Put back in the Matrix where everything is just everything-ing | Friday Zen, LIVE

All right, I think we're live. Come on down. This time hopefully it'll work. I tried going live for the first time in a couple weeks yesterday about our Napa trip for supporters and stuff and it was a glitchy YouTube was glitching. The live comments didn't work, which brought up an interesting thing for me because I realized I love doing live videos. It's the only kind of video I like to do anymore. If anything, if the energy ever arises to do a video, it's usually just a live thing. And I realized it's that give and take of course of live that makes it wondrous as an experience here. When your comments weren't working, I knew I was live. I knew you were there. I was getting text messages from people, but it was not fun. So, it's great to see everyone. Look at this. Julia's here, Darby, Ashley, Brian, uh Don, Sally from Atlanta. My buddy uh was just in Atlanta visiting his kid at Emory. just started at Emory, the great University of Emily. Hi, Jolene up in Texas. Um, yeah. So, what's new? Uh, you know, every day is a bit of a like big bang, like a whole new universe, and I never really know what's going on. So, these days it's a bit of a mystery. So, hit me with some stuff. Tell me what's going on in your world, and we'll see what emerges, cuz this thing is just kind of doing itself. There's really nobody doing any of this. And yet it feels like there is, doesn't it? Isn't that fascinating? Um, Ashley says, "The engagement is what makes the live feature fun. " Exactly. Salutations from Austin. Hi, Christina. Maz is in the UK. What's up, Susan? Um, was on an art live. Their live wouldn't accept chats in English. What? That's straight up racist, dude. What was up with that? The whole Tourette's thing at the BAFTA awards. Oh my gosh. It's like nobody won that one. That was just a nobody knew who to cancel, you know. It was like people's brain went, let's see, I don't like racism, but I don't like abbleism, but I don't. And then, of course, so they just blame it on BBC. Um, Yer says, uh, Zuben is make, uh, make IA great again. What's IA? Help me because then we'll make it great together. Uh, I'm bad with abbreviations. Dan says, "Building software and things from nothing always makes me amaze. Literally something from nothing, right? And now AI is just going to do that. " So it's like nothing making nothing, which is always what it's been. Isn't that crazy? Um, Julia says, "Just reading an article on how douchy spiritual influencers can be. " Oh, let's talk. Oh, let's talk about that. Spiritual [ __ ] people are the worst. They're worse than muggles. Like I would rather hang out with non-spiritual muggles than a wizard or witch in the spiritual circus. And I I'll tell you why. Because all that spirituality stuff is just another iteration of this. It's no different than tying your shoelaces. The only difference between that like mystical experiences and meditation and all the [ __ ] that goes with spirituality whether it's God um Buddhism or whether it's Hindu whatever it doesn't matter um the only difference is the spiritual ego now they're saying I'm better than you and that I'm somehow getting somewhere to enlightenment and there's no such thing as any of that meaning all of that's a story that happens in this. So, how could it have anything to do with re with what this is? Cuz this is just what this is that you can't talk about at all. So, we sit around flapping our gums. Then you get the spiritual influencers like J Shetty who's I call him J Shitty just cuz that that's lowhanging fruit. This [ __ ] guy says he was a monk, right? Turns out that was a total scam. Like there was some investigative reporting. A friend of mine actually contributed to that. Uh he was on my show. um Ron Perer actually and he's just a he's just like a [ __ ] spiritual douchebag who's making ton of money telling people like how to live their lives better. Like he knows [ __ ] about that. Actually, he does. He knows how to make money. naturally be born good-looking, which helps a lot. Um Deepo Chopra, another great example, he was a doctor. He's like, "Mine sucks, dude. Especially endocrinology or whatever [ __ ] he was doing. Um, I'm going to start using my Indian accent and listen, I can talk this [ __ ] because my parents are from India, even though we're technically Persians, but [ __ ] all that. So, I can just [ __ ] with everyone. Uh, at least that's what I say. And then, of course, my wife says, I don't think you can. Um, he just decides, well, [ __ ] I'm going to talk about everything as consciousness. And by the way, all these spiritual influencers, every single one you see on YouTube, including me, if you hear me talk about that [ __ ] it's all regurgitated [ __ ] that someone else has said because there's nothing new in human consciousness ever. It's always just the same [ __ ] in thought, the

