I Mastered Networking, Here's What You Need To Know (30 years Of Advice)

You're known and probably, well, you're hailed in major print magazines as one of the most connected people in the world. What does that mean? — So, the late, amazing Larry King called me the most connected person in America. Through this skill that I'm about to teach, I went from a small-town kid in Pennsylvania to becoming the youngest ever Chief Marketing Officer at Deloitte and the youngest Starwood Hotels. I built everything through the power of relationships and connecting with people authentically, — generously, and deeply. People usually start networking when they need a job, or they're fundraising, or they're trying to find a board seat. By the time you need the favor, you're already too late. You can literally hear the desperation in their voices the second they pick up the phone. You need to build it before you need it. The people you see at the top, they build a community of friends and allies decades before they ever needed anything from any of them. They lead entirely with generosity. They don't keep score. The game dies the moment you start counting. Keep a tally and you lose your network. I figured this out, at least, when I was 10 years old. I was caddying at a local country club in my hometown of Latrobe, Pennsylvania. My dad worked the steel mill. My mom cleaned houses for a living, and we had zero connections. By carrying bags for those wealthy golfers, I realized and I saw firsthand the web of friends that was their single biggest asset. Whenever they needed some kind of help, their friends were there. Poverty wasn't just a lack of money. It was an isolation from the people who could help you make yourself, make more of yourself. That insight got me into Yale. Then it got me into Harvard Business School. Then into Deloitte, and then

Starwood Hotels in the earlier days, when I became the youngest CMO in history. Look, I'll be completely honest with you. I am rarely the smartest person in the rooms I walk into. In fact, pretty much never. I'm usually far from it, but I'll tell you something. One of the edges that I have is my follow-up. I am the person who stays in touch with everyone in that room. 6 months, 6 years, sometimes 30 years after that initial connection. I care enough to stay in touch with exceptional people. Once you understand that, follow up, that's the actual job. The way you spend your time completely changes. Let's look at what the most connected people actually do. They simply never eat alone. Breakfast, lunch, coffee, dinner. They understand the sheer power of breaking bread together. Whereas other folks might eat out with a colleague or a prospect or somebody once a week. For me, it's every single day. Like the reason behind that — is that most people treat their meals as a quick break, something to get in and out of, particularly lunch or breakfast. But the top 1% they treat it like actually a part of what makes work work. Between those meals, they all send a quick text, a voice memo, an article forward. They're always what I call pinging, staying in touch with their network. I do this every morning before I open a single email. New contacts get three touches across different channels

in the first 30 days. Social media, a call, a text. My top 50 relationships get one touch at least every month. The broader network gets two or three check-ins a year. This requires really daily discipline, not necessarily just a CRM system. If it can be automated, it's not a relationship. But then, there's the biggest move of all, the one practice almost no one talks about, hosting dinner parties. Stop attending events and start hosting dinner parties. Because you have total control over the room when you're the host. You curate the guest list, and the host always wins the connection. Before any major conference, I hosted dinner the night before. So, I'm going to some event, the night before I think about the people that I want to be in touch with. I position myself as the central connector for everybody who's going to the event, rather than just another guest wandering around looking for name tags. That's the exact environment that you want to build. The mechanics are really simple. Invite 10 to 12 people from mixed industries. Strip away the formal seating and there is no agenda. Open the table with one single question that everyone must answer and make it personal. What is the one thing you're struggling with right now you think

somebody at this table could give some insight into? And then of course you've got to start yourself. You've got to lead with vulnerability. You want to bypass small talk and force immediate genuine authentic connection. See at these dinner tables the 1% they do something almost nobody else does. They're vulnerable and they're vulnerable on purpose. It's not a mistake. You want to draw people in. Conventional networking advice might tell you to lead with value and I agree with somebody you've never met but the most connected people lead with truth, vulnerability, authenticity. These are the most under appreciated assets in business and in connections, real authenticity. Years ago at a conference board dinner I was a total wreck over a personal relationship that had just ended. Woman next to me, her name was Sherry, she asked me how doing. I paused for a moment. I had an opportunity. I skipped the standard small talk and I told her the absolute truth. This sparked a two-hour conversation from the whole table that has ended in a friendship and all of us recalling that beautiful night where we shared some of our broken heart, things that — that really had disappointed us in our relationships. We gave each other advice and we lifted each other up but that openness only works if you're so bold to even ask. You've got to lead the way. If you want to build a relationship with somebody you have to reach out to them. The 1% also do reach out but they never do a cold calls. They're for people who are mediocre. I never make them. Why would I ever make them? You shouldn't ever make them. They'll never work. What I follow is four strict rules for what I call a warm call. Invoke a mutual connection. State a clear value. Create an urgent reason to talk right now and offer — a concrete next step. Years ago I needed a meeting with a senior executive at Sony. I had zero connection to this individual. Instead of dialing his office, I looked at my network through LinkedIn and I realized that I had introduced a friend who had a technology that Sony needed to a contact who ran Sony's ad agency. I brought them value already in the past as I always try to do. In return, they were the ones that walked me right through the door to the person I needed to meet at Sony. If you live your life abundantly building value in other people's life, that network will be available for warming the cold call. Underneath all of these mechanics is the rule I learned, really the hard way. Don't keep score. Just don't keep score.

Early in my career, there was a guy who had graduated from the same college that I had had. I knew that he had a relationship with somebody that I was trying to get to know. Now, this is a person that has known me for a long time, knows that I lead with value. This person knows that I'm a good person for people to know cuz my network is strong, etc. And I said, "Hey, would you mind making an introduction to this individual for me? " And he was so clear. He said, "No, I just can't because someday I may need that relationship. So, I can't make that relationship introduction to you. " It blew me away. This person believed that there was a balance sheet. Like, if I ask someone for a favor for you, I can't ask that person for favor for me. In reality, what he should have been thinking about is something very different. that could Keith be valuable to that person? Like, what he should have said was, "Keith, I'd love to make that introduction. Help me understand how you're going to be of value to this person I'm introducing you

to. " Now, that's a reasonable question, right? These individuals who are thinking that the world of relationships is a balance sheet, it just doesn't work. You know, the people, the 1%, they realize that the more you give to a relationship, the more you help people be introduced to each other, your relationship lives on in their friendship. It's not that kind of scarcity. The most connected executives rely on a life full of people who will answer their call at 2:00 a. m. They'll do the exact same thing in return without a single thought. I do that all the time. I tell people they can text me anytime, day or night, and if I'm available, I'll get back, and I do. You can't reach the top alone. Okay, look, I know I've given you a lot, but let's go back up to what we were talking about at the beginning. I've one challenge for you this week. Why don't you try to host a meal? Host a dinner. So simple. Invite six people. Invite five people. Invite three

people. I don't care. I just want you to get in the habit of bringing interesting people together, connecting them, offering an authentic question like, "Hey, what are we struggling with? Let's all talk about it and see if we can be of service to each other. " Ask each other good questions. You know, don't pitch anything. Just feed them and ask a great question. If you want to master the exact systems that I use to build these kind of relationships, uh why don't you look into our Beyond Connections program? It's a small group of leaders who learn how to build relationships like the top 1%. And if you want to know exactly how to walk into your next major conference and own the room, watch this video right here.