Time is flickering light on a timeless screen (LIVE)

I have no clue why I'm going live, which means this is either going to be amazing or a complete disaster. So, I know you want to watch a complete disaster. And probably amazing is much more boring. Come on down. Let's talk about all the things. Whatever you guys want. I don't care. I'm bored. I got all this. It's like, let's chat. Let's have coffee. Come on. Come on. Where are you? Come on in. That was aggressive. Oh my god. Zero [ __ ] are given these days. It's kind of nice. I was just looking at like my social security statement like how much I've paid into it and what I'm going to get when I reach 67 or if I wait until 70 or I do it at 62. And I was like that's not enough. How do people how that's not enough? Um all right, come on down. Why do I have no comments here? Maybe no one cares. Or maybe I'm screwing this up. Hold on. I better refresh this. There they are. See, I knew I was screwing it up. Emma, Cara, Kathleen, Dominic, um, Morgan. Disaster. That's what this is. This is like um, most public policy these days. A complete disaster. Most healthcare policy. My god, dude. What is going The head of C some CDC thing was like, yeah, polio shots kind of optional. you know, personal autonomy. Polio, dude. Dude, I don't know. I'm having trouble. I'm having trouble, but I also don't care. But I also care. Linda, I absolutely love for absolutely no reason. It feels like I can join your conversation and be completely present in nothing else, which is kind of like ultimate relaxation. Linda, you are my type of person. So um yeah I was thinking about time a little bit like this is actually good because like what is this presence that we talk about like time as it's experienced is a mind construction like there's something happening in past that moves into present that then becomes future or future becomes present becomes past. there's this kind of sequencing that seems to happen and time seems to be a real thing that we move through that flows and all the poetry and all the speaking and all the conceptualization around time backs up this kind of conception of time. Now what's fascinating is that's not in fact occurring like that's all appearance. you another way to look at time which is again it's conceptual but we have to talk so we got to do that is um imagine the this reality right now is like the screen in a movie theater and this analogy gets used a lot and it gets old but bear with me so there's a screen a white like let's just say a colorless screen on which a movie is being projected and if You watch the movie, it seems like things are changing and time is progressing and things are moving from past to present to future backwards. I get time mixed up because I don't understand time anymore conceptually. It moves from future to present to past and it's flickering on this colorless or white screen. So, does time really exist or is that an illusion created by the flickering? But what really exists? What's the only thing that exists? Light. Light flickering on this timeless screen. And in a sense, that's what we call the present. Although it's not a time and it's not a thing. It's the unchanging colorless screen that is just this. And then all of reality flickers on it. And we call that time. Like because we're believing the story in the flickering. that's depicted by these moving images, these appearances. But what we're not seeing, unless we know to look in this way, and the looking is like almost a surrender into the moment that Linda was talking about, it's like you realize, oh, nothing's moving, nothing's happening, just a dance of appearance. And it's been doing that eternally, not in time, not of time. Time is an appearance, an illusion that occurs on this timeless backdrop. And you can call that presence. You could say when you really sit in that knowing, it's kind of like you yourself are part of the dance of appearance flickering. And then even that dance can kind of be seen through. And then there's just the screenness of this moment

that makes no sense conceptually, but it's like a just a dying into the nothingness of this brilliance that this light is dancing on. It's very hard. It's impossible to talk about, but hey, we're here just to clown around, so let's talk about [ __ ] that you can't talk about. Um, yeah, Ashley, time's a madeup concept. I mean, but it's not even made up. It's like it's actually appearing as an illusion. It's actually appearing like it there's a sense like a almost a physical sense that you're moving through time that you're flowing just like when you watch a movie. It's just flickering light but you get the sense that there's a flow, a story, a narrative, a whole world coming just from flickering light. Is this different? Look, look and see. Look and see if this is any different. That's what meditation is. That's what inquiry is. like what is this? Is this solid? I can't find solidity. This is energy that I feel. Doesn't mean there's an actual table here that's solid. And you say, "Wow, functionally it is. " Yeah, because it's a function. Just like in a movie, the function of the protagonist is to move the plot forward and all of that, but does the protagonist exist? No, it's flickering. No thing. It's photons. And even photons, you can't find. They're just dances of energy. How's that different than this? How is this different than a dream state where we acknowledge that none of that is real? We acknowledge it's constructed as a story and that no apparent time is actually occurring. In fact, in dreams, time is totally distorted because it's like constructed in a wonky way without a reference to reality. So, we we're fine believing that's not real or it's let's not use real and not real because that's a confusing thing. Let's say it's an it's illusory. It exists as an illusion like a mirage. How is this different? The only difference as far as I see is that this is contiguous. So you go to sleep, you wake up, there's still apparently the same continuous reality. It's like the movie continues. Whereas in a dream, it's like it's different. Sometimes your dreams can continue, but that's unusual. And in fact, it's so unusual that you go, "Whoa, that was unusual. My dream is continuing. " Thanks for the stars, Jojo. Um, let's see. Yeah, Linda says, "Laughing my ass off. It actually made sense. " Which is really scaring me. Yeah. So, how scary that is actually a function of how much our mind resists the truth with a capital T, which is none of this is really happening in the way you think. And so people will say, "Well, then what about Gaza? And what about ICE? And what about and to which I say what about this? Can you hear it? Let me turn it up for you. I'm kidding. I do get I there is a part of Zoom that's just like if you cannot Okay. Until you can see the nature of reality, the nature of this, the true nature that you are, you're not going to do [ __ ] in the world that's going to do anything but cause harm, but cause more contraction, more suffering, more pain. Fix the fixer by dissolving it. And then watch your actions in the world. See if they aren't made of pure compassion, just a dance of being of service for no reason. And these problems, these apparent problems will start to solve themselves. But until you do that, until you're operating from ego, from the sense that you can fix it and that you must anyone who doesn't fix it is broken, dude, you're going to be stuck. It's the same as the people who show up in the comments anytime I do a video like this and they're like, "Well, you just had just haven't found Christ. " And it's like, "Okay, bro. You know, maybe I've actually found Christ and you're still looking. Have you thought about that? " I don't think that's true because there's the finding is the not finding of all this, right? It's like whoa, there's not hing actually happening which means there's liberation in every moment. Every moment is self-f freeing. You don't carry baggage. There's no, you know, as Zen master Dogen said, whoever the hell he was, no trace of enlightenment remains. And this no trace continues endlessly. Um, Mish says, "I want a clock that says now now 12 times. " That's amazing. I I'm sure someone's made that. It's just present, present. Like remember Flight of the Concords? Uh, Murray, their manager, the band manager would take a role and he'd be like, "Uh, Jermaine. " And Jermaine would be like, "Present. Uh, Brit, present. Murray, present. " It's always present, man. That was the worst New Zealand accent I've ever done. Desh, we're all uh we are all whole, perfect, and complete. Nothing to fix

