gift-giving culture is broken and we're TIRED! | Internet Analysis

Hello my dudes. Today I want to talk about how giftg giving culture is kind of broken and the holidays are super overwhelming because of all the consumerism. I'm not here to be the Grinch. I'm not Scrooge, okay? But I do kind of hate compulsory gift giving. The commercialization of the holidays. I think we're all tired of it. I feel like we've been saying this forever. You're making your list. You're checking it twice. All these people you need to get your gifts for. Okay. your partner, parents, siblings, besties, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, of course, and who could forget your sweet pets. Oh, and maybe like your kids if you have them, and your kids teachers and the mailman and the doorman of your building. There's more. And even if you only have a handful of people to shop for, gift giving has just become so high pressure and stressful. And obviously, the current economy is a big factor here. Most people don't have cash to spare, and yet we still feel compelled to do this little gifty dance. Now, of course, the goal of gift giving is to buy someone something thoughtful, useful, maybe something they wouldn't buy for themselves. But still, it is nearly impossible to know what other people might want or what they already own. So, we just try to make our best guess. And I just want to acknowledge being a good giftgiver is a skill. You've got to notice things about people, their hobbies, their interests. You're probably starting your holiday shopping in January, and all year long, you're jotting things down, like when someone off-handedly mentions, "Huh, I really need a new wallet. " Boom. One down, 47 to go. But what do you do about all the other people in your life? What about the people who have everything or the notoriously picky? Well, lucky for you, there is an absolute slew of gift guides and ads all over the holiday season. But of course, that in itself has become very fatiguing. All of us are overwhelmed by the absolute flooding of gift ideas and recommendations and affiliate links. Then we're dealing with decision fatigue. I feel like I'm not the only one to say maybe we've lost the plot on the holidays. Can't we just like enjoy each other's company, eat good food, sing, dance, see Mary? But before we continue, this portion of today's video is sponsored by Cookie Run Kingdom. Cookie Run Kingdom is a mobile RPG in which the heroic cookies are fighting evil and rebuilding their kingdom. The gameplay basically involves collecting and leveling up your cookies, then fighting together in guild battles. Plus, you also complete quests, unlock new story chapters, and of course, decorate your kingdom. So, it's a great combination of action and coziness. Big news, there's currently a Wicked collab. This event update features characters, costumes, and decor inspired by the movie, which means there is Alphaba Cookie, Glenda Cookie, who I already have, and I'm hoping to get my Alphaba soon. And you're also going to encounter other Land of Oz characters as NPCs. Lastly, you can compete against other players in the new battle event called Arcade Arena Magical Clash, which is available for a limited time. It is, dare I say, thrillifying. So, don't miss out on experiencing the Wicked Collab, which ends on December 30th. If you are looking for the darlingest new game to play, click the link in my description and download Cookie Run Kingdom. So, let's get into it. What is the point of giftgiving? Margaret Deland writes, "Now, could there be anything more melancholy than weary women lugging home presents that they feel obliged to give to persons who do not wish to receive them, and each year more such presents are being given, more debts are incurred. Certainly, things are getting worse. 25 years ago, Christmas was not the burden that it is now. There was less haggling and weighing, less quidd proquo, and most of all, there was less loading up with trash. " This is an essay from 1904. And apparently we've been complaining about this for over a century. Deland writes about the mental load of the holidays, all the lists, the shopping, the thank you cards, and this whole idea of gift debt. If you give me a gift, now I owe you one. And it feels very transactional. Too often we aren't giving because we want to or because we choose to, but because we feel we have to. And that in itself kind of taints the experience of giving and receiving gifts. I've never been really big into obligatory gift giving. I'm just not going to be shopping Kohl's and searching J C Penies and Amazon to find another flannel shirt for someone because I don't know what to buy them. — And I feel like it gets to the point where it's like so and so's buying me a gift, so I have to buy them a gift. Not that this is something they would love and need and really use, but this is just kind of like a so I don't look like a bad person gift. Because if you really look at it, I'm spending $50 on you, you spend $50 on me. We both get each other things we didn't really want or need in the first place. And no one actually benefits from it. We just wash each other out trying to make sure that we're getting the person the same value worth of gift as the other person. It's not magical anymore. It's stressful. It's just so stressful. But for me, the waste is probably my least favorite part of this giftgiving culture. Because honestly, exchanging gifts with a lot of people, especially people you're not as close with, can just end up being a huge waste of time, energy, and money. First of all, so many gifts are frankly just

