The Primary Constraint - Interview with a LAWYER who decided to do ART instead of

Hi everyone, my name is Yelini and today we're with Tolston Schneider who's going through a primary constraint in his life and Tolson would you like to introduce yourself for us? — Thank you so much for the introduction. My name is Tston as you heard. Um I have been working as a lawyer for the past five years. Um, I had my own law firm with at its best like eight employees and I came up with the decision to stop working as a lawyer and to do art instead and that's what the primary constraint is about. — Okay, then we're going to disc discuss that today. And so I heard that this discussion, this decision was matured during your 36 birthday celebration. Can you walk us through how you went to this decision? — Well, um I tried to put it in short words. So while I was still a child and I got introduced to how the course of life should happen for me by my parents obviously uh my dad was a judge um my mom was a librarian and my dad always was the one with uh like holding the last decisions in our family and for him it was always very clear that um the best any human can be was um someone working with law either judge, a lawyer, prosecutor or something. — And so I grew up with the belief that I sort of adapted it because you'll just look for your parents what they are doing and so on. And after I didn't know what to do after my uh school and um high school diploma, um I just went for law because I didn't know what to do. Yeah. Um, in the meantime, I always felt and I always connected with people who were just like quite so far away from anything connected to law. It was like I also believed this whole system to be very like just like boring. And um I thought like that I had this strange feeling that it doesn't really serve the people that it's just like some sort of a business. Um but I got introduced to the ideas of law and I very much stand with them because like I have a strong feeling for justice and I demand equality for um everyone because I think um it's not only the privileged people who should um have the promise of uh leading a good life let's say. Yeah. So it's also like the very like anyone who's going to be introduced to this life should have the same opportunities and so on and so on. Yeah. — And that's a little bit of the things which were going on like in my head. And then I told myself at some point like okay, I think it was in my 20s around there when I was still studying. I said to myself like, okay, look like you're now like 20some of age and if by the time of being 35 — you didn't find like yourself to be exactly where you want to be in life. Then that's the last point where you can like let's say like start over because time runs for everyone the same. And if you want to put out something in life, you just have your time which is unique which you need obviously to do something. Yeah. And if you are primarily constrained with working for something which is not really you or which you do not perceive as completely you then to me more and more it felt like the time I got like was wasted. And so when I turned 36, like in the weeks before, like this decision already like subtly like slowly like emerged from somewhere the depth of my subconscious. Yeah. — And I made it like more of a reality and more of a reality. And when I turned 36, — I just gave like being a lawyer another try for like one or two weeks. And I really tried, but I'm just like I'm done with it. Yeah. And I think um I can serve my purpose and my topics better by doing something different. And so on when I was 30 like on the same day I turned 36 I said like okay stop it — and don't do it anymore. — Yeah thank you for sharing and also you actually gave yourself a deadline by which you need to figure out what you want to do in life. I think a lot of people they will think about it but when they're actually facing that crossroad in life they don't dare to take the

other path. — I you know what to this I can tell you it was not my first try. Yeah I tried it like I had a page which was like in German it is an unvite which means like lawyer by coincidence. So I can do all of this. I have the necessary skill set and all of it. Yeah. So like I can use language very well and so on and so on. So which is like important for being a lawyer. But I tried very often to just like escape the like escape the given road let's say. Yeah. just like to take the crossroads and then most of the time I like just very briefly shortly before the actual change could happen I went astray — because I feared so much what was what's behind all of this uncertainty because what I'm going to do right now like everyone's asking like what are you going to do and you know what like you have to face the uncertainty that maybe you don't know at the exact moment. You know that you that there is something in you which you want to express which needs to get out of you somehow but you don't know how to do it exactly. You just have your belief and your faith that it will turn out good. And that's what I'm going for right now. And I'm also curious, who are the most influential people in your life that helped you be brave enough to walk on this path? — Well, like um lastly there was an like maybe let's not start from the beginning because like obviously like also my parents — even though they might not think of that but they gave birth to me. So my first credits go to my parents. Thank you so much for producing me, making me, giving me the opportunity by all you did to do what I am doing now. And I'm so grateful for that. So that's the these are the first people. Yeah. — And the very last person like who like who I perceive as the last drop — of water before like everything spilled. Yeah. was um a girl I met uh just recently. Um she's an artist from South Africa and I don't know like by having contact with her, it made me believe that if she could do the things she's doing, why shouldn't I go for it? You know what I mean? You only have one life and you just need people where you see, okay, this is it's a possibility. You don't have to stay in a track where you don't believe yourself um to be in the right place. You can just change it, man. It's your life and like you should be the one ruling in your house. And yeah, so — yeah, — there were a lot of different other people. So I have been to techno parties a lot. I've been introduced to a lot of electronic music to all of the DJs which I had nights and nights of um I don't know like complete ecstasy. Yeah. Thank you to all of you. Uh thank you for um like just thank anyone who I encountered in my life because I think like for me it feels like that's a whole process. You just don't have a decision by yourself like that at that moment. It feels like it's a necessity, you know? It's not like that you can choose between doing that and that — like it's just what you need to do. — Yeah. — As we spoke about earlier, you know what I mean? Like it's just it has to be done. It's not that they like I think I read some uh some somewhere I read like that freedom is not coming from being able to do whatever you want to do. Freedom is doing what you are doing knowingly that this is the only thing you can do which will like which is your personal story and way of how to go on with life you know that's the freedom to say like that's how I want to do it — like that's the freedom is not like that you one day do this and next day do this that's still like the try out things and I tried out so many things. I tried out the really I tried out I don't know to me it feels like like nearly anything. Yeah. I knocked at every door trying to see if there's like

