The Daily Practice That Could Rewire Your Brain | Timm Chiusano | TED

Hi, my name is Tim. I'm addicted to appreciation. I know that sounds really strange. But if I do my job over the next eight minutes or so, you're not going to look at anything the same way ever again. And because of a manhole cover that I saw back on a terrible day in 2018. It was quite literally one of the top three worst days of my entire career. One of those comically miserable days in corporate America. I was managing a team of 270 people. Everybody seemed to have a meltdown on the same exact day, at the same exact time. Eight hours of unnecessarily contentious meetings, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, and there were pending layoffs coming that spring. I was one of the few people in the company that knew that they were coming, too. So the dread in the overwhelm was just hanging over me. I get off the subway, late again for dinner, and of course, I check my phone immediately, and there's an email from my boss that says, “Be in the office at 9am tomorrow morning, and be prepared for that meeting to suck." Like, great. (Laughter) As I'm walking home, I go, "Ooh, a manhole cover. You know, it's pretty cool that somebody figured out that they would be safer if they were circles instead of squares. And I'm pretty sure that they're made in India, too, which is interesting, considering we're in New York City. I should look that up later." I’m like, “Tim, what the F? How in the world did you go from all these overwhelming thoughts on such a terrible day to a manhole cover?" Like this is a sincere question in the moment. Am I an idiot? Like how is my brain going from one place to another? Is this the part of my brain that was holding me back? Very serious corporate job. Is this the part of my brain that is distracting me, that is not allowing me to grow further than where I was? No. This was the realization that I was addicted to appreciation. And that without it, life was remarkably less enjoyable because I was seeing the mundane things in this way. Appreciation is the act of noticing and valuing the good in our worlds. So by definition, and please read this screen, if there's one of the slides you actually read word for word, I want you to think of what this would mean if you thought this way on a consistent basis too. Being addicted to appreciation means being addicted to the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something, or simply wanting to have a better understanding of the world around us. Think about what that would mean for your day-to-day. And yes, this is being present, this is the enjoyment of some sort of activity and the people around you. But it's also the small things, like a round manhole cover in New York City. As I started to digest this and think, what does this actually mean and how do I harness it, I realized that before any cognitive biases could pop into my head, I was addicted to seeing the good and giving benefit of the doubt in a way that just unlocked an entirely different level of life for me, and enjoyment. And the more that I leaned into this, it gave me energy, it gave me lust for life, and it gave me just joy on a day-to-day basis in ways that I could never imagine that have led me here today. Even on a day as gloomy as that day back in 2018. By the way, I'm wearing the same exact suit, which is the craziest thing. So of course I put it on social media that night. Forward Instagram-only story, be addicted to appreciation, really for friends and family as my only followers back then. But really, I was saying it for me. That it's OK to see life this way. It was almost this like freeing moment of, I'm going to lean into this harder and what is it going to do? This is something that will not only unlock how you see things, but this is an act that you can practice and will bring you joy in ways that you will not be able to imagine until you actually start to do it. And I know what you're thinking, too. Appreciation and gratitude, like aren’t we talking about the same thing here? No, these are two very different things. Appreciation is foundational. Gratitude is transactional. To show gratitude, you are actually receiving something. Appreciation is something that can just layer into everything that you are doing and just your existence on a day-to-day basis. It can be annoying to see life this way on such a consistent basis, like raining for the third day in a row? Maybe that's good for the reservoirs. That arch nemesis at work that is kind of like that person that gives you a pit in your stomach? That's somebody to understand better. Show up where they need to be met, and then you have the upper hand in the relationship simply because you appreciated them more.

Please trust me on this one. This one works super, super well. And this is not just my opinion. It felt really good when it was just my opinion, but to see this corroborated took it to a whole nother level. There's a professor from Rutgers that made appreciation a core part of her studies. And she concluded that appreciation can be a disposition. That it is not the same as gratitude. That gratitude is actually just one of eight components that makes up what appreciation is. And simply by noticing things on a day-to-day basis, you can have this mindset of appreciation, too. This is what led to me having an audience of a million and a half people on social media, which is super weird to say at 48 years old. I was making these daily vlogs of my corporate life that were like, maniacal 4am to 10pm, scheduled in 15-minute time-blocking increments. And people were like, wow, this is cool and like super soothing to watch. "This is a dope-ass Monday in your 40s" is an opening hook on social media I never in a million years thought it would actually take off. And it did. And I started to see comments along the lines of, "You make growing up less scary." And "Even though we are from completely different worlds, I love the way that you look at life." I had no intention of having that path lead me here today, but that's what appreciation has done for me. So let me show you how you can start to incorporate it into your life too. We’re going to start with a thing. For the sake of picking something that is around us right now, we're going to go with the light bulb. Omnipresent in today's world. Something we don't show gratitude for, right? Like we don’t stop and go like, I'm so grateful for this light bulb. But if you can think about the progress that light bulbs have made over time, if you can think about what it can do for our mood, look at this stage. Look at what lighting can do. It is remarkable. And even if you just think, “Wow, that’s dope,” as a passing thought like that makes a huge difference. And not to mention what it can do for you. The fact that it just lights up a room when you need it to. So when you go to bed tonight, think about the light bulb just for a second. It will make a difference. Alright, now a person. Maybe the person sitting next to you stole the seat that you thought you were going to sit in. Maybe they cut you off in line. If you ever need a reason to think "How I could appreciate that person more," could you ever look at somebody and say, "I would have done better with your circumstances, with the entirety of your life up to this moment"? No, it's an impossible question to say yes to. That's the easiest way to appreciate someone else more. So what appreciation will do for you in closing? My wife despises mayonnaise. Hi, babe. My wife despises mayonnaise, and that is fine. This is not absolute. The world is full of horrible, horrible things. Appreciation is not absolute. But when it comes to the horrible things in life, the more we can understand and appreciate what is happening, the more we can appreciate what we are capable of when it comes to change together. Appreciation will make you happier on a consistent basis. It will bring more wonder, you will be more present, you will take less for granted when you show appreciation on a consistent basis. It will allow you to encourage others and see the differences between us as reasons to believe in each other. Is this something that the world needs right now? A better understanding for the how and why of everything? Maybe a reason to look at things skeptically from a different perspective? [Wing night. Do you think it's a trap?] Might this be better for us to take a bit less for granted on a day-to-day basis? I vote yes. But then again, I firmly believe in what we [are] capable of collectively when we wholeheartedly... can appreciate the world that we exist in together. Thank you. (Applause)