junk. Especially with random gift exchanges like a white elephant, we are literally giving each other trash. — God forbid I get a gag gift. Get that yodelling pickle out of here. It never should have been manufactured in the first place. Oh my god. plastic junk from Teeu or Amazon or TJ Maxx. Gag gifts you might chuckle at once and then straight to the landfill or perhaps a pit stop at Goodwill first. Stop buying shitty gifts for White Elephant. Don't get me wrong, I think there is like a place in time for a gag gift. And honestly, this is aimed at men. Men come with shitty gifts that they think are funny. They're not funny. Whoever opens it, nobody's laughing. Everybody's like, "Damn, I just got a shitty gift. " Call me ungrateful. I don't care. I'm going to thoughtfully curate a gift that is worth $40 to $50. I do not want testosterone pills. build your own hot dog kit. And even if you try your best to give good, thoughtful, practical gifts, it is still inevitable that many of those gifts are just going to go unappreciated and unused. cuz even something that is like nice and expensive can be junk to somebody who doesn't need it or want it. And one part of that is like obviously it's a bummer to feel like we're wasting money. Jessica Gross wrote Joel Wald Fogle, author of Scrooge Genomics, has found that putting sentimental value aside, goods are worth 20% less per item when they're gifts. So if your boyfriend spends $100 on a robotic panda for you, on average, you'll get only $80 worth of utility out of it. compared to if someone spent that $100 on themselves, they would probably, you know, maximize that value. Walt Fogle says this is basically because we're very good at knowing what we want and need, but not very good at predicting that for others, which makes sense. There is an astronomical amount of stuff out there to choose from of very questionable quality. And the problem is you're choosing for someone who likely has very specific tastes and knows exactly what they want. And even aside from the spending, my personal longtime philosophy when it comes to gifts is deeply tied up with the fact that I hate waste and clutter. If I receive a bunch of random stuff, little knickknacks, little bath sets, this and that, I will keep it for years. I will probably never use it, and I'm going to feel constantly guilty every time I see it, every time I'm reminded. Like, of course, being gifted something is a very nice thought. I really appreciate that. That was sweet. You didn't have to do that, but that's why the guilt hits so hard. I don't have use for the thing and now I'm stressed about it. Deland writes, "The spool box was perfectly sweet and Jane was perfectly dear to send it. " The next day, the spool box was put away with A's pin cushion and B's silver pen holder and C's cut glass mucelage bottle. This was not as ungracious as it looked. She just never uses spool boxes and already has enough pin cushions and pen holders. So, why should not the accumulation of the unnecessary be put on the top shelf of the spare room closet? And I mean, come on, I think most of us can relate. We all have too much stuff already. As someone who has become very intentional about what I own and who was also unapologetically very picky, I really dislike knowing that somebody spent their money on something that I know that I won't use. — Chances are the person that you're buying a present for already has way too much stuff. — A lot of people don't like stuff or have I have enough My husband has — The people that are saying, "Don't get me any more gifts. " From that perspective, probably don't want more stuff. We really do not need more. But you know what? We could all use more of cash. Honestly, our budgets are tight, but we're still doing this compulsory gift dance. I spend 50 on you, you spend 50 on me, and we both end up with some perfectly nice item that we might not use. So, why don't we just not, you know, keep your 50, I'll keep mine. And we get to have the same result, basically. Anyway, back to my point. Unused or unwanted gifts can end up being a burden on the recipient. Not just the guilt of not using them, but also this thing is quite literally taking up valuable space in