just grow and experience. Yeah, man. I would even take it a step further and say growth is an illusion. It's just like again, there's nothing wrong with the illusion. It's the appearance. The appearance of growth occurs. So, I said this in a video I did yesterday. Things happen, but nothing is taking place. So, this whole like evolution of consciousness thing, I just don't I don't buy any of that [ __ ] I can't find it. I just find this. And it's not I that's finding it. It's just the it is the finding. It is the looking itself. Um very odd. Very odd. Um, Ashley, despite the fact I don't understand most of the references, I still laugh my head off when you do the accents. Present. Um, Dominic says the old hurt people hurt people. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, if you can't if you're repressing traumatic experience, apparently, if you live from a place where you think you're a solid entity moving through time and space that's born and is going to die and needs to protect itself, that's how you'll behave. That's how the behavior will show up on the movie. But when the movie character sees through the fact that it's just an appearance, there's a freedom that shows up for again for no one because there's nobody home and it's just the dance. Life is just lifeing itself at that point. Now, you could say that and talk about that all you want, but unless it's realized moment to moment, it doesn't mean [ __ ] It's another concept you're going to add to the belief tool. I find myself sometimes speaking like this, but not believing it. like that old egoic movement of um the one who knows arises like oh yeah Zubin knows that this is all fake not fake but this is all appearance and it's like does he in this moment does he oh maybe not so look there oh no that's ego oh that's me just talking [ __ ] you know to get validation or to look like they're smart or just to move their [ __ ] mouth like Zubin does It's not happening right now, which is interesting. So, it's just the flow of this. I don't know where the words come from. You never do. If you think you're planning what words you're saying, where's the planning coming from? It's a total regress into mystery. What a relief. You were never doing it. So, let it do itself. All you got to do is not think, not allow the or not believe the appearance that you're actually in charge, that you're actually doing it. And then what's strange is you have weirdly a sense of control that is totally not control. It's all paradox all the way down from the mind standpoint. Jihara says, "Seriously, these lives with you are way better than church. I can't stand it when the priest doesn't speak from the heart and just reads off a paper. All dogma, no heart. Since the glimpse, I can't pray to a separate God anymore even if I wanted to. Yeah. So, try this. Go to church and feel, let's say it's a Christian church. All right. Feel Christ consciousness there. Feel what he was embodying this pure love. That is the dissolution into the kingdom of heaven, which is this. Like that's church. I felt it in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. And then the priest started talking and I was like, "Shut the [ __ ] up. " Cuz you're bastardizing. You're turning this thing into a thing that's all ego, hierarchy, control, platitudes. And it's has nothing to do with God. what Jesus was embodying. And people will get pissed at me. How dare you talk about the priest that way. [ __ ] the priest. He's a human. We're all just a dance. Like none of this is happening in that way. So let go. If you can let go of your most cher cherished beliefs about God or reality or science or the big bang. Let it all go. Let it all die. Die to all of it. Burn it if you have to. Burn it in the fire of truth. And what's left? Ooh. What's left is all you've ever been looking for and you'd never knew it. What's left is God with a capital G, capital O, capital D, and it's also dog. It's the silliest cosmic joke and it's also the most beautiful sincere truth that you can find because there's again there's no it is the

finding itself. It's ah it's crazy. Janet says simply be. I don't even know how to do that because it's like this whole thing is just like there's no choice. You can't not be. Although not being can seemingly happen like that can happen that's sessation and we won't go there. Pia if you happen to have this have had this view when you were 20 years old how could that have shaped your life I can't help thinking this um life view is only hang on only sustainable from middle age since it will be very difficult having to come to conclusions like this much earlier in life. How do you possibly think about this? Well, Pia, I think when I was 20, I had a very similar view, but it was held as a view. It was existentialism. It was like nothing matters. This isn't real. Like, we were creating meaning, so let's go out and do it the way we want to. And I was a sort of hard determinist like there really isn't free will. Like, this is all just playing itself out through due to laws and causes and conditions. And um despite that atheist, hard determinist scientific existentialist worldview, I became a doctor and I think I was pretty loving and compassionate in general when I wasn't burned out and underresourced to be able to feel my own [ __ ] So I don't think it makes a difference. I think all belief is fundamentally like an albatross, including the belief that you have meaning in your life. like let that go and then the meaning shows itself to be this like [ __ ] it's infinitely meaningful because it has no meaning at all as a entirely constructed from the dance like that's beautiful so go out and just love everything to death like it's so yeah that I mean and again 2026 for me has been this like this heart center is just kind of and this all just a way of speaking, right? It just it feels like wow, love all the things. Even when I'm angry, even when I'm hurt, even when because suffering like all this trying to avoid suffering just keeps suffering going, you know, stop pushing and pulling. Just stop just it's this stop making let things be as they are. And there and that includes the doing. You can do without any sense of a doer. Although the sense of a doer can arise and that's fine too. You're not trying to get rid of a self. none of that. The stop trying thing is a good pointer. Um yeah, Dennis looking is the fire. That's right. The fire that dissolves illusion is the looking itself. And if you even look, the looking is so dangerous. It's so incendiary that it burns up everything it looks at, including the looker. Including the one who's trying to look gets destroyed in the fire of the looking itself until there's nothing but seeing, hearing, feeling, feeling. All doing it. All doing itself. Yeah, Dennis, beliefs are just tools for playing the game. That's right. And the game is fine. If you want to play the game, that's no problem. Believe anything you want. All dogs go to heaven, Kathy. That's right. Yeah, Chad. Uh, let go or get dragged. Eh, that's right, Chad. That's exactly it. Like, because I mean it's going anyways. You don't really have any choice. You never have because there's not that's just not how this is. But it can appear and it can appear otherwise in the movie. The movie the dream of this can and by the way that doesn't mean just because I'm saying oh this is an appearance and illusion but that's the appearance is real. It's appearing. So take it sincerely. Go do the thing. What choice do you have? You going to go live in a cave? Go do that. You going to try to hurt yourself and your life? Good luck with that. What do you think will actually happen when a dream character tries to end its dream life? There's no you can't do anything about this because there's not a you doing anything about this. This is doing the thing. And the sooner you surrender to that, you see the silliness of the whole thing, the cosmic joke of it, the sooner it's just allowed to be what it is, which means, which it always was, which means freedom. It doesn't necessarily mean bliss. It

