Love Is Blind UK2 #9 (Not My Type) Therapist Reacts

Hey, deserving listeners. Love is blind. Let's watch and see what comes flying out of my face. — Was really tall. Yeah. And I guess on the boy's side, it's hard to know what's happening because you only hear one side. I don't see I only know her side. — When Clara said We'll see what happens. Glad that wasn't Uzo. No, I'm so glad it wasn't. All right, so they're at the getaway and Cal is sticking up for Demola. He is asking uh Sir Rover about how Katisha made the decision between Javen and Demola. So, uh it seems that Cal was among the men that were was pulling for Demola. Which you can imagine. Right? Uh the things that Javen was saying outside of the pods, I guess what were more emblematic of the narcissistic spectrum. I can't know, but uh he seemed to even be jabbing at the other guys like, "Hide your girl. " He literally said that to the other guys when he was saying stuff like, "Hide your women cuz here I come. " Like, what the [ __ ] Like, what's wrong with you? Anyway, so he uh Cal is talking about that. Yeah. All right. It almost seems like Cal is kind of angry at Sir Rover for what Katisha did. You know what I mean? I want to say you are definitely what I imagined, but actually better, which is surprising. I didn't think it could be. So nice. That's so sweet. I would definitely say you're my usual type. Gym boy, gym board, a pretty boy. Really don't understand this obsession on the show with talking about one's type. One, why do you have a type? But okay. But also, why would you tell why would you want to alert I cuz it again, everyone can date how they want to, but when you're in the beginning of this precarious relationship, you I don't know, there's certain styles, I'll say. And one of the styles that I think people should default to unless they know otherwise, unless they know that the relationship can handle it, is when in doubt, avoid referring to other people you've dated. Now, I'm also a big proponent of reality that everyone's dated before, they've all had sex before, I presume, they've all been in love before, I presume, even though some people was said that was that was a Sophie and was that Javin also? You know, and if they haven't been in love before, it's fine. But anyway, uh to talk about type, one, it alerts your partner to the visualization of other people that you've been with, which is reality, and people should be able to handle that. But uh uh but I don't know if at the beginning of a relationship, cuz I think this is literally the first day that they're together in person. The other thing that it alerts is the kind of objectification. Now, men are far less objectified, generally speaking, than women are. So, for a woman to say this sort of thing to a guy is I think less risky. But she's also introducing the topic of type. And then he's going to reciprocate, right? And unless he says anything other than what she Cuz what she's saying is, "You're my type. This is the sort of guy that I usually go for. " Gym boy, gym bod, a pretty boy, that kind of thing. Um and so she's appreciating things. But I don't know, I just feel like there's other ways to appreciate. You can just say, "My god, you're hot. " Just stick with that. Why do you have to talk about type, you know? But hopefully he doesn't reciprocate, or if he can reciprocate in kind and say, "You are exactly my type as well. Hot, dee dee, whatever. Dark features, like from last season. " But you've been better than any type I've had. Yeah, not my usual type. It was a So, then she concludes, I think knowing uh this is getting a little weird, I shouldn't just say it's a lateral move, cuz she was kind of saying that, "You're the type. You're just like all the other guys that I've dated. " But then she says, "But you're even better than that type. " Which I think was a good try at a save, but doesn't really And it wasn't I don't know if he was insulted or bothered by it, but then he, because you introduced the topic, now he's like, "You're not my type. " Why would you say that? What's the purpose? What is the message? What can she do about that? How is this Now, if he says, "You're not my type, but uh you know, often what they will say is, "You're not my type, but I'm going against the grain of my attraction because of our emotional attraction in the past. " You know, that's one of the reasons why they do this experiment is because things haven't worked out in the past. But you know, you're first day, seeing each other in person

