Where have you been???

Hey, thanks for the 100,000 subscribers despite me uploading only like three videos a year. I honestly have no idea how that happened, but regardless, I'm grateful for all the support and I just thought this was a good opportunity to connect with everyone. So, ideally, I would have wanted to do a piano live stream or make a 100,000 subscriber special piano cover or something to celebrate, but I'll just be talking instead because of reasons I'll be discussing. So, some of you are probably wondering where I've been these several years and why I upload very few videos now. Especially the majority of you, I believe, who subscribed because of my piano covers or cover maybe because this one almost has 8 million views. Wow, that's a lot of times my hands have been viewed, I guess. I don't know. Anyways, yeah, there are a few reasons for my low activity. And the first is that I just been busy with stuff. You know, I'm not a full-time YouTuber or anything, so I've been doing other work. Specifically, I've been trying to get a medical research paper about treating cancer published in a science journal. Yeah, that takes a lot of effort. And yes, I do have free time, but that's where the second problem comes in. And I've been thinking about how much to actually discuss this, but I guess I'll just be open and honest about it. So, I don't want to make this video too negative, but I have been struggling with my mental health, particularly with depression. So, things have been feeling overwhelming. Of course, my current work feels like a lot, but even getting up in the morning, walking around, or just eating can at times feel like too much for me. Even when I watch movies or long videos, I'm exhausted, and I feel like I need to take a break after just 30 minutes. So making videos or streaming on top of all this feels way too burdensome at the moment. Yeah, I really have no idea how someone like me made that spider dance video back then because I still think that arrangement is quite difficult and I was in the middle of translating Undertale through video while taking rigorous demanding courses at Harvard. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm no longer the same person. So, a piano video is an arous process for me, not only for arranging, but also for practicing to perfection. Believe it or not, I spend an insane amount of time practicing. And it's not that I can just go improvise amazing arrangements off the top of my head. But even then, I used to find that kind of challenge fun and rewarding. But I've been straying away from that feeling with my current limited time and mental status. Not to mention that this has made me start doubting my abilities as a piano player and have imposter syndrome issues. But yeah, anyways, moving on from the negativity. So, recently I've started to make music from absolutely zero songwriting experience as a way to express myself more freely. So, please go listen to that. This one even got an award from the GMI Vocal Company people. Also, I know I discussed potentially compiling my piano covers into an album for streaming, but that will also have to wait until I have more time and less stress. Another thing is that I can't really keep up with the current trends. As in, I can't seem to vibe with a lot of modern popular songs anymore. And unfortunately, I've gone down the forbidden path of enjoying pretty much exclusively the weird experimental kind of music like Slint, Death Grips, Black Mitt, Swans, Black Country, and Euro. Hi everyone, Anthony Pantano here. I'm from the Strong A on this one. So yeah, if you have a suggestion for a song I should cover on the piano, you guys should let me know instead in the comments because, you know, I'm so out of touch and if something piques my curiosity or has high demand, I can probably allocate my time and will towards it. Again, all this is a time issue and also a mental thing. So once my current research project is done, I hope I can get myself together again and go back to making regular piano videos and also streaming and even gaming videos on top of a bunch of other things that I'd like to do. Yeah, I know basically only my Japanese audience watches my gaming videos and streams, but I do have several interesting ideas, so I really would like to go back into them. Anyways, I'm looking forward to being more active again on YouTube, so I hope you guys will continue to support me. That's it. Thanks. Okay, bye.