doesn't mean that you won't have pain. It doesn't mean that bad things according to the conception of the character won't happen. No, those things will all happen. They're just happening to no one, and they're not a problem. and you'll do the thing that needs to be done. It'll arise because that's how it's been. There's no escape from this timelessness. Where would you go if there's no future and past and there isn't even a present? There's only where are you going to go when you die? go? What if you're already dead? I've said this before. What if this is what being dead is like? So there's no death because there was never birth. You never were. Do you remember your birth? People will say, "I relive birth trauma and all that. " That's all fine. That's all appearance. But like I don't think anybody remembers coming into being. Did that happen? Did we ever come into being? Is there anything here like that? Hi Lisa. Very interesting. Lori says, "Stop doing. start being and everything necessary gets done. Well, I mean, just let go and everything does itself. Not my will, but thine said something in the Bible. And in a sense, you could say, well, that's you're talking about God. Or you could say you're talking about life itself doing everything like Zen master Kai says, everything is perfectly managed in the unborn. The unborn is the is the oh god how do you say it how do you talk about the unborn you cannot you could say that um unborn is a way of talking about the nature of appearance that it is neither it is really truly a pure no thing just a vibrating no thing appearance and it's all doing itself so everything is perfectly managed in the unborn The whole appearance is managing itself. Nothing you need to do. Doesn't mean there's an intelligent creator or any of that. That's all story that we tell. It's that the thing is lifing. And if we actually really realize that here in the heart center, whatever that means for you, life becomes just this flow. Problems arise, problems are solved. Bliss happens. Bliss goes away. Nothing sticks. No trace of enlightenment remains. And this no trace continues endlessly. Renee, the unrealized idea. But even the idea that appears is unrealized. It never arrives. Try in this moment. Look around. Look, just f focus on seeing. Just notice that seeing is occurring, right? like unless you're seeing impaired or uh blind or something along those lines and even then there's like maybe some imagery or something or sensation something's dancing you can find a sense gate to look at this with. So seeing is occurring. seeing is occurring because there's stuff meaning there's visual experience happening pretty much undoubtedly even with your eyes closed there's some [ __ ] you see there you're perceiving darkness say or there's darkness let's forget about perceiving because perceiving is perceiving happening who's doing that they're just darkness darking it's a selfaware let's say that if you look at this and you try to nail it down. You go, okay, this thing is here for good or this thing has some inherent nature actually arrived and is persisting. Look carefully. Is that really true? Cuz the more you look, the more you see more the more just a vibrating dance of impermanence is apprehended that nothing even arrives. It's like this waterfall that just keeps going, but it never becomes water. It It's just constantly in this now on that screen we were talking about in the beginning. And that is the unborn nature of reality. It's never actually here. And yet, look at this. It's a it appears as a self that's perceiving a world that's stable in space and time and has a past and a future. Isn't that crazy? But look carefully and that's not the case. And if you're not ready for that, that can be really destabilizing. So, you know, that's why the Zogchen teachers in Tibet don't just give you that teaching because you can just go, but I don't care. I feel like if you're ready

If you're not, you won't listen. And you'll be like, "This ball guy doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. " Cuz I'm not any Zen priest up in a cave that you've walked thousands of miles to see and you're not ready and then your mind is melted. It's more like if you're ready, you'll look. All you got to do is look. You don't have to There's no readiness that happens. It's just it's like the nose in front of your hand face. It's not happening the way you think. Nicola, hi there from New Zealand. Feeling for all the US citizens that are living amongst ice kia. Kaha, keep strong. Thanks for the sentiment. I uh you know, feelings arise about that. Empathy arises, compassion arises, ability to see all views around that and go, "Oh yeah, that's what they think. that's what these guys are constructing. This is what happens here. This is that and uh and then the next thing happens and it may be that if that's happening in your community, the next thing that happens is you go and do something or you don't elect not to do something that decision just arises. So it's like yeah but ultimately like things from here are felt as like um unconditional acceptance including of the desire to do something or the desire not to do something and judgment when it arises is seen as just another appearance. It's nothing that has any reality like just because Zuben has a judgment about something it doesn't mean anything. It means judgment has arisen in this constellation that I'm calling Zuben. This constellation of thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, energies, sensations. Murray present. Jermaine present. Britt present. The distant future. The year 2000. Remember that song? Flight of the Conquerors. The humans are dead. Um, Dennis, in a sensory deprivation tank, a whole world can emerge. Yeah, I've sat in those. A world of nausea emerged for me. It wasn't what I thought. Um, Lisa says, "Then why does life have to be so hard? " Um, what if that question made no sense? like life is hard. That's a belief, right? Like let's say you you're permanently disabled with a chronic illness. You've been suffering. There's pain all the time. You're out on the street living, you know, homeless. All these terrible things you can point at. And you'd say life is hard. And you could say that. And that would be a value judgment that we make about the story that this apparent character is living. But it's that's another like like life is not hard. Life is what it is in the fundamental sense. It's that dance of appearance. So the question why is life hard is like asking why is water or something. It it just does it stops making any sense at a certain from that like placeless place. But that's not to say that it doesn't make sense in a relative sense in the story. Of course it does. Why is life hard? We ask that question because there's suffering. So what's the only response that I can have to that is the heart opens and there's unconditional love and concern in the face of what's obviously suffering. Like I could say this is all appearance and I also know that suffering is absolutely experienced as real. So the heart opens in response to that cuz it can't stay closed because there isn't a separation that can be believed anymore and you feel it here. The same suffering but it doesn't stick. It's not owned by anyone. It's just what it is. And so you could say life is hard. great too. It's the duality of the story. And both are held within this infinite unborn where they never really land. They never really arrive. Now, I know this sounds like a bypass like uh you're just bypassing life and all that. It's like you that can certainly arise where you're giving you're selling yourself a bill of goods to like go sit in this, you know, existential place where nothing's happening. But that's not how this is. That's just I don't know how else to say I mean, I I'm just not that good with words about this because I don't think you can be good with words about this. Maybe some people are. I haven't found them, but maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It's all a story. Hi, Pasadena. Nella