thought sphere re rehashing itself. Oh, it's a this, it's awakening, it's these planes of reality, it's this and that. And look, there's nothing wrong with any of that because it can be a wonderful experience. It can for some people be a better experience than [ __ ] digging ditches or smelling [ __ ] It just turns out for me having gone through the whole thing, having been enamored of that, having thinking, having thought that was better than and having thought at some point I was better than and then realizing no that's the same unworthiness talking trying to distance itself. Now I realize smelling a piece of [ __ ] and meditating in silence and having blissful ecstatic condalini is the same [ __ ] thing. It's this. It couldn't be other than it is. Nobody's doing it. It's unfolding in a total mystery. And there's no center to it. There's no end or beginning to it. It's not in time or space. And even everything I just said is just more story that's regurgitated. So what do you do? Just [ __ ] stop. Go tie your shoelaces if you or unless you use Velcro like those old school proings and live your damn life. Or actually, better yet, let life just [ __ ] life itself. And that's kind of where it settled out. So yeah, these [ __ ] douche canoes. I mean, who else? Let's just name him. Just [ __ ] name him Muji. [ __ ] that guy. Are you kidding me? People are going around kissing his feet cuz that's the Indian tradition. And you know, Muji Baba and all this [ __ ] Suck a dick, Muji. That's [ __ ] And you know it. That's actually I don't know that he knows it. Rupert knows it. Rupert, man, I went and saw Rupert live. He was a dick, actually. It's like it gives you a license to have this [ __ ] like you're a sage on a stage like you have something literally he's sitting on a stage in a [ __ ] chair like this. People are sitting coming in for a sat song and then he opens his eyes and people start and he starts talking [ __ ] and then people start asking questions and it's like are you [ __ ] kidding me? these guys have millions of [ __ ] subscribers and [ __ ] on YouTube and all kinds of, you know, influence and celebrities go to see them. And it's like, of course they do, cuz celebrities are the prime example of being just completely enslaved by the social matrix, seeking influence and fame and money and all that validation. And so they go to the people who do the same thing. Like attracts like, and it's all little cabal of Epstein [ __ ] pedophiles. I Dude, you guys got me started today. [ __ ] Um, so, uh, so yeah, and then Sod Guru, of course, uh, as Christina mentions. I mean, come on. All these, everybody, all of them. Look at some of it's innocent. Some of it, like on YouTube, these anybody who puts like non-duality after their name, it's usually an innocent attempt to try to convey the unconveyable. Um, and also get money, get one-on ones, sell songs or retreats. Like, it's a business. It's a spiritual marketplace. And believe me, there was a point where I was like, "Oh, I could crush this game. All I got to do is regurgitate this same shit. " And I've had these experiences, these mystical experiences, so I can speak from experience about [ __ ] awakening and all this. And then you But there's a deep [ __ ] truth here that that's all more just more experience. And you're selling people a bill of goods. You're selling yourself And all of spirituality is the final boss that just keeps you in the dream, which is fine. There's nothing wrong with it. There really isn't. That that's the beauty of it is it's all appearance. So, who cares? Go grift. Go do whatever you want to do. [ __ ] jack off Rupert Circle jerk with Muji. [ __ ] take a shot from [ __ ] Sodur. It doesn't matter. It's so funny. You guys really just if you if you're suffering, if like this is causing you friction, if you're stressed about who to watch, what to believe, what to do next, why am I not awake? That's where maybe some of this message might just settle in somehow for no one. And just maybe there might be a release of some of that. Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't matter. But that's kind of how it went down over here for Zuben. Uh there was just a kind of like and now it's like I just don't have a lot of desire to talk about that [ __ ] you know? I was sitting with a friend the other day and we were talking about this because we've been on this kind of journey together and she was like I don't know. I don't really want to talk about anything any of this spirituality. I'm like me neither. There's nothing here. Like let's just talk about this coffee. There's really nothing going on. Um Dan says, "Love the deep [ __ ] truth. " Yeah. And you know, listen guys, like just so you know, this is just zub and zubining. meaning like my personality is a little oppositional. It is a little burn it all down. It's a bit of an iconic class. That's just how it has rolled. And but that said, this is actually how it's experienced here. That at some point all that stuff it might have been useful right at some point because it gets you through some degree of a particular type of delusion and introduces a bigger delusion that pulls you from the first