your home and in your mind. You are responsible for the thing. A burden that they then have to deal with. Find a place to store it, give it away, haul it out once a year when you come to visit. — Even if you're given a gift receipt and you could return it, okay, great. But now that's another little errand on your list. Or if you're brave and you decide it is okay to donate it or give it away, that's still going to take plenty of time, consideration, and energy. So imagine this process for multiple gifts every year. We just spent months shopping, and now we've got to go back to the mall, the horror, or the post office, and just do it all in reverse. With that, I want to touch on regifting because it is considered very controversial, very taboo. Del wrote about the sneaky temptation to regift those lonely objects sitting in her closet. She did still need to get a gift from Mary Robinson. Perhaps Mary would love that spool box. But there is a huge stigma against regifting. It feels ungrateful to give away something that was kindly gifted to you. And it can feel kind of tacky to give someone a gift that was essentially a thing that

you didn't want. Here's my trash. It's yours now. Bye. And of course, it's possible that regifting can get messy. Del writes, "There is a haunting fear at the back of the tired mind. Suppose she should make a mistake. Supposed by some horrid freak of memory, she should send C's bottle back to C. Or there remains the ghastly chance that Jane Smith showed Mary Robinson that spool box before she sent it. But here's the thing. I think we need to normalize regifting. First of all, because pretty much everyone does it, okay? It's just that we keep it quiet. We keep it secret. But honestly, when you think about it, these gift exchanges like White Elephant, Yankee Swap, whatever you want to call it, Dirty Santa, they're all the same, but you know, different name, slightly different rules. They're all practically built on the foundation of regifting. They've turned regifting into a game. Hm. What should I offer as my gift to the pile at the third party I'm going to this week? How about that candle I got last year? In case you're unfamiliar, essentially each person brings one gift to the pile, and then people will take turns either grabbing a new gift or stealing one that's already been opened. It's supposed to be fun. It's a nice way to only have to bring one gift instead of like buying 20 gifts for all your co-workers. In reality, sometimes people take this very seriously, so it gets kind of awkward and really competitive. Or everyone just ends up upset because there was like one really good gift and nine trash ones. And maybe it is going to continually be regifted over the next decade, but who cares? It's out of your hands. Though, you are now the proud owner of a pooping puppy puzzle. I love a puzzle, but I don't want to be staring at those dogs. I think we should give them some privacy. Really though, regifting is actually very reasonable and a less wasteful thing to do. I would much rather pass an item on so that it can potentially live another life and actually be appreciated elsewhere rather than letting that thing sit in my closet collecting dust forever. There are a few caveats though. I do think you should be careful of regifting in front of the person who gave it to you. Number two, don't regift pure junk. If something is literally trash and you don't think anyone is going to like or appreciate it, don't bring it. And third, if it makes you feel bad to give someone a regift as like their holiday present, just regift it at a random time in the year. It's not going to feel as high pressure as a Christmas or holiday present. And it might actually feel more special to just give it to them on a random day just because. Next up, in defense of wish lists. Another part of my giftgiving philosophy is like instead of racking our brains trying to think of what our great aunt or co-orker or second cousin might like, what if we just ask them? — I believe really strongly in this. Ask people what they want. It's okay. Because what people really appreciate is something that they'll use, something that they need. — I think we need to get a little bit more comfortable asking people what they want. Even children write lists for Santa. I don't know why once we reach adulthood we suddenly have to guess for each other when we all know ourselves better than we ever have. I know wish lists are a very polarizing concept. I personally am a pretty big fan of them. Now again my first choice in these kind of circumstances with like giving gifts to people that you really don't know that well. I would honestly prefer if we just didn't exchange gifts at all. Okay, we can go to the holiday party but we don't have to do gifts. That's fine. But if people really insist they want to do gifts or maybe they're just doing a secret Santa so everyone only has to do one