a long time. — Here's what happened. the hell has happened? Hey, — how are you going to win? You know, folks, sometimes life can be a slippery slope, but that's what you have friends for. Because along the way, they're there to help us. Well, when they can — watch this, — I can't help you. — She told her midway and slide, "I can't help you. I just got my behind up this hill. I'm filming. I can't help you. " Here it is again. What? I don't know what how much moss is on this rock. — That's some ugly words. When you hear your friend go, I can't do I can't help you. You on your own. [cheering] You know, sometimes you can plan something and it just something comes along that's better than what you planned. This video I'm about to show you is probably be better than the one we had planned. If you saw Harvey's hundreds earlier today, then this last laugh will come as no surprise to you. Roll the tape. [cheering] — Okay, LISTEN. TELL I'M SORRY. — [cheering] — My producers came to me and said, "Steve, you know, we were going to show. We're not going to show it. Now they say they're going to show it to us in slow motion. Here it is again. This is lost. Here's the ch I tracked stuff. SEE? [cheering] LISTEN. OKAY. Back it up one more time. I could I saw her losing her shoes. Then when she got to the stop top step, she started charging. I didn't KNOW IT. I TRIED TO STOP HER. She kept coming. Slow motion. Here it is. Roll the tape. Keep it real slow. She's charging. I see it. Stop. Hold up. My knees is BENT CUZ I'M TRYING TO BRACE MYSELF. I already KNOW I AIN'T MAN ENOUGH FOR THIS. Roll the tape. STOP. I'M TRYING TO GATHER MYSELF. THIS IS NOW A FULLBLOWN SITUATION BECAUSE I REALIZE she's not stopping. [applause and cheering] Roll the tape. Stop. [cheering] She is now going airborne. This is not good for me. Roll the tape.

Segment 3 (10:00 - 15:00)

Stop. [cheering] Look at my face. This is ME TALKING TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER. I'M ASKING MY LORD AND [cheering] Savior to deliver me FROM SOMETHING I KNOW NOT WHAT I HAVE DONE. Roll the tape. He didn't answer me. [applause and cheering] Being a weather person is not as easy as it looks. If you don't believe me, I'm going to show you a woman who's a weather person. Now, she had to find out the hard way that being a weather person isn't easy. Now, I'm going to show you this about two or three times cuz you got to see what all happened. This woman right here, I couldn't believe what she said. happened. Here's a tape. WATCH IT CLOSE. — I'M HERE AT BARRY ISLAND BEACH AND THERE'S NO SIGN OF THE STOP. [cheering] — NOW, this is what this woman said. I'm here. AND THERE'S NO SIGN OF A STORM. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. is blowing her. AIN'T NOBODY OUT THERE BUT HER. AND SHE SAID, "I'M OUT HERE AND THERE'S NO [screaming] SIGN OF A STORM. " OKAY. HOW DID THAT FISH GET ALL THE WAY UP THERE ON THE DOCK? Watch it again. LISTEN. — I'M HERE AT BARRY ISLAND BEACH and there's no sign. — [cheering and applause] — I'm going to show you a wedding video. I'm going to have to show it to you a couple of times cuz there's several things I want you to see in the video. First thing I want you to do, I want you to watch the white dog. It's more than one dog in the video. I want you to watch the white dog. I really don't have to tell you anything else. And then I'm gonna play it again because I want to show you something else in the video. It's funny no matter what. Watch the white dog at the wedding. — [cheering] — I have a theory of what happened. I'm thinking it's her dog. — I'm thinking he realizes that she's getting married. Those black dogs are his dogs. — So, what he decided to do was I'mma mark my territory. [cheering] Y'all might be marrying into this family, but let me show you who belongs to me. Now, I'M GOING TO SHOW IT to you again. I want you to watch the man with the black suit on behind the bride. I want you to watch him have this 5-year-old moment. All right, play the tape. — All right, watch him. — He just turned 5 years old. He just went, "Oh, God. " Like if he cover his face, it ain't happen. [cheering] Now, what I'm about to show you is something that every man will experience at least once in their lives. This is for men. You're going to relate to this. And you get sometimes you get to learn this lesson early in life. Sometimes you have to wait. But it's going to happen to every man in here. This is one of life's lessons. Fellas, watch the tape. What? Why? I bought the flowers. I'm here. I love you. I gave them to you. WHAT IS THAT

Segment 4 (15:00 - 20:00)

ABOUT? Here it is again. I love you. So this is all you bought me. THESE ARE THE FLOWERS YOU BOUGHT ME. Some parents push their kids to play sports, but eventually kids are going to revert back to what they are. They're kids. Here's a kid getting a base hit for the first time in a little league game. Watch this. — [applause and cheering] — I got to show you this again because this little dude now a couple things I want you to watch in the video. Look at the first basement. The little kid that's over there. He just playing in the dirt. He don't give a dogone about none of this. But the dude didn't got a hit. So, he's doing his celebratory dance. They do it in the NFL when they score. So, he just on first base just letting him have it. The first base coach is probably his daddy. Hey, put your helmet back on. I can't get it like I want to with this helmet on. Let me get this helmet off so I can get it like I want to. Play it again. Yeah, that's how I'm getting it now. Right here, baby. I got the first base. Get this off me. I'm working that thing. Yeah. Put that man. I don't want this. Hey, I'M ON FIRST BASE. YEAH. [cheering and applause] Sometimes folks, you know, we think we know exactly how a certain scenario it's going to play itself out, but then the unexpected happens. This is one of those times. You know, sometimes you just got to sneeze. Here's the tape. — Now that's a sneeze right there. One more time in case you missed it. — Hey, — you know something? Uh, it doesn't really matter how well you prepare for things in life. Sometimes success has a way of just slipping through your fingers. Literally look at everything in this video, the clock, everything. And watch this. Oh my god. I don't know. You know, you all, you know, people when I think something's funny, my sense of humor is obviously different from yours. Like, this is funny as hell to me. But all of you, especially when Oh, the damn Rubik's cube fell apart. Obviously to him, it was the most meaningful thing in his life cuz his reaction was too much. But the dude that was timing it, watch that guy's reaction to cuz he just as hurt. Watch it. Okay, he's trying to do Look at him. He think, man, this guy's going to get it. Oh my god. This is close to the world record. Look at this guy. If he nails this, this could He's going to get it. [cheering] It's a Rubik's cube. What the hell? You can't get another one? I don't see the pain in this.

Segment 5 (20:00 - 20:00)

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