happiness and fulfillment and all of which you're looking for in life behind it before I started to like knock at my own door and ask myself like inwardly not trying to look for that what I'm looking for in the outside but trying to find it inside of myself and then all of these processes started to happen and — yeah and I really like what you said about freedom I heard Exactly the same thing but about love. — So people say to love is to have no other option but to love. — So — what are the things in your life that sparks love and what kind of things are you going to devote to in this new chapter of your life? — Honestly humans at first humans spark love in me because like I think we are all of us are such marvelous lovable beings. I have a son. He's six now. And like I'm a part-time single dad, which means like he's one week with me, one week with his mom. And when he was born and I saw like how we humans come to Earth with like our like let's say like basic programming, everyone is so lovable. Doesn't matter like which color, which gender, nothing like matters. You know what I mean? Like everyone's just like happy. H really happy. And then we get constrained — by things in our social life, in our families and so on and so on. And we start to take up this as our like part of our identity. And um it gives me so much like power to know that beneath all of these layers of constraints there is like this happy person. Was like still there. That's one thing. Another thing is like for me is just like spirituality. But this like I think this like to really describe what spirituality means that's also something you can just find in yourself. So each and everyone has his or her own belief about that. But that's also for myself something which I take a lot uh of energy from because I think you know in the end if you like construct your reality why should someone something whatever you will think about as the creator yeah why should he or she or it make it a burden for you so I think like it's designed that you in the end can find happiness if you do not push it away like by unconsciously by following like harmful patterns for yourself by not living authentically if like the way you want to live. — Yeah. — So yeah. So that's yeah people and spirituality of course like the usual things like which make anyone happy is like go into nature walk have a swim and do all of these things they're very important but what I'm talking about for me is like on another surface like you could have all of these ideas and realizations even if you're lying um blinded and deaf and everything you just I don't know have to be somehow sounds a little bit cheesy but um like to be aware of it and I think to be aware is to feel like if you are aware that you are there that you are experiencing life at that very moment then it gives birth to a spark of happiness and endless like ecstasy because you think like man I'm here you know what I mean like you could be not here. — It could be the it's a possibility. You're a chance of one in I don't know how many billion. I'm not like calculating this, but that like I don't know. Like that's just Yeah. The spark of life makes me happy, I think. — Yeah. — And I can see that you're really passionate about this. — Yeah, I am completely. But — so on another note, what kind of questions do you think art can address that your former Korea law cannot? So I think that um with the law business it's like that like it's sort of like the treatment of ill people right now like there is people and they somehow get into um being in need for a lawyer and instead of like if you had a friend who was asking you for help or for advice because that's what you do with a lawyer. You go to them and then you ask them for advice. Yeah. Then a friend, a real friend, someone who would like to see you progress in life. He or she um would try to address the root cause