Lisa, how to tell it all to a teenager if only. Oh, man. I got teenagers. I just try to embody whatever I'm realizing and I try not to lecture them about it because you can't tell anyone about it because it doesn't make sense. What I'm doing now really is pointless. But it's not really cuz some of you are like, "Oh, yeah. " Energetically, there's a part that just knows, yeah, that's how it is and you can attune to it. And when that readiness seemingly arrives from nowhere, it's nice to hear some bald clown say [ __ ] like that because the lived experience is right there. But otherwise, it's like, oh, it's just words or there's a lot of mind argument. It's so funny. So, so this is the Okay, this is how this goes. My wife used to argue with me about this [ __ ] years ago cuz I would have these realizations and I'd be like, "Nothing is happening. Suffering is this. This is a story that this that empty of inherent existence blah blah blah. " And I was spiritually mansplaining [ __ ] to her. But I actually had that realization. But I was I had a spiritual ego that would come online and try to convince her because I wanted her to suffer less and I thought I was in control of that. I thought I'd be the good boy and help her, right? And she would just she's much smarter than me. Harvard, Stanford, always kicked my ass in academics. Like she is way smarter than me. So her mind was just like, "What about this? And what about this? And how about that? " And I was I would just be like, "I can't argue with that. I'm not smart enough. Thank God. Because I know it's not true. Why? What about this? I can't. It logic doesn't apply here. Logic applies in the dream. It doesn't apply here. Well, that's a convenient thing for you to say. Of course, you're going to lose that argument. And so, that would go on, right? Until she had her own version of awakening. And now it's like if I try to talk about it because I like to practice how I might like I I'm just interested like Zubin's intellect is interested in mansplaining awakening and she'll just go shut up. You can't talk about this. Like literally it went from outmaneuvering using her Harvard intellect like all the things going through all the philosophy and just going nope. Yeah. What about this? Uh how can you say that? How do you know you're not just delusional? telling yourself a story? Like all this stuff to Yeah, of course. Why are you even talking about this? Huh? And I'll go, well, how about expressing it this way? That doesn't make sense. You're just using words. This is wordless. And it's like, so it just shows the importance of the realization of what truth is, of this timeless thisness. When that happens and it doesn't happen, it's like there's a stopping of delusion, maybe a seeing through a delusion. The character just goes, "Oh, I'm a character. " And it's everything changes dramatically. You go from arguing about the [ __ ] to just being if anything, you're going to be like, "Don't talk about it. " Because you can't. You're just doing it violence. You're just making it a story. You're bastardizing it. You're actually making it a thing. You're turning it into a religion like all the religions have done. Yeah, Mrs. Z for present dent. That's funny, Linda. That's good. Mansplanning Awakening, Ashley. That's right. That's what I do to my wife. And now she's just like, "Shut the [ __ ] up. " You know, I you because she's a gunner, she's already better at awakening, whatever that means. Meaning, she just sees it. She's like, "Yeah, of course. Duh. " It's so funny. Um, yeah, waiting it out is great, Desh. That's right. You can just kind of sit, do nothing, see what happens. Give up. Margie, um, may you be well, may you be happy, may you be safe and protected. Namaste. That's a beautiful meta kind of sentiment meditation of compassion. Yeah, Linda, this is wordless. Beautiful. That's right. Just word. It's wordless. It's beyond the intellect. It's the knowing that happens in between thoughts. So when you like ask yourself a question and then you say the answer, the space between asking the question and the answer coming out of your mouth is this wordless the you know the Buddhists might call it prao wisdom. It's this wisdom beyond but that's like wonky. You're making it something and it's not. It's nothing. It's outside of thought, outside of time. It's just what is. It's just the dance of reality giving you the answer. Even that's wonky. forget I said that. Just say answering happens apparently. And I say apparent because it's an appearance. Um Jojo, you keep sending me

