You’re Not Overreacting — You’re Over-Deciding

We own all of the decision-m too. And there's so much weightiness to that. There's so much mental pressure that comes with that. Well, hello there my friends. Welcome back to the podcast. We're going to be talking today. I say we as if you're here in the studio with me. I say studio as if I'm in a recording studio. I'm not. I'm in my office here in Kansas City. There is no studio. It's just me and my mic, my bedazzled mic, as you can see here on the YouTubes. Um, in my Kansas City office coming at you with episode number 38. Don't Oh, wow. Okay, we have a dog barking. Okay, we have some yard work happening here. Hey, Lola. All the people. Lola. Okay. Should we start over or should we just keep going? Eston, come here, Lola. We're going to just keep going. If you're watching here on YouTube, this is Lola. And she is far from perfect, but um she is loyal and she's trying to save me from yard work, aren't you? Are you trying to save me from the person doing yard work? It's a friendly. It's okay. Also, that was Ava and she lives here that was walking up the driveway just now. So, all right, friends. Here's what we're talking about today. talking about uh well I want to talk too specifically um my female entrepreneurs that are in the audience and I want to talk specifically about the fact that you are not overreacting um a lot of you are feeling like overwhelmed you're feeling kind of like a donkey on the edge if you saw the old Shrek movie. Hi Ava baby Ava's home. We may have to just start over on this recording. Um, but sometimes I think some of the women that I coach, they feel like they're overreacting. They are um they're just pulled really tight. They're a donkey on the edge. They're, you know, one conversation away from kind of losing their crap. Um, and so I want to talk to you today because the truth is you're not overreacting. A lot of you are overdeciding on a daily basis. And um this podcast episode specifically for those of you female business owners who I want to help you to understand that your exhaustion on a daily basis and your overwhelm on a daily basis, these are not like flaws in how you are wired. These are not personality traits that you need to somehow make better. These are a natural result of you carrying like nonstop responsibility as a business owner and like non-stop decision-making responsibility. And um what I'm hoping to do with this podcast episode is maybe just help you go from a place of like really judging yourself and feeling as though you've got to do better and you somehow have to improve as a business owner grow and you somehow have to do things differently. To get you from a place of that which is a lot of like self- judgment to a place where you can just u be a little more compassionate and show yourself just a little more compassion. be maybe a little more aware of why you behave the way you do as a business owner. And so that's my hope today. Okay? And so, you know, a good way for me to kind of set this podcast up and I'm going to take a drink here. Hang tight. But the other day, the reason I'm even doing this podcast is because I was talking to the women in my coaching group. Every Wednesday, we have a coaching call of some sort. So, by the way, if you're not in my coaching, you should run over to she's equipped. com and sign up there for my coaching. You can do coaching or you can do my she's equipped software the combo of both, which is obviously the better deal financially, but go to she's equipped. com. Okay. Um, but I was talking about how as women in business, we are making micro decisions all day, every day. We are making uh and I'm going to talk to you about some of the decisions that you're making as a business owner without even realizing. Okay? And so you're making micro decisions all day every day. And so then what happens is um you're done with your day, you know, as a business owner and either your spouse, if you're married, your husband, or your kids will say something super simple and they'll be like, "Hey, mom, you know, um where do you want to go to dinner? " Your spouse will say, "Hey babe, where do you want to go to dinner? " And in instead of answering like a normal human, this is where you could you feel like you're going to lose your ever loving mind. At least this is me. And I will say something snippy like, "I don't care. I don't care what we do for dinner. I don't care where we go for dinner. All I know is I don't want to be the one to make the decision. I it makes no difference to me where you take me. Just don't make me decide. Okay. So, here's what I want to know. If you're watching this on YouTube, please stay down in the comments. Can you like does that story resonate with you at all? Has that