of it and would tell you like don't do that anymore. So that's happened and so on and so on. This takes sometimes this takes time and so on. And — in the business of law, you don't have that time. It's just a business. So you just deal with symptoms of sick people by giving them like uh the opportunity to run away from their guilt for example because like they behave badly something bad happens and then you have to address like why that thing happens and that needs to be addressed by also in my perception by looking inward. Yeah. By looking inward and really question what it is which led to that. for example, like especially like for example in criminal cases. Yeah. Um not so much in we can talk about cases maybe in another video, but let's take the criminal case example. There's people who come like continuously like they they are drunk in traffic and um then they're again then for example they don't even show up for themselves at the law office like they sent their moms. Then the mom comes with like the papers and you clearly see that there's a person who avoided any responsibility for his or her life due to like parents until the age of 40 trying to deal with all of their problems which like takes away their own power of being responsible for their decisions and so on and so on. And it might sound harsh, but what's better in that case like to still help people like go away or go around that um very important part of self-growth for example? Yeah. Um or is it better to just cure the symptoms and to just say like yeah okay I can make that you will not go to jail for I don't know 10 months but only for 5 months. You know what I mean? and you still like I don't know like it feels like you just like cure like symptoms and there's endless symptoms people will always come and they will have the same problems if we do not address the underlying um root causes why people became like that and I think that's what art can really do because it makes people think on like firstly you start to think and secondly it addresses your subconscious somehow yeah by looking at the picture by listening to music, by having an ecstasy on the dance floor, by um I don't know like you just like your core is affected, let's say, by uh or like influenced. It's maybe better than affected. It's you have the ability to really like address your topics in a core which you cannot really press into like consultation uh in the business of law. Then there's always like this business side and uh I don't know like these um weird like structures or patterns which evolved out of our societies which are like at it at their core right now very commodified like commercialized like capitalized and so you always take like these topics into it which in my perception often prevents dealing with like the human like the underlying like human problems about existence about like how to deal with pain conflict so I think art can do a more like a real more generalized approach to that and secondly I think because like if I'm a German lawyer obviously like I'm working with German clients — people in Germany my my clients are — but my topics they are like universal, you know what I mean? The person in like the Middle East or in the Bombay ghetto and somewhere else, — I cannot help them as a German lawyer. How should I help them? But I what is my concern is their quest for equality because it's mine. So, and I cannot address that by lawyering like the problems of the people here. Um, and I think that that's something like art can point better to like you know like I think writings um and like doing music and so on and so on. I think to just do less of which was there before and to like create something new um takes power out of that system — where people are like I don't know like entrenched to somehow. Yeah. — Yeah. And I'm just thinking that sometimes it seems like some people are helpless. It's because they've given

away their ability or their power and they think that the power lies in somebody else's hands. So, how can we make people know that it's ourselves that have the power and not the system? — Yeah, I know. Um, — and how can we give them more hope? I think like that at first you can do like if you want to talk about hope um then you can just like um put examples of history and so on and so on. What I wanted to say is that um for example by giving an example by myself yeah of that you can stop being a lawyer start to do arts for example like it is you are the author of your story — it's not someone else you know what I mean so if you are like in a situation where you need a lawyer or where you need um the system or whatever then it is fundamentally something with you and you should analyze your past you know what I mean so you can form your future and your present because like if you form your present in a way that you don't need a lawyer you will not need a lawyer in the future — like you know what I mean okay like if you have like let's say a car accident or something yeah um there's things to be dealt with and of course in such a case um it might be nice that there's people who can administratively um uh like do the right things for you. So, claim things at an insurance company and so on and so on. Um but therefore, and that's what I'm saying is you at least I hope so. Um in order to do that great and do it like nicely, you really have to like be on fire for it. And it shouldn't be a job or a mask you put on. Yeah. Or like an a role somehow. So it should like maybe there's people like I honestly believe that I hope that the like profession of being a lawyer and so on that it came out of people who really were like lawyers at their core and there are I perfectly believe that there are lawyers at their core like you know but nowadays it's not like you cannot really go to school and then you say like yeah I want to be a lawyer and next one says yeah I want to be an artist and then both of them are like let's say like supported in the same way the one who's saying like I want to be an artist most of the time people would tell him what you want to be an artist like do something worthwhile be a lawyer — be a doctor and your parents will tell you be a lawyer be a doctor but what if you don't like to be a lawyer or a doctor you know what I mean you can go on with these things and you can do things like that you will not die if you not do what you don't want to do but does it really ingest that spark in your life where you say like I get up in the morning and feel like, wow, I can do what I want. You know what I mean? — And um I think like I think that's the important thing in the end. Um which will really add up to your life quality and like in the end it's as I said like it's your life like what are you going to do with it? You have a limited amount of time on this planet. We don't want to talk about like I don't know uh rejuvenation or resurrection or something here. Yeah. Let's just take this. We have a limited time here. And if you realize that it it's going to end at some day and if you have something inside of you which you put out, you just cannot do anything else. Then why should someone play a masquerade role of something? So that's the thing is not that I'm like I'm criticizing the system, the whole system. I'm not criticizing people who say like I'm a lawyer. Not at all. Like do whatever you want. I just think like the institutions how we built them, we built them on top of like a fundamentally commodified capitalized world and then you cannot really talk about rights of people because the rights of people also get commodified. Of course. Then it's just like not so much that people care for your rights or your claims if you do not have the right amount of gold in your pocket. Yeah. Because then uh like the commodification failed and then only the lawyers by heart like will stay and like help you with the cases. And I decided that I will not like I can still consult people with all the knowledge I have and I will put out articles and stuff which help people but I cannot work in this system anymore. I don't make want to make my money um with the hardships from others. Because then I always have the

