Why Do Big Gestures Fail In Relationships? | Dr Max Butterfield

Suppose you broke up with somebody. You'll do anything to get them back. That is a slow process. People think that grand gestures are the way to go. They're not. Suppose you had a scared cat under a car and you want to coax it out from under the car and you decide you're going to dive under the car and grab it by the tail and pull it out. You're never going to see that cat again if you miss the tail. And that's often what we do with breakups. when we really like people is we dive under that car. We make this grand gesture, this big grab. But really what you need to do is very slowly approach that car for days. You do this and you, you know, offer that piece of food or you put out that water. You show that you are a safe person. That's an investment and that takes a lot of time and it requires delayed gratification. We don't have a lot of ability for delayed gratification in adult society.