happened in your household or is just here at the Allwood house? Because if I've had, you know, a day at work and work's been working and Jason looks at me, he's like, "Hey, what do you want to do for dinner? " That question feels so loaded to me and big and so heavy. Like there's certain days that I'll be like, I just want to cry over that. There's other days I'm like, I just want to lose my ever loving mind. Like, don't make me make another decision. And I understand why I feel that way, but I want to help you to understand. And I think this is a prime example of what I'm talking about in this podcast because some of you are wondering like why can't I just answer that question? make a decision of what I want to do for dinner? And the reason you can't friends is because you have decision fatigue. As a woman who owns a business, you are making a million micro decisions all day long. You are not broken. You're exhausted. Okay? So listen, as an entrepreneur, you're making decisions constantly. And these may not be like big strategic ones. big, you know, um, Wall Street types of decisions, you know, where there's huge like dollar signs attached to them, but they're still decisions nonetheless. Okay? Hundreds of tiny ones all day long. When am I going to launch? What should what price should I launch something at? Should I do a sixe program or an 8week program? Should I do like a course or membership first? Um, what should I call the membership? course? Should I post on social media today? Tik Tok or Instagram? Should I link them together? Should I change my Facebook page name? What should I say in this email? Should I start some Facebook ads or should I just do organic traffic? Um, do I need to still hire somebody or should I wait until after the holidays? Am I going to pivot something or am I going to stay put? Should I rest? Like, you're making decisions all day, every day. Every time that you're doing a Facebook post, every time you're doing a social media post of any kind, every time you're writing out a caption, an email, every time you are working on an offer of any sort, every conversation you're having in your DMs, you are deciding on things all day long. And the thing is most of those decisions, they're not huge, right? And so they don't feel like super weighty in the moment. They don't seem like a big deal as you're making them, but mentally they are stacking like one on top of the other other. Actually, I was going to check out on Sheen yesterday, by the way. One of my kids, I won't say who, but Eastston here doing the YouTube was like, "Mom, what are you doing? " We do not order things on Sheen. But it was interesting because there's like coupons there that stack up. And by the way, I didn't order anything on Sheen, but they did have just a really cute like swimsuit cover up that I was kind of craving. So, I was So, then after you find a swimsuit cover up, well, then you see like, you know, a couple cute t-shirts and a couple cute shirts. So, I've got a bunch of things in my cart. And then there's like coupons that also like start to stack up. You can do this and there's and this stacks on top of is this. Okay, that's what happens with our decisions, too. They just start to stack one on top of the other. And so, it's not that any one decision is that big. It's just that there's that stackability to it. And as a business owner, there's the weight of you being the only one a lot of times that is making a decision and the fact that your decisions are final. Okay? So when you own the business, there's nobody like reviewing your decision making. There is no other person, no other manager or boss that you're handing something off to review. Everything is coming back to you. There's no ceiling to your decision-making there. It's not like there's any stopping point. It goes on and on with no end date. Everything's going to come back to you for the entire time that you own the business. Now, of course, you know, you can hire people who are going to be making decisions underneath you, right? But you're still going to be full of decision-m all day, every day. And this creates a lot of mental pressure that most people just are not going to be able to fully understand. And that's okay, you know, they're not supposed to be able to understand this is the price tag of entry into this world, right? I mean, on one hand, being entrepreneurs, we have the ability to make as much money as we want to, can. There is no ceiling to that. I could launch something tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I could make a dollar today. I could also make a million dollars today if I launch the right thing. Uh, but wouldn't that be nice? I actually have not any idea how to do that and make a million dollars in a day. But you know what I'm saying, right? It mean we have endless possibilities. Other people, you know, that are not entrepreneurs, they have to save in order to do things. We have a total different world as entrepreneurs. We can just launch things, put things new things out there in order to make money.

So it's a different type of thinking. just economy as entrepreneurs. But the price tag of that, one of the price tags of that is the fact that we own all of the decision-m too. And there's so much weightiness to that. There's so much mental pressure that comes with that. And so, you know, as an entrepreneur, we never get to clock out. There is no stopping. We're always going to be clocked in. Even when we're sitting on the sofa at night checking out a new, you know, uh, series on Hulu, even when we're on spring break in Florida, even when we're, you know, awake in the middle of the night, the rest of the family's asleep and we can't sleep anymore, your brain is still going through things. This is part of the price tag of being an entrepreneur. And so, you know, those small evening decisions like when your family says, "What would you like for dinner? " or "Where should we go? " or "What should we watch on Netflix? " It's not that you're incapable of making decisions that you've already made 300 little micro decisions that day. Your brain is tired. And after years and years of this, and now the dogs may bark again because Ava Baby just left again, and there's still somebody out working in the yard. Stella, come here. Make your debut, baby. Come here. They already saw Lola today. Come here. Come on. Show them the perfect puppy. Come on. It's not that we don't love Lola, but you are very perfect. Come here, Stella. Come on. This is Stella, everyone. Come here. Come on. She's getting ready to turn nine and she is perfect. Do you not want to come up? Are you being camera shy? Okay. It's not that you um you know are incapable of making decisions. It's that you just are so tired and after years and years of decision-m every day, your nervous system eventually gets really tired and your emotional capacity for decisions outside of business tend to be lower. And sometimes those really small things that people in the house are asking you, they begin to feel very overwhelming. And it's not because you're dramatic. bad at doing anything outside of work. It's just because you've been carrying the weight of leadership, even if it's just you leading you all day long. And so, you know, high achieving women, high capacity women often judge themselves for this. Women in business are often high achievers. We're often very used to handling a whole lot. We're used to being very capable. Am I right? You're used to doing a whole lot. I mean, the reason you have a business in the first place is because you are very capable of a whole bunch. You are wired in a certain way that make you perfect for what you do. But there are times when you just get maxed out. And what is a bummer is then when you're maxed out, the judging of yourself and thinking you should be able to handle more. Other people seem fine. Why do you get so overwhelmed? Why can't you just decide on something simple? Because that self- judgment often will make your decision fatigue even worse. And so I just want you to know I think there's a lot of power in just being able to kind of put a name to what is happening to being able to explain it to the people around you. Hey husband. Hey kiddos. Just know that mom's just exhausted tonight and I just got some decision fatigue going on here. I just can't decide on one more thing. Do me a favor. You guys just decide. It would be a blessing if I just didn't have to make one more decision today. And I can tell you that like I am married to someone who um who understands this so deeply and it is such a blessing for me when Jason um when he knows that I just can't do anymore. He steps in and just takes care of everything. Stay in bed. I will take RA to the bus stop. Stay here. I'll go pick her up from the bus stop. I've got dinner. Sit on the couch. Read a book. Do a puzzle. Kids, mom just needs some space. Mom has talked like I threw Jason a surprise birthday party for his birthday this weekend, which um you know, I think he loved because he's such an extrovert. He's such a people person. Um it was a