delusion into the second. The delusion of spirituality, the delusion of progress, the delusion of awakening, the delusion of accomplishment and attainment and spiritual practice. All of that you need it. Actually, it might be that you need it for some people seemingly in the appearance in the story that unfolds for no one by no one that leads to something, but that's just the appearance. So, it might be that it leads to escape from delusion that you are this, you are your thoughts. Okay, that's a huge relief. But then you're still in this [ __ ] matrix and now the matrix becomes even more sticky because it's, you know, people like Soduru saying, "Oh, I didn't kill my wife. She attained Maha Samadei because she was such a highly attained being. " You know, they're using this [ __ ] to like justify, you know, God knows what the [ __ ] Epstein was using to justify his [ __ ] Probably just nihilism. Um, Ashley says, "Not much to talk about when you're completely feeling it, too. " That's how it is for me now. I still enjoy community uh with it though for sure. Yeah. So the community like this what we're doing now that's fun for me and we could talk about spirituality and stuff and that's fine but just know that it's all like it's all just words and there's nothing underneath it at all. Like this is the deep secret of the universe and it's not a secret. It's like right in front of your face. It's always been this just very simple just what's appearing it's magic and it spins up an entire self and universe and story and birth death all that is like coming from absolutely [snorts] just a dance of appearance. It's beautiful. The high women I've been thinking speaking of the matrix sometimes I'm like the guy who wanted to get back in. Get me in. I don't want to remember anything. You know, dude, I'm like that all the time. And I I'll say it like this. Okay, let me say it this way. Is this true? Let me feel into this for me. I'm just going to speak from my own experience. Okay, Cipher in the Matrix is the guy with the little goatee who's the traitor, right? And he goes to Agent Smith and cuts a deal and says, "I will betray all my friends in the real world who are spiritually awake. They're not really awake because they're still in the dream, right? they've just gone out of one dream into a bigger container. And he says,"I want to go back. And when I go back, I want to be someone important so that I have all the things that the ego thinks it wants. " So he's saying, "I'm going to I want to go back and embrace ego fully. " The problem is because of what I've seen, I can never do that if I remember what I've seen about the true nature of like ego that it's just appearance and it's not what I am. So he says,"I want to believe again that that's what I am. And I want that ego to be strong. I want it to have power, money, influence, all that. " And I totally get it because when it's seen through, it's like, "Oh, all that stuff was a lie. " Well, now what? Now there's like despair, nihilism, existential terror, all the things that come with the destabilizing of the ego as the center. So, you definitely can go through that piece, especially as you get deeper in it. Apparently, there's really no deeper. It's like, that's a story. [ __ ] everything I'm saying is a story, but just for fun, let's play this game. So, you get then to this part where you're like, plug me back in. Like, this was terrible. And me and my friend were talking and she's told me before, she's like, I wish this had never happened to me. This has been excruciating. You're feeling all these emotions, all this trauma, all this purging of energy. And I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. For her, it was totally uncaused. Came out of the blue. And dude, I totally get it. It's like, yeah, of course. Cuz that person, that structure, it provided boundaries. It provided a container. That's why I say I am much happier hanging out with muggles, non-magical, non-spiritual people who are just in the world doing their thing because you can allow them to be exactly what they are. And in a sense, when they see that you do that, they do that for you and it's actually beautiful. But the spiritual people are like, "Well, so uh have you considered uh that maybe there's some residual self thing going on? " Or perhaps have you seen what um you know uh such and such non-duality said about such and I wonder if that's true. Oh, have you done a one-on-one with so and so? And it's like I'm going to kill myself now and I know I won't go anywhere because there's nothing here. Um yeah, it's it's terrible. So you want to go back in. But then something interesting happens. At least here there's a falling away of that and nobody does it. It's not caused. There's the realization again by no one. It's just this natural weird falling away that this is it

that you are back, that you never left, that there was nowhere to go and all there is to do is live your life. And there's no more oo everything is emptiness or everything is love or everything is although all those things can be felt. They can somewhat be accessed but they're not really believed because they're stories. So what is believed? Well nothing. There's just this. There's nothing to believe. They're just the flow of life. And you don't need to be someone famous or someone important or someone influential to find that absolutely fine. And so it's almost like you come all the way back to sleep, but zero [ __ ] are given even when [ __ ] arise. So you don't need to go back in the matrix. You don't need to betray your friends. You don't need to have a spiritual ego. You don't need to think about things as, oh, this is nonsubstantial, impermanent, unsatisfying. Who cares? Those are all stories that the Buddhists tell. The Buddhists are the biggest [ __ ] circle jerkers. Compassion. It's like, oh my god, dude. Shh. It's okay. I mean, I understand it. I And I was into it, but that's gone now. Like, I can't I just can't. I can't with you, Buddhism. I can't with you any of it. No isms. Uh, so yeah, I'm sure