stars, darling. Um Chrissy says, "I've been binging uh near-death experience podcasts, and what you describe sounds very similar in some ways. " I mean, near-death experience, the word in there that's key is experience. It's another appearance. So you're talking about something that's experiential that appears. So unity consciousness, everything is love. Like all these different wonderful mystical states you can attain, including near-death experience, they're all appearance. So what's if that's an appearance, what's real? What's actually this? can't say a word because it's not it's just not that that's a good way to you got to negate you got to go it's not this it's not this it's not it's nothing you can experience think about it's nothing you can remember it's not being it's not non-being it's neither it's also accommodates all appearance Hi Tom I really do love you man it's nice to have a fellow psychonaut around yeah I don't even know like psychonaut I mean Yeah, we're just looking for truth, right? We're like truth and not. We're attuning towards what is real. Um, real meaning what is this? I don't know what's real, honestly. I know what's not. And actually, even what's not is real as an appearance. It's like, well, so what does real mean? These are just words. Um, Zoe says, "Sounds like a guru and they always laugh at those gurus. " Yeah, well, you know, gurus are a trip, man. Corey, have you ever uh you ever have that experience? Holy [ __ ] I can't believe there's awareness. What the hell is this? Haha, what's going on? Uh, of course, the answer is not in the mind. Uh, yeah. Well, so, okay. All right. So, awareness. You guys get me on awareness. I get real crazy. So, I used to be obsessed with why are we conscious? Like, why how is it that we're having an internal subjective experience? This makes no sense. Physical matter. How do we explain that physical matter emerges a sense of the taste of chocolate or the feeling of a headache? Like, that doesn't make any sense. And so then I I was swayed by Donald Hoffman's arguments that no well everything is just consciousness and um interacting with itself and there's laws and rules about how that does and these conscious agents and so on. And I thought okay good here's an explanation I can get behind consciousness is primary not matter. So this isn't matter. This is what consciousness looks like in an interface that's we call human that evolves over time apparent time. Then I was like, wait. Then I start looking in experience and having realization of like realization meaning you're actually inhabiting reality as it some people call that awakening or whatever the hell. And it's like oh there isn't even consciousness. I'm not conscious of anything. The whole question was wrong. The whole question made no sense. Nothing is aware of anything. There's just the appearance. You could say it's self-aware, but like that doesn't that gives it some duality. Like there's awareness and the appearance together. No, it's just the appearance. It doesn't need any perception. It doesn't it doesn't need um let's put it this way. It doesn't need a perceiver, just seeing, just hearing. Simply that. Simply the scene, simply the heard, simply the felt, simply the thought. That's it. Without any you in it perceiving it. No consciousness of just that. And you could say, "Oh, that's all consciousness. " Fine. Whatever you want to say, it's fine because the words don't make any sense. It's just exactly what it is. And it doesn't require any explanation. And any questions then around that dissolve into the void. They don't make sense anymore. So then you go, God, why is there awareness? And instead of that, what arises is why is there appearance at all? Like why is this even occurring? cuz it doesn't need to. The nothing that this appears as that and it never arrives could easily be non just totally non-existent. Non-existence. Absolutely. I've actually experienced that like total cessation like gone. Nothing. If you've had general anesthesia, you might have experienced this too. It's like gone. Total discontinuity finished. And you can't even It doesn't even feel like a lack of

memory, although you can't prove that, right? It's more that consciousness, existence, reality is gone and then suddenly it's back. And um so that there's any appearance at all is a true miracle. It never lands. It's totally impermanent. It's absolutely ephemeral. It's happening to no one. There's no self that's real here. Just an appearance. There's no separation beyond the appearance of separation. And why is that all happening? How is it happening? Total mystery. absolute miracle. Uh and that is like a for the mind it's just like what? But for reality it's kind of I'll tell you okay this has been my realization and of course your marriage mileage may vary. I'm not making any claims to knowing the nature of truth or reality beyond the ex the realization of like oh this is what this is it that sounds real wonky. It's very hard to talk about this. Okay. Nothing primordial non-existence truly unborn like unmanifest stay that way. It simply cannot. This appearance, this waterfall that we call reality is inevitably what nothing looks like because it cannot be nothing. There's no such thing. You know, nature abhores a vacuum. You could just say reality cannot just be a vacuum. It doesn't. It just doesn't. That's not how it is. It is this. It's like this. It's vacuum and not vacuum simultaneously. So you can't have only existence without the no thing and you can't just have the no thing without this. It just doesn't stably stay that way. Not that there's time. It's just it cannot. And that can be felt. It can be felt like yeah of course this is it's kind of like that. And this is where my smarty pants wife would say in her previous days. Now this is just a mind-elling stories, right? And maybe it is. Um, maybe it is. But it's fun. Dennis, that question is a great [ __ ] Empty being is consciousness. To be is to be aware. It's the very nature of existence. The idea of consciousness is an illusion connected to the idea of a self. Let's read that again. Okay. Empty being is consciousness. The idea of consciousness is just a secondary thing that we come up with that's associated with a sense of self. The one who is conscious of that's illusory. Consciousness is a story. To be to appear is all that's necessary to exist. That's I was going to say be known, be conscious, but there's no need for knowing and consciousness. It just is. This appearance just is. It doesn't need anything to perceive it because it's nothing. It's not a thing that it's nothing that arrives that is perceived. That's the crazy [ __ ] man. People are and then the comments are like, "Are you smoking weed? " No. [ __ ] That would be so dysphoric right now. I'd be so paranoid. Are you kidding me? Hell no. Got to be sober for this [ __ ] most of the [ __ ] time, honestly. Cuz there's no difference. You go do a any kind of medicine, cannabis, ISA, 5 Mod DMT, Salvia, ketamine. I've tried all that [ __ ] It's all appearance. It's all just another confirmation of this dance. Maybe it shows you a little of this or that in your own appearance. So what it can be, it seemingly can be helpful, but I don't know. I don't need any of that [ __ ] because there's this. It's amazing. Like what? Um, you sure did. Rose Patrick says nothing can be perceived unless there is a perceiver. That's what that's Buddhist dependent origination, right? Like perception and perceiver co-arise. That's a story. Where is the perceiver? Can you find it, Patrick? Like, where is this perceiver? And you could say, well, okay, it's consciousness. It's this field of awakeness that can't be made an object, but you just made it an object. Like, It's not a thing. It's another appearance. That's my two cents.