whole lot of fun. uh you know but as an introvert that's also just zapping of my energy to be around. I invited uh some family from out of town and you know we um they were here staying at our house this weekend which was great and fun um but also just you know people in our house and then we had uh the birthday party for Jason on Saturday night. We rented out like a bunch of bays at a golf place and we did dinner and played pickle ball and then we went to the place where we did all the golfing and that was fun and you know so much fun, right? But when we got home from there, Jason's like, "Okay, just you kids know mom's probably going to need all day tomorrow just to recover just because he understands like my energy level and what really drains me. " And it's not that I am weaker than him. It's just that I I'm wired different than him. And it's such like um a gift as his wife for him to understand that um you know I need a day to recover as an introvert and I hopefully it's a gift for him that I understand he needs people like a party a people thing. I mean, his love language is gifts and he's an extrovert. So, having a party is is what blessed him, you know. So, hopefully that was a gift for him. And then he knows that a gift for me is a Sunday to recover. It's a gift for me when he understands that I am like just buried under decision fatigue after a full day. It's a gift for me when he's like, I will take care of all the decisions. You sit here and do nothing. And then, you know, there used to be a um what do I want to say? Almost a like uh a temptation, if you will, for me to start to feel guilty. Here's what I want you to think really hard about. If you are wired like me and you need the downtime silent time and you need the somebody else just make the decision time. If then I start like verging into feeling guilty about that. Essentially what I'm saying is I'm feeling bad about the way that God wired me. That that's essentially what I'm saying because I can't like control this any more than I can control the weather. Does that make sense? I mean, God is not shocked that when he called Jennifer to entrepreneurship and then when he called you and you and you that it's like not shocking to him that he knows that there would be some decision fatigue, especially at my age being postmenopausal, you know, there there's a whole lot. I used to be able to do much more in my 30s and 40s. You know, at 54, it's just a different game. And so, some of you, you just need to be kinder to yourself, more gentle to yourself. You're doing a lot of leading. You're carrying a lot of weight. responsibility. You're not weak. You're the exact opposite of that. And it's actually coming from a place of strength to realize, okay, I can't do anymore today. And in order to be on tomorrow, at my best able to do all the decision- making that tomorrow is going to require, I really have to take care of myself tonight. And so, you know, if you get real overwhelmed by the small choices, e even if you're thinking to yourself, it was just computer work. Yeah, but there was a lot that went into that. of decision-m, take a deep breath. Give yourself some grace. You're doing things that are requiring constant thinking and planning and creating and solving. You do not have a boss standing over you giving you the expectations. You're literally setting the expectations for yourself, having to carry them out, having to do the marketing, the planning, the executing, all of those things all on your own. It's real work, friends. It's real work. Even if nobody else sees it, I want you to know that I see it, though. And so, you know, get yourself around some other people who understand what you're doing and who see can help support you. I told you earlier about my coaching group. It's at she's equipped. com. It's group coaching there. I would love to have you. But get around some people who understand what it is that you're doing who can give you some support that you need. And make sure you're trying to educate the people in your world so that you're not biting their heads off so that they're understanding where you're coming from and you're not feeling shame and guilt around decision fatigue. They can't help carry the load on things that they don't even know that you're experiencing. But you got to stop carrying it all by yourself. So friends, I hope this is so helpful for you today. If so, make sure you send this podcast episode to two other business owners. You know, that would be a gift to me. And um hopefully

it'll help them in some way as well. And I appreciate you so much for being here. We'll see you on the next episode. Bye-bye. All right, Mr. Eastston, I love you. Goodbye.