gift. I'm up for that. Okay, again, I'm not the Grinch. I can have a good time once in a while, but in those situations, okay, I am a big fan of wish lists. And I actually always ask my parents and my older brother what they want for like every birthday and every occasion. And guess what? It's always t-shirts, books, and DVDs. Now that I'm saying that, I'm like, actually, that's very predictable. So, I guess I could just guess like which t-shirt or DVD they might enjoy. But, and this is my favorite part of wish list, I just love knowing that exact gift is wanted and will be used. That brings me a lot of joy. And also, I think a wish list can be as specific or vague as you want. I definitely don't mind if you send me an exact link or if you give me a kind of, you know, a list of hints or broad options. And I actually really, really like the secret Santa style questionnaire. everyone fills out, you know, their likes and their dislikes, their preferences of this or that. And this gives you a lot of wiggle room. It space for surprises and fun, but it minimizes the chance of buying somebody who absolutely hates coffee, a whole coffee themed basket. You know, another thing I like about asking people for what they want is like, what if instead of five people spending $50 each on random gifts for you, what if they could all contribute to buy one big gift that you really want? Ooh, a new coffee machine. Amazing. So anyway, I know that there are many pros in my book, but I also understand that a lot of people despise wish lists. — If I have to make a list and send it to you, it doesn't count as a gift. The point is the thought and the intention and the effort and like, oh, I knew you would like this, so I bought it for you or I made it for you. — Let's try to be a little more thoughtful, a little more creative. Actually think about the person. What do

they like? What do they spend their time doing? Some argue a wish list ruins the whole point of gift giving. Similar to just gifting cash or gift cards, it's lazy. It's careless. It's boring. There's no fun, no surprise. And it can feel so transactional. If we're all just telling each other what we want or just giving cash and gift cards, — it doesn't feel like giving. community. It doesn't feel like cheerful. It just feels so transactional. It feels so about the stuff of it all. — And quickly, my counterpoints to these would be, first of all, everybody loves cash. I never saw a dollar bill I didn't like. A gift card can actually be specific and thoughtful, I think. Like, for example, if someone gifted me a disposable camera and a gift card to get it developed, hint hint, I would be stoked. And also, sometimes the surprise is the worst part about receiving gifts, okay? Like having to open gifts in front of people and like the performance of it all and wanting to show gratitude, but like I personally am a very expressive person and to think that people might be reading into how my face looks scares me. But I do definitely agree that especially in this compulsory gift culture, the giving does feel transactional to me regardless. Like again, we're setting $50 limit. I'm buying you something cuz you're buying me something. We basically are just trading money. — So, I'm just buying your shopping cart for you. That's weird. — It's not like I have access to the internet. I can go online shopping. I don't need you to do it for me. You know, — it's not hard. Okay. Just know the person. And if you don't know them, that's when a wish list does come in handy, I will say. or a gift card or cash. Okay, I do understand that ideally gifting should be about thought and care. This reminded me of you. I thought you'd like this. — I think ultimately the reason that gifts feel so good to receive at its core is that people recognize what we enjoy and what we like and they are showing us that by gifting us something that reflects that thing that we like and we feel seen. — And as I mentioned before, being a good giftgiver requires a ton of thought, consideration, and care. Jessica Gross wrote, quoting Benjamin Hoe, "The reason gift giving and receiving is so challenging is part of the point. If it was easy to get a gift for people, anyone could do it. Giving a good gift shows that you know someone well, and it builds trust over time. " And often people talk about this in a binary, like you're either a good giftgiver or a bad giftgiver. And I don't think that's accurate. I think many of us are better at giving gifts to people that we know more, people we're super close to, but it's harder the less well you know someone. That being said, I definitely think it is possible to be an objectively bad giftgiver. The type of people that don't put in any effort, no thought, and it is more offensive the closer you are to that person. Like again, a husband not knowing his wife at all. It's like, oh, you've been married 30 years seems like you'd maybe remember her hobby or her favorite movie. Me getting mad at the hypothetical. It's stereotypical, but it does tend to be very true that moms typically create a lot of the holiday magic. Shout out to the moms. Now that I'm a mom, I'm like, "Oh my god. " Not that in our household, we're keeping it all on me, but I'm like, "I need to be creating some magic. I'm not very skilled at this. " But typically, moms organize and handle a lot of the mental load of the holidays. Women are often tasked with remembering things like gifts, clothing sizes, shipping deadlines, travel logistics, food planning, teacher gifts, wrapping supplies, the grocery list, and managing the calendar. And of course, many moms do enjoy a lot of this, or at least parts of it. When women are stressed out, people will be like, "Well, stop doing it all. Don't bake the cookies. " And it's like, "Oh my god, if there was one thing I wanted to do, I want to bake the cookies with my kids. I want to do the fun holiday magic stuff. I want to decorate the entire house because that stuff is fun and memorable and it builds traditions with my kids. " The reason the holidays are stressful isn't because there's so much work to do at the holidays. It's because all of that other work that moms tend to carry by themselves, they have to do all that, too. What would really help is if dads took on their fair share of the domestic load. I'm going to make a whole video about domestic labor soon because that has been on my list. Some folks may feel like they thrive under this labor. They want to manage everything. They love the magic that they can help to create and participate in. Other folks feel exhausted and drained by the kind of assumption that they will perform that labor and the knowledge that it just won't happen for their families if they don't. There are too many examples of dads not knowing anything about their kids, not even knowing their kids' birthdays, which is played for laughs, but it's like truly unacceptable. So, when it comes to gifts, surprise, often these careless dads or men in general tend to be horrible giftgivers. They have no idea what to get their kids or their wife because they literally don't know them at all. And that's if they even bother to buy gifts. Far too often, moms handle absolutely everything, and they end up with empty stockings. No gifts under the tree, or the only things that they have to open are the gifts that they bought and wrapped for themselves because they knew nobody else was going to get them anything. Anyway, my point here is that gift giving does tend to be quite gendered. I think we put way more pressure on women in general, not just moms, but women of all ages and even girls to be thoughtful. It feels like a

woman's job to think about these things and to make the lists, but it's like everyone can and should do this. So, when I'm talking about this giftgiving culture, I'm thinking about how women are actually doing too much. They're putting way too much pressure on themselves and they can definitely afford to cut back. Whereas, many men really need to be working on this. They're putting in 0%. I'm like, "Wow, think about your loved ones for once in your life. The bar is in hell. " And again, I know this video might sound very grinchy and like totally anti-gifting so far, but that's really not true. I do enjoy the idea of gifts. They can be incredibly meaningful and touching. Shout out to my friend Tammy. She is one of the best giftgivers I know. But yeah, when it comes to like the holiday season, honestly, my opinion is like I would be perfectly happy deleting gifts from Christmas for the most part. I would rather focus my limited attention and resources on like birthdays so that I can help people feel more special on their special day. These days we tend to associate gifts or like loving gifts with materialism and excess. But the best gifts are often small, inexpensive or even handmade. And I think privilege definitely plays a role in like your attitude around gifts. Some people are very lucky and have received tons of really thoughtful, wonderful gifts over their lifetime. So, they might feel like full, so to speak. Like, they might be the sort of person who's like, "You know what? I'm good with gifts. I have everything I need. " But for other people who maybe have never received a thoughtful gift, they've never felt special. They've never felt seen in that way. To them, one gift could be incredibly impactful. So, that's why gift giving and these conversations are not one-sizefits-all. It's funny. As I'm writing this video, I have been working on my secret Santa a little last minute. Oops. And my person requested a gift card. And then I'm like, "Okay, gift card. Cool. " And then I'm still wondering, despite everything I'm saying, hm, is a gift card not enough? Should I buy like another little something to like put the gift card in? And I'm literally going against my entire point in this video, feeling obligated to give more or like a present isn't good enough unless it looks like XYZ, even though that person literally asked for it. Just a gift card, please. Keep it simple. So I do totally understand and experience these very conflicting emotions around gifts. Ultimately my thoughts on gifts are different for each person. Like I have to analyze different relationships in my life. Like what am I doing with my husband and my child, my dog? What do I do with my parents, my siblings? Do I gift with friends or do we all just be like, "Nah, we're good. " I personally never expect to receive gifts, but to me it is important that I gift to a handful of specific people. Continuing on, for some, gift giving is their love language. Giving and/or receiving gifts is how they show love. I, for one, cannot relate on the whole list of love languages. I think gift giving is my last. But I do understand again the concept. Some people love giving gifts because they like spreading joy and treating people and being very intentional. They love the whole process. And I've been really interested in thinking about how I think a lot of gift giving is wrapped up in how the process makes us feel as givers. Do we feel satisfied? Do we feel thoughtful? Do we feel inadequate? Like our gifts aren't enough. Does anyone else who has a love language of gift giving feel like this during the holidays? — A few things can add up to hundreds of dollars. And I just feel like whenever I buy things, like it's not enough and like I have to keep buying more. I almost feel guilty not having more presents for my family. And this is how gift giving can get extra messy because there definitely can be conflicts between the intent of a gift and its actual impact. Is your intention to give something that the recipient will enjoy? Or are you more so giving because you find it fun and satisfying? And I don't think it's bad to enjoy giving, but some people do end up focusing more on how giving makes them feel, and that becomes the most important part. At worst, some people do weaponize their gift giving. they use it for control or leverage. There's this idea like, oh, again, it's the thought that counts. Like some people think of gifts as like objectively always good things. And that's not always the case. We don't want to say it cuz it makes us sound ungrateful, but again, gifts can be a burden. means of control. A somewhat selfish giver will buy whatever they want to get you. They're the types to disregard a carefully curated and perfectly researched baby shower registry, for example, and instead of buying any of the practical, muchneeded gifts like bottles and burp cloths and wipes. They're going to buy the baby a very expensive fancy glittercovered dress for Easter. I get it. Like buying clothes for babies can be very fun and cute, but the point of the registry was to help the parents prepare for the baby by getting them the essentials. And so it is selfish to supersede that and be like, "No, but I wanted to get you something cute. " And it's like, "Well, frankly, I don't know if I want the baby wearing that. Maybe I wanted to pick out their little holiday outfits. " Me, do I have thoughts on baby

registries? I made a video about that. I'm like, "Okay, if you insist on buying cute baby stuff, I get it. I would say at least buy like one needed thing from the registry and then you can add like one little outfit, something a little cute. I get it. " But some giftgivers actually go against the recipient's wishes or requests. Some people really don't want plastic, polyester, fragrance, AI, or anything like that in their lives. Some people only want to buy secondhand. Some people don't want to support certain brands or certain stores. You can so easily get it wrong now and get someone something that is in direct opposition to what they believe in. This would be like surprising a family that wants to be very like lowcreen by giving the toddler an iPad. Like, yeah, that is otherwise like an expensive, very nice gift. Would be lovely for Uncle Brad. very generous but absolutely the wrong gift for this situation. This is again where a gift can be a burden. Now the recipient has to look like a bad guy if they say this doesn't work for us and we can't accept this but it's like you as a giver knew that. Okay. So I very strongly believe that good giftgiving has to consider the impact of the gift. And lastly some of you saying gift giving is my love language. Some of you are just truly shopping addicts. Okay? And I don't say that as a jab. I mean it like it's a problem. Therefore, it's possible that gift giving is less about wanting to give to others and more about simply wanting to shop and that this is another avenue that grants you the space to like scratch that itch. — If you're giving people stuff they don't want, it's not about you giving it to them. It's about you. Maybe you want to shop and so you want to buy something. And you know what? Sometimes you know what? Some people just want to spend time with you. But if you genuinely love giving gifts in a way that's healthy and like not an addiction, not toxic, and that you're feeling like there aren't enough people in your life who want and appreciate gifts, I genuinely recommend channeling all of that energy and time and money into donating. You are the exact perfect people to go ham shopping for toys for tots. Buy up a couple angel trees because there are genuinely so many people and especially kids who are in need who would absolutely love these gifts. and you giving them something would change their holidays versus, frankly, a lot of adults, they have enough stuff. They probably don't need or even want another random gift. I bought a bunch of toys for my local DSA toy drive. And I'm really excited. I also highly recommend looking into volunteering. Again, if you're the type who really loves like the joy of the season and the giving, like you can be involved in wrapping gifts, distributing them. You can be a really big part of that holiday magic. Continuing on, we just need to communicate honestly. Ever heard of it? Talking it out. Like when it comes to gift exchanges at work, family or friend gift exchanges, they should be polling everyone to be like, "Hey, do we want to do this? If so, what's a reasonable budget? What are we all happy with? Are we okay with gag gifts? Yes or no? " I think it should be perfectly fine to be like, "Hey, I don't want to do gifts this year. " And actually, a lot of people will probably be equally as relieved as you. Me and my family don't do Christmas gifts. Let's talk about it. — It's okay to say no. Let's not exchange gifts like — no gifts. I do not want anything for Christmas this year. — Gift giving is not the way that I love. So it always ends up feeling like an obligation to me that I cannot meet. — All they want to get this year is just a hug and just be like, "Hey, if you got me, I think that's enough. That that's more than enough right there. " — And again, we can spend time together. Let's go to a party. Let's hang out. Let's have dinner. Absolutely. When we're talking about the spirit of the holidays, that's what I mean. The best thing that you could gift me or I could probably gift you at this point is my time. Let's do something together. Let's have all get food and have a party for you at your house. Let's go out to a dinner. Let's have an experience. Let's go for freaking coffee and just talk. — Lastly, we come to underconumption holidays. I've seen some people again calling this underconumption Christmas. Whichever holiday you celebrate, I don't know if I've seen underconumption Hanukkah, but I'm sure it's out there. There have always been groups of people who are like, "You know what? I don't love the direction all of this is going into. Let's pair it back. Let's focus on the holiday spirit. " Dylan writes, "This silly and fatiguing custom has got to stop. " What? No Christmas? On the contrary, the very fullest and most beautiful Christmas. Let us bear gifts, but let us be wise. Perhaps the first step toward wisdom will be to fill ourselves with the spirit of Christmas, the deep purpose of service and goodwill and peace. We can opt out of compulsory gifting. We can make new traditions. We can buy less. We can thrift. We can focus on gifts that are handmade or consumables so that there's less waste. Everyone loves a nice little drink or a loaf of bread. Fresh baked cookies. If you knit me something, if you crocheted me something, you made me a little art piece. You wrote me a nice letter or something, a card with words of affirmation, that's literally the best thing you could get me. And I'm serious. Another suggestion many people have had is to not gift adult to adult and just focus on giving to kids. Obviously, this

makes sense for a lot of parents who are like, I have to give some gifts to my kids. That's the most fun part of giving for me. But let's stop most of the adult to adult giving. Okay, I don't have to give 20 presents to all the adult cousins at the Christmas party. Love you. — Adult to adult gifting is over. I am absolutely done with it. — Not gifting other adults anything. I'm giving gifts to children, my mother, maybe my husband, depending how he's acting. Other than that, buy your own — You do not need to be giving grown adult gifts. If I'm being completely honest, I don't even think kids should have the expectation that they're getting all these gifts for Christmas. For a lot of people, focusing the gifts on children makes more sense. You know, it's magical. It's fun to give gifts to kids. They get toys. They're excited. But still, I think it's very important to not go overboard with the gifts. Again, I don't think you want kids to think that getting 50 presents or having this mountain of gifts under the tree is the point. — No matter how many gifts I get my kids at the end, always like, "Is that it? " And you're like, — and even as parents, like again, you're buying your own kids gifts and then the grandparents and other family are giving you gifts and suddenly your kid has like a hundred new toys all at once. It's overwhelming. It's too much stuff. There are definitely ways to make the holidays magical for and with kids without it being insanely expensive and focusing too much on presents. All of that being said though, this idea of like no gifts for adults, hold on. I think we need to make sure like we're not focusing too much on like families and kids and forgetting about everyone else in the world. Let's not forget that first of all, child-free adults exist and they still deserve and may want to receive and exchange gifts. And I think it's always good to examine this on a case- by case basis. Reach out to your friends. Again, I think what's really sad is when people feel like they have been forgotten in the holiday season. They're watching everyone else apparently receive tons and tons of gifts and love and they feel like they haven't gotten that. Again, some people don't even get a gift or holiday card. And so, I think it's important to also think about the people in your life who may be underappreciated or you just want to make sure they feel that love. Like again, grandparents, elders, often other friends that you just want to send a little extra love or care to. Ultimately, I've seen a lot of people talking about still doing gifts in a lot of situations, but scale it back and focus instead on experiences and quality time. Think back to the Christmases that were most meaningful to you. Recreate those types of experiences. And that's going to make for a much more meaningful Christmas than buying a bunch of — Growing up, I don't remember a single Christmas present that I got, but I do remember how every year my aunt would take me and my cousins to go do something fun together. And the kids get to spend a couple hours together, enjoy some like hot chocolate, make some fun memories, run around. — Every year we do a cookie decorating party for my nephews, and we take them ice skating. What makes the holidays feel magical and special without all of the insane consumerism? Treats and some gifts, maybe some surprises, little things, little crafts. I've been sewing some cute little felt ornaments. I feel like everybody's doing that this year, and it's fun. And do I have a plan to sew our stockings and maybe a tree skirt? Yes. Am I running out of time? Yes. Will they maybe be done in time for next Christmas? Sure. But that really does make me feel like I'm like getting into it more. And maybe there's some subconscious obligation as a mom again to be like, you have to create the Christmas cheer. But I like the idea that instead of ordering some stockings from some store, I'm going to sew them lovingly and my family's going to enjoy them for a lifetime. No pressure. I saw a comment on this article that was a cute suggestion. In my retirement years now, I've been asking my sons what items in our house have meaning to them and what they would like to own that they grew up with. There's no sense in waiting until I've died to enjoy the memories some of these things brought them. So, I've been wrapping up certain Christmas tree ornaments, a gravy pot, a bowl I used to make cookies, my father's medals and papers. I'm getting a lot of pleasure from mailing some of my belongings that will evoke happy memories long after I'm gone. And I love that concept. I actually haven't heard people talk about that before, but that's a wonderful idea. And I think that's very sweet, very sentimental, very meaningful, and most of these things very practical things that will actually get used. If your parents have been using them for decades, they must be high quality and long-lasting. Win-win. And that's that. I hope you guys enjoyed this video today. I hope it's been cathartic. If you at the end of this holiday season are like, "Okay, that was too much. " Just think about it for next year. You have other options. It is okay to say no, to opt out, to change plans, make new traditions, and try to focus on actually being able to enjoy the holiday season. I know a lot is happening at the end of the year, but hopefully you can at the very least have a good little treat and a laugh and be merry. That's all I wish for you. Thank you again to Cookie Run for sponsoring today's video. I want to give another shout out to my second channel and making casual commentary there. Don't miss out. Also, if you're interested in behind the scenes of YouTube stuff, I made a vlog documenting the entire process of creating my last internet analysis episode. So, you can see the whole messy, chaotic workflow that I

have. And stay tuned for future internet analysis episodes. Ho ho. Absolutely not. Okay, thanks. I