Par Brahman beyond God is what the vidantic Hindus used to call it. It's like you could say consciousness the field of awareness that we can experience is God. And then what's be what's par Brahman beyond God? What's God arising in? Like they say, oh, what made God and all that, right? That whole thing, oh no, God always is, right? But you can find nonexistence and it's and even the appearance of God is this vibrating impermanent never arriving no thing. So I would say this doesn't require a perceiver in the scene is simply the scene. As the Buddhist suta, the baja suta says in the herd simply the herd and you are nowhere in that. There's no perception. There's just that. And he says in that suda this just this is the end of suffering cuz who suffers? There's just the dance. Tom, yeah, but you needed all that [ __ ] to know that you didn't need that [ __ ] And so did you really That that's how it is, right, Tom? It's like I'm glad it all happened. I'm glad I did all those things. I'm glad I meditated, you know, religiously for hours and hours a day. I'm glad I went to retreats. Glad I tried all the psychedelics. All of it because it seemingly needed to happen to exhaust the seeking mechanism to realize that none of it was necessary. And this was always right here. It was always simple. It's always this. Nothing was really happening. There was no journey. Wow. What a journey. Total paradox. It's beautiful. Yo, what up, Rebecca? Um Cynthia says, "When I was a child living in a rural area, I always knew thought I always knew things without being taught about life, love, death, and a deep um knowing. Then life happened uh with being told what I think. I have arrived or now I see as my child self felt. " I mean, that's the thing Jesus says, right? Unless ye become like these children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. You have to unlearn what you have learned. H that's what Yoda said. He told Luke, unlearn what you've learned. It's just this. All your concepts, all your baggage, all your belief, those are the trace of enlightenment that Dogen was talking about. No trace of enlightenment remains. And this no trace continues endlessly. meaning it's always been like this. Eternal Dogen was the man. He said a lot of [ __ ] that was pretty cool. Um, let me see. I [ __ ] up your comments. Hold on. No regrets, Desh. That's right. Not a one. Jihara, this doesn't require a perceiver. Bam. Beautiful. Yeah, thanks. He just joined. Ah, welcome to the Sephoric tribe. Oh, Jihara, this is wonderful. Well, I hope I'm saying your name right. It's a beautiful name. Okay. There's no perceiver required. No jacket required. Phil Collins said, right? Why does this even matter? Who cares whether there's perceiver or not? Whether we think consciousness is primary, like does it matter? Well, if the devotion is to truth, meaning you really just want to see what is happening here. I think at some point you got to see through the perceiver perceived thing. And in fact, if you look at Kevin uh Shanelch's Federer's model of awakening, which is another conceptual thing, and some people find it helpful, some don't. Let's talk about why not. What the why the [ __ ] not? I don't care cuz I mean it's conceptual, but it can be helpful as a pointer. So Kevin has, you know, was a devout Buddhist and done all this stuff and then figured out like, wait, Buddha in some throwaway thing talked about these fedters that block realization and he had 10 of them and the first three related to ultimately related to the sense of a separate self. So those can be seen through like this that there's a uh an ego self like a person moving through space and time that has a story and a narrative and that's who I am. first awakening you see through that and the second and the third are like having to do with a ritual and stuff it all falls together okay so one through three done sense of a separate self no problem so what are four and five are desire and aversion so the idea that even though the sense that you're a separate self has kind of been seen through there's still a sense of consciousness interacting with the world that still stays there and that it can push and pull on that world in the present moment or in the future or the past. So that's still there. And so you want things, you don't want things. And so desire and aversion. And so you can do little practices to try to look at that and see through that there really isn't desire and aversion. That's a story that arises from impulses

thoughts, sensations, belief, and those can fundamentally fall. In which case, desire and aversion, reactivity is another way of saying that. Like somebody cuts you off in traffic and you're like, "Motherfucker, you got to go. " And you get all like bent up and you go into thought and you do all this stuff. Instead, what happens is whoa, turn the wheel, flip the bird, move on. All just natural functioning. No actual sticky pushing and pulling on reality. Just the functioning of the function. This whole thing, by the way, this appearance is just another way of talking about it is just it's a functioning. It's not a real thing. It's a functioning that's functioning and it never really lands. It's crazy. It's like an electrical impulse just dancing and it has a function like apparently. So, okay. So, feds four and five are desire and aversion. Okay. So, those false and you're no longer pushing and pulling on reality. What's Federer 6? Feder 6 is the belief that there's a subject that is looking out at a world of objects that actually exist. So there's actually existing objects out there that are separate from an observer and you can see through that there's not solid objects that there's no separation between a subject and the objects. So what's Feder 7? We're getting to 10. Feder 7 is that there's perception. So we're talking about there's no perceiver. So Buddha said this perception is a feder. There isn't actually perception. When you look, there's nothing in here that is going out there and becoming aware of these non-existent appearances that you learned in Feder 6 aren't real. They're not solid. They're not separate. But still, there's a feeling that I'm perceiving them. So that perception can stop and then there's just the scene, you know, just that doesn't need a perceiver. So what's Federer 8? Feder 8 all the stuff has fallen. Federate is oh there's still a sense of eye like there's a sense of a just a real interiority of experience versus out there and all this stuff is still happening in reference to some eye I am that can be seen through that there isn't even a sense of eye when you look it's just an appearance. So then what? Now we get into the real interesting feeders nine and 10. So nine is restlessness. The feder of restlessness. Because what's happened? We've always been conditioned to look for solidity, continuity, meaning, and satisfaction in the world. We now realize there's no separate objects. There's no perception of separate objects. Nothing is solid. Nothing's continuous. And there's no eye. There's just this. So what happens? We're still looking for solidity, permanence, continuity, satisfactoriness. And what does that show up as? Restlessness. So in practice, that can show up as like just a general dysphoria. like [ __ ] like I used to be able to get comfort from all these things. Apparently, it never really brought comfort, but it felt like it did for the separate self. And now I'm looking to do those things again, and they're not they feel really unsatisfying. And so you're trying all the like you're going back and you're like drinking alcohol or you start smoking cigarettes or you know you try this drug you were addicted to or you do this or you do that or you're like just jumping out of your skin with dysphoria looking for the next spiritual teacher or the next truth or the next because you're like there must but there's still even though it's not desire aversion it's like this inability to stop trying to make things permanent continuous satisfying, real, and it can make you dance out of your skin. So when that fetter falls, you realize, oh, I don't have to do that. look for those things. Those things don't need to be present for this to function and then the restlessness can calm down. So then what's Federer 10? Federer 10. Feder 10 is the actual deeper belief that even though I don't need to look for those things that they somehow exist. Somehow there is permanence, continuity, substantialness, solidity, and satisfaction. In reality, I just don't need to go looking for it.

