Why Is It That We Are More Patient With Our Friends Than With Our Partners?

I I mean one of the weirdest things is we tend to be so kind to our friends compared with how we are towards our lovers. I mean after a while people are pretty snappy with those they live among. You know it's almost as though being married to someone gives you license to kind of I don't know take people for granted. Whereas with our friends we come to them with a degree of effort. We we make an effort to be polite to be kind. Why? Because we forgive our friends for not being everything. We don't come to friendship with the same level of expectations. And therefore when our friends let us down and they do because sometimes you know they like a film we don't or they're slightly late or you know they don't agree with us on something and so every day friends are slightly irritating and annoying but we don't get as annoyed or as irritated because we don't believe that a friend should be perfect. So one of the most generous things you can do with a friend or a lover is not expect them to be everything. The moment someone has to be everything to you is the beginning of inmperence and intolerance. the birth of tolerance is um is the acknowledgement of limitations. The more we can accept someone's limitations, it's you know to think of somebody as a little bit useless, boring, as a little bit annoying, um actually sets about just the right preconditions for the kind of tenderness you need in a long-term relationship. You know, it's really nice when people who've been together a long time essentially hint to you that they think their partner is a lovable idiot. Both both words are really important. Lovable and an idiot. Bit of an idiot, you know, always doing things wrong. How can you live next to somebody without realizing they are pretty foolish? Because everybody's pretty foolish. But a really key thing is they're lovable. You have a lot of sympathy. They're sweet. They're maddening, but they're sweet. That's it's almost the essence of love, a tolerant relationship to somebody's utterly maddening sides. You're not denying their maddening. You're just looking at it with a certain compassion.