everyone is insecure, everyone is wondering, "Is this going to work out? Are they attracted to me? " And you just introduce this notion of essentially, "I'm not attracted to you. " I mean, how are you supposed to take that? "You're not my type. " "You might be attractive, or you might not be attractive. I don't But either way, regardless of what you are, I normally don't go for you because of your physical qualities. " Cuz you know, they're not talking about emotional qualities. That that's been established from the "Physically, I'm not I don't usually go for people like you. " How do you recover from that? Now, months into a relationship, when the topic comes up and the relationship is a lot more solid, it type, I don't know if I would word it that way, but you know, like uh she sees ex-girlfriends of his and sees, "Oh, a lot of blondes or something. " And then he's like, "Oh, yeah, I don't know. I kind of had a pattern. " Uh and then maybe there's a conversation, but there's a foundation of we are good and we're attracted to each other. Now, often when they show us this, it it immediately heads in a direction where it's clear that he's not really attracted to her. There's another explanation though of previous moments when we've seen this is that it throws such a wrench in the relationship for both of them that it it throws a wrench for her of just like, "Oh, what's happen? " And then she has to react to that. Either she has to protect herself by pulling away, or she has to lean in and be desperate, which can be annoying to people, right? Off-putting. It can also throw a wrench for him that now it's kind of out there and he's acknowledged it and he's sort of reminding himself of that. And the physical attraction isn't there, you know? I feel like there should be like a second pod situation or something where they aren't allowed to talk. Cuz that would be the opposite, right? Like they go into a different room in the pod like and they are gagged literally or there's loud white noise or something. Or they're just instructed not to say anything. And then they get a chance to connect physically because if they had that chance and they didn't screw it up by talking about type, particularly him, then that would build that foundation of reassurance that they do have that attraction. And then they can start opening their stupid mouths, his. A prissy boy. But you've been better than any type I've had. Yeah, not my usual type. I've always been with white British girls before. Blonde hair, light eyes. Obviously it's never worked. And yeah, I'm glad I'm glad you wasn't my type. Yeah, I just Uh yeah. Now, she told us in a one-on-one interview that she's only dated Indian guys. So, that's also a difference. They both are dating outside of their typical sort of person. Now, we understand that there is racism when it comes to this sort of thing, so it's not a it's not apples to apples. You know, when you tell a person of color, I'm guessing in the in Britain, I don't know if this is the case, but in my neck of the woods it if you tell a person of color, I usually date white people, then you know, there can be a context that can indicate something. It's not always the case, but it can indicate something and be hurtful in a particular way or concerning in a particular way. So, yeah, he Anyway, there's a I just I just thought that. It's funny, it's like I had all these high hopes in the hallway and they get engaged and it's all good and everything's and then we see a scene like this and instantly the wind that is out of my sails in terms of my enthusiasm for this couple. But, you know, sometimes things turn around. Yeah. Jamaica I have no clue. Being engaged doesn't quite feel real. I feel like she's my girlfriend. Yeah, I wonder if more cast members feel this way, but they don't say it because they're worried about putting it out there to their partner or to the show or even just putting it out there to themselves. It would make total sense that upon getting engaged to someone that you've never met and then you see them in person you just met them a couple weeks ago that there would be a question mark there for people. And that if you dated for 4 years and got engaged it would feel more real, you know. Having said that, watching this I'm guessing a lot of audience myself included would wonder if he

he is genuine because he's saying something that other people don't typically say at this phase. Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. And if you sign up, please use the link below because that really helps us out. It's the month of May, y'all, and May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So, along those lines, if something is keeping you up at night, you should know that you really don't have to face that alone. And having someone there for you to really hear you can make all the difference. And you know, take a second to check in with yourself. Is there something there that you're avoiding? Is there an issue that has become so habitually in the background that you don't even really see it anymore? Well, if there is something there, therapy can really help. And one place you can find a therapist is at BetterHelp. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. So, you don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp. com/kirk. That's betterh e l p. com/kirk. But, over time the significance of her being my fiance is going to feel more real. — This is a song for the soul. I don't feel like I could just say I love her. But, I definitely feel like we're planting the seeds to potentially fall in love. Yeah, I remember your the other UK season, right? The uh what were there Nicole and Ben and the other guy? What was his name? That after the hallway he's walking away and he's like, I think I love you or something like that and a lot of people criticized that and you know, I like I said, I think it's important for us to know that we don't know how everyone defines love, right? Some people define love in a much more specific way or extreme way that you can't love someone unless you you're already married or you're sure going to get married. But then we would say, well, you did get engaged, so aren't you sure that you're going to Yeah, I think we hope and I think for some it's this way that they get engaged and they are sure. There there's no questions and then everything just aligns with that and then they end up getting married. But I think there's a good possibility that a number of couples one of the or both of them are not 100% but they're absolutely willing to go on to the next phase and then that builds and builds and then they're yes at the altar, that kind of thing. So, I think some people like this are either included in the edit because it's telling a story cuz I'm guessing other people might have said this and it just wasn't included as it just a guess. Um or given the flags that we've seen about him this could indicate So, what would it indicate? Well, if we hypothesize at the very least avoidant attachment style this would fit, right? That he is generally more distant less vulnerable less able to hand himself over, less vulnerable, less in contact with himself, less willing to admit that he has feelings uh more accustomed to moving forward in a relationship when he doesn't really have strong feelings. He doesn't even know what that feels like because he avoids because he's afraid of being rejected. One experience of mine. I know. How do you feel? Good. I just feel chilled. Yeah. I Did you have like any apprehension in terms of coming out of just So, right, she said, I just feel chilled. By context, I think what she is saying is she feels relaxed. Is that how y'all word it out there in Britain? But the way I the one way of looking at it, Freudian slip or something, that she feels chilled because he's cold. It is one of the Yeah, I don't know. I don't know I do want to chat with you actually. Oh god. What was going on? I'm just so curious like give me your point of view on the last couple of days like cuz I was closer to Demola. It's like he was so certain. Yeah. That it was going to be him. Yeah, this is interesting. So Cal was talking to his fiance Sarover about this issue. He seemed to be saying that he was closer to Demola and now he's saying that or maybe he's just anti they call him Jav. Uh Javin, right? And so he seemed to be asking Sarover, his fiance, to explain why Katisha chose Jav over Demola. And I'm thinking how would Sarover possibly know? So I wonder what's going on with Cal. I wonder if he has some history maybe his parents or something. I don't know. There's nothing there. Parents divorced 12 years ago, so maybe this is he he now has the power to like have that conversation in a way that he didn't when he was going through his own family situation. I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out why he would be so interested you know, if he cares about Demola that that's great, right? But to kind of