I'll offend a bunch of people. my friends who are going to call me. Every time I make movies videos like this, I get like 13 texts and they're like, "Hey, how are things? " It's almost like the Matrix coming back and it's like, "Oh [ __ ] he's on to us. Like, I better sweet talk him. Happens every time. Multiple people. This is the thing with spiritual people. They're sweeties, too. They're total sweeties. Um, Ashley, there's a reason the chop would carry water is one of the few quotes I actually like. Yeah. I mean, it's just this the zen thing, right? Hi, women. Fantastic answer, Zuben. Thank you. Uh, there's just the flow of life and that's absolutely fine. Quote, I'll try to remember that. I'm smiling here now. Ah, I love it. It is really just that and nothing I said did any of that you already this is already obvious at a level that there's no there's nothing knowing that that's what's really amazing. So there's nothing for you to do cuz the you is just that appearance. So just let it be. And even that you can't do. So just me talking might just uh no even that's nonsense. Ah down the rabbit hole into this. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. no one to do it. Everything is okay. Even when it's not, even when there's suffering in the world. And that you will act, you will act to relieve suffering in the natural way that your conditioning allows. So if your conditioning is a psychopath, it's going to go and murder people. If your conditioning is someone who has some degree of compassion, when this all this nonsense falls away, that compassion will be the thing that just shows up as it is in the natural way without anything, without forcing it, without altruism, without gain or loss or clinging. It just will be natural again for no one. So you can't even celebrate because it's not happening to anyone. Even though that sense of self can arise and appear and that's okay, too. We don't have to reject that. make that a problem because then what's making that a problem? The sense of self. The movement of seeking, the seeking stops. That's it. And it happens naturally. You can't make it stop because that's the seeking that's trying to make it stop. So, it's keeping itself going by trying to make it stop. It's a paradox. So, sometimes it's just like pop. Sometimes you have to go through all the spiritual [ __ ] You have to realize that all these people are [ __ ] keeping you asleep in a way. They're the last guardians of delusion, of Maya, the great illusion. And that's okay. It's fun. It's like a video game. You're at the final boss. The final boss kicks your ass every time until it doesn't until in some grace flow state. You hit the right sequence of up, down, out, left, right, fire, and the final boss just disappears. And then you're left with your name on the scoreboard, but there's no name. It's just emptiness with emptiness. Mrs. Jahira, good to see you. It's absolutely fine until it's not, but that ends up having to be fine, too. Well said. Yeah, that's really good. Um, cloud clumping. 18 weeks pregnant and got norovirus this week. Physically painful, but sincerely in the here and now, so not so bad. Oh, I'm sorry you're suffering. Yeah, that sucks. Norovirus is so brutal, too. And when you're pregnant, it's worse cuz then it's mixing with the I don't know if at 18 weeks you're still having a lot of morning sickness or if you ever had a lot of that. Um, but rooting for you, hoping you feel better. But yeah, that here and now. Okay, so here's I'll tell you guys a story. I told this to my supporters the other day. Um, and then we'll catch up with some more comments cuz again, this is all about me because you're dealing with the kind of narcissistic conditioning that would make a YouTube video about his experience thinking anyone gives a [ __ ]

That's Zuben. That's just how Zuben is. Like Zuben has always wanted to be famous. validation and attention. But now it's more like that conditioning plays out without the wanting of validation, the wanting to be famous, the wanting of attention. It's just this is zubining. So it can feel a little narcissistic. And sometimes I see it and I'm like, well that looks real narcissistic. But I'll tell you the story. So you can see I'm here. I got a crown here and here placed on these teeth that were cracked. One had a previous gold crown. So now the gull is gone. And I have these temporary acrylic crowns. I had them placed earlier in the week. I think it was Tuesday uh at the dentist. I went in at 9:00 a. m. and it used to be like we were talking about norovirus pregnancy and being in the here and now. Not so bad, right? So, it used to be when I would go to the dentist and things were uncomfortable because these are painful procedures. You know, they inject you with the thing and it didn't numb me and she was drilling and it started hurting and I was like, "Uh, hands up. " Like, I can feel that just FYI. I mean, I could try to power through it, but if we don't have to, maybe a little more lidocaine or whatever you're using it' be a good idea. So, as this is going on, it used to be I could apply a technique like a meditative approach of being the witness. So, you just drop into like pure witnessing awareness and you notice the body doing what it does, the sensations being energetic, the um you're kind of witnessing in a detached way. Okay. It's a kind of a dissociation, but not really. You're kind of you're no longer identifying with the body and the sense of self that's owning the experience, but you're moving self into awareness and you're allowing this cloud of perceptions just to be what they are. And that could lead to a kind of a detached acceptance of what's going on. And I've talked about that. I've been to the dentist where I've done this and it's like, "Oh, they're drilling and there's pain. " But I no longer label it. It's just this energetic of like wow and it's like oh and I'm like the witness of it and it's happening and it's kind of this you know like you could light a monk on fire while they're meditating and they don't feel it and that kind of or they don't it's it doesn't bo doesn't phase them but now [clears throat] I can't believe those things anymore because those are manipulations of the appearance and they no longer are interesting to me so now what happens is I go in and the body just does what it does. So it's like there's drilling and it's like whoa oh wow that's pain like and it's happening and then it's like ooh and you can see like the hand is shaking because the body is scared the body's like what's next and but the mind is not doing that proverating on oh what's going on what's happening what is this going to be that instead those thoughts are happening but none of them are really believed and it's just the whole thing is unfolding so life is lifing itself to the zuben body and the zuben body is responding and it responded by sitting in the chair, tensing its legs, doing these kind of things, but none of it was a problem. Cuz it was just like that's just what it is. It was fine. And at some point, she stopped in between teeth. She had finished the top one and she's like, "Now we could just save the bottom one cuz this was a lot. You know, it's been an hour already and a lot of drilling and you know, all that. We could do it another time. " And I'm like, "What else is there to do on a Monday or whatever? Let's just go. " And then the next one. And then the body naturally started to relax. Legs were just kind of crossed. Everything was chill. Drilling was happening. Teeth were flying. Bits were going everywhere. I was like, "Oh, suction, spit, all that [ __ ] Fine. Face is numb. Go home. Lots of pain as the lidocaine wears off because the teeth are real sensitive. " And it was just, it was totally fine. But it wasn't a detached dissociation. It wasn't a witnessing awareness. It was just everything everythinging. So you don't escape this. You're all this. That's all there is this. And it's actually rather beautiful. So even when things suck, they're just going to suck and that's just fine, really. Um yeah, Lynn, the dentist will bring you right into the present moments. Pip says, "Considering uh that we'll all come back after we die. Consider considering that we Maybe we're all like Cipher. It's all a game and every idea is just another viewpoint. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know what happens after we die. death is. So, I have to be careful when I think about those things cuz I'm just being regurgitating spiritual stories. Even if I have a mystical experience where I experience past lives, that's just another appearance. So, I can't say anything about the nature of anything except for the appearance. But it is it's a fun story, right, that we come back and we're like, "Okay, now we're gonna do this. " Um, let's see. High Vibe Frequency Show says, "Some

retreats have not been fun, quote unquote, here, but even those were transformative without going into uh it for a need for anything to transform. Nothing wrong with fun or retreats, though. It's just what it is. " Exactly. So, I really enjoyed the retreats I went to, even the ones that were very challenging. Like I feel like that was a great way to spend time just like going to Burger King and having an Impossible Whopper is a great way to spend a meal or for me because I like those Impossible Whoppers even though they're highly processed foods or taking a walk by the reservoir is a great way to spend time. There's nothing wrong with it. I think if you're going to apply labels like right and wrong, you might say if you think you're going to need that to get somewhere, that can be in itself an impediment to the natural reality that's right here. Experiencing that and this way of talking is very wonky because nothing is experiencing that. So, you know, there's a relaxing that nobody does. And there's a part there that hears this and is like, "Yeah. " And there's some part that's like, "No, I need to do these things. " And that's all fine. It's totally fine. Christina says, "Oh, talking to Ashley. " Um, do you think you'd attend a retreat just for fun? Susan, yeah, if there was one here in the Bay Area, I would never get on a plane to go to a retreat right now because that's just a lot of work and money, you know? It's like if there was one here and it was cheap, I would totally sit I'd try it. And if it's if I was like this is dumb, I would just walk away. But if I have a good time, I mean cuz you can sit at those retreats, you can have mystical experiences. You can experience reality in a very different way than the standard matrix induced um social matrix. And it can be really enjoyable. And I've done videos on this. Um and you can have apparent insights and all this. All those insights are [ __ ] by the way I think. from here it's like maybe they're necessary. I don't know. I can't say anything about it now. And I used to be a big believer in that like oh you know you got to realize that you know you have this awakening and you know this happens and maybe that's true but from here I cannot access that like it's no longer believable even as a story it doesn't make sense. So, I h I can't in good conscience tell you that that's what happens. Even though you watched 20 videos ago, I was like, "Yeah, this is what happens on retreat, man. It's crazy. " And that was the experience. It was an experience. So, take it with a grain of salt. And your mileage will vary. Um, Amadeas Amadeus says, "Woohoo! The phytootherapy guy is back in the chat. I love you all. " Oh, phytootherapy. Right. That was from the last one. Um, they say, "Uh, you look amazing tonight, Zuben. I'm going to uh going to a retreat of Angelo in the UK in August. Those Angelo retreats are lots of fun, man. Crazy [ __ ] happens. Like people get all his energetic and Angelo sits up there and does his talks and then they do the Q&A and the poetry rounds. I got to say, I'm going to be honest now. I can speak truthfully. There were times when I thought poetry rounds were amazing and people were saying poetry and it was really hitting and like in an emotional level and it felt insightful. All that was an experience because there were more times when I was like, "This is a bunch of narcissistic [ __ ] that is so stupid. I want to [ __ ] die if I have to listen to another one of these [ __ ] read a poem in a silent retreat. It's a silent retreat. Everybody shut the [ __ ] up and sit cuz that's what we're here to do. " And that was the zumin zumining. I was like, "These poems are dumb. Everybody's like [ __ ] spending the retreat in their room like coming up with how they're going to impress everyone with their [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] poem. Uh yes, the emptiness of the [ __ ] void of the and then I realized that it was love and d and I'm just like and then there were times when poetry rounds would come and the mindset was different, the experience, the energetic of the body was different and I was like wow tears are coming down. I was like this is so beautiful. After the retreat, I would go to those people and say, "Your poem really [ __ ] moved me. " And it was all true. It's all experience. The hating of the poem, the loving of the poem. Is there any absolute truth in any of that? No. It's all experience. It's all conditioning and it's all the dance and it's all perfectly fine. So, yeah, enjoy that. That that'll be a lot of fun. Or it won't and that'll be what happens. And that's okay, too. Yeah, man. [ __ ] poetry rounds. Susan, I love being in a room of like-minded people uh turning the dharma wheel together. All the good pain, grief, laughter. It is a lot of fun. By the way, the turning the dharma thing wheel now [clears throat] from I don't even know what that means. I get it. I used to get it. Now I don't get it. Now I'm like, I don't know what the [ __ ] what who's turning the dharma wheel? Who is here doing what are we talking about turning the dharma wheel? The Buddhists are crazy. They're crazy because they have one of the better versions of organized

religion and so they're like, "Okay, we've figured it out. " But it's like, "No, you haven't. You still have a person doing shit. " Even Buddha was like, "There's nobody here, bro. " And then here's an eight-fold path and here's a [ __ ] And like, yeah, maybe that maybe that's necessary to realize that all that wasn't necessary. I don't I can't say. I don't know anything. I just know what it feels like now. And it's like, I don't know what the turning of the dharma wheel is. But I do know retreats were a lot of fun. They were um powerful experiences for sure and I would never begrudge someone going to a retreat. Um and like I said, if there was a retreat here and it was free and I could just go or was cheap, I would totally try it and see what happened. Um Mr. Jyra says, "The last Angelo retreat we did a talent show only at the end because it was so [ __ ] fun. " Oh yeah. At the end of retreat, it's so much fun because everybody's kind of bonded by being in that silence together. But I got to be honest, I don't like non-silent retreats um as much because I'm surrounded by noise and talking all day. And it's really nice to just have it be gone, including um the [clears throat] talks and the Q&As's and the poetry and all that. I think those are powerful for people at certain points, but for me, I always kind of wished it was just a dead silent like 30-day don't say a word. And it would force me through all the validation seeking and all the unworthiness and all the weird [ __ ] that I was holding, you know? It would have given it nowhere to go except so that's just me. Um, Buddhism has a no self-concept wakas. I mean, ex, that's what the Okay, let me rant for a second. Pure Buddhist teaching is exactly that. There's nothing there's no self. Meaning there's no self apart from all of this. There's no separate self that's experiencing anything. There's no experiencing. But it gets distorted through the standard religious [ __ ] into a whole thing where it's like but then this no self goes on this eight you know this noble path and right view and right and all that kind of is it can be very helpful because the conditioning itself will go [ __ ] haywire if you just try to do that there's trauma there's all kinds of stuff that gets unpackaged with a kind of realization of the nature of self as appearing So I understand why Buddha might have done it this way, right? But it's been distorted and twisted by humans because that's what we do. Human consciousness into this attainment, this processing, this I have attained no self. What the [ __ ] does that mean? There's no that makes no sense. Who would attain no self? The self dropped. Okay, I can understand why you might say that because the illusion that you're that is apparently seeing everything relaxes maybe, but even that's a wonky. It just can't be talked about. So, you just embody the living truth of every moment. That's all you can do. I don't know. See, you can tell even now I'm struggling to express this thing because it's inexpressable. And that's why we have Buddhism and Hinduism and, you know, mystical Judaism and all these things that we're trying to point at these experiential aspects of it, but they fall short in my opinion. It's all nonsense. It's all got to be let go at some point, I think. And then you can go back and enjoy it. You can I mean, you can have those experiences. They're kind of fun. It's just like riding a roller coaster. You can have mystical condundalini experiences, experiences of complete uh sessation. And you can have like all these experiences. It's all [ __ ] It's all just experience. [ __ ] meaning it's appearance. So what? Well, how is that different? Why are we making that better than this than this? This is as perfect and ex as appearance as any of those mystical no self nonsense. Anata is just a description of the nature of reality that there isn't this thing that you thought is isn't what you think. or can think. Um, you have to become what you were before you got conditioned. Yeah. Blazing stars. I don't even know what that means cuz I don't know what is anything. Like what I was, I wasn't. I don't know. I think I don't know is the best I can say. But this is fun, right? It's like we're trying to express something inexpressable. And in the process of that trying is kind of the dance. Um Chelsea says, quote, "This is a silent retreat. Shut the [ __ ] up is how I feel even at not silent retreats. " Exactly.

That's how I feel. People are [ __ ] passing each other notes. It's social hour. And this is what humans do. And I'm just sitting there going, I want to pass notes because it's so compelling, you know? I want to make eye contact with people. I want to cheat at this game, but in reality, what I really want is I want to see things as they are without the overlays, maybe. And silence is a great gate for that. But even that, at some point, you're like, why be silent? It's here. It's the talking. It's the passing of notes. It's the intake of breath. It's picking your nose. It's all of that. It's this. Well, where do we have to go? But we don't have to be silent to be what this is. It's hard to talk about impossible. I'd say Susan. So we dance like this. Susan says, "You can't speak of the no thing has no qualities that also expresses as all things. Infinity expressing as the in as the finite. " Yeah. I mean that's a that's as beautiful as words can come and the words don't even make any sense at all. They don't even touch what because it's not orderable. Is that a thing? [sighs] Piponanda, even this doesn't exist. No self equals no experience equals more [ __ ] Thank you. Yes. Boom. What I love about Dennis Pipananda is he can fully inhabit the suffering human realm and give you tools and give you he's a therapist. give you um approaches to identity and stuck identities and all these different things that are a compassionate way to help people who are sort of drowning in this illusion. And yet he also knows that that's all just [ __ ] nothing. [gasps] It's beautiful. Yeah. And then you live I mean like Dennis lives his life like Dennis is at every one of our Zoom meetings pretty much and for supporters and it's like every time I talk to him I'm just like yes it's so awesome. Um Ashley says still one of my best moments was the unexpected selfie you asked me for at dinner my first retreat. Yeah. So Ashley at that retreat um all that silence that was the first North Carolina retreat and Ashley was there and we'd never met and she'd been following for a while and was a supporter and all that and it was like for some reason like because of all the silence like my heart was just blown open and I'm sitting at dinner and I see Ashley there and it just suddenly like I had this whole experience of like oh this girl from like Sask Saskatchewan or wherever up in Canada who's like this is her first trip like practically on her own comes to this retreat and she's silent and she's been following along for so long and I just was like I just walked up even though you're not supposed to talk interact and I was like selfie and uh sent it to her and I was like I just broke every rule of retreat and I'm probably I don't know why I'm doing this. It was just a pure movement of like that expression and I thought, "Oh my god, she's gonna be mad at me. " But she was like, it was so much fun. Yeah, that was really that was a moment for sure. I mean, it's like, who was doing that? I have no idea. Yeah, it was really fun. Um, you're not supposed to do that at retreat after I just got done saying how I love silence. The truth is like at that time especially, Zuben was like there was so much stuff like man. Yeah, actually it was my first ever trip on my own. Uh first time for a lot of things. Yeah, really cool. It's fun that uh that you could be there and have that experience and share it. Christina says, "Oh my god, I was just thinking about nose picking moments before you said it. " That's called synchronicity. We're sharing a mind, Christina. And and a booger. Um Susan says, "I totally chat chatted with a couple people. always a rule breaker. Yeah, that's the thing. There's an oppositional defiant part of me that wants to break rules. And so when people are talking, I want them to be silent. When they're silent, talk. Just zoom and zooming. Um uh let's see. Let's see what else. Let's scroll back and see if I missed anything. You guys are uh are really a lot of fun today as always. Um, out of orbit for good. Hey, welcome. I I'm gonna go back to your comment. Hopefully, you watch this. Haven't left. What is your impression of when Angelo describes his experience of non-dual realization? I mean, it seems like he's causally tripping out in the most natural way. So, that's his experience

of whatever he's experiencing. And I used to try to replicate Angelo's experience because he would describe it and you could especially when I'm sitting with him here in this room doing an interview and as he's describing it I'm experiencing it because you can say it's not an experience but it's an experience because what you're describing is experiential. What actually going on is not knowable. So, it's wonderful to describe what your experience is, but the problem that can arise with people is they will take that and make it a thing that they're trying to attain. And they'll say, "How come I don't see everything in 2D? How come I don't um experiencing experience the static dancing of reality that like Angelo describes or some people in his retreats describe or those kind of things? " And it's like because you're not that's not happening right now. So, what why make it a thing? I don't experience reality that way the way Angela des describes. I mean, I've had those experiences, but I've had experiences on psychedelics that look the same, feel the same. Those are experiences. So what? And it might be that that's how reality is constantly experienced where he is. But it doesn't mean that that's how it is for anything. Cuz you is exactly it. That is it. That's reality. That's it. That's the appearance. It couldn't be other than that. And in the next moment, it'll be other than that because it's always changing. It's like a flower just doing this. Not in time. Just that's it. So Angelo's flower, he describes a certain way. Um, and it's really dangerous to hold a lot of I used to do this. I would hear these voices in my head, Angelo's voice and like Suzanne Chang's voice and my friend Ishwar's voice and all these little gurus in the head telling you their experience. It's their experience has nothing to do with you, this, nothing to do with right now. But the human mind, that's why I'm saying all spiritual talk is regurgitated from somewhere. You've heard it somewhere or collective human consciousness has experienced it at some point and that's what you are. That's what this is. So, it's like, oh, let it go. Don't don't put a lot. You can enjoy it for fun, but I think making it a new belief or a new attainment or a new something to strive for dangerous. Dangerous for your sanity, for your happiness, for your peace, that's all because it has nothing to do with reality. And by reality, I mean this unknowability. Um, two people experiencing the same thing see two different things 100% cuz they're creating it. I mean, it's a creation. It's all through their own conditioning, their own lensing, all of that. Um, yeah. Okay. I think we did a thing. I'm going to go home, spend a little time. I think my wife's going to be off early today, so we're going to go hang out. Uh, and the next thing will happen and then the weekend I'll see you guys next time. Thanks for hanging out. I'll maybe I'll put this one on the audio podcast so people listening on the audio podcast, they can click the YouTube link if they want to see the video and uh it's been a while since I've done that. Uh, feels like probably should do that once in a while. Um, and uh that's it. Thanks guys. Smash that like button. — Share with your friends. Share with Muji. These guys are all [ __ ] Epstein types, too, by the way. Just FYI. All right, gang. Anybody empower anybody with influence? Believe me, I've been tempted. It's really easy. And uh humans are easily corruptible. And honestly, I consider it only a kind of accidental grace that I didn't get sucked into all that. something in my conditioning just is repulsed by that. It's oppositional. So even though there might be a tendency to want to take advantage of that, there's a bigger tendency that's like, nope, that's gross, which is just pure luck. Has nothing to do with morals or being a good or bad person. It's just pure luck of the conditioning. So just be aware that in those spaces that they tend to attract the kind of conditioning that is a total dickweed like a Deepo Chopra showing up in Epstein's file talking about young girls. All right, gang. Love you. Love you. Peace.