that falls and then something quite remarkable called liberation which then is like oh life can be exactly what it is. There's nothing that needs to push and pull on it because nothing can. And this dance is allowed to play out. And the classic images of this Buddha coming back into the marketplace, smiling with like a bottle of wine, like helping hands, meeting people where they are. Cuz what else is there to do? It's all just doing itself. It's liberation. There's no more um second arrow. There's no more uh should be, could be, would be. And what's fascinating about the feeders is that they all build backwards actually from the tenth. So the tenth is let's say okay here's the fundamental delusion of all humans. Let's start there and it builds up an entire world. Let let's talk about it. Feder 10 says things the delusion is thinking there's something solid here that continues. It's got some permanence or continuity and it'll ultimately satisfy it can actually bring satisfaction in a lasting way. So that fundamental delusion leads to feder 9 which is restlessness which is like how do I find this? How can I have this this stability? I mean it's I can't find it. So it must but it must be here. So I'll just keep looking which then creates federate which is the one who's looking I a sense of the one that this is happening for the appearance the awareness that it's all happening in which then creates feder 7 which is the pulling back of a perceiver and the perceived so that there's some perception of objects in the world this world that we're saying is now it's got to have some permanence and substantiality and satisfactoriness which then creates feder 6 which is a subject in a world of solid objects that are separate from it which then creates fedters five and four which are I don't like this object and I do want this object desire and aversion which then creates 3 2 1 one the sense of the one who was born who will die who is the container the separate self for all of this [ __ ] delusion Isn't that [ __ ] wild? Your mileage may vary. Damiana says, "Help us connect the fedters with illness. " Well, illness happens. It's an appearance. The feeders are thinking that it's happening to a me and that my solid body is decomposing and it shouldn't and that I'm experiencing the suffering of the illness and that it shouldn't be as it is. Those feeders will all create that. Whereas a fully liberated through the feeders would say, "Yeah, now there's illness. Now there's a sense that it sucks. Now there's a next thing that's happening. " And you just do the thing. The organism plays itself out. It does what it needs to do. The whole thing is playing itself out. And it and again, it feels like unconditional acceptance, unconditional love because there's no choice because you've seen through all the delusion. You've seen through the delusion that any of this is actually substantial, satisfactoring, permanent, none of it. So then what is illness? It's a story that we're telling. So we do the next thing. If it's cancer, we decide we're going to do chemo. We're not Decision arises. You do the thing. There's nausea, pain, discomfort, fear. That all arises. You see it, it goes. Everything's impermanent. Everything's a dance. Nothing lasts. And that's the freedom. And there it's freedom for no one. So when the sense of separate self arises, it's seen as is arising. And that's impermanent. That will go too. Hi, Steve. Oh, I'm glad those things resonated, Ashley and Steve. Um, let's go back. I don't know where that came from. I I really don't. Um Zayn Harvey says, "Uh Dr. Z, after listening to the spiritual philosophical deconstruction, does your worldview still allow you to practice medicine in a soul body medical world or are you retired? " Well, so I retired because I'm more interested in exploring this truth in day-to-day either through videos, through my own explorations, or through sitting with people that I meet. And that's what I feel like has arisen for Zuben, the character of Zuben. And I allowed that identity after great suffering to die. the identity of the doctor. But if that was encoded in here to do that, it would just happen. It

would be no problem that we operate in this reductionist health care system because that wouldn't really be believed. But you could still operate. You could still operate in it. There's no problem. Like if I like I had a skin tag the other day and I had to like Google some like because I don't have access to liquid nitrogen. There's some [ __ ] on Amazon you can buy. And then I got my wife to freeze it and take care of it. Now you say, "Well, if nothing's real and you know you don't believe in the medical model, how could you do that? " It's like, "Well, because it was done. " Like, it just it's no problem. You I mean, I'm not going to deny that there's apparent causality and that things we do in medicine do help and a lot of things don't. And so, you kind of would discard the stuff that doesn't seem to serve. And so, it's totally possible. And I know a lot of doctors who are very awake, very realized, and they go on doing their thing. And my wife is one of them. And um Angelo Dulo, he's a practicing full-time anesthesiologist, and he's one of the most realized uh beings that I've met, whatever that means. By the way, that's nonsense because there's no realized beings. But yeah, so it totally uh it totally happens. Um Steve says, "It's been a while since I caught you on a live. You just blew my mind. Going to take a rewatch. " Great. I'll record I'm recording this. I will pull out the um piece on the Feders and release it as a clip on YouTube. Why not? If it resonated. Let me know in the comments if you thought that was some journey worth taking cuz I don't know what I was saying. Honestly, I made that [ __ ] up. I have no idea. Um Zayn says, "Uh, we're in different places, but I do appreciate you're answering. You're trying to be consistent. " Um I don't know that it's trying to be consistent. It's just how it's experienced from here. It's like, yeah, that'd be fine. being a doctor would be fine. But the reason it's not fine is it's not for Zuben right now. Like that's just obvious. Like I can't do it. Um can't be a hospitalist right now. I mean, I say that, but I'm not sure that's true. Like if you put a gun to my head and you're like, "You need to survive. You're going to be out on the street and your kids are going to starve. " I'd go, "Okay, Zuban's going to go be a hospitalist. " And I'd probably figure out a way to make it work. You know, cuz there's a lot you do. I mean, most of what I did as a hospitalist anyways was a whole lot of nothing. is getting out of the way, keeping the patients safe from the hospital where my some of my colleagues want to do a bunch of stuff to them. And I was like, "Nope, that's a nope. That's going to cause harm. Don't do it. Nope. Nope. You're just afraid of getting sued and you're doing a bunch of stuff. Don't do that. " And I had some colleagues who were way better than me at not doing stuff in a good way. Keeping people safe. Um Oh, cool. Okay. So, some positive stuff on the Feder stuff. Cool. I got to give a shout out to Kevin Chanelik and I'll do it in the link I'll link to. So his website's called simplythecene. com and he may disagree with even how I've talked about the fedters but it doesn't matter. It's like that's how I experience it. Um yeah, it's so funny like what arises when I was thinking of putting that clip up like in the mind there was this um conditioned hesitation to speak about something that I'm not an expert in this way when there's somebody who is an expert and I know him and he might watch and be like and then I would be invalidated like all that went through my mind and then I was like oh that's so funny Zuven who gives a [ __ ] Still there's that movement to validation and to authority, deference to authority, and that there's some way that things are that all still can dance up into awareness and then you just see through it if you're paying attention. If you're not, you just go unconscious and then you just do dumb [ __ ] like don't post the clip because you're afraid. Maybe it's the right thing not to post the clip sometimes because sometimes your intuition is like nah, that's not helpful. Right? That's why I ask was that helpful? because getting some energetic feedback is useful. Um, that's right, Patrick. If I was an expert on the Feders, would that make me a Federman? Maybe. Um, where are we? You guys are great today, man. So many comments. This is wonderful. Um, Mhm. Yeah. Vicki, just keep living, whatever that means. Evelyn says, "Post it on YouTube. " Steve Lisa, good, good, good. Okay, Jiara. Um, do you guys have a meetup sometimes? Zoom. So refreshing uh to hang out like this when no one else in your life gets it. Yeah, I know how that feels. I'm lucky to have my wife now, but I didn't always. Um, yes, I do the Zoom thing for supporters like you. Um, the five bucks a month people that are in the tribe because they're like hardcore. They're really into it. And so it's a safe space for us to do that in in-person Zoom stuff like live Zoom stuff. I haven't had one in a while. I need to do it. Um I do it when it feels right to do. I don't schedule it. And so what you do is look in your supporter

feed on if you're on Facebook and you'll get a thing saying I'm going to go live on this day or I'm going live now on Zoom. Come join. Here's the link. And it's only for supporters. And then we usually have about anywhere from 10 to 30 people show up. And I don't record it. Um, so it's a safe space to express whatever you're going through. And all we do is share what's coming up for us. That's it. It's like a little sana, a little support group. And it's really beautiful. Like there's so much uh beautiful love that shows up there that you couldn't even talk about. And it's an organism in itself. And people who are in the tribe can speak to it here in the comments. Like Ashley comes almost everyone and uh she can speak to what it's like. Um so yeah, we definitely do that. And Jahara, also you can always message me uh hell@zdogmd. com. Tell me you're a supporter and that um if you have something you want to connect on, I'm happy to do that because this is all I care about, you know? Uh really honestly kind of is like truth, whatever that is. Um Damiana says uh to extend the conversation on health and wellness of the feder and the fedters is total wellness truly possible in your opinion. I I think the question of total wellness falls away because there's just what is there's the natural functioning of the organism and that is you could call that total wellness. So it has nothing to do with anything beyond what's happening. So for me, total wellness shows up as this. Like I have oats for breakfast. I avoid too much saturated fat because I have high LDL and a Molly positive calcium score that went from zero to Molly positive. So Zubin, the organism responds in that way and does the thing. He exercises this way. He does this. He doesn't drink too much or smoke. He doesn't do those things. It's like, oh, okay, that's total wellness for Zuben. And the psychological stuff is part of the whole unraveling of shadow and all that. And so I think the question becomes vague and a little meaningless. But I think you know what I'm pointing at um as total wellness. Oh Corey in person and Zoom just to clarify. So sorry live Zoom. I haven't really done an in-person meetup with multiple people because I've offered it in the Bay Area and nobody raised their hand. So I was like, "All right, [ __ ] it. " Um, but I meet with individuals uh that are here in the Bay that are interested in this stuff really on a kind of intuition basis like, "Yeah, this would be helpful. " Like, um, yeah, helpful for both, right? Two days in a row, Venus. That's right. Um, yeah. So, that's about uh Oh, yeah. Venus did raise her hand. Venus was the only one who raised her hand. the only one and I think you're kind of far away too, right? I don't know if you're close. Um, I forget. My memory is really bad. Uh, Corey says, "I'm renting a room in Berkeley. I have hosted. " Uh, oh yeah, that's right. You're in Berkeley. Jim Newman, all those guys. You're more than welcome. You had Jim Newman over there. That's awesome. Jim is a Jim is awesome. Jim is such a hoot. I've never met him. Um, actually, dude, Corey, if you know Jim and can ever connect us, that'd be a hoot because I really love the way he expresses. He's a one of these radical non-duality guys. Like, look, none of this is happening. You're a story. Stop. Stop seeking. Stop. It doesn't There's no awakening. Shut the [ __ ] up. Like, it's great. Um, a church in Berkeley. That's awesome. Yeah, dude. Hit me up. Hello at zdugmd. com. That's awesome. Oh, you're in Pedmont, Venus. Oh man. Well, I just have to head up to Berkeley. We'll hang out. I have some other people up there that uh that are supporters. Um yeah, my friend Eric, some other people. Maybe we can have a little meet up in Berkeley. That's the perfect place for this [ __ ] right? Actually, we can meet up at uh I'll invite myself over to Cory's room in the church and we we'll just have a little sa a little satsang. That'll be dope. Corey can lead it actually. Um yeah, that's great. That sounds like fun, actually. Um, Daniel B says, "Shit, you just timelined my own thinking when I post stuff. If it doesn't make you pucker up a little, it's not worth posting. " LMI. Yeah, that's great, dude. Um, pucker up. I like that. Yeah, if it doesn't get your sphincter just really tight, it's not worth posting. I love it. Um, let's see. Easy peasy, Corey. All right, hit me up. Yeah, we'll do a thing. Why not? Um, all right, gang. I think uh I think we did a thing. This was fun for me. I always say this. It's always fun for me. As long as

I don't think about anything I said afterwards because then I'm like, "What did I say? Where did that come from? " Yeah, Venus can come to Berkeley. You're just down the street. Um, all right. We'll do a thing. Uh, until next time, gang. Thanks a lot. Um, if you want to become a us, you know, supporter, go ahead. If not, that's cool. We continue to do this thing, the awakening channel. Uh, people, uh, show up in force, so it's great. Um, on Facebook, it's Bodie day. Is it BOD day? Oh, Desh, I don't know anything about nothing. That's awesome. Um, okay. Peace out. Let me see now. How do I stop this? Oh yeah.