there's people who already have a problem and then I'm going to add up to their problems by adding a financial problem to Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not really helping people. — Yeah. — And something that I think we need to address is what do you see the f where future of your bu law firm and also your NGO I help? So the future of my law firm is um right now nearly let's say like nailed because um the law firm is like with me in the middle as the lawyer. Yeah. And that's what how is how it was designed. It was called Schneider. So after my name. Yeah. And if I decide to quit which I did then the law firm will go extinct obviously. Um the second thing is you asked was like the NGO um which is named I help castle. Um it's called I help because like when we built it, it was around the psychological decision each and everyone has to make on their own for trying to not do something for their own right now but to help someone to dedicate time and energy for someone else. So the let's say like the very biblical or very religious idea of um love for your next — Yeah. And um I would love to continue that like by for example for me it's like by finding out about um u the legal systems which or how people can find a good lawyer to promote them to other lawyers to um give out like um educational content like very basic educational content because anyone has rights but to really like um execute your rights or at least to having someone else execute your rights or to support you, you at least have to know um and you have to have uh the courage um to uh like demand them and to bring them into effect. — Yeah. And I think that's uh something where I see myself but more like in a general way not in a way that I deal with um like uh cases like so that I have like my 250 300 cases 300 different lives and families uh which I am responsible for because that's what people think usually they think the lawyer is then responsible for dealing with it but it's not like that like you are responsible for yourself from beginning to the end. You will find people who help you with your life endeavors always but you cannot give away this responsibility and I think that's also like think of a lawyer thing because like the lawyer feels like very mighty you know what I mean because you give away your power to the lawyer by having him to deal with the responsibility but in the end like what kind of power is that you know you take power from the powerless you know what I mean like instead of like maybe having like a hard time by understanding that you are the author of your life for yourself and being able to make a substantial change or then to just like give the uh plaster everything if they hurt something or give the pill so it doesn't hurt but you don't care that they will come back to you like next week with the same injury or like let's say next year and like the law uh the law sphere everything is like going in very big deadlines. Yeah. But you can say like for 99% of the people someone speeding they will come back speeding. Someone committing any crimes or like behaving badly they will do that until they dealt with their underlying patterns for themselves. Yeah. And that's what I want to promote because that would lead to in my eyes a more substantial change for the future. Like I'm not thinking about only myself like I have a limited amount of time maybe now like 35 years but I have a child who I can introduce to how to lead life and I can influence other people and there's a future like thousands and thousands years of future which I hope every one of you and your um uh kind uh will um like experience at some point. But that's the only change you can really make. Yeah. how you want to see and perceive life. — Yeah. And I think we're coming to the end of the video and we would like to

address you the audience. Toen, do you have any question for our audience? — Oh, I have questions. So um I'm wondering because like I am sort of an anxious person like I have that from my birth on and I'm dealing with that uh for all of my life and now this whole decision that's why I strayed away from it so many times. It was packed with so much anxiety because like you're facing like so much uncertainty. Yeah. And like the business of law is so much like based around like safety and all of these things. So I'm asking you like how do you address uncertainty in your life? — Um that's one important question for me because I want to know like how did you like perceive like similar moments where you just like were thinking like what I'm doing right now is not my real purpose. You know what I mean? It's more like okay I can do that. Everything is all right. Maybe it's even convenient, but it's not that I'm like really like on fire for it. So, I say like, "Yeah, man. That's it. " And your brain is a supercomput. It only works like well if it's like energized, which with what you really want to do. At least that's my perception. And yes, so that's my my question like how do you address uncertainty in your life? And um did you experience similar moments? — Yeah, that's a very nice question and write down in the comment section. So, thank you to this is the end. — Thank you so much. It was very nice to have the talk with you beforehand, afterwards and uh all in between was just great. — Nice.