go after Sarover and now to have Katisha sit her down. What is she supposed to say? Now I don't know if I emphasize this enough. I'm guessing the audience might that she told Demola that he was definitely it, right? They weren't saying the word love or anything like that, but she was saying uh you know, there's different gradations. It's interesting to think about. There's being engaged, right? And then back from that, there's saying love or boyfriend, girlfriend. Uh and maybe in this zone is also I'm going to ask you to marry me, right? Or I'm going to break up with someone to be with you or and then back from that, there's wow, I'm really falling for you or I'm really into you or you're my number one or you're the only one I'm dating. You know, there's different gradations. And what she was telling Demola was sort of in that zone. It wasn't engagement. It didn't seem like that was imminent, you know? Anyway, so she told him and he came the next day expecting to um to propose. And that makes me think like that whole thing got wrapped up on the very last day. That the cuz the hallway scenes are all one day. The uh engagements, you know, the pod getting down on one knee is another day before that. And then the day before that is presumably when people make their final choices. So, for her, she yeah, told Demola on that eighth day going into the proposal day that she was locking in on Demola. And so, I wonder if that's ever happened where on that ninth day, someone changes their mind. Uh I'm guessing it's probably happened, but that's really late. That's later than Kevin did with Kia and Tyler. That I think I think that was day seven or eight at that point, maybe eight. I think it was seven, actually, cuz he felt like he had another day. Yeah, I think it was day seven when everything kind of went south. So, Kitisha waited till day nine, it seems. And uh so, I think a lot of people might criticize Kitisha for changing her mind at the last minute. And I you know, I don't know. I feel like from my standpoint, if that's where her heart was in the moment. Now, the criticism would be why would you tell DeMario that he was definitely the one when he clearly wasn't. Well, I don't know. I as I think I've been pretty consistent when I see this, regardless of who it is, whether it's a likable person or unlikable person. I imagine that people like Katie. I don't know. I've been pretty consistent that it's just like it's hard to know, you know? Uh you can criticize people for jumping the gun. Usually, it's because they're being pressured, honestly, you know? And they don't know how to handle it like the way Kevin didn't know how to handle it. But I also think Kevin legitimately thought Tyler was the one. And as Tyler's pressuring him, I think cuz he was consistent with that. Anyway, so people might criticize her for uh playing with DeMario's heart or something. But I don't know. You know, I I think she was following her heart and it was legitimately going back and forth, 50/50, as it will. And then, you know, she went with her heart in the end, which uh seem she seem Now, the other thing that is interesting is that earlier, we heard Jovan saying that he wasn't in love with her yet, but he was hoping to have that build. Well, they just had a conversation, the women did, and Katie sure was telling her friends that she also isn't in love, doesn't love Jovan, yet. So, they both don't love each other. So, when Jovan was talking about lack of love and wanting to build, that wasn't one-sided. They both feel that way. Now, from the outside, you would say, "Well, then they're doomed. Why would you get engaged to someone that you're not in love with? You're faking or irresponsible or something. " But again, the definition of love is different for different people. Also, it's not irrational to think, "Well, there's enough there to go to the next step, and then we'll see, you know, maybe it'll grow. And if it doesn't, then it doesn't. But if it does, then great, you know, you could see that happening. So, now Cal is I don't know what he expects to get out of Katisha in this moment. We'll see what happens. — Oh, it was him and Tom Fought, wasn't him? Yeah. I didn't take it lightly at all. — Yeah. Like I wasn't just like — not an easy thing to do, is it? — I was not Oh, no, [ __ ] it. — hard thing to do. Yeah. — That wasn't what it was like at all. And it was really tough. Well, was he just going on and on? It will obviously be fine. Yeah, that is kind of the message that Cal was giving that Katisha didn't really um appreciate the feelings that Demi would have, and Katisha's like, "It wasn't easy for me, yeah. " I That's a great response. I feel like more people

in Katisha's shoes should emphasize that. "It was not easy for me. I was so, you know. " She might It might benefit her to emphasize that a little bit. But I don't think she has to justify herself to Cal. at all. What made you go that way? For me, it was more my connection with Jevon was stronger. So, yeah, that's just what it came down to. Yeah. I He seems to be still digging in. So, I wonder where she had a stronger connection with someone what he wanted to say. I definitely made the right choice. Happy with that, or All right. Well, that does it for that episode. Everyone out there, please take care of yourself, and take care of others, because we